My head whips around towards her and my mother. Rhea has her arms wrapped around Rose’s body. Her head is buried in her daughter’s shoulder, shaking. I turn towards James. It doesn’t matter the reasoning why my mother did what she did all those years ago, but the fact of the matter is that I’m sure he’s treated my mother like shit their entire relationship.
“You need to leave.” I bring my gaze towards Loa. “You can follow him if you aren’t going to act like a supportive daughter.”
“You can’t do that!” She stomps her foot again.
“I can and I will. Your father has been nothing but a son of a bitch to Rose. She’s been in here for months and not once have I heard that he’s been here to visit her. Even before here, they haven’t lived as man and wife in years. He has no rights to her. He lost those the moment he started treating her like shit.”
“You don’t know anything.” Loa stomps her foot again. Such a child.
“I know enough.”
“Oh yeah, and where did you hear it from?” She points to her sister. “From the lying, drunk? A real solid source there, brother.”
“That’s enough,” Martha steps in. “I don’t need my patient under all this undue stress. You all need to leave.” She steps towards James and Loa, using her hands to usher them out.
I watch them both leave. James glares at me, furious, and Loa wipes the tears from her face before she grabs her purse and follows her dad.
The feel of soft lips against my cheek startles me. “I’m proud of you,” Tessa says, “I’m really proud of you.” She squeezes my hand before she turns and leaves the room.
Rose pulls her body from Rhea. When she looks at me, I can tell her spark is gone. My stomach drops because I’m sure she’s going to struggle with what went on here today, and for an alcoholic, the only way they know how to cope is falling off the wagon.
“It’s going to be okay. You’re going to be all right,” Rhea says as she rubs our mother’s back. “Right, Hawk? She’s going to be all right?”
Rhea looks at me with hopefulness in her eyes. Maybe because, for the past twenty years of her life, she’s felt that her and our mother has been the victim of circumstance. They haven’t had anyone in their corner fighting for them. It’s been them against James and Loa, and that has never been a fair fight.
Now they have me.
I’m the game changer.
Hawk
“Hey.”
Tessa’s voice pulls me from my thoughts. I’m fucking exhausted.
“Is Sam asleep?” She nods as she makes her way to the couch where I’m sitting.
The past two days of moving my mother and getting her settled and signed up for all the different programs that are available to her was draining, and shit with Lick is going on back home. He’s being a stubborn ass and not wanting to take in his niece and nephew after he found out his sister was dead. His head is so damn thick, no one is getting through to him, not even Jenni.
The couch next to me dips, her hands travel up my arm and make their way over my shoulders. My head falls forward. The feel of her fingers working my tight muscles feel like heaven. “You should really think about a career change,” I tell her as she works her fingers. “I’d pay good money for this.”
“I wouldn’t charge you,” she whispers in my ear.
“Fuck, Tessa, you need to stop before we end up in bed.”
“And that’s a bad thing?”
I tilt my head to the side and take in the features of her face. The dark brown of her eyes, go so perfectly with the russet of her hair. How her nose turns up slightly at the end. Those pink lips that feel like heaven when she has them wrapped around my cock. Fuck. I’m getting hard just thinking about it.
“What’s wrong?” She stops rubbing my shoulders.
“What’s keeping you here?”
Her forehead creases. “This is where I live.” She pulls her hands back and falls against the couch. “We’ve been over this already, Hawk.”
“I know that, but people change where they live all the time.”
“Exactly. So why are we talking about me when I can easily turn it back on to you? You have nothing keeping you in New Mexico.”
“You know that’s not true. I have the club–”
“Yes, the club. The thing you will always pick above everything else.”
“It’s not just about the club. My job, Sin—”
“Your mother. Your sisters. Rose just got you back. She’s at a point in her life where she’s looking into the future with confidence. She’s holding her own right now, but that’s mostly because she has you back in her life.”
I stand. “You can’t put her sobriety on me. That’s not fair.”
“You’re right, it’s not fair, but it’s reality. You leave, and that’s going to give her a reason to go back down the path she’s already been down. That’s life. She’s going to blame it on you.”
“I can’t stay here, Tessa. That was never the plan. This wasn’t going to be long-term.” I run my hand down the back of my neck.
“Things change.”
I drop my hand and look at her. “Yes, they do. I’ll talk to my mom. I’ll figure that part out.”
“I’m sure she’ll appreciate it.”
I drop to my knee in front of her. My thumbs rub the tops of her thighs. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking, Tessa. I’ve been wracking my brain about all this. There was a time when I thought keeping you at arm’s length was the right thing to do. It was the only way I knew to make sure you had the life you deserved. I didn’t have the normal childhood, you saw that. You saw how hard it was at times being my father’s son. Knowing what he wanted from me. But even in the darkest of days, your friendship gave me hope. I should have been selfish back then and claimed you as mine. I shouldn’t have held in my feelings for you. I should have let everyone know that Tessa Reese was the one that was made for me because you were, you are. Even as a boy, I felt it. I don’t want to not have you in my life, Tessa. I want you and Sam to move back with me.”
Her eyes are filled with unshed tears as she looks at me. Her shoulders drop as she closes her eyes. “You know I can’t do that.”
“You can’t, or you won’t?” I bite out.
“It’s not that simple.”
“Tessa, I love you.” I squeeze her thighs. “Fuck, I’ve loved you for so long. Even when you left, I still fucking loved you. I never admitted it to myself or to anyone, but I’m saying it now. I fucking love you, and all I want is for you to love me too.”
She sniffs back a sob. “I do, Hawk. I do love you.”
I know there’s a ‘but’ coming. “It’s not enough, though is it?” When she doesn’t answer, I push myself up. “I’m tired of living my life feeling like I’m never enough. For the longest time, I thought my mother walked away without another glance back. I had two sisters that knew about me but felt I wasn’t worth trying to find. And that fucking bastard, the way he looked at me–”
“They aren’t worth it, Hawk.”
“You think the club is the one thing that I will always choose. Well, you’re right. It is because it’s the one thing that has always chosen me!”
She needs me here, and I need her in New Mexico. The situation is fucked up, and no one is going to come out the winner.
I can’t be here anymore because I don’t want to see the rejection in her eyes, so I do the one thing I promised myself I wouldn’t do when she came back into my life. I turn on my heel and leave before she can give me more justifications for not choosing me over her fears. For not believing in me to keep her and her son safe.
She can keep her excuses.
I’ve had enough of those to last me a fucking lifetime.
Hawk
I can hear the bass pumping through the brick walls of the building that houses the bar. I knew Tessa didn’t typically work Friday nights, so I was shocked when I knocked on her door, and Sarah answered. As soon as Sam heard my voice, he came barreling a
t me, wrapping his arms around my legs. He was happy that I was back, but the thing was, I haven’t gone anywhere since I last saw Tessa. I could have easily gone back to New Mexico, but I needed the time with my mom, to make sure that she was still doing what she needed to do to get her life back on track. But Tessa told Sam I wasn’t around because I was gone. She was making excuses for me. This wasn’t just about her and me. Sam was in the middle, and I didn’t want to let my little guy down.
Walking towards the building, I replay the conversations I’ve had with Rose over the past couple of days. I told her my plans and the reason why I wasn’t planning on staying in town. I told her that if she wanted, I could move her to New Mexico. She declined. She said that Rhea and Loa still needed her and she was going to be there for them. I don’t necessarily agree with that. I don’t think Loa will ever feel that she needs her mother. At the age of twenty-one, she’s already looking down at Rose. And Rhea, well, that’s still up in the air. I’m not sure if this new leaf she’s turned over is genuine or if she’s trying to play at something. I haven’t figured her out yet, but from how she was when I first came to Los Angeles months ago to how she is now. I can only hope her days of drinking are behind her.
When I reach the entrance, I see Croy is manning the door. His eyes land on me, and there’s a visible tick in his jaw. “You’re not welcome.” He puts his hand on my chest, halting my entrance.
I push his hand away. “Are you really going to do this again?”
“No, because you’re going to turn your ass around and go back to where ever the fuck it is that you came from.”
I take in his attire. An ugly black leather vest, a fucking imitation cut is what it is. “Aren’t you a little old to be playing a poser, man?” I flick the leather of his vest. “What, you weren’t man enough to patch in somewhere?”
“You don’t fucking know me, you piece of shit. And that’s all right with me since I won’t be laying eyes on you again after tonight. You broke Tessa’s heart, you piece of shit, and I’m not going to be stand by and let it happen again. You proved you can’t be relied on, and Tessa and Sam need stability. That’s doesn’t seem to be your MO.”
“You don’t know shit about me man.”
He laughs then runs his hand over his head. “I know T, and I know what I’ve seen this past couple of days. You broke her, you fuck. I’ve seen her cry more in the past couple of days than I have the entire seven years I’ve known her. That heartbreak won’t be happening again. Not on my watch. But don’t you worry, fucker, Uncle Croy will teach Sam everything he’s going to need to know to be the best fucking man he can be.”
My fist flies and connects with his fucking jaw. His head snaps to the side as pain radiates from my knuckles up my arm. He closes his eyes and spits crimson blood at the cement near my feet.
“You know,” he rubs his jaw, “you’re a real piece of shit. You say you love Tessa, but you can’t leave all that worn out club pussy and move here for her? What? You can’t make your own decisions, is that it? If your brothers or Prez aren’t here to tell you what to do, then you can’t function? Is that the reason why you won’t leave there to make a life with her here? You think you can’t do it?” He spits another mouthful of blood. “And expecting her to move back to a place that holds nothing but nightmares for her. Yeah, you don’t know shit about that woman working her ass off to support herself and her son.”
My eyes narrow at his words. Tessa told me she’d only ever told Martha.
“What? You didn’t think I knew? I was fucking her cousin when she showed up all those years ago. For seven years I’ve watched the girl struggle with her past. I’m not a fucking idiot. I can put two and two together. I was there when she brought Sam into this world, and no limp dick motherfucker is going to change that. I’ll always be there for her. You can guaran-damn-tee-it. You need to walk the fuck away, Hawk. You represent nothing but her pain and the day when a piece of shit stole away her innocence.”
I clench my jaw as I tighten my fists at my side. If this motherfucker thinks he’s the better option for Tessa and Sam, he’s kidding himself. I take a step towards him, but then I stop. He’s not worth my time. And he’s wrong about one thing. I’m the one who took her innocence long before any of those fuckers touched one hair on her head.
I turn my back on him, making my way towards my truck. “Aww, look, boys, he’s not as dumb as he seems. He knows when he’s lost. The prize is mine, man. It’s always been mine.”
I turn back around. “You ain’t got shit, man. Just a woman who will never give you her heart because she gave it to me fucking years ago. You keep thinking your shit, Croy. Keep playing the big man, but she’ll never love you, motherfucker, because Tessa Reese loves me, and I promise you this: it might not happen now, but it will happen. And you, my friend, will be shit out of luck.”
“I won’t allow it,” he yells from behind me as I continue making my way to my truck.
“It’s not your choice,” I say to myself, not giving him another second of my time.
Tessa
I stare at my phone, willing a text from Hawk to appear. He left my apartment five days ago and since then nothing. I’ve texted him, and Sam has called and left messages, but no response. As much as I want to fault him for being a cruel person, I know that I hurt him just as much as he hurt me. We’re both responsible for this situation. I drop my phone into the front pocket of my scrubs. Pushing up from the table, I grab my empty lunch sack to toss it in the garbage.
“You’re done with your break?” Martha asks from behind me.
“Almost. I’m going to head outside for a few minutes.”
She grabs my arm. “You gonna tell me what’s going on with you?”
“Nothing to tell.”
“Tessa–” She starts to talk, but I brush past her. I’m not in the mood to hear any of her mothering. I don’t know what anyone expects from me. Rose isn’t here anymore, and Hawk is probably back in New Mexico. My life needs to get back to the way it was before he showed up here. I couldn’t choose him, and he couldn’t choose me.
There isn’t anything more left to be said.
“I’m done with my homework!” Sam yells from his room while I move around the kitchen, finishing up dinner.
“Come set the table, baby,” I call after him as I pull the sheet from the stove. Fish sticks and mac n cheese are on tonight’s menu. Three times a week I allow Sam to pick what we eat. His choices are usually cheap and easy fixes, so I save them for the nights when I’m exhausted, and tonight would count as one of those nights.
“Just two?” he asks when he walks in. It’s the same question he’s asked for the past seven nights.
“Yeah, baby. Just two.”
Sam shrugs before he pulls the silverware from the drawer. “Is he ever coming back?”
“I’m not sure, baby. His home is in New Mexico.”
“But your home used to be there too, but now it’s here, so why can’t his be here too?”
He takes the plates that I placed on the counter over to the table. I bite my lip because the pain always helps to keep the tears at bay. I save those for the times when I know he’s asleep and I’m in my bed. That’s where I allow myself to feel the pain of my broken heart.
“Sometimes it’s not simple.” I brush his hair back and drop a kiss on the top of his head.
“I think we should call him again.”
“I think we should give him the time he needs, baby.”
I couldn’t choose him, and he couldn’t choose me.
Hawk
The Fallen are a particular group of women who have always been there to keep our beds warm and our dicks wet. The problem is that their reality sometimes plays tricks on them and they begin to fantasize about becoming more than a quick fuck. They start seeing themselves on the backs of our bikes with our name adorned across the back of their own cuts. They think if they fuck enough of us frogs, that one day they’ll find themselves a biker prince with t
hat a fucking castle.
I ain’t ever seen that fairytale come true.
That's the reason why there are times when we go out to bars that aren’t associated with us and find us some grade a, not worn out pussy, and that’s where Lick and I are right now. Two weeks since I’ve been back. Three weeks since I’ve sunk my dick into a pussy, and it’s about damn time I fuck Tessa out of my mine.
That’s where Gillian comes in.
For all the shit that Lick has given me over the years, there’s one thing that remains—he and I have no problem taking one woman at once. I’m not sure what Lick’s issue is. I’ve heard the rumors, and most of them I don’t think twice about, but I’ve never once witnessed him stick his dick inside any of the bitches we’ve bed. I’ve seen him eat the shit out of pussy, and I’ve seen him make chicks gag on his cock, and then there are times when he watches. Like he’s doing now.
Gillian’s naked body is pressed up against mine. My cock is hard, pressed into her ass through my jeans. Squeezing her tit in one hand, I get her to let out a low, long moan. I take the opportunity and slip two fingers into her pussy. She’s fucking primed and ready for me. I sink my teeth into her neck, and her cunt tightens around my fingers.
A deep grunt from the corner reminds me that Lick is in the room with us. As soon as I open my eyes, they land on him. He’s just as turned on by this as I am. I continue to work my fingers in and out of her cunt while Lick watches. His gaze rolls over every inch of her bare skin, and I know he’s just about ready.
“Spread em wider for me, Gillian.” I keep my voice low. “That’s a good girl,” I whisper in her ear. I grind my dick into her ass again to let her know what’s coming. When I take a step back, she whimpers. With a flick of my jeans, they fall from my waist. The fresh air hits my dick, and my balls draw up.
“You need to fuck her,” Lick grunts. I don’t need to be told twice, so I grab a condom from my side table drawer and roll it over my dick. Clutching at her hips, I tilt my pelvis forward, pushing myself into her. She moans as my dick enters her. The difference between her and Tessa is evident, but I purge those thoughts from my mind. I’ve kept them locked inside for so many years I know I can do it again. Out of frustration, I grab her hips and pound into her. I need to feel that friction, I need the ecstasy to take me to a place where Tessa didn’t break my heart.
Hawk_Devil's Fury Book 3 Page 21
