“I’m gonna, I’m gonna…oh God, I’m gonna come,” she moans, her voice throaty, laced with desire. Her body starts to collapse forward as I continue to drive into her. Before my dick can fall out, I grab her by the hair and pull her back.
“Not so fast, Gilly baby,” I whisper in her ear.
“I need her.” Lick’s voice comes from the corner.
I give him a nod and pull out, adjusting the two of us onto my bed. Her knees and hands hit the bed, so she’s on all fours. I push my dick back into her still wet center. Once I get my rhythm going, I bend over and drop a few drops of spit on the top of her ass crack. I work my thumb through the lubricant and down to her asshole and push in. She takes me like a fucking pro.
“So good,” she breathes as she brings her head up, making eye contact with Lick.
“You like that?” Lick asks.
“Relax, darlin’,” I coo in her ear, making her relax. I pull out my thumb, replacing it with two fingers. “Ready?” I ask more of Lick than the chick I’m about to fuck in the ass.
“Fuck yeah,” Lick responds as he walks toward her, stroking himself. Gillian shakes her head as Lick walks closer. Her whimpers turn to moans as I remove my fingers and start to push my cock into the tight ring of her ass. Just by glancing down, I can tell she’s been fucked this way a time or two.
“Now, Gillian, I need you to relax. Take his cock in your mouth and be gentle.”
“You better shield your teeth, or my metal will break ‘em, bitch. I’m not gonna go easy,” Lick barks out.
I lean to the side so I can watch. Gillian opens her mouth, her tongue coming out as he slides in, wrapping her lips around him. Happy with what I see, I push into her ass a little more. Lick grips Gillian by the back of her head, shoving himself down her throat. With a quick nod of his head, I know he’s where he needs to be, so I take that as my queue. Gripping my hands into the meat of her hips, I push my entire dick into her ass. She’s so goddamned tight.
“Fuck yeah–” my voice breaks, unable to finish my thought. “Fuck” My head rolls back, eyes closed. Tessa’s face comes into view. Her fucking smile, the way she would wiggle her body into mine while she slept. How she’d hold my hand the entire night as if she was worried I wouldn’t be there when she woke up.
“Suck. Open that throat, whore,” Lick’s commands bring my thoughts back to the present.
She pulls Lick from her mouth and looks over her shoulder to me. Her mascara is running down her face, and her hair looks like a rat’s nest on top of her head. As her hand works up the length of Lick’s penis, she tells me what every man wants to hear.
“Fuck me harder.”
Without another thought, I slam my dick into her ass. She doesn’t even flinch. She takes my cock like a total champ. I slam into her again with so much force she falls forward, right onto Lick’s dick and takes him deep in her throat.
“Do you like that, bitch?”
She nods slightly before she takes one hand and finds her pussy and starts to play with herself. “That’s what I’m talking about,” I say.
Lick continues to force her head. Her hands grab onto his hips, pulling him to her every time he removes himself from her mouth. “Fuck yeah. Take it, bitch. Take my cock like a good whore.”
I laugh at Lick’s words. Typical, one hundred percent bastard, that’s what Lick is. When I hear Gillian start to gag, I know Lick’s close. It’s his M.O.
Lick groans as he unloads down Gillian’s throat. Knowing I don’t have much time left, I reach over and pinch her clit, causing both her pussy and ass muscles to tighten, almost strangling me. My orgasm hits me just as I hear a sob coming from the doorway.
Fucking Jenni–standing there like she’s seen a ghost. “Fuck!” Lick shouts as he pulls up his jeans. “God Damn it!” he growls as he leaves my room, slamming the door behind him.
I pull out of Gillian’s ass as she stands straight. She stretches her back while I pull the condom from my dick and tie it off. “Who was that?” she asks, wiping the mascara from her face.
“That’s Jenni.” I tuck my dick into my jeans.
“And what’s Jenni to Lick?”
I laugh. “Now that’s the million-dollar fucking question.”
Tessa
Two months later
“Mom?” Sam sticks his head into my bedroom. “Why are you still in bed? It’s almost nine.”
I push myself up and lean against the headboard. I’m exhausted–completely wiped out. “I think I’m coming down with something. Don’t get too close.”
“Okay, but it’s Sunday, and we usually get ice cream on Sundays.”
I smile. “Actually we get groceries on Sundays and ice cream is just a perk.”
He pads his way over to my bed and takes a seat at the foot. I watch as he picks at the threads of my comforter. “Why do you think Hawk left us?”
My eyes squeeze tight at his question. It’s been months since Hawk was last here, and I thought Sam would have gotten over it, but I guess not. Croy has been stepping up, but I don’t see the same connection between Croy and Sam as I saw between him and Hawk. I’m not sure what it was about Hawk, but to Sam, he could do no wrong, even leaving me the way he did without so much as trying to compromise. I guess since I couldn’t make that move, I was no longer worth any of his time. I thought Hawk wasn’t a user, but maybe I was someone to keep him company while he was here for Rose.
“I don’t think it was easy for him, buddy,” I lie.
“Croy said it’s because Hawk didn’t care enough to stick around. Do you think that’s it? Do you think if I asked him to play with me more than he would have cared enough to stay?”
I’m unaware that Croy and Sam have discussed Hawk. “First of all, Croy doesn’t always know what he’s talking about.”
“But Croy said that he cares, and that’s why he’s always been there for me.”
Something has changed in Croy since Hawk was here. He’s been more vocal about wanting to spend time with Sam. I’ve never denied him access to my son because there are times I need Croy. I can’t expect him to put a dent in his life to help me out, and then deny him time with Sam when he wants it.
“Croy is right, he’s always been there for you. From the time you’ve been born he’s made sure that I’ve had a job and that he was there for you when I needed him to be. You already know this.”
He shrugs. “Yeah.”
I watch as he continues to pick at the comforter. I know that this conversation isn’t over, but I let him take the time he needs to gather his thoughts.
“Is it bad that I would rather have Hawk here than Croy, even though Croy is the one who’s been here for me?”
I can feel the sting at the back of my eyes, and it breaks my heart knowing that my son wants what he can’t have, and the only way to give him that is for me to face my demons and return back to a town that took so much from me.
“Of course not, buddy. It’s no one's fault that you enjoy someone more than another person. But you don’t want to hurt Croy’s feelings, so let's keep that little bit of information between you and me. Okay?”
His lips go in a thin line, but he drops his head in agreement. He slides off my bed. “Are you getting up now?”
“Yes. Let me jump in the shower so we can start our day.”
“Yes!” He jumps up, pumping his fist into the air. “Ice Cream.”
Tessa
Walking up to my apartment after dropping Sam off at school, I see a piece of paper nailed to my door. My steps falter as I look around. It’s been months since Phil has shown his face–not since that night when he was banging on my door. When I approach, I see that it’s a notice of sale. The property owners have sold the complex, and the new owners plan on tearing down and rebuilding townhomes. Current residents need to vacate within thirty days. If we're interested in owning not renting a townhome, then we’re to contact the property management to set up an appointment.
Lovely.
; I take the paper and stuff it in my purse before unlocking the door and heading towards my room. I don’t have time to think about what this means for Sam and me. The only concern that I have right now is that I grab my uniform and make it work on time.
As soon as I pull my car into the employee parking lot, I see Martha shutting her car door. “Tessa, baby.” Martha gives me a big smile, but I’m in no mood to return it. My head is killing me. I’m not feeling any better than I was a few days ago and this latest stress isn’t helping. “What’s wrong, baby?” she asks as I approach her. “You’re looking a little pale, sweetie.”
“Stress.” I pull out the paper from my purse and hand it to her. Her brows tighten in a frown.
“My lord,” she mumbles as she continues to read. When she looks up, her face is full of sympathy. “What are you going to do?” She hands me back the paper, and I stuff it back in my bag.
“Well, right now, I’m going to get my tail into that building so I can earn some money. I guess I’ll have to look for another apartment for Sam and me. I don’t know.”
She rubs my back as we both turn and head to work. “If I had the room, I’d have you guys move into my house, but with my son and his family living with me, there isn’t any.”
I know she means those words.
“I know, Martha, and I’m grateful for your friendship.”
Tessa
I submerge the dirty glasses into the soapy water, making sure the brushes attached to the sink scrub them clean. This is something I do every night before we open. I’m not dumb. I know there are bugs all around. This is a bar, in Los Angeles, so I clean the glassware that was just cleaned the night before.
“You know, I can do that for you?” Croy says as I pull the glasses out and drop them into the next sink of running water.
“It’s not a problem,” I tell him, and I continue on with my task. “You can always head in the back and pull the bottles we’re low on here.”
“You’re getting out of breath, Tessa. You don’t need to be doing all the manual labor.”
“It’s fine, and it’s part of my job.”
He grabs my hand, stopping my movement. “Maybe you need to cut back on some hours. I think you’re burning the candle at both ends. You’ve lost weight, you’re pale. I mean, you’re flushed from washing glasses for crying out loud.”
He’s right. I haven’t been able to kick whatever I’ve caught. It’s not your typical cold or flu. I’m just fatigued, a constant dull headache, and sometimes even dizzy. I pull my arm from his grip and turn to face him. “Yeah, cut my hours? I have two weeks, Croy. Two weeks to come up with the money to put down as a deposit on the apartment I found.”
I’ve been looking for two weeks for a place for Sam and me. After seeing dump after dump, I finally found something. It’s three towns over, but it’s in my price range, and I don’t fear for my life in the neighborhood. I’ve taken on an extra shift at both of my jobs because the apartment complex that I’m vacating informed me when I called the next day that I had lived there too long, so I wasn’t able to get my full deposit back—money that I was counting on to help with the new place.
“I told you that I’d give you the money, woman. Christ, Tessa why do you have to be so thick-headed all the time? You don’t need all this.”
“I don’t want your charity, Croy. You’ve given me enough. I’d like to keep some of my dignity.”
“Then move in with me. Move back. I’ll charge you what you’re paying now.”
That’s another thing about this new apartment: when I said I could afford it, I meant barely. It’s one hundred dollars more a month. I’m losing a bedroom, so Sam and I will have to share for a while, and I’ll be spending more money in gas getting to and from my jobs and Sam’s school since I don’t want to move his district. Plus, Sarah is still okay to watch Sam, but only at her place.
“I can’t do that.”
“You can’t or won’t?”
The night Hawk left flashes in my mind as soon as those words spill from his mouth. “Croy, I wouldn’t want to do that to you. Do you know how guilty I feel for everything you’ve done for me since before Sam was born? I can’t keep leaning on you.”
He takes a step towards me and lowers his voice. “What if I want you to, Tessa?”
“Croy.” I take a step back. I don’t feel right. He looks so far away even though I can tell he’s standing right next to me. Cold sweat rolls through my body. My mouth waters like I’m going to be sick.
“Tessa?” He takes another step towards me, lifting his arm towards me.
Before he reaches me, spots cloud my vision, and everything goes black.
Hawk
Things are changing back home. It seems like everyone is getting the life they want, but me. I’m living life at a fucking standstill because of one woman.
Every time I make the trip back to Los Angeles I feel like I’m on high alert. It’s highly unlikely that I’ll run into Tessa in the city, especially since my mom’s place is nowhere near where Tessa lives or works. But that fear is still there. I have no idea what I would say to her if I saw her again. Tell her I’m sorry? That I wish I could be the man she and Sam needs? That it wasn’t about putting the club before her. That I fucking miss her. Do I confess to her my guilt of how I’ve been living my life since she told me no, she wouldn’t move back to New Mexico? Do I tell her I see her face every time I fuck a woman? That’s she’s under my fucking skin and embedded in my soul.
Kicking down the stand of my bike with my boot, I lean the weight of it on the hard iron. The trip from home to here on my bike is torturous on my body, but sometimes I just need to get on it and feel the open road beneath my wheels. I lock my helmet to the bike and make my way towards my mom’s. I usually let Rhea know when I’ll be in town, but not this time. When my mom called me, she asked that it just be her and me.
I tap my knuckles on the wood of her door. She shares a room with another lady. Both are recovering alcoholics. I was worried when I met her shortly after she had moved in with my mom because I didn’t want anyone there to enable her to go back to the way she was, but this lady is on the right track and a positive influence on my mother.
Four rooms share one common area and a kitchen. It’s set up similar to a college dorm, at least that’s how my mom described it. She’s able to stay here for one year and one year only. In that time, she needs to find a job, therapy, group sessions and a place where she can transition to the next phase of her life. Rhea has mentioned that she’d like to get an apartment with her but putting those two together doesn’t sit right with me.
“Hawking,” Rose answers the door, and her gaze swipes down my body. I can see the pain in them when she takes in the leather of my cut, and I know that me being in the MC worries her. You know, like father, like son. I immediately notice how different she looks from when I came to Los Angeles. Today her hair is done, her makeup is on, and her outfit is pressed and nicely put together. When she steps back, I let myself into her apartment and head towards the small living area.
“Hawk.”
My eyes snap towards the voice. “Martha? What are you doing here?” I look towards my mother, but she doesn’t make eye contact with me.
“There’s something that I needed to tell you, and your mother was so kind as to help me since it seems that you forgot how to be a gentleman and answer my calls and texts.”
When I left Los Angeles, I blocked Martha’s number and deleted Tessa’s. I had Tessa’s memorized, so that didn’t do any good, but I couldn’t keep her name on my phone, not when I knew I didn’t have a future with her.
“Is everything all right?” I drop down to the cushion next to her.
“No, everything isn’t all right.” She doesn’t need to say anything more. There’s only one reason why Martha is here.
“Tessa?” She doesn’t say a word, only nods. “I understand where you’re coming from, and as much as I hate to admit it, Tessa Reese is no longer my con
cern. She has people to help, one in particular.” I stand and start to pace.
“You mean Croy?” Martha asks.
As much as I don’t want to admit it, Croy was right that night I tried to see Tessa. Loving her isn’t going to be enough. I’m not ready to leave New Mexico and start a life somewhere other than the place I’ve always called home. The club is the only thing that’s keeping me there, and I know I should be able to walk away from it, but fuck. It’s my life. They’re my family.
“Hawking, please–”
I turn and look at my mother. “Is this why you called me? You made me drive ten hours because of Tessa? I can’t give her the help that she needs, Mom. We live two different lives in two different places. Neither of us is willing to give up the other so there isn’t more that I can do.”
“But you love her,” my mother pleads. “You’re the only one she needs.”
“Yes, I love her. I’ve always loved her. I told her as much just a few months ago, but it didn’t matter, and it doesn’t change the present. She can’t move back to New Mexico, she’s told me. I can’t expect her to live in a town where she was brutally raped. How can I expect her to be able to continue on with her life there when she can’t even go to the mall because she’ll only see man after man climbing on top of her? And Sam, I can’t allow him to be tainted by all the ugliness. He might not learn about it now, but he will hear about how he came to be, and I can’t have that. I was stupid to think that I could erase all the horrors of her past. There’s no way of that ever happening, and her living back where it all happened? She’ll never heal from it. But she has help. Croy can help her in ways that I never can.”
Hawk_Devil's Fury Book 3 Page 22
