The Adventures of Sir Roderick, the Not-Very Brave

by James O'Loghlin

  ‘My knights, your mission is clear. You must search for Ganfree Banfor. Whoever finds him must explain that the Nareeans want to force him to make war on us, and persuade him to return to Palandan. I will write a letter that I hope will convince him and each of you will carry a copy of it. Do whatever it takes to get him to return with you. Offer him gold, silver, whatever he wants.’

  ‘Your Majesty, what if he will not return with us of his own free will?’ asked Sir Dale.

  ‘If he will not come willingly, then, if you are able, bring him unwillingly.’

  The Queen looked slowly and intently around the room, as if into the hearts of each of her knights to discover who was totally loyal to her, and who, like Roderick, was just sort of playing along because it seemed like the right thing to do. Roderick concentrated on the floor, but then his head seemed to rise of its own will and he found himself once again staring into the Queen’s eyes. He had the uncomfortable feeling that she was actually inside his brain having a look about. He hoped she didn’t discover how much he hated being a knight.

  Eventually, her gaze moved on. Once she had finished she said, ‘Good luck, my noble knights. Sir Lilley will now give you a little more detail about the search.’

  Sir Lilley stood up nervously. He was tall and thin with lank blond shoulder-length hair. He had a long nose and almost no lips. It was as if they had been drawn on with a very sharp pencil. ‘Thank you, your gracious Majesty,’ he said with the ingratiating smile that was plastered on his face whenever it was facing the Queen, but never otherwise seen.

  ‘Knights, our gracious Queen is not only beautiful, brave and . . .’ He hesitated, searching desperately for another word beginning with ‘b’ so he could sound poetic. ‘Balanced! She is also brilliant. She realised that if we just let you all go off and search for Ganfree Banfor any which way, you might all end up going in the same direction, and that wouldn’t work very well now, would it? Very cleverly spotted, Your Majesty.’ He beamed at her. Roderick rolled his eyes. ‘So, I have organised the search. When you return to your room you will find a letter under your door that will tell each of you where you must journey. Proceed to that area, search it and then return as briskly as you can.’ He looked keenly around the room, like a schoolteacher trying to spot someone not paying attention. Roderick knew that if Sir Lilley was in charge of working out who went where, there was no way Sir Lilley himself would be going anywhere dangerous. His mission would probably be to search for Banfor in the Queen’s shoe cupboard.

  ‘In addition,’ Sir Lilley continued, ‘you will be given vouchers that can be exchanged for food and accommodation in most major villages, and maps. Please do not tell anyone about the nature of your mission, or even that you are embarking on one. Good luck.’

  Roderick made his way out into the courtyard, where most of the other knights were gathering to excitedly discuss the new developments. All he could think of were the dangers that lay ahead. Within the castle he was miserable, but at least he was safe.

  Suddenly he was thumped on the back so hard he staggered forward. ‘Here we go! Adventure, hey!’ came the hearty voice of Sir Fromley, a big, jolly junior knight with dark curly hair. He was a year or two older than Roderick, and one of the few knights Roderick considered to be, if not exactly a friend, at least someone who might possibly become one.

  ‘Yes,’ stammered Roderick, trying to suck in some breath. ‘Woohoo. An adventure. Can’t wait.’

  ‘About time,’ said Fromley. ‘Things have been too quiet around here. See you on the road, maybe!’

  Roderick tried to smile enthusiastically and then backed away quickly before Fromley had a chance to hit him goodbye.

  As he opened the door to his room, panting from the fourteen flights of stairs, he saw an envelope on the ground and tore it open.

  Sir Roderick, esteemed knight of Queen Emily. Your mission is to look for Sir Ganfree Banfor in the Forest of Gilderang.

  He sank onto the bed. Oh, no, he thought. Not there. The Forest of Gilderang was one of the most dangerous and remote places in the entire kingdom. It was a dark, dense and damp collection of wood and swamp in the north, rumoured to contain all sorts of wild and fearsome creatures. And it was close to where the giant cockroaches lived.

  He couldn’t believe it. Why would they pick him, one of the most junior knights, and definitely the most hopeless, to go somewhere so dangerous? Surely searching the Forest of Gilderang was a task for a knight who knew what he was doing.

  Roderick climbed into bed and became a question mark. It was an appropriate shape because he had a few. How had he been able to hear the Queen’s voice in his head? Had he imagined it? And what about later when it had felt like the Queen was peeking inside his brain?

  He was tired and more than a bit scared. He shut his eyes, but rather than sleeping, he spent most of the night imagining all the dangers that might lie ahead.

  CHAPTER 3

  A POT IN THE NIGHT

  The next morning was busy as the knights prepared their armour, horses and weapons for the trip ahead. As Roderick polished his sword, he wished there was some way of ensuring his bravery was in good order as well.

  By mid-morning, he was ready, and was able to slip away to visit his mother and sister.

  After a cup of tea with Gwenda, he and Sonya walked uphill through the herb garden. Sonya was fifteen, a year and a half older than Roderick, and had dark, shoulder-length hair, warm eyes, and an open, friendly personality.

  Roderick couldn’t help noticing the decline in the number and health of the plants he had so lovingly tended. He had tried to teach Gwenda and Sonya what to do, but growing just wasn’t their thing.

  At the top of the hill they gazed out over the valley.

  ‘So, anything exciting happened to you?’ Roderick asked.

  ‘Oh, loads of things,’ Sonya said breezily. ‘Space travel, wrestling giant lizards – it never stops, really. I think the most exciting thing that happened to me this month was finding carrots on sale at the vegetable market.’ She hesitated, now serious. ‘I went to a couple of CAKE meetings in the village.’

  ‘CAKE! That group that wants to get rid of knights?!’

  ‘I thought you’d think that was a good thing. Then you could come home. Anyway, they might be called Citizens Against Knightly Excesses, but it’s not just about knights. They’re about a fairer deal for everyone. What we really object to . . .’

  ‘We?!’

  ‘I joined.’

  ‘You joined! Sonya, they’re dangerous. They want to start a revolution. They want to overthrow the Queen!’

  ‘The way we live now isn’t fair. Why should Mum and I have to fork out so much money in taxes just so you knights can eat steak every night?’

  ‘We didn’t have steak last night,’ Roderick said indignantly. He thought it best not to tell her it was lamb. ‘Anyway, I give you more money than you pay in taxes.’

  ‘Oh, thank you, mighty and merciful sire,’ Sonya said with a mock bow. ‘Thank you for being so generous to your needy family.’

  ‘I didn’t mean it like that.’

  ‘How can we possibly repay you for your kindness, most noble lord?’

  ‘All right, I get it. You can stop now.’

  ‘What about the people who don’t have a knight for a brother, Roderick? By which I mean almost everyone. How do you think they manage? There are people out there who can’t find enough food for their kids, yet every month they have to pay half of what they earn in tax.’

  They stared at each other for a moment. Abruptly Sonya sighed and put her hand on his arm. ‘I’m sorry, I’m a bit frustrated. Mum and I have been at each other’s throats. I want to have some say in how we run the farm, but she says no to everything I suggest. She treats me like I’m five years old.’

  What she left unsaid, but they both knew, was that when Roderick became a knight
it had changed Sonya’s life too. Their mother could not manage the farm alone. If Roderick had stayed, Sonya would have been free to leave. Now, with him gone, she had to stay.

  That evening a second envelope was slipped under Roderick’s door. It was addressed to ‘Sir Ganfree Banfor’ and fixed with the Queen’s seal. With it was a parchment containing instructions:

  If you find Sir Ganfree Banfor but are unable to persuade him to return with you, hand him this sealed envelope as a last resort. Under no circumstances are you to hand it to anyone else, or to open it yourself. If you are about to be killed, please destroy the envelope and its contents before you expire, or you may be punished. If you do not succeed in finding Sir Ganfree Banfor, then immediately upon your return hand in the unopened envelope to the main office.

  Sir Lilley

  After another sleepless night during which Roderick imagined one hundred and eighty-six extremely bad things that could happen to him on his mission, he collected his packed lunch from the kitchen, crammed his saddlebags full of food and camping equipment, mounted his horse, Fruitcake, and took his place among the knights in the castle’s courtyard. It was a hot morning and they were all sweating in their chain-mail vests. With his helmet on, Roderick felt like he was inside a boiling kettle.

  The Queen appeared above them on the castle balcony. ‘My knights, this is an important mission. Your most important for many years. I know you will be fearless, strong and determined . . .’

  I won’t be, thought Roderick.

  ‘. . . and that you will succeed. The welfare of our kingdom depends on it. Travel safely and with speed.’

  The castle gates swung open and they filed out into the town square. Townsfolk who had heard there was an adventure afoot and that the knights were finally going off to do something useful – although exactly what, they were not sure – had gathered to farewell them.

  As they cheered and waved Roderick felt a surge of importance. The people of Baronia were relying on him. For a moment he almost forgot to be scared, but as soon as they passed through the city gates he remembered again.

  Over the bridge the road split into three. A right turn would take them to South Baronia and the sea. Straight ahead lay the road east to Nareea, and turning left led to North Baronia. About half the knights, including Roderick, took this last route, and then almost immediately half of them turned left again to head west, leaving Roderick and sixteen others, including Sir Shamus and Sir Fromley, heading up the Great Northern Highway. As soon as they were out of sight of Palandan, they stopped and took off their helmets and chain mail. They had to look the part for the big departure, but there was very little chance of any danger so close to home, and no one wanted to boil their brain away. They might need it later on.

  Soon they passed the turn-off to Indinwick, the nearest village to Roderick’s farm, and he wished that he could take it. They rode through the morning, passing through lush, farmed countryside and several villages. In none of the villages, it seemed to Roderick, did the knights get the sort of enthusiastic response they were used to. People came out and stared – a knight was a rare sight to see, and a group of seventeen nearly as rare as war – but they appeared more resentful than excited. Clearly, CAKE had been active.

  By afternoon there were fewer houses and farms, and more trees. The road cut through a forest that gradually became denser. It opened out again as they climbed through the high pass of the Drayden Mountains, then closed in again as they descended.

  Apart from the highway they were on – actually a dirt track just wide enough for two carts to squeeze past each other – there were few signs of human existence. In a few short hours they had gone from the world of people to the world of nature. Roderick noticed herbs growing near the track. There was a sympuss bush, useful for fighting fevers, and carrane, which could be used to make a potion that gave energy and reduced the need for sleep.

  Regularly throughout the next two days, their number decreased as knights farewelled the group and turned off onto roads and trails that would take them to their allocated search area.

  By the time the sun had dropped low towards the distant western mountains on the third day, only Shamus, Fromley and Roderick were left.

  And Roderick’s bum was about to fall off.

  It had, as usual, started to hurt soon after he mounted Fruitcake, especially the bit that had been stung by the bee. Why simply sitting on something should cause such pain mystified him. Usually he only spent an hour or two on a horse, and that was enough to make him sore, but a whole day in the saddle, he discovered, was agony. Following it up with another was worse. And he had now been riding almost non-stop for three days. He had passed beyond agony to numbness, which had spread into his legs and back. He knew his bottom was still there – if it had fallen off he would have been sitting lower in the saddle – but he could not feel it at all.

  Despite the discomfort, he dared not complain or ask to stop.

  Eventually they came to a grassy bank that led gently down to a stream. ‘We’ll sleep here tonight, lads,’ said Sir Shamus. He pulled up his horse and dismounted.

  Roderick could have kissed him. He jumped off Fruitcake to the ground but his legs, instead of calmly catching his body’s weight like they usually did, were so numb that they collapsed. Roderick’s cry of surprise was quickly followed by Shamus and Fromley’s laughter.

  He tried to climb to his feet, but his legs still wouldn’t work. He was stumbling about like a newborn camel. After a bit he was able to stagger down to the stream where he took a huge drink, and then turned himself around and bathed his aching bottom.

  They pitched tents and, while Fromley took his bow and arrow to hunt for dinner, Roderick, his bottom now slightly recovered, collected firewood. Later, sitting around the fire with a bellyful of what was either soupy rabbit stew or stewy rabbit soup, Roderick felt the peace that only a night under the stars can bring. The sky was huge and clear, the fire comforting and even Sir Shamus had gone quiet.

  There was something else. It felt good to be on an important mission. For the first time since he had become a knight, Roderick felt like he mattered. Despite the soreness of his bottom, the fact that he had made a fool of himself getting off his horse and his deep nervousness about what would happen next, he was proud that he had been trusted by the Queen to do something significant, and he was determined to do his best.

  ‘Too woo!’ The sound came from a bush to Roderick’s left. He jumped to his feet in fright, trying to draw his sword at the same time, but he couldn’t get it out properly. He stumbled backwards, lost his balance and began to fall into the fire. Shamus’s strong hands reached out and caught him.

  ‘What was that?!’ cried Roderick, still struggling to release his sword.

  Shamus stared hard at him and then let out a long sigh. ‘An owl, you idiot.’

  Nothing happened for a few seconds; then Fromley started to laugh. After a moment, Shamus joined him. Roderick sank back to the ground, face burning with shame.

  ‘Oh, lad,’ said Shamus, not angrily, but even worse, with pity. ‘What are you doing here?’ He let out another loud sigh, and then got to his feet. ‘I’m off to bed. We’ve got another long ride tomorrow, so don’t stay up late.’

  As Shamus disappeared into his tent, Fromley tossed another log onto the fire. ‘Don’t worry about him. You’ll be fine.’

  Roderick shifted uneasily.

  ‘Imagine how great it would be if you or I actually found Banfor,’ Fromley said. ‘Whoever brings him back will be a hero!’

  Roderick pictured himself returning triumphantly to Palandan, the saviour of the kingdom. A crackle from the fire brought him back to reality. He wasn’t hero material. He couldn’t even get off his horse properly.

  ‘How will anyone be able to bring him back? He’s a sorcerer,’ he said.

  Fromley snorted. ‘He’s probably just a tired old
man who’d love an invitation to be the guest of honour in the Queen’s castle. If I find him I’ll show him the Queen’s letter, and if that doesn’t work, I’ll show him my sword. That’ll persuade him.’

  ‘I don’t think that’d work for me,’ said Roderick, gazing into the flames. He envied Fromley his enthusiasm. He seemed to always feel at ease, no matter where he was or what he was doing.

  ‘You’ve got to focus on your strengths, Roderick. Maybe swordplay isn’t for you, but what about all those magic potions you know how to make? You could use them.’

  ‘It’s not really magic. They’re just mixtures of herbs, that when combined in the right way and under the right conditions can create –’

  ‘Yeah, yeah, I’m just saying, use what you’re good at. I’ve got my sword, you’ve got your potions. Anyway, the odds are that neither of us will find him. Think of it as a holiday exploring the countryside.’

  ‘It’s not my idea of a holiday,’ grumbled Roderick. ‘If I had a holiday, I’d be with my mother and sister at our farm.’ He hesitated. ‘Do you miss your family?’

  Fromley swallowed. ‘Um . . . sometimes,’ he said stiffly. ‘Well, I better be going to bed.’ He stood up quickly. ‘Goodnight.’

  Roderick stared after him. What had he said wrong? Did Fromley think it was un-knightly to talk about missing your family?

  Lying in his tent later, he worried about being attacked in his sleep by wolves, robbers or blood-thirsty two-headed bats, even though he knew that blood-thirsty two-headed bats didn’t really exist. His unease was not helped by a nagging feeling that he was not alone. He couldn’t see, hear or smell anything unusual, but he felt some sort of presence. Or he thought he did. Or he imagined he thought he did. Or something. Uneasily he drifted off.