UnWanted

by Piper, M.

  “Thanks, Dad,” I whisper, taking a deep breath. “Hey, I’m going to head out,” I say, glancing at Lincoln. “Can you tell Wren thank you for me?”

  “I can, but didn’t you ride here with Ford?”

  “Shit,” I say. “Yeah, I did.”

  “I’ll give you a ride home then come back. Your mom’s inside so proud of her daughter in law, and her daughter,” he nudges me. “So she’s bragging to whoever will listen to her.”

  “Thanks, Dad.”

  I need to get home and pack some necessities. I think I can make it before midnight if I leave soon.

  The knock on Nico’s door comes at eleven thirty at night. I made it before midnight, and I’m slightly proud of myself. I’m also nervous as fuck. And feel like puking.

  But I’m here.

  “Hang on!” I hear someone inside yell but it doesn’t sound like Nico.

  The door swings open and his brother, shirtless and mussed hair is staring at me like he’s seen a ghost.

  “Hi,” I say.

  “Fuck,” he whispers, eyes wide.

  “Uh… Is Nico here?” I ask awkwardly and full of nerves.

  “Shit.” he glances behind him and I worry immediately there’s a girl in Nico’s room. “Fuck, um. Come on in,” he blurts, opening the door the entire way for me.

  I step inside and take a breath, one smell of his place reminds me of a happier time.

  Nico. It smells like him.

  “Is he here?” I ask, wringing my hands in front of me.

  “No,” he says. “I’m sorry, Reagan. He left early for a business trip. Said he needed to clear his head.”

  I nod, taking a deep breath.

  “Oh,” I whisper. “Okay, thanks.” I reach for the door handle but he stops me.

  “Wait,” he blurts. “It’s midnight. And I know you’re a few hours away. Just…stay. You can sleep in his bed.

  “I can’t do that,” I say.

  “Then the couch.” He’s looking at me with more compassion I’ve ever known the guy to have. I was around him enough times before I moved to know this kid is only looking out for himself, but right now he looks like he genuinely cares about something, which is rare.

  “Okay, fine,” I say. “But only because I drove here on pure adrenaline and it’s run out and I’m fucking tired,” I mumble.

  “I’ll grab you a pillow and blanket.” He walks away and I make my way to the couch. His invite to sleep in Nico’s bed was tempting, to be wrapped in his smell, but at this point in my life that’d just be torture.

  I sit down and stare out the window. The same window we used to stare out when we were snuggled on this couch. I take a deep breath and sigh. God, I was so stupid.

  “This is all we’ve got,” Gabriel hands me a blanket and pillow. “It’s from his bed. I’m sorry.”

  “It’s fine. Thank you.” I take it and wrap it around me, inhaling and letting his scent wash over me and crush my heart. Gabe stands there, staring at me awkwardly.

  “Can I ask you a question?” he finally says and I close my eyes to hide the eye roll.

  “Shoot.”

  “Why’d you do it?”

  My eyes fly to him and his face is stone.

  “Why’d you break my brother?”

  “I didn’t…” I trail off and glance around the room and it all clicks. It’s a disaster. Not like what Nico would keep it.

  And then I see it. His phone. On the side table. He doesn’t even have it with him. He’s not obsessing like I am. He… Does he not care anymore?

  “You broke him, Reagan. That man loves you, and you shattered him.”

  “I’m tired,” I whisper and he curses.

  “Yeah. Okay. I leave for work at eight am. You need to be gone before I leave.”

  He walks out of the room and I lie down, pulling Nico’s blanket over me. If this is the last time I’ll get to sleep this close to him, I’m not going to waste it. When his brother looked at me when I opened the door I should have known. I didn’t just ruin my life. I ruined his. And he’s never going to forgive me for it.

  “Your dog pissed on my shoe,” Ford grumbles, carrying Monroe into the shop.

  “Sorry,” I mutter, taking him and giving him lovins.

  “You’re spoiling that thing. Yellow… Yellow was nice and trained. Monroe just pisses everywhere.” He reaches out and pets him and I pull him away.

  “No puppy loves if you can’t be nice. He’s little. He’ll get it.”

  “Sure,” he laughs. “Hey, we’re heading to grab dinner before trivia night tonight, you want to go?” He shoves his hands into his pockets and watches me carefully. I’ve been on a short fuse since I got back from Chicago last weekend. Short and angry, all the fucking time.

  “No, thanks.” I set Monroe down and walk around the counter to my phone, picking it up to see the same old black screen saver. Nothing new.

  “You’re coming tonight, though. Right?”

  “No.”

  “You love trivia nights!” he barks, leaning on the counter. “Come on, Reag. We need you!”

  I raise an eyebrow at him.

  “I used to love them. Back then. But right now all I want to do is sleep.” I shove my phone into my pocket and glance at the time on the wall. “Closing time. Excuse me.”

  He curses and lets me go because he knows it’s a useless fight. I grab Monroe and head to my car, stopping by the gas station on the way home. After cracking the windows, I head inside to grab a soda and chips for dinner.

  “Excuse me,” I blurt, opening the door to someone standing in my way.

  “Sorry,” he says and that voice reminds me of someone. I glance up and look at the man.

  “Dot?” I ask, laughing immediately. “Holy shit, how are you?”

  “Fuck me, Reagan West.” He mumbles, grinning. “How the hell have you been?” His eyes travel my body, currently layered in too big sweats and my brother’s old coat. Hot fucking mess and zero cares.

  “Fine,” I say, nodding. “You?”

  “Busy. Working at a startup firm downtown. Making good money. Can’t complain.”

  His smile is still the pretty boy smile from way back when. God, it’s been years since I’ve seen him and I chuckle to myself, letting my mind wander. I thought I could be in love with him back then. I was crushed when we broke up. I never thought I’d be loved again…that I was purely unwanted by the male species.

  Then…then I met Nico. And everything changed. Now I know what it’s like to feel utterly demolished after you lose the love of your life.

  It’s something I’ll never get over.

  “Cool,” I say, stepping around him.

  “It was good seeing you, Reagan.” He follows me a step and I pause.

  “You too. Take care.” I grab a cup and start filling it.

  “Hey, you wouldn’t want to grab dinner tomorrow night, would you?”

  I stare at my cup, my soda flowing over the top as I stand there frozen. He’s really fucking asking me out right now?

  “I’m okay,” I say, taking a deep breath.

  “You taken or something?”

  “No,” I laugh harshly. “Not into the whole dating thing.”

  “Then just hang out with me. As old friends.” His smile is and always has been contagious.

  “As friends. Only friends. No fucking,” I say and his boisterous laugh rings through the gas station.

  “Yes. Absolutely just friends. And no fucking. Promise.” He winks at me and I roll my eyes.

  “Fine,” I say. “But only because you’re buying and I want a free meal.”

  Broken.

  Dying inside.

  Absolutely useless.

  That’s my life. At least that’s how it’s been since Reagan left me.

  Those two days I had until I had to be back at work I was useless. I went straight home and broke. That’s about how it went. Walk in, grab the liquor, and break. My brother didn’t understand what was wrong with me. H
ell, I didn’t understand it. I thought she loved me. I thought that was it.

  Apparently I was wrong.

  Then Lincoln called, and put everything into perspective for me. He talked me off the cliff I was dangerously perched on. He helped me understand why she does what she does, even if he doesn’t fully understand it. I get wanting to save yourself. I grew up with a mother who cared more for herself than her kids.

  I absolutely get that part of it.

  What I don’t understand is how she got that way. She’s got an amazing family, a great support system, and she has me. Someone who loves her…but she still pushed me away.

  And holy fuck it pissed me off.

  I was so close to attempting to close the Reagan chapter of my life, even though I’m sure I never would be able to, but Lincoln talked some sense into me. I went to work that Monday with a new outlook. I’d make her miss me. My boss agreed to let me transfer here after forty-eight hours of begging for it, even though he really didn’t want to see me go. I tried smiling more, even though I was miserable. I went back to the gym even though I didn’t feel like it.

  I lived without her for what felt like an eternity, absolutely miserable on the inside. A sadistic part of me wanted her to suffer a bit.

  I counted every call. Every text. Daily.

  I thought I was doing the right thing. I’d make her realize she needed me and she was wrong. But not just in the way that she missed me. In the way that she literally ached for me. I wanted her to want me because of something more than infatuation. I know she’s capable of it.

  Everything was going as planned…up until four days ago…when she stopped texting. She stopped calling.

  Now, one week later, I’m moving to Springfield with no fucking clue what I’m about to walk into. Other than a shit-show of emotions. Because today I’m finally realizing my plan of attack might have been the wrong fucking decision. Who ignores the woman they love just to try to make her miss them?

  Fuck.

  “Alright. Well that’s all we need. See you Monday?” My new boss, Kelvin, delivers a firm handshake.

  “Absolutely. Thank you.” I smile wide, looking around the building.

  The building nestled in the business district of Springfield, Illinois and only about a ten minute drive to the West House is now my new place of employment. I fucking fought to get here, and now that I am there’s no going back. I’m getting my girl.

  I’m fucking taking her back.

  I knock on her door and wipe my hands on my jeans, my palms sweating profusely. The door swings open without a care in the world and when the face that meets me isn’t her face I want to rage.

  Pure rage.

  “Hey man. You got the pizza?” This guy. Tall, scrawny, bearded man-bun hipster fucker is glancing around like I’m the mother fucking pizza delivery guy.

  I clench my fists and hold back the anger.

  “No,” I growl. “Is Reagan here?”

  “Wait, you’re not the delivery guy?” He points at me.

  “Do I look like a fucking delivery man?” I blurt, then take a deep breath.

  “Kinda,” he shrugs, chuckling. “Hey Reag. Someone’s here for ya,” he yells behind him, eyeing me. I hate that he calls her that. Her family calls her that. This douche doesn’t look like family.

  Family wouldn’t look at me like I’m about to steal their girl.

  “Who is it?” she asks, pulling the door open wider and all the color drains from her face when she sees me.

  My God, two weeks away from her and one look brings back every emotion. Every feeling of love. Every comfortable feeling. I want to wrap my arms around her and drown myself in her happiness. In her love. In her life.

  I want everything with this girl, and no time apart will lessen that.

  “Nico,” she whispers finally finding her voice.

  “Ten,” I mutter, not liking one bit that this tool’s still standing here watching us.

  “We were about to have dinner and movie. You can come in if you’d like,” he says, and I blink away the anger coursing through me.

  She moved on.

  Holy fuck.

  “I just came by to say hi,” I lie, her eyebrows dipping in confusion and her hands tight at her side. She’s more affected by seeing me than I originally thought. I smirk and shrug like I’m not about to fight to my death for this girl’s attention. For her love. I will. And I am. “I’ll see ya around, Ten.”

  “Ten?” I hear the man mumble as I turn and walk away.

  I gotta get out of here. I gotta get away from her before I pummel that asshole’s face in. I storm past my apartment door and straight to my waiting Beamer, dialing Ford immediately.

  “Hey,” he answers. “What’s up?”

  “She’s got a boyfriend,” I blurt.

  “What?” He laughs. “No she doesn’t.”

  “There’s a guy at her place right now, Ford. Who’s the guy?”

  “Chill out. Where are you? You’re here already? I thought we had another week?”

  I told them I was moving here the minute I heard word of it being final, but I made them promise not to tell her. They weren’t happy with it, but they understood. I needed a grand gesture. Buying the apartment below hers, I thought, would be grand enough. Being that close? Amazing. But seeing her with that tool tonight… Holy fuck.

  “No, idiot, this weekend,” I growl. “You could have warned me!”

  “She didn’t move on, Nico! I fucking promise. I don’t know who the guy is. She’s still the mopey, sad Reagan we’re all learning to love again.” I groan and hit the steering wheel, cursing. “Come on over. We’ll figure this shit out. She’s not herself without you, so even if there is a guy there it’s not the right guy.”

  “Yeah. Fine,” I grumble, shaking my head and ending the call.

  I can’t believe this. My brother told me this was the stupidest idea I’ve ever had, but I didn’t want to believe him. I wanted to believe that I knew what was best. I wanted to believe she’d be waiting to take me back. It’s only been two weeks…

  I knock on Ford’s front door shortly after ending the call and grabbing his address. Mackenzie opens the door and immediately wraps me in a warm hug.

  “Oh my God it’s good to see you,” she says, giving me a tight squeeze before letting go.

  “Thanks,” I say, walking inside. The kids are running wild and Ford’s sitting on the couch wearing a tiara and holding an ax. “Hey,” I chuckle, walking over to him.

  “I’m a princess knight. You must bow to me,” he says in a crazy accent so I do a fancy bow that makes the kids die in fits of laughter.

  “Come on you two. Bath time.” Mackenzie says, shuffling them out of the room. The minute they’re out of eyesight Ford tosses the tiara and ax across the room, chuckling.

  “Kids, dude. They’ll ruin your sex appeal.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  He glances at me and nods.

  “So there was a guy there?”

  “Yep,” I say, exaggerating the p at the end. “Tall. Scrawny. Had a man bun and a hipster beard. Thick black glasses. Typical fucking hipster douche.”

  Ford’s eyes go wide.

  “No,” he says, shifting to pull out his phone and swiping through it. “This guy?” He holds out his phone screen, a replica of the man I just faced on it.

  “Yep. That’s him.”

  “Mother fucker!” He growls, typing out a text.

  “What’re you doing?”

  “Getting his ass out of there. That’s fucking Dot, dude. The ex.”

  “Her ex-boyfriend was at her house for pizza and a movie on a Friday night?” My heart sinks. “Fuck.”

  “Yeah fuck. We gotta get him out and you back in.”

  I nod silently. She moved on that easily?

  Then I was wrong all along. She didn’t ever love me.

  You don’t move on from the love of your life in two weeks.

  That shit doesn’t happen. Not
unless you never loved him like he loved you.

  “You know,” I say, standing. “I’m going to head to my apartment, get a good night’s sleep, and tomorrow maybe I’ll wake up and my life won’t feel like it’s crumbled at my feet again.”

  “Fuck, Nico. Stop. It’s going to be fine. She’s not in love with him.” He laughs.

  “She’s not in love with me either, apparently, Ford.” I head for the door.

  “She is, though,” he says and I pause.

  “And she’s told you this?” I ask, raising an eyebrow.

  All he does is nod. A silent movement that brings a tiny sliver of hope to my otherwise dreadful future.

  I head home and strip my clothes off then lie on top of the blankets after turning the music up loud enough that I can’t hear anything going on around me. I fucking hate apartment buildings like this where you can hear everything going on in everyone’s lives around you.

  Didn’t like it in Chicago, and tonight I hate it even more here.

  I’ve slept like shit lately and I was hoping for tonight to be better. I was honestly prepared for her to take me back. I was prepared for a fight, then the hottest make up sex ever.

  I’m a red blooded male. I haven’t had anything other than my fucking hand since our last time together. I need her, so I was on a fucking mission tonight.

  Then hipster fuckwad ruined it.

  Now I’m lying here, pissed at the world, and finding my lame ass attempt at a good night’s sleep laughable.

  Because sleep never truly comes. Not without my girl.

  My alarm goes off while the room’s still dark and I reach over to slap it, but it doesn’t turn off.

  “What the fuck,” I mumble, prying my eyes open and trying to find the culprit. The noise is relentless, and soon enough I realize it’s not my alarm, it’s my phone ringing.

  Over and over again. I clear my throat and grumble, answering it.

  “What?” I growl, lying back in bed without checking caller ID.