UnWanted

by Piper, M.

  She walks over to me, her face red and eyes moist, and when she sits down in her seat as they lower the casket, she smiles at me.

  “Thank you,” she whispers, then rests her head on my shoulder and somehow I know right then that we’re going to be okay.

  “Thank you for being there for our sister, Nico,” Lincoln says, man-hugging me.

  “I’m glad I could be. For all of you. Your dad was a fantastic man to raise such amazing kids.”

  “I’m the best one out of us. He did the best on me,” Ford blurts, grinning while Lincoln jabs him in the arm.

  “He only had to because you were the biggest trouble maker.” Reagan says, laughing.

  A real laugh and a real smile that I’ve only seen once in the past few days.

  “When’re you heading back to Chicago?” Ford asks and he grins, raising his eyebrow at me.

  I stammer at first, stopping myself from looking like a mumbling idiot because I never told Reagan I actually live here now and Ford probably knows it.

  “Uh…”

  Reagan starts to drift away, talking to a few other family members that have yet to leave the house.

  “I’m not,” I say loud enough for her to hear. “I’m taking the lead role at the new branch here. So looks like you’ll be seeing more of me,” I say, watching Reagan turn and attempt to act unfazed by this news.

  “Congrats, man,” Ford says, winking at me. “Hey Linc, wanna go raid Dad’s cigar stash?”

  “Seriously?” He chuckles and I watch Ford pull him away from us.

  “You… You live here now?” she says, confusion written all over her face.

  “Looks like it.” I nod.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” Her eyebrows dip.

  I glance around and see there are still quite a few people here.

  “Can we talk about this outside?” I signal towards the back and she nods then walks out the back door and onto the patio. The weather’s cooler than it usually is this time of year but I don’t mind it.

  “So you’re here? For good?” She sits on one of the patio chairs and tucks her legs under hear.

  “I am.”

  “And you were going to tell me when?”

  “I came to your house that night to tell you. To win you back. Because I can’t live without you, Ten.” I sigh. “But then I saw you with that guy.”

  “Dot,” she mumbles, shaking her head. “I knew something was up that night. I should have texted you.”

  “Why’d you stop?” I ask making her look at me in question. “You called or texted every day for the entire time but then it just stopped. Why’d you stop?”

  She bites her lip. “Honestly?” she says and I raise my eyebrows at her, waiting patiently. “I figured you were over me.” She shrugs.

  “Impossible,” I whisper. “I could never stop wanting you.”

  “Why didn’t you answer me then?”

  And there it is. The question of the hour.

  “I don’t know. I was hurt. Very hurt. I’d admitted how I felt about you and you broke up with me.” I shake my head. “My pride was damaged, but my heart was shattered.”

  She nods silently. “I’m really sorry,” she finally whispers.

  “Me too,” I say. “I should have answered. Everyone told me to…” I shake my head. “But I was so angry, Ten. So fucking angry.” I run my hands through my hair and let out a low growl. “I’m sorry, Reagan. I’m so sorry. And I can’t say it enough.”

  She looks at me and stands, walking over to where I’m leaning against the house.

  “I love you, Nico D’ Angeli,” she says, absolutely taking me by surprise.

  I blink a few times, then nod and shove my hands through her hair gently, cupping the back of her head. Goddamn I’ve missed touching her.

  “And I’m still one hundred percent madly in love with you, Reagan West.”

  I smile, a foreign feeling lately, and blink slowly a few times.

  “I missed this,” I whisper, enjoying too much the feeling of being this close to him but not wanting it to end.

  “Me too,” he says, his eyes flicking down to my lips. He sighs and shakes his head. “Ten, I don’t know what to do here.” His voice is gruff and he’s fighting a battle he wants to lose, I can feel it.

  He’s trying not to kiss me. But a kiss is exactly what I need.

  “Kiss me, Nico.” He shakes his head again and I bring my hands to his cheeks, physically calming him. “Kiss me.”

  This week’s sucked fucking balls. Nothing will ever make better what I endured this past week, then add to it the two before it and I feel like I could go to bed and never wake up.

  I need his touches more than he thinks.

  He stares past my eyes and straight in to my soul, then dips his head and softly presses his lips to mine. Gently. With so much need I don’t know what to do with myself. Guilt washes over me, because I shouldn’t be feeling this right now. I shouldn’t want him like this. Not after everything. Not after what today was.

  I pull back slightly and he rests his forehead on mine, breathing deep, slow breaths, white puffs coming out from his mouth. His fingers slide from my head down to my shoulders and chills roll through my body. I’ve missed his touches. I’ve missed being close to him. I’ve missed him so fucking much.

  “I didn’t want us to be brought back together like we were,” he whispers. “I never would have wished for it to happen that way. Fuck, Ten,” he says and I bring my fingertips to his lips.

  “Can we not talk about it right now? It hurts too deeply and I’m in too good of a place right now.”

  “On your parents back porch in the cold?” he asks, grinning at me and I roll my eyes.

  “Next to the man I love, when I’ve spent the past two weeks thinking I’d never see him again,” I say truthfully. Yes, I ache so bad for what happened to my dad. I’ll never get over it, I don’t think. But right now, with Nico, things seem like they may end up being okay. Baby steps.

  All he can do is smile, and that’s okay. I know he’s worried about me. Hell, I’m worried about me. But I think I’ll be okay.

  Okay.

  That word’s come up a lot in the last few days.

  Are you okay?

  I hope everything’s okay.

  You’re going to be okay.

  I hated it every time someone would mutter those words to me, but right now I finally believe them.

  “I’m hungry,” I say finally, though I could probably stand out here with him all night. In there…in that house…there are too many reminders. Too much pain on the fresh wounds.

  “Let’s get you something to eat,” he says, rubbing his hands down my arms.

  “Sounds good,” I say, taking a deep breath. “Then I need to go home. Because I can’t be here much longer.”

  “I get it,” he says, taking my hand and walking inside. “When my mom passed I was so done with social gatherings, even as small as ours was compared to this, that I didn’t leave my house for a week after everything settled down.”

  He glances back at me on our way to the kitchen with a worried look on his face.

  “What?” I say.

  “Nothing. I just…” he shakes his head but before he can say whatever it is that’s on his mind, Ford walks up and pats Nico on the back then eyes where our hands are still wrapped together.

  “How you two doin’?” he asks.

  “Fine,” I say. “Hungry. How’s Mom holding up?” I glance across the room where my mom’s sitting in her chair, talking with some of her closest friends…but her eyes are trained on my dad’s empty chair. Ford sighs and rubs his neck as we watch her.

  “She’ll be okay.”

  “Maybe I should move back,” I whisper. “She’s all alone now. Maybe I should move home to be with her. Keep her company.”

  Ford laughs and rubs the top of my head.

  “I think that may just make her a little crazier than she’s already gone.”

  “You’re
hilarious,” I grumble.

  “We’re all having breakfast at Lincoln’s tomorrow morning. You guys should join.”

  I glance at Nico and shrug.

  “We’ll see. I feel like I could eat a cow then sleep for a week, so it just depends.”

  “Got it.” he winks at me. “Mack and I are going to get the kids home.” He gives me a tight hug and I hold on a little tighter and longer than usual.

  “Thanks for being such a kickass big brother, Ford,” I mutter.

  “You made my life hell since the moment you were born, sis. But I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He steps back, musses up my hair, then brings Nico in for a bro-hug. “And you better legit be living here. I miss my Luigi time.”

  “Dude, I don’t have a Luigi mustache anymore,” Nico says, laughing.

  “First impressions, Luigi.” Ford says, then does the Mario hop and punches the air above his head, making us both laugh.

  Laughing feels…good.

  I haven’t done enough of that lately, either.

  Nico helps me get my plate, sticking by my side the rest of the night while my aunts and uncles all pay their respects and try to barge into my life. The awkward topic of ‘who is this handsome man next to you’ comes up plenty of times, and each time I’ve introduced him as my boyfriend even though we haven’t talked about it yet. It may be presumptuous of me, but it’s easier when dealing with long distance relatives.

  By the time we’re walking back through my front door, I’m exhausted.

  Then the barking starts.

  “Oh my God, why did I get a dog?” I whine, throwing myself onto the couch. Nico laughs and heads to his kennel.

  “Hey bud. Let’s let Mom rest, okay?” I hear him click on the leash and smile to myself when Nico walks by and plants a kiss on my cheek. “I’ll take him out, then it’s bath time and bed for you,” he whispers.

  I mumble something, but my eyes are already getting heavy. There won’t be a bath tonight. And I think I’m sleeping on the couch because I don’t have the energy to move to my bed.

  Suddenly this tiny apartment feels like a mansion and it’ll take too much time and effort to move around it.

  The door opens back up shortly after they leave through it and Monroe’s a ball of energy. He licks my face, jumps on me, and at one point shoves his head in my butt to sniff it and the whole time I let him. I just don’t have the energy right now to correct him. Instead, I close my eyes and let him try to destroy me. Because apparently that’s how puppies like to play.

  I hear Nico chuckling and manage to open one eye, though by now my hair’s been shoved in my face and I think the dog’s currently sitting on my head but I zoned out there for a bit.

  “Wow,” Nico laughs again. “This is a sight.”

  “I believe it,” I mumble. “But he’s so hyper. And I’m so…not.”

  “Come on Monroe,” he calls to the dog, clicking his tongue and Monroe hops off the couch immediately, sitting in front of Nico.

  “How’d you do that?”

  “I’ve been alone with him a lot the last few days. I needed something to do.” Nico’s amused voice feels too good to my ears right now. I sit up and rub the hair out of my face.

  “He’s sitting by your feet,” I say, confused. “He doesn’t do that for me.”

  “What does he do for you?”

  I shrug, thinking back to the last few weeks with him.

  “Lets me cry on him. Lets me snuggle him. Doesn’t mind eating my leftovers when I can’t find it in me to get out of bed.”

  “Wow, Ten. That’s pitiful.” Nico grins at me and I roll my eyes. “Come on,” he says. “I got your bath ready.”

  “You drew me a bath?”

  “While you were napping I cleaned up the place and drew you a bath. And started some dishes and laundry.”

  “I napped?” I glance at the couch. “I… I just laid down to rest. I didn’t nap.”

  “Ten, you don’t snore when you’re awake.” He smirks and then holds his hand out to me. “Up and at ‘em, let’s go.”

  I take his hand and on the way to the bathroom notice how clean the place is. He even changed my bedsheets.

  We walk into the bathroom and all the lights are off. He’s got candles lit and sitting on every surface and it smells like eucalyptus and minty, almost.

  “Holy cow, Nico,” I say, smiling at him. “You did all this?”

  “You need it. It’s been a hell of a month for you.” He presses his lips to my neck and I sigh, rolling my head back to him. “In the tub. Get your relax on. I’m going to finish some laundry and cleaning.” He pats my ass gently and I smile at the tub as he leaves me be and closes the door behind him.

  The water feels amazing, and as exhausted as I was when I got home, the whole scene he set here rejuvenates me. It’s peaceful, it’s relaxing, but I don’t fall asleep. I lie in the tub, the warm water hugging me until my fingertips turn into prunes. Then, and only then, do I shift to start cleaning and washing off the grime from the last few days.

  Not literal grime, but the emotional stress. A few tears slip out of my eyes for my dad, then as soon as they hit the water I laugh, because if my dad knew how much I’ve cried these last few days he wouldn’t be too happy.

  He raised much stronger kids than I’m feeling lately.

  After everything’s been cleaned, shaven, and soaked thoroughly, the water’s just starting to cool when I stand and stretch. I have no clue how long I’ve been in here, but it was exactly what I needed.

  Wrapping my robe around me, I towel dry my hair and brush it through then brush my teeth for bed. I’m so relaxed from that bath I feel like I could sleep for weeks.

  The door opens and I smile when my eyes land on Nico walking into the room with a basket full of already folded clothes.

  “Hey you,” he says, setting the basket on the bed and walking towards me. “How’d that feel?”

  “Perfect,” I say smiling. “You knew exactly what I needed. Thank you.” I smile at him and his face brightens.

  “You’re welcome. Now hop in bed. I’ve got some nighttime tea going for ya. As soon as I get this load of laundry put away I’ll grab it.”

  “Nico you didn’t have to do this,” I say, unable to wipe the soft smile from my face.

  “I don’t have to do anything, Ten. But I do it because I want to.” He presses his lips to mine gently and I melt into him. I miss his body, and if I wasn’t so drained right now I’d be stripping this robe off and letting him enjoy mine.

  But I just don’t have it in me tonight.

  “Bed,” he whispers on my lips and I obey, simply because the fresh sheets look amazing.

  I crawl under them and pull them up to my neck, sighing at how soft they are. How did he make them so soft? These can’t be my sheets. And honestly, it doesn’t even feel like my own bed. It feels a hundred times better. I take a deep breath and try to tell myself to stop worrying about things. Everything’s going to be okay. My mom still has all three of us to keep her busy. And she’s got my grandma who I feel has found the fountain of youth. That woman will probably end up burying all of us. It’ll be just fine.

  Curling tighter into the blankets, I close my eyes and sleep finds me way easier than I thought it would.

  When I wake, I’m burning up and it’s bright as hell.

  “Oh my God,” I groan, pulling the blankets off me but they don’t budge. I yank, huff, and pull until I hear Nico chuckling next to me. “I’m stuck,” I mumble, giving up and succumbing to the heat.

  He laughs and shifts in the bed and when he’s hovering over me, grinning at me, I finish melting into these blankets.

  “You’re a burrito. And you stole all the blankets.”

  “And now I can’t get out,” I mumble. “It’s hot as fuck under here. Can you please help me?” I wriggle and he grunts, pulling the blankets out from around me. The cool air hits my body and I sigh, stretching out under him. “God, thank you,” I moan, but he freez
es, his lip tight between his teeth. “What?”

  “You’re beautiful, Ten,” he whispers, then dips his head and pushes his lips to mine. His body’s warmer than the blankets were but it’s a welcome heat. One I haven’t experienced in too long.

  One touch from him ignites an urge in me and I kiss him back with reckless abandon. When his hands slide up my stomach and cup my tits, I don’t think about anything that’s happened this week. All I can concentrate on is where he’s touching me. His hips dip slightly and I feel his erection through his briefs and moan, arching into him.