Daddy Next Door

by Kylie Walker

  Chapter 15

  Asher drove into Haddenfield just after three a.m. on Friday morning. As he remembered from when he was a kid, the tiny little town was sound asleep and looked the same. They rolled their sidewalks up at ten p.m. and unrolled them around seven the next morning. He drove down Main Street and saw that the General Store was still there. He had always liked the couple that owned it. Mr. and Mrs. Cooper had owned the store for close to forty years when Asher had been a teenager. They’d had two kids, but they had both been a lot older than Asher and had moved out of Haddenfield as soon as they had graduated high school.

  He passed the Bar and Grill. He noticed that they had added on to it. From what he tell it looked like Mia’s family was doing well. The church he used to go to with his mother every Sunday was on the left and the park with the pond he and Travis and Dean learned to fish in was just behind that. He found himself feeling a lot more nostalgic than he had thought he would. As he drove by the high school he thought about Mia again. She had been such a huge part of his life then and now it had been an entire lifetime since he had seen her. He wondered again if she would be at the funeral. He knew he should stay away from her, but he would love to see her again, just one more time.

  He finally came to the street his family lived on. He pulled up in front of the house and sat there for a long time with the car idling. He considered just driving on. He couldn’t make the time up to his father now. He looked across the manicured lawn. His father had always made sure it was mowed and edged to perfection. Asher wondered if he had did done his own lawn up until he died. He suspected he did. He couldn’t imagine his father letting anyone else touch it. His eyes moved up to the big colonial porch with the white pillars at the top of the stairs. The swing hanging between them was what caught his attention. He pictured his mother on that swing. She had loved it. When she got really sick Asher had hung one in back for her too, to make it easier for her to get to from her room. He sighed. He knew that he had to do this. He owed it to his father to be at his funeral and taking care of old family business had been too long in coming.

  He backed up and pulled the car into the driveway in front of the garage. Grabbing his duffel bag out of the car, he walked over to the steps. He bent down and moved the rock at the edge of the lawn. His parents had kept a spare key there his entire life. His father was notorious for forgetting his keys. Asher bent down and picked it up. That memory of his father made him smile. Some things never changed. He turned the key in the lock and pushed open the door. The past assaulted him instantly. The first thing he saw as he stepped inside was the photos of him that his mother had lined the entryway with. It started with his birth photo. He had always thought he looked like an Ewok, but his mother disagreed. She used to say, “You were the most perfect baby ever born.” From there were his toddler photos and then one every year from Kindergarten through high school. He was always the star of Lily’s show. He was shaking before he even got through the hallway and into the living room. He flipped on the light and once again he was beat over the head with nostalgia. It made him sick to his stomach and he turned the light back off and headed up to his old room.

  Asher’s blast from the past was completed here. His room hadn’t been touched except that it was a lot cleaner than he had ever left it when he lived here. He dropped his canvas bag down on the bed and started stripping. He was exhausted more mentally than physically. He sat on the edge of the bed and before he laid down his eyes landed on an envelope at the bedside. The front of it had the word ‘Asher,’ in his father’s handwriting. With trembling hands he reached for it, flipping on the lamp next to the bed. He slid his fingers under the flap and pulled it open. The yellow lined paper made him smile again. His father used a yellow legal pad for everything. When Asher was a kid he often wondered if it was the same pad and it had a thousand sheets of paper in it. He slid the paper out, folded it open and began to read:

  ‘To my son,

  I’m writing this in hopes that someday you will come home. Maybe it will be after I am gone and that gives me one more regret. There is just so much that needs to be said. First of all, I love you. I have loved you since the day you were born. You were such a good kid and you made it so easy for us to love you. You brought your mother and I so much joy and someday I hope you will have the privilege of enjoying that feeling when you are raising children of your own. I don’t know where you went that day. I don’t know where you have been since but I want you to know that I never wanted you to leave. I looked up at the moon every night before I fell asleep and I wished that wherever you were, you were happy and safe. I hoped that the agony of our lives and the horrible way that I treated you didn’t get in the way of your happiness. I am pretty sure that it did and if I could build a time machine, I would absolutely do everything differently.

  The day I met your mother was truly the beginning of my life. The day that I heard the doctor’s telling us she was dying felt like the end. I should have thought of someone besides myself. I had a son who needed me but I just couldn’t function, I wasn’t strong enough. You were the strong one, and I thank God that your mother had you. The alcohol started out as a crutch and it turned into my life source. I was so stupid. I was so blind. My life source was right in front of me and I just couldn’t see it.

  Asher had to stop for a few seconds and wipe his eyes so he could keep reading. He hadn’t cried since his mother died. All of the death he had seen. All of the death he had caused. He hadn’t shed one tear. But tonight, his shoulders shook and tears rolled rapidly down his cheeks. He was consumed by emotion, the biggest one of all being regret. All of these years he had stayed away because he thought his father hated him. He had wasted all of this time. It was an incredibly devastating thought. If only he had come home sooner. Another round of sobs took hold and it took him another ten minutes to get himself under control enough to read on:

  I am so sorry, son. God I wish I could change things. I wish we could go back. That’s not possible so all I have left is to tell you this: I’m so proud of you. You’re so strong and amazing. You are the best son that any father could have ever been blessed with. I failed you and I failed your mother miserably. When your mother asked me to let her go, instead of thinking about myself once again I should have considered the horrible suffering she had to endure. When you helped her instead of me I should have told you right then and there that you did the right thing. You did what she wanted and what she needed, because at seventeen-years-old, you were the man I couldn’t be. I am so sorry I put that on you. I am so sorry for it all.

  My wish for you is that wherever you ended up was a happy place. I hope you have a good life and you remember the good times that we did have. I hope that you can use the money I leave you when I die to make an even better life. There is just one thing I ask of you, son. Please don’t ever sell the ranches no matter what the price, or the pressure. They were a part of your mother’s heart and I swore to her they would always be a part of this family. I know it takes some nerve for me to ask anything of you, and if it wasn’t about your mother, I never would.

  Please know that no matter how much I screwed up, I love you, Asher. I am so incredibly proud to be your father whether I have a right to be or not. Please be happy and if there is ever a time you can see your way clear to forgiving me. My soul will rest easy for eternity.

  Love, Dad’

  Asher put the paper down with a trembling hand and his raw emotions sent another wave of tears rushing fom his eyes. This pain was worse than that of an open wound. He couldn’t stop shaking. He laid back on the bed and rolled himself into a protective ball. It was another thing he hadn’t done since he was a child. He laid like that for hours. Each time the tears would subside, his mind would draw on another memory or once again return to the regrets and he would break down again. Sometime just before the sun came up he fell asleep, waking again just after dawn with another nightmare. Once he had stopped screaming, he did what he always did. He got into
the shower and then he made coffee. The only difference today was that he had to go watch them lower his father into the ground.

  Chapter 16

  Asher dressed and headed to the funeral. The town seemed empty for a Friday morning as he drove his Mustang through it. When he got to the cemetery, he understood why. It looked like most of the town had turned out for his father’s funeral. Asher parked and walked across the grass. He stopped about six feet back from the mourners. The Priest, Father Byrnes was conducting the service. Asher didn’t want to attract attention to himself, but he wanted to hear what Father Byrnes was saying. He took a few steps forward and came to a dead stop as his eyes landed on Mia. Jesus Christ she was still beautiful. As a matter of fact, it was like time had stood still when he looked at her. She was wearing a dark gray sweater dress and a pair of black leather boots without a heel. She looked so small. Her thick hair shone underneath the summer sun and he closed his eyes for a fraction of a second and remembered how it used to feel in his hands and the way she always smelled so fresh. He opened his eyes and looked at her again. It was amazing how seventeen years of absence seemed like only yesterday. His heart filled with the love he used to feel for her. It was so full that it ached.

  He saw her arm go around the person next to her and his eyes moved over. She was standing next to a young man. He looked about the same age they were when he had left. Frank was on the other side of her. Asher was a little confused about that. His father and Frank couldn’t stand each other. As he pondered that he felt a hand on his shoulder. He jumped, but then he heard a familiar voice. Thank God he hadn’t throat punched him. It was Dean.

  “Hey man, I’m so sorry.” Dean wrapped him up in a bear hug. When they parted Asher said, “Thanks. It’s good to see you. I didn’t know you were coming.”

  “I didn’t know if you would either. When Dad called me for your number I was deep in a meeting and I couldn’t get out of it. I texted it to him and prayed you weren’t going to be pissed at me for it.”

  “Nah, I needed to be here. I’m glad he called.”

  Asher looked up as the crowd began thinning out. He watched Mia again as she laid a rose down near the urn that held his father’s ashes. The boy next to her did the same and so did Frank. Then suddenly, Mia’s eyes were on him. As their eyes locked he could see sadness and something else, longing maybe, on her face and his heart once again ached. At least longing is what he wanted it to be. There was definitely hurt there. Hurt that he had caused. He saw her say something to Frank and his eyes landed on Asher before he put his arm around the young man and they headed towards the parking lot. His stomach was in the biggest knot he had ever felt in his life as Mia came towards him. He almost felt sick with the anticipation of speaking to her after all of these years. She was so beautiful. He had been all over the world in his travels as a soldier. He could honestly say that she was the most beautiful woman he had laid eyes on.

  He took a deep breath and a step towards her. Father Byrnes reached him first. “Asher?”

  Asher looked at the priest. He had been the one that baptized him and gave him his first communion. He had heard all of his confessions, except one. “Father, hello.”

  Father Byrnes took his hands and held them between his. “I’m sorry for your loss, Asher. Your father was a good man.”

  Asher nodded and managed a small smile. “Thank you, Father.” He once again tried to make it to Mia when Lyle Kentworth stepped up.

  “Asher, I’m glad you made it. I’m so sorry for your loss.”

  “Thank you, Mr. Kentworth. Thank you for calling me.”

  He nodded and gave Asher a sad smile. “If you’re up to it maybe we can get together in my office tomorrow?”

  “Yeah, around ten?”

  “Perfect. I’ll see you then.”

  Asher said hello to a couple more people at last making his way to Mia. Once he was close enough to smell her and she smelled the same as she did when they were kids, he suddenly couldn’t breathe. He felt like a fool standing there with dry mouth and trying to form his words.

  “Hi Mia.”

  She gave him a small smile…but it was gorgeous nonetheless. “Hi Asher.”

  “You look great, just the same.” Mia’s eyes ran over him as he said that. He hadn’t worn a suit. He didn’t mean to be disrespectful, it just wasn’t something he even owned or was comfortable with. He had worn a black polo shirt with short sleeves and black slacks. He watched her pretty hazel eyes rake across his tattoos and move back up to his face. He almost shuddered under the heat of them. They stared at each other again for several long minutes before she said, “You look great too. But different.”

  Asher laughed nervously. He wondered if she could see it. “Thanks, I think,” he said. She laughed too. He remembered how he used to love the sound of it. “So the town hasn’t changed much.” What the hell was he doing? How many things did he need to say to her? Yet here he was making awkward small talk instead.

  “Yeah, it never really does, on the surface.”

  “How are your folks?”

  She looked sad again. Fuck! He said the wrong thing already. “My mother passed away about ten years ago.”

  “Shit! I’m sorry.”

  She smiled again. He would have given every penny he had and anything he was likely to earn in the future to see that smile. Jesus, it was beautiful. “It’s okay. It was a long time ago.” He watched as her eyes flitted to the car where her father had taken the young boy. He thought about asking her who he was but that was none of his business. “I should go.”

  He nodded. “It was really good to see you.” He thought he saw the glimmer of a tear in her eye, but she held it back.

  “It was good to see you too.” He watched then as she headed for the car that her father and the kid had gotten into. The kid stepped out and opened the door for her. She slid inside and he closed it.

  “Hey.” Dean was back at his elbow. He had magically disappeared when Asher and Mia were speaking. Asher started to turn towards him just as a man Asher didn’t quite recognize came up to him.

  “I’m Mr. Proctor Asher; we only met once so I doubt you remember me. I just wanted to offer you my condolences.”

  “Thank you,” Asher said. The man gave Dean a look Asher didn’t understand. As he walked away Asher heard Dean say, “Asshole,” under his breath.

  Asher raised an eyebrow and Dean just shook his head. “I’m going to give you some time with your dad,” Dean said. “Mia and her father are having the reception at their place. Are you going to go?”

  Asher shuddered at the thought. He would give his right arm to see Mia again, but a gathering of the whole town offering condolences was just too much. “Nah, I think I’ll pass. Why don’t you come by later and have a beer with me. We’ll catch up.”

  “I’ll do that,” he said with a smile. He clapped Asher on the shoulder and said, “It’s really good to see you, man.”

  Asher watched his old friend walk away and then he turned towards his mother and father’s graves. He walked past a basket of roses someone had sent and plucked two from it. He got close to the graves and knelt down on one knee. Dusting off his mother’s headstone he laid the first rose across her grave.

  “I’m sorry it’s been so long, Mom. I think about you and miss you every day. I still talk to you sometimes; I hope you can hear me. My life is not what you wanted for me but I promise you that I’m doing my best. I love you so much and I also promise I’ll visit more often.” He turned towards his father’s then and said, “Hey Dad. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for you. I read your letter. I wish I could tell you in person how much it meant to me. I wish that a lot of things were different just like you wrote. I never stopped loving you. If I had been older and more mature, maybe I would have been able to see how much you just needed help. If I would have come home sooner, maybe things could have been different. I’m going to tell you that I will keep the promises you asked me to make in the letter. I love you and miss y
ou. I hope you and Mom are back together now. I’m glad at least neither of you have to be alone any longer.” He got back to his feet and stood there for a few more minutes. Finally he bent down and laid the rose across the site where his father was laid to rest. “I love you,” he whispered again, and then he turned and walked away.

  Chapter 17

  As Asher drove back up to his house he saw Dean was already there, sitting on the swing on the porch. He gave him a chin nod as he got out of the car and went in through the garage. He grabbed two beers and went back out through the front door. Handing one to Dean, he sat down next to him.

  “I see you’re still a Mustang man?”

  Asher smiled. “Yep. It reminds me of the one my dad and I fixed up.” The one that Travis died in. He didn’t have to say that out loud.

  They sat silently for a while, lost in their own thoughts and sipping their beer. “How did it go with Mia?” Dean asked.

  Asher laughed. “Awkward.”

  Dean nodded. “I haven’t seen her since her mother died. I was in town, so I went to the funeral with Dad and paid my respects. We didn’t really talk though. She seems to be doing alright considering every time I see her, someone else just died.”

  “Yeah, that sucks. She told me her mom died. What happened?”

  “She had an aneurysm I think dad said. She was in a coma for a while. It was rough on the family. Her father especially.”

  “Damn. They’ve all died way too young.”

  “Yeah, that’s for sure.”

  “Hey, who was that kid with Mia at the funeral?”

  Something crossed his friend’s face that Asher didn’t recognize. Dean looked away for a second and then back at Asher and said, “I think maybe that’s something you need to ask her.”

  “I guess that means it’s her kid. Is the dad still around?”