Heart of Dixon

by Danielle Jamie

  Between all the wine I drank last night and staying up late with Savannah while watching a Nightmare on Elm Street marathon, I woke up today feeling like road kill that’d been run over a good dozen times. After an extra-long hot shower, I popped a few aspirins before working up the courage to drag my ass downstairs for coffee. Thankfully everyone was asleep still but Jax, who was sitting outside reading emails on his phone while drinking his coffee. We spent almost a half hour out on the deck enjoying the peacefulness of this place.

  After finishing my coffee, I asked Jax to join me down on the beach for a stroll and to look for some unique seashells. I’ve collected them since I was little and found some pretty amazing ones since we’ve been here. Jax was super sweet putting all my shells in his cargo shorts pockets until we went back up to the house to clean them.

  Thankfully, he never brought up the topic of Dixon because I’m not in the mood to discuss Dixon and me...us...not that there is really an 'us' anyway. That is why I like Jax so much. Because he’s very laid back and chill. He goes with the flow and takes life as it comes. He doesn’t stress over every little thing, and he’s really good at reading people. It must be from his days in the Australian military because it feels like he knows exactly when and when not to pry.

  Not long after we had returned from the beach, everyone else began to wake up. Just as Kayden and Savannah came strolling down the stairs, someone rang the doorbell at the back entrance of Kayden’s house. I practically dry humped Kayden’s leg when two masseuses walked through the door with massage tables telling us they were here for massages down by the water. Savannah was beaming as we followed the women down onto the beach with our tiny white robes on a few minutes later.

  I so needed that massage after last night. Kayden has no idea how grateful I am to him today for that special treat and for this mini weekend getaway. Sure, it's not been the greatest with the few minor bumps I’ve had with Dixon. Though, overall, it's been an amazing getaway with my best friend.

  Right now, we’re all outside enjoying the last few hours of paradise we have. I’ve spent the last hour in the pool floating and tanning but feeling the need to warm up in the hot tub.

  Savannah and Kayden are working on getting everything together for s’mores down on the beach. Kayden, Jax, and Dixon are supposed to start building a big bonfire in the next hour or so once the sun gets closer to setting.

  Climbing out of the pool I run up the wooden stairs leading up to the large wrap around deck where the hot tub is. I fire up the jets and reach into the outdoor fridge at Kayden’s massive grilling area grabbing a bottle of Twisted Tea. Popping the top off I toss the cap into the trashcan before finally climbing into the hot tub. Just as I’m sinking down into the water and bring my drink to my lips to quench my thirst, Dixon comes strolling out onto the deck in nothing but board shorts.

  I almost choke on my drink as I watch him stop in the doorway and lift his arms, stretching as the warm sun glistens across his insanely defined body. Holy hot! He’s attempted to try and talk to me all morning and afternoon, but I’ve given him the silent treatment all day, not once giving in and speaking a single word to him. He went too far last night.

  Dixon is going to know by the time we leave here this evening, I’m not fucking around. The damn games between us are over. I’m beyond pissed off at him. I will not let him see me weak and broken ever again. That was the first and the last time I will ever cry over Dixon.

  Dropping his arms down to his sides and resting his hands on his hips, he turns toward me after sensing me beside him. We’re a good six feet away from each other, but the electric charge between us is strong enough to jolt the breathe straight out of my lungs. I bring the bottle back to my lips, taking a long pull, as I attempt to distract myself. I divert my eyes towards the water below...hoping he’ll go away. It’s taking every ounce of self-control I have to not fly out of this hot tub and go all Kung Fu Ninja on his fucking ass.

  ‘It’s only a few more hours’ I keep repeating to myself. Then we’ll fly back to Texas and go our separate ways. If I’m lucky, I’ll never see his ass ever again. God, now all I can think about is his hot ass...naked. Why does he have to have such a nice ass? I seriously hate him so, so much right now. But at the same time, that overwhelming love I feel inside of me for him is still prominent too, making my head spin.

  “Brooklyn. I didn’t know you were up here. I thought you were still down in the pool, tanning.”

  I stare blankly at him as he speaks, not making a sound or even nodding my head. He doesn't deserve a response from me after the shit he pulled last night...parading more of his slew of skanks around and screwing them right in the same house...near my freaking room! I may seem like the biggest bitch right now, but I really don’t care.

  It hurts too much to look at him. I turn my head back towards the water and sink further into the hot tub, leaving only my head out of the water. I hear his feet approaching the hot tub, and it makes my breathing accelerate and my body tingle with fear, lust, and anger. It’s a dangerous concoction to be feeling right now, especially when I’m holding a glass beer bottle that my brain keeps saying ‘Bash it over the fuckers head. Make him hurt like you hurt!’ But, of course, I don’t, because I’m not that crazy.

  I hear him let out a deep sigh, making it apparent he’s getting frustrated with my silent treatment. I have to force myself not to smile because I’m enjoying this show of making him feel like shit way too much right now.

  “Brooklyn, come on! You can’t ignore me forever. I don’t understand why you’re so pissed off at me. We’ve been nothing but two people who’ve fucked a few times. Savannah and Kayden have enough on their plate right now they don’t need to worry about this, with all of us together because you’re acting like you have a raging case of fucking PMS.”

  Oh, fuck him and the rusty ass pole I’m two seconds away from jamming up his ass.

  Taking him by surprise I swipe kick my feet hard splashing water all over him. “Fuck off, Dixon. Take a freaking hint! I. Don’t. Want. To. Talk. To. You.” I say slowly and with an extra dash of bitch just to prove my point. “I’m not PMSing, you asshole. Now get the fuck away from me before you end up going to the ER for stitches because I bash your head in with my beer bottle.”

  I’m fuming right now. He’s lucky we’re not alone because I’d say a whole lot worse and keep my promise of beating his ass. But I don’t want to upset Savannah, so I’m going to behave myself.

  Dixon opens his mouth to speak, but I shout into the house startling him and causing his mouth to snap shut quickly.

  “Jax! Come join me in the hot tub! I need my snuggle buddy to soak with me.” I slide my gaze from Jax in the living room back to Dixon and give him the biggest, brightest smile I can muster before sinking back comfortably in the water. Jax is outside in a matter of seconds kicking his flip flops off climbing in beside me.

  “You gettin’ in, Dixon?” Jax asks as he drapes his arm behind my head.

  He looks from me to Jax and runs his fingers through his hair. “Nah, I’m going to do some fishing off of the pier for a bit. Yell at me when y’all are ready to build the bonfire.”

  “Will do, bro. Catch us some nice fish to fry up while you’re down there.”

  Forcing a smile, Dixon says, “That’s the plan, bro. See ya in a bit.”

  As Dixon is turning to walk towards the long stairway leading down to the beach, I move fluidly across the water rolling onto my stomach before gripping Jax’s shoulder, pulling myself onto his lap so that I’m straddling him. I bite my lip as I run my hands over his shoulders, spreading water over them. He is extremely sexy and the perfect distraction from Dixon. Plus I know it’ll piss Dixon off, so it’s a win-win for me.

  “Thanks for joining me. I was getting lonely,” I tell him seductively as my hands begin to trail over his pectorals that are glistening with water droplets.

  Wrapping his hands around me and settling them on my ass, he pulls me against his chest,
whispering against my lips, “It’s my pleasure, baby.” I get chills down my spine as I hear that delicious Aussie accent flow from his lips. I dart my tongue out, licking my lips, as I bring my hands up into Jax’s hair. He doesn’t have much hair since he keeps it cut short with just about an inch on top of his head, but there’s enough for me to grab onto and take control of him.

  I feel Dixon’s eyes on me without having to turn around and look. Watching Jax’s eyes dart behind me confirms what I already knew. Dixon wants to rub his conquests in my face, so it's time I rub mine in his.

  Leaning forward, I press my lips to Jax’s. The second they connect, his grip on my hips tightens and I feel his thunder down under growing harder by the second pressing into my very needy girly parts that are feeling extremely neglected at the moment. I can’t control the moans that leave my lips and roll into Jax’s mouth as I push my tongue into his mouth taking charge. It turns Jax on even more as my tongue licks at his and twists around it causing an explosion of flavor as my Twisted Tea mixes with the taste of the sweet tea he was drinking earlier.

  Finally breaking away from his kiss, I inhale deeply as I try to catch my breath and let out a soft chuckle. “Wow. That was quite some kiss, Jax.” I tease as I run my fingers over my swollen lips that are burning slightly due to rubbing against his light scruff.

  “That it was.” Is all he says, before cupping the back of my head with one hand and continuing to squeeze my ass with the other, before pulling me in for another toe curling kiss.

  After my blow up with Dixon earlier, he’s finally taken a hint and stopped trying to talk to me. I don’t do that ‘pretend things didn’t happen’ shit he’s trying to do. I won’t sit back and let him treat me as if I’m nothing to him and that the time we spent together was the same as any other chick he’s fucked. I know the truth. I know we had some really special moments together. For him to try and talk to me like nothing has happened...I can’t do it. The pain is still too raw. For now, Jax is a good distraction and the perfect way to give Dixon a taste of his own fucked up medicine.

  Jax, Savannah, Kayden, and I have spent most of the day together out on the deck and down at the pool. Now we’re getting ready to make the bonfire and enjoy our last few hours here in the Bahamas. Jax and I have been playing beer pong for the last half hour but, unlike the other night; I’m whooping ass tonight. Jax doing shots of tequila earlier hasn’t helped him any. Luckily for Kayden, Jax is sporting a pretty good buzz but not drunk enough to be of zero help. The last thing we need is Jax falling face first into the damn fire or something.

  Kayden has been hinting all day that our massages weren’t the only surprise for tonight, so I’m excited to see what he has up his sleeve. He said we’ll find out later this evening. So for now Savannah and I are playing a round of beer pong while the guys get our beach fire going.

  Of course, my ever intruding bestie decides now is the best time to talk about last night. When Dixon is the very last thing on the entire planet that I want to talk about. I’m afraid if I start talking about how hurt I am, I’ll end up a crying mess again, and I’ve already sworn to myself no more tears.

  “So, you decided to not even bother talking with Dixon?” Savannah asks as she finishes setting up the cups on her side.

  “Seriously, what the hell do you think, Savannah!?” I snap as I grab the hose to the keg and begin filling up my cups. I don’t mean to snap at her but come one. Would anyone want to talk to a guy about the possibility of being exclusive after he has a fucking threesome? “I’m not going to be his little go-to gal whenever he’s lonely. I’m done with the head games. That man makes me dizzy. One minute he’s bringing two skanks back here with him, and then the next he’s trying to flirt with me and act like nothing happened?”

  Shrugging her shoulders, Savannah crosses her arms and stares at me with a sympathetic look in her crystal blue eyes. “I don’t know what to say, Brooklyn. I saw you all hot and heavy with Jax today, and it's rubbing me the wrong way. You just told me last night there’s nothing between you two but hot steamy sex. I don’t want him to get hurt because it’s going to put Kayden between a rock and a hard place if things between you two go south.”

  I can’t help but roll my eyes at her comment. I try to hide the pain that’s consuming me but by the look on Savannah’s face she sees through my ‘I could give two shits’ attitude.

  “Don’t you think I already thought of this? I’m sick of being lonely. Xander is a man-whore who’s only good for one thing. Yeah, he’s fun for a random hookup, but I’m not kidding myself. He’s sleeping with a new girl in every city they stop in. Dixon, I knew was a player, but I loved the idea that maybe I could change him like you changed Kayden. But I guess I was just fooling myself. I’m sick of being alone, so Jax is the safe bet to roll with. Our chemistry in the bedroom is off the charts, and maybe over time, that could change into something deeper.” I feel like I’m trying to convince myself as much as I am her. I hate to look at Jax and use the word settle; it makes me feel like shit because Jax deserves way more than a girl ‘settling’ for him. He’s amazing and incredibly sexy. He has so much to offer other than just his big heart.

  I am going to hell. There’s no way around it.

  Moving around the table, Savannah sets the last red beer-filled cup down and wraps her arms around me. I sag into her embrace feeling defeated. I’ve been trying to be strong all day, but it’s exhausting.

  “All I can say is, don’t settle Brooklyn. You’re an amazing person and my bestest friend in the entire world. I want you to have a guy who’ll love you unconditionally and make you feel the way I do when Kayden looks at me. So loved that you think if you died today, you can die knowing you spent your last days with your soul mate. Almost dying really puts life into perspective.” Savannah laughs trying to lighten the mood, but it can’t mask the pain she’s feeling for me or the pain I’m consumed with. “You told me last night that Dixon makes you feel everything you’ve only dreamt of feeling when a man looks into your eyes. You need to ask yourself: Is he feeling that too? If so, maybe he’s just scared shitless and running away. I think before you jump into anything more with Jax, you need to have a serious talk with Dixon. If you’re not meant to be together, then do it for closure so you can try to put the feelings you have for him aside and move on with your life.”

  The thought of talking to Dixon, putting everything out there for him to see is terrifying. I’ve never exposed myself like that before. I wear a thick armor keeping my feelings in and only showing to people what I want them to see. It’s what makes me a good actress. I can channel the emotions when needed, let out the frustrations that are overwhelming me and pretend they are the pain and tears of my character instead of letting people see behind the acting and discover the pain is my pain coming out after being bottled up.

  It’s how I kicked ass so much on the re-take the other day in Vancouver. I channeled all the anger I had bottled up towards Jacob and Zak and took it out on the scene and actually left with some amazing compliments from the director on my flawless fight scenes. Part of being an actress is being able to step outside of your comfort zone. That’s what I need to do with Dixon. I need to look at this as a stepping stone in my life. Get closure and move on with my life.

  But, that’s easier said than done.

  Chapter Fourteen

  “I can’t believe you guys got new tattoos, in the Bahamas no less,” Rebecca says, eyeing my new tattoo on my shoulder.

  It’s an infinity sign with a feather coming off of it and turning into seagulls flying away into oblivion. I love it. It has the quote, ‘And in that moment I swear we were infinite’ written inside the loops of the infinity sign.

  Looking over my right shoulder I gaze down at my tattoo, “It’s pretty freaking awesome isn’t it?” I ask her before turning back around to face her. “It hurt like hell but so worth it. Mine was nothing compared to the pain Savannah and Kayden went through for theirs.”

  Savannah t
alks to us through the mirror as she applies her mascara. “Mine hurt for days after I got it, Kayden’s too. But the pain was worth it. It was therapeutic putting that James Dean quote on my body permanently. I now remind myself every day to live my life to the fullest because we’re never guaranteed tomorrow.”

  Setting her mascara down on the double sink, she spins around facing us with a big smile stretched across her face and a dreamy look in her eyes, “Kayden’s tattoo is amazing. Seeing my name tattooed on his ribcage with the angel wings was unlike anything I’ve felt before. I know it’s happened fast, but I know there’s no doubt in my mind that he is my soul mate. After everything I’ve been through I couldn’t be happier to have Kayden by my side.”

  Rebecca and I both start waving our hands in front of our faces fighting back tears. Whenever Savannah talks about almost dying it always gets to us, it’s all still too raw, and emotions are still on high with Zak still out there somewhere.

  “Don’t make us ruin our makeup. We need to get out of here before we’re just plain late instead of fashionably late,” I tease before pulling Savannah in for a quick hug. Rebecca gives her a hug as soon as I release her.

  “Okay. I need you guys to tell me what you think. Peep toe pumps? Or ankle boots?” I ask slipping one of each shoe on and modeling for them.

  In unison, they both say, “Ankle boots!”

  Right now, we’re all at her parents’ home in Beverly Hills. They’re still on the road for their tour so we have the entire place to ourselves. We’re getting ready for the Envy party for Savannah that is this evening at Club Vertigo here in Los Angeles in honor of her being on the cover.

  Since her kidnapping and accident, she hasn’t done any public outings due to her anxiety of being around a group of people. Kayden has Alec and Jerome with us for security tonight. They’ll be walking the Red Carpet with us and then hanging around the party to make sure no one is there unless they’re on the approved guest list. It’s scary having to live every day looking over your shoulder and waiting for something to happen. I can’t wait for Zak to finally be caught so we can go back to our normal lives again without constantly looking over our shoulder.