TJ

by SJ McCoy

  He smiled. “You do that. It’ll be good. But for now, see if you can’t put some of that enthusiasm into the makeup article?”

  “I’ll try.”

  Chapter Sixteen

  “So, is everyone happy? Do you all know what we need to do, and do you have what you need to do it?” Terry looked around at them all and they nodded.

  TJ couldn’t help winking at Grace. She was right. Terry was the one in charge, even though he let the two of them do the paperwork.

  Daquan raised his hand.

  “How many times do I need to tell you?” asked Terry. “You don’t need permission to speak any more than you need permission to take a leak.”

  Daquan shrugged. “I just … well, I’m glad you’re running with my idea, but what if it doesn’t work? What if people aren’t interested and no one gives us their old books?”

  TJ smiled at him. “You don’t need to worry about it, Daquan. It’s a great idea, and it will work.”

  Terry nodded. “Only reason you’re doubting is because it was your idea. Have a bit more faith in yourself.”

  Daquan shrugged and nodded.

  “It’s going to be amazing,” said Grace. “You wait and see. I know we’ll be able to get the word out and people want to get rid of their books these days anyway. Everyone reads digital books now. So, it’s a win-win situation. And everybody loves those.”

  TJ nodded. “And speaking of getting the word out—Dani offered to help with that, if you’re interested.”

  All three of them turned to look at him—and he knew it wasn’t because of their interest in getting publicity for the book drive.

  Terry grinned at him. “Oh, yeah?”

  “Yeah. She wants to help, and her boss said she could write an article on it. If you want.”

  Grace frowned. “On what?”

  He smiled at her. “That’s what I said.”

  Terry shook his head. “When are you going to get it through your thick skull that she wants to help? She’d do anything if she thought it’d help you out, and she cares about this place, too. She’s got a good heart, that one.”

  TJ tried to hide his smile. The fact that Dani had Terry’s approval meant a lot to him.

  “I wasn’t criticizing Dani,” said Grace. “It’s just that the magazine always has a gossip angle. They don’t cover charities unless there’s a big name involved. They did the article on the auction because people wanted to know about the gold-digger who hooked Oscar.”

  Terry chuckled. “Yeah, and she set ‘em straight about that, didn’t she?”

  Grace nodded. “She did. I was thrilled with what she wrote. Like I said, I’m not questioning her motives, I just want to know what angle the magazine would want to come from.” She looked at TJ. “I’ll be honest. I’m worried about you.”

  TJ shook his head. “There’s no need. I felt the same way when she first brought it up, but I told her that if she needed to write something about me, I’d be okay with it.”

  They all stared at him.

  “Damn!” Terry was the first to recover. “When’s the wedding?”

  TJ stared at him.

  “If you’d let her write about you, it must be love.”

  TJ sucked in a deep breath. Was that what it was? He’d been shocked at himself when he’d heard the words come out of his mouth. When Dani had suggested she write about the book drive, his first thought had been that he didn’t want to make it difficult for her. So, if she needed to write about him, she could. He trusted her. He wasn’t scared.

  Terry was smiling at him. “You haven’t figured it out yet, have you?”

  “Figured what out?”

  “That you’re in love with her.”

  He looked at Daquan, who gave him a small smile, and then at Grace, who was grinning.

  “He has a point, TJ. I know you care about the book drive, but I don’t think you offered yourself up as a sacrifice because of that. You trust her, don’t you?”

  He nodded. He did. “Trust isn’t the same thing as love, though.”

  Terry waved a hand at him. “Don’t waste your time denying it. You need to get caught up with yourself and figure out what you’re going to do with it. You’re in love with the girl.”

  TJ blew out a sigh. “That’s not what we’re here to talk about. Where I was going was that she talked her boss into letting her write a human-interest story. She wants to talk to some of the guys—and the young moms, too—and write little pieces on a bunch of them. She reckons that their readers will enjoy that, and when they know a little bit of people’s stories, then they’ll care about them and want to help.”

  Terry smiled. “She’s smart as well as beautiful.”

  TJ nodded. He thought so, too, but he didn’t want to get back to talking about how he felt about Dani.

  Grace caught his eyes. “She is. And I love the idea. How many people does she want to interview? We need to ask for volunteers and figure it all out. How long do we have? She doesn’t want to come in this week, does she? How about next week?”

  TJ shook his head. “She’s going to be out of town next week. She was thinking the week after and then they’ll run the article the week after that.”

  Grace nodded. “Great. That’ll be better. We can have the ball rolling then; maybe she can do some interviews after they’ve started reading. So, it’ll encourage people by seeing what a difference their books can make.”

  “Yeah. That’d be good,” said Daquan. “Right now, I’m the only one who can stand up and say books help me escape, but I know the others will feel that way, too, once they start.”

  “Okay. So, we’re all good,” said Terry. “Are you going to work on who’ll talk to her, Gracie?”

  “Sure.” Grace looked at TJ. “Unless you’d rather?”

  He shook his head. He’d rather stay out of it and focus on the logistics of how and where they’d collect the books. “Nah. That’s your department. And you.” He smiled at Daquan. “I think you have the best idea of who’s going to get the most out of this.” He didn’t want to put Daquan under too much pressure, but he knew that the guy was pretty insightful about his companions.

  Daquan smiled. “Yeah. I was going to ask if I could make some suggestions.”

  Grace smiled at him. “Can we work on it together?”

  “Sure.”

  “Why don’t the two of you make a start on that?” Terry looked at TJ. “We can leave you to it.”

  As he held the door open for Terry on the way out of the office, TJ had the feeling that he wasn’t going to be able to go straight back to his desk in the storeroom.

  He was right.

  “What are you afraid of?” Terry stopped his chair and turned to look up at him.

  TJ met his gaze. “Why?”

  Terry scowled. “Don’t shut down on me. I’m asking what you’re afraid of because I don’t want to see you screw this up. She’s a keeper, is Dani. And you’d be crazy not to do something about it.”

  “I am doing something about it.” He smiled. “She came to stay with me two weeks ago, and she hasn’t been home since—apart from to collect more clothes.” He tried to hide his smile. “And toiletries.”

  Terry shook his head. “Exactly. You’ve let her into your life. You’ve let her into your heart—whether you know it or not. Why are you scared to admit it, and to make it permanent?”

  “Permanent? What are you taking about?”

  “You know damned well what I’m talking about. Marry the girl!”

  TJ stared at him. “Is this you doing your crazy old coot routine?”

  Terry scowled. “If you ask me, it’s you doing your dumbass routine.”

  “I’m the dumb one? How do you figure that? I haven’t known her long. Not long at all.”

  “And what’s that got to do with anything?”

  TJ blew out a sigh. “It means it’s too soon. You need to take time to get to know a woman befor
e you know if you love her, and then you need to take more time to know if you want to marry her. You don’t just jump all in after a few weeks. I don’t even know if I want to get married anyway.”

  “Bullshit!”

  He had to laugh. “What does that mean? What does it matter to you, anyway? If I want to take my time, what difference does it make?”

  Terry shook his head. “Why do you need to take your time?”

  “I just told you. I—”

  “No. Don’t feed me bullshit lines about what people do. Think about it. Do you love her?” TJ scowled at him, but Terry’s steely blue gaze didn’t waver. “Humor me. Think about Dani, picture her face, remember what you did with her last night and last weekend and the weekend before, and then answer me. Do you love her?”

  He did as Terry said. Just picturing her face made him smile. When he thought about last night, the first thing that came to mind was the way she’d fallen asleep with her head in his lap while they watched TV. Last weekend, they’d played in the pool, gone for another walk on the beach. He could see her running ahead of him, splashing like a kid, and then later tears shining in her eyes as she told him how she and Matt used to play on the beach in Carmel.

  “See.” Terry was smiling at him. “You do.”

  He nodded. He had to. When he stopped to think about it, he knew. He was in love with her. That warm feeling flooded his chest as he admitted it to himself. He smiled and nodded again. “Yeah.”

  Terry grinned. “So, why waste time? We both know tomorrow doesn’t always come. You have to live the crap out of today. Marry her. Make every day count.”

  TJ shook his head. “You know, I thought I wanted to get married once.”

  Terry’s eyes widened.

  He nodded. “The journalist, Kayla.”

  “Damn.”

  He shrugged. “I thought she loved me. I thought I loved her. But what she did …”

  Terry shook his head. “I heard what she did.”

  “I still feel responsible.”

  Terry shook his head. “No. It’s all on her.”

  “She wouldn’t have known him if it wasn’t for me.”

  “Maybe so, but you didn’t tell her to write what she did.”

  TJ shook his head, remembering. “When I first read the article, I lost it. I went to find her. I was convinced that someone else had written it and just put her name on it. I couldn’t believe she’d do that. But when I found her, she was proud of it.” He shrugged. “So, you can see why I don’t trust my own judgment when it comes to women—especially journalists, and the thought of marrying one …?”

  “No. See, now you’re just falling back into the story you always tell yourself. And that story has nothing to do with who you are now and even less to do with who Dani is. Are you going to let the past steal your future? Isn’t that what we spend all our time fighting against? For ourselves and for all the guys here? If we let it, the pain of the past will rob us of any possible future happiness. You’re doing a good job of not letting what happened over there stop you from living a good life now you’re back.” He smiled, and TJ knew he’d just thought of an argument that was going to prove his point.

  “What?”

  “You won’t let what happened over there destroy your future. But you’re prepared to let what that woman did destroy your chance of a future with Dani. Does that mean she was more important—that she had more effect on you?”

  TJ shook his head angrily. “No! She was just some …” He exhaled sharply. “There are no words for her. I hate what she did to Jonesy, but what she did to me?” He shrugged. “It doesn’t matter anymore.”

  Terry shook his head. “That’s a lie. If you’d never known her, would you hesitate over Dani?”

  TJ met his gaze and slowly shook his head.

  Terry shrugged. “There you go, then.” He turned around and wheeled his chair away.

  TJ shook his head as he watched him go. The conversation had rattled him—for several reasons. The realization that he was in love with Dani was something he was going to need to wrap his head around. But the thought that Kayla had left more of a mark on him than losing his buddies had? That pissed him off. But Terry was right—if it hadn’t, then how could he get on with life despite losing so many friends, but not get on with love?

  He went back through to the storeroom and sat down at his desk. The message light on his phone was flashing. It was a text from Dani.

  Going to be late.

  Be home by seven.

  You want Chinese?

  He smiled and texted back.

  I want you.

  Whenever you get there.

  I’ll order pizza.

  He smiled when her reply came in. It was just three of those smiley faces she used so much. The last one was blowing a kiss. He tapped around on the keyboard and found what he wanted, then sent her the one that looked like a teddy bear.

  He laughed when she came right back with,

  Awwww! Teddy! xx

  He put his phone back down. She made him smile. She made him laugh. She made him horny—but she never made him wait long. She was fun. She was smart. He knew his parents would love her. He sighed. And why did that matter? He touched the crease between his brows. It didn’t matter. Or it wouldn’t if he didn’t see himself spending the rest of his life with her. Could he see that? Would he want it? The smile that spread across his face gave the answer his heart already knew. The smile faded as he realized that he had no idea if it was something she might want.

  ~ ~ ~

  “This is Dani Walsh.”

  “Hi, Dani. It’s Grace.”

  “Oh, hey. How are you?”

  “I’m great, thanks. How about you?”

  “I’m good, but I’m on a really tight deadline. I need to get this finished up tonight. I’m guessing you want to talk about me covering the book drive. First, do you like the idea? And second, if you do, is it all right if I call you back tomorrow to talk about it?”

  “Sure. I love the idea, and tomorrow’s good. And I wondered if you want to go out one night. I’ve wanted to catch up with you. I felt like we could both use a new friend.”

  Dani smiled. “I’d love that! Oh, but when?”

  “Whenever you like.”

  “Can we wait until after next week?”

  “Of course. I forgot. TJ said you were going away. Anywhere nice?”

  Dani hesitated. But there was no reason she shouldn’t tell her. “Montana.”

  “Oh, how cool! I love it up there. We go as often as we can.”

  Dani didn’t want to get into explaining the reason for her trip—or where she was staying. There was no reason not to, but it felt weird. “I haven’t been before. I’m looking forward to it.”

  “Well, I hope you have a great time. And sorry. You said you’re busy. I’ll let you go.”

  “Thanks. We’ll talk soon.”

  “I’ll look forward to it.”

  Dani hung up and stared out the window. In a way, she wished she wasn’t going away, or at least, that TJ was going with her. But that wasn’t the point of the trip. She needed to be by herself, away from her everyday life. She needed to remember and to be sad for a little while. She was uncomfortable that she was going to TJ’s house, and more so that she liked the thought of him going with her. This wasn’t about her and TJ. It was about her and Matt. She didn’t want to let him go.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Dani lay back on the lounger and tried to relax while she waited for TJ to come outside. This would be their last night together until she came back from Montana. She was looking forward to her time up there, but she wasn’t looking forward to being away from him. She’d stayed here with him every night for the last few weeks. They hadn’t planned it that way or even talked about how much time they were spending together. It had just happened, and they were both enjoying it. She was trying not to think about it too much. Maybe she’d allow he
rself to examine her feelings when she came back. She had an inkling that she already knew how she felt, but she had no idea what to do with it, and for the next week, she had other feelings to deal with. She looked up at the still blue sky. “I wish you were still here to tell me what to do, Matty,” she murmured.

  “Are you talking to yourself?” TJ’s shadow appeared over her.

  She shook her head. “No. I don’t do that very often. There’s no point; I don’t have any good advice for myself when I ask me.”

  He chuckled. “What were you muttering about, then?”

  “I was talking to Matt. I do that sometimes. I can’t hear him talk back any more, but he always knew what to say.”

  TJ’s smile faded. “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be. I didn’t tell you to make you feel bad. I told you because I can, because I know you’ll understand.”

  He nodded. “Yeah. Sometimes the only people who would understand are the ones who are no longer here.”

  “Maybe. Or maybe it’s just that we don’t want to let go of them. We don’t want someone else to take their place as our confidant.”

  TJ cocked his head to one side.

  She might as well tell him what she was getting at. “I mean, you’re becoming my new best friend. I love the way we can talk to each other about anything and everything, but part of me feels bad—that used to be Matt’s role. I don’t want to replace him, but I don’t want to keep you out.”

  TJ sat down behind her on the lounger and curled his arm around her waist. “I could never replace him. You don’t have to let him go. He’ll always be with you, in a way. You carry him in your memories, in your heart.”

  Tears stung her eyes. “I know. But, come on. Let’s not talk about it tonight. I’m going to have all of next week with Matt, or at least with my memories of him. Tonight’s the last night we get to spend together for a while.” She turned to look up at him and planted a kiss on his cheek. “I’m going to miss you, you big old teddy bear.”