TJ

by SJ McCoy

  Jean chuckled. “It’s okay. I’m well aware of Oscar’s ways, and very grateful to Grace and for Grace, for coming into his life and turning him around.”

  “Grace is wonderful. I did an article on her and Oscar and the fundraiser dinner for the magazine I work for.”

  Jean’s eyes twinkled. “I heard all about it. Oscar was thrilled with the way you portrayed them.”

  The more she heard about Oscar from his mom, the more she liked him.

  “I’m glad. I went in wondering if I would be confirming the rumors that Oscar had fallen prey to a …” Oops again. Perhaps telling Oscar’s mom the rumors about her son’s fiancée wasn’t too wise either.

  Jean was ahead of her again. “It’s okay. I know what people thought—that she was a gold-digger. I’m glad you helped them see who she really is and how happy they are together.” She winked—just like TJ did sometimes. “I read the article. In fact, I signed up for a subscription when I heard about you. You write well.”

  “Thank you. I just wish I got to write about something other than celebrity gossip.”

  “And beauty products.”

  Dani laughed. “You have been following me. To be honest, the story on the auction was the only one I’ve enjoyed writing for a long time—and not just because of TJ.”

  Jean nodded. “I wondered. Your other articles are all very well written, but I didn’t get the sense that you’re the kind of girl who cares too much about cosmetics and fashion.”

  “I don’t. I should probably resign, but I don’t know what else to do. And Alan’s been so good to me.”

  “And he’s letting you write another article on the center—about the book drive?”

  “Oscar has been keeping you informed.”

  “He has, but in all fairness, it’s only because I’ve been peppering him with questions.”

  “Well, now you get to pepper me.”

  Jean nodded. “There is one question that’s bothering me.”

  “Fire away.”

  “Why isn’t he here with you? I would have thought that the first time you came here, it’d be together.”

  Dani nodded.

  “You don’t have to tell me, if I’m being too nosey.”

  “No. It’s okay. I just wish Oscar had filled you in on that, too.”

  “He couldn’t tell me because he doesn’t know. Apparently, TJ told him that you needed some time to yourself. He said he respects that, and Oscar must do the same—and that included knowing why.”

  Dani smiled, liking knowing that TJ kept her business private. “That’s sweet of him.” She met Jean’s gaze. “I would never have dreamed it when I first met him, but he is such a sweet guy. And Oscar, too. And that’s the last thing I would have thought when I met him. You’ve raised good men. They’re real men, but they’re very sweet.”

  Jean laughed with delight. “I hope you haven’t said that to TJ. Oscar will take any compliment he can get, but I don’t think TJ would feel the same way.”

  Dani laughed with her. “He doesn’t. So, I tell him every chance I get.”

  Jean laughed harder. “Oh, you’re good for him. I can see it.”

  “I hope so. I want to be.”

  “You are. And forgive me for prodding, but does this mean we’re avoiding the subject of why you’re here alone?”

  “No. We just got distracted talking about how sweet he is.” She took a deep breath. “I’m here, because three years ago today, my brother was killed in combat.” She couldn’t help it. The tears rolled down her face as she spoke. She gulped and nodded. “Each year since, I’ve taken the time to go away by myself and remember him. I don’t …” She paused to catch her breath and then sobbed. “I miss him. I don’t want to forget him.” She was blubbing like an idiot now, but she couldn’t help it. “I’m sorry.” She sniffed again, but she couldn’t hold it in.

  Jean got to her feet and came to her. “Come here.”

  Dani stood, and Jean wrapped her in a hug. “Don’t say you’re sorry. Don’t be sorry. You have a good cry. You need it.”

  Dani felt herself shaking. She was trying so hard to hold it in. She couldn’t break down like this in front of TJ’s mom.

  Jean patted her shoulder and made soothing sounds as if she were a baby. “Let it go. I know you can’t get it all out, but sometimes you have to get out what you can.”

  Dani felt herself relax. She couldn’t do anything else as she succumbed to Jean’s motherly embrace. She sobbed uncontrollably, finally cocooned in the love of a mother who wasn’t too caught up in her own pain.

  It was a good ten minutes before the sobs subsided and she could get herself under control. “I’m sorry, but thank you. You have no idea …”

  Jean rubbed her shoulder and Dani was surprised to see tears on her cheeks. “It breaks my heart. What was his name?”

  “Matt.”

  “You see, your Matt could have been my TJ. Every parent of someone who serves lives with that fear. TJ came home, and he came home, mostly, unscathed. But Matt, and TJ’s friends, and so many others, they’ll never come home.” A fresh tear rolled down her cheek. “And it breaks my heart. I’m so sorry for you.” She frowned. “Your parents?”

  Dani nodded. “They took it hard. They kind of stopped living when Matt did.”

  “Oh, that’s so sad.” Jean gave her a puzzled look but didn’t say anything.

  Dani had an idea of what she wanted to know. “I don’t see them much now. They … I …” She shrugged. “It hurts them to see me when they can never see Matt again.”

  Jean nodded but didn’t comment, and Dani was grateful for that. Too many people had an opinion on how her parents should act. She knew they coped in the best ways they knew how.

  “I guess you could say it’s like a bond between us. Not one either of us would want, but TJ gets me when I get upset. And though I can’t know what he went through, I do know what it’s like to lose a brother.”

  “They were his brothers. Jonesy and Mac and Finn. They were good boys.” She wiped away another tear. “I knew you had to be special when I heard you were a reporter. After what Kayla did …” She shook her head sadly. “I doubted if he’d ever fall for anyone, and I never dreamed you would be a reporter.”

  Dani’s heart started to race. Who was Kayla? Was she the reason he hated reporters?

  Jean met her gaze. “Oh. Have I just put my foot in it?”

  Dani shook her head. “No. Well, maybe. He hasn’t told me about Kayla, but I’m guessing she was the journalist—and the reason he hates them.”

  “Yes. I’m sorry. I guess that’s a story for him to tell you.”

  Dani nodded. She wished Jean would, but it wouldn’t be fair on anyone to ask her.

  Jean patted her shoulder again. “I know he will, when he’s ready.”

  “Yeah.”

  “Well, now that I’ve barged into your special day, would you like me to stay or leave? I know sometimes when you think you want to be by yourself, you end up desperately craving company.”

  “If you don’t mind, I’d like to be by myself. It’s lovely to meet you, but I think I only just got started crying.”

  Jean nodded sadly. “I thought so, too. Let me leave my number for you. If you want me. I’m two minutes away.”

  “Is yours the first house?”

  “Yes. The boys grew up there. And now they’ve all built their own. I just wish they came up more. Perhaps you can persuade TJ to come back soon?”

  Dani smiled. “I’ll do my best. I love it here.”

  Jean followed her inside where she wrote her number on a pad and then hugged her again. “Is he doing okay?”

  Dani nodded. “He is.”

  “Is he still drinking?”

  “Not much. Sometimes we’ll have a couple of beers—which reminds me, I’ll put a couple in a bag for you. But these days—in his own words—he’ll occasionally spend an evening trying to find the bottom of
a bottle of bourbon, but he hasn’t done it since I’ve known him. He’ll have a drink to relax sometimes, but not to escape.”

  Jean smiled. “That’s good to hear. Thank you.”

  After she’d gone, Dani sank down on the couch and started to cry. She’d managed to stay upbeat most of the week, remembering the good times with Matt—times from their childhood all the way up to the last time she’d seen him. But now she was crying for what was lost. For herself, for her parents, but most of all for Matt and for everything he’d never live. She hugged one of the cushions and let go. The way Jean had held her while she cried earlier had been so comforting, and yet, at the same time, it’d reminded her how alone she was. She hadn’t wanted TJ to come with her because she didn’t want it to be about the two of them, but she realized now that for there to truly be a two of them, she needed to share this with him. She could have shared her memories with him. She could have brought the memory of Matt into the present and future with them. Instead, she’d kept the two separate and created a barrier between the present and the past, and that was what she’d wanted to avoid.

  When she’d managed to pull herself together, she reached for her phone. She’d spoken to him a couple of times this week, but only briefly, just checking in. Right now, she wanted more than anything to hear his voice.

  “Hey, are you okay?” He sounded worried when he answered.

  “I am, and I’m not.”

  “It’s today, isn’t it?”

  She nodded and sniffed. She wasn’t going to cry on the phone. That wouldn’t be fair.

  “Damn. I wish I was there for you.”

  “So, do I.”

  “Then I’m coming. I’ll be there tonight.”

  “There’s no need. I just meant I miss you.”

  “And I miss you. I’ve been worried sick about you.”

  “I’m okay. I’m just sad. Your mom just left and she was so kind. She made me realize that I don’t want to shut myself in the past with Matt. I want to bring him into the now—with us.”

  “Then I’m coming up there. We can sit out under the stars and you can tell me about him.”

  She couldn’t hold in a sob. “I’d like that. I’d like that a lot.”

  “I’ll call Oscar. See if I can borrow the plane.”

  “Thank you.”

  “Thank you for letting me. And what was Mom doing there?”

  Dani had to smile. “Being a wonderful mom. She’s awesome, TJ.”

  “I know.”

  “Apparently they’re on their way back to Oregon and just decided to stop here overnight. She came to investigate when she saw the car.”

  “Okay.”

  “Don’t worry. She didn’t say anything incriminating.”

  He chuckled. “I wasn’t worried. You know me better than just about anyone. I’ve told you everything.”

  “Except about Kayla.” Shit! That had come out before she even knew it was bothering her.

  “Yeah.” He sighed. “I suppose I should tell you what she did.”

  “You don’t have to. I only mentioned it because I’m all emotional. She took me by surprise. She assumed I knew.”

  “It’s nothing to worry about. She was someone I dated. She turned out to be someone I couldn’t respect. How about I tell you when I get there? I need to call Oscar and see if Woody’s available.”

  “Okay.”

  “I love you, Dani. I’ll see you soon.”

  “I love you, Theodore James.”

  He chuckled. “Is that your attempt at letting me know you’re okay?”

  She smiled. “Yeah, did it work?”

  “Nearly. I’ll call you back when I know what time I can get there.”

  “Okay. Bye.”

  Chapter Nineteen

  Terry waved at TJ from the cafeteria and he hurried over to him. He’d have to see what he wanted before he left.

  “What do you need?”

  “Well, damn. Do I need a reason to have a chat with you now?”

  TJ touched his fingers to the crease in his brow. “Sorry. I’m in a hurry.”

  “Something wrong?”

  “I’m going to see Dani.”

  Terry smiled. “My money was on yesterday.”

  “What?”

  Terry chuckled. “It was Oscar’s idea. We had a little bet. We all knew you weren’t going to make it through the week without going up there.”

  TJ shook his head. “Your money would have been on today if you knew why she’s there.”

  Terry raised an eyebrow.

  “Today’s the day her brother died. Three years ago. In Helmand.”

  “Shit.”

  “Yeah.”

  “And you let her go up there by herself?”

  “It’s what she wanted. I had to respect that, but now she’s figured it out. If I’m there with her, then I can remember him too. I just talked to Oscar. He’s going to let me use the plane.”

  “Then what are you standing around here talking to me for. Get gone. And tell her the old fart in the wheelchair sends his love.”

  TJ grasped his shoulder. “Thanks. I know she’ll appreciate that. She needs all the love she can get.”

  “I don’t know what that means, but it sounds to me like another good reason you should marry her. Give her some confidence that your love ain’t going nowhere.” TJ met his gaze for a moment and Terry grinned. “You’re thinking about it, aren’t you?”

  He nodded briefly. “I have to go.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Dani went into the bathroom to wash her face. The house was beautiful. It felt like TJ, more so than his house in the city did, which surprised her, considering he spent so little time here. She dried her face and came back out wondering how long it would take him to get here—and if he’d really be able to. In her world, people didn’t just hop into a jet and come a thousand miles to see her because she cried.

  She stood still, thinking she’d heard a sound outside. That was dumb. She didn’t need to go getting jittery now that TJ was almost here. No. It wasn’t the jitters. It sounded liked there was someone out on the front porch. She went to check. Through the frosted glass of the front door, she could see someone walking away up the drive. She opened the door. It was Jean, and there was a cooler on the porch with a note on top.

  “Thank you,” she called.

  Jean turned around. “Well, phooey! I thought I managed to do it in stealth mode. I won’t keep you. I just wanted to leave you some goodies. I know you want to be alone, but I need you to know we care.”

  Tears pricked her eyes for what felt like the millionth time today. “Thank you. I was going to call you anyway.”

  Jean started walking back toward her. “What’s up? Did you change your mind? I can stay, or you can come up to the house, if you want to meet Johnny?”

  “Thanks, maybe tomorrow? I wanted to tell you that I spoke to TJ and he’s on his way.”

  Jean clasped her hands together over her heart. “Oh! I’m so glad.”

  “Me too. Thank you. You made me realize I want him here.”

  “I’m glad. Well, don’t worry. We’ll stay out of your way.”

  “I was wondering; how early are you leaving tomorrow?”

  “Why?”

  “I wondered if we could all have lunch together?”

  “Did you mention it to TJ?”

  Dani shook her head and Jean smiled.

  “Run it by him first and let me know. We’d love to stay, but he might want you all to himself.”

  Dani nodded. She could already tell she was going to love Jean. “Thank you. You know him so well, don’t you?”

  Jean chuckled. “I’m the mama bear. Of course I do. I know all my cubs.”

  Dani had to laugh. “That’s so funny. I call him a teddy bear when he’s being sweet.”

  Jean laughed with her. “Oh, I bet he loves that!”

  “Not so much. But I couldn’t he
lp it, I mean Teddy, the bear.”

  “Oh! So, you know the shame of the name I inflicted on him?”

  Dani laughed and nodded.

  “In that case. I’m going to start looking for a hat.”

  “Why?” Dani didn’t get the reference.

  Jean waggled her eyebrows and said. “For the wedding.”

  Wow! Dani stared at her. Wedding? She wasn’t expecting one of those.

  Jean’s smile was gone. “You don’t want to?”

  “I don’t think that matters. I can’t see TJ wanting to.”

  “Well, if that’s your only concern, I’m still going hat shopping. Text me and let me know if you want us to hang around or clear out tomorrow.”

  “I will. Thanks again, Jean. For everything.”

  Instead of walking away, Jean came back and trotted up the steps to hug her.

  Dani melted into her embrace. “Thank you. You have no idea how much that means.”

  Jean squeezed her tight before letting her go and stepping back. “I have some idea, and it’s not totally selfless. It means the world to me, too. I never thought there’d be a girl who could make TJ happy. And here you are. And you’re adorable.” She leaned forward and kissed Dani’s cheek. “I think you’re going to have to get used to me hugging on you, dear. See you soon.”

  She turned and made her way back down the steps, leaving Dani and the cooler on the porch.

  ~ ~ ~

  TJ pulled his phone out once he turned off I-90.

  “Hello.”

  “Hey, Dad. It’s me.”

  “Hey. Are you nearly here?”

  “You know?”

  “Yes. Your mom went back to your place to drop off a care package for Dani, thinking she was going to be alone tonight, and she told her you were coming. Don’t worry, you know your mom, there’s enough in the cooler she took to feed the pair of you for a week.”

  TJ smiled. “Tell her thanks.”

  “You can tell her yourself. You know the earache I’ll get if I let you go without speaking to her. Are you okay, son?”

  “I am. Better than I’ve been in a long time.”

  “I’m glad to hear it. And am I right in thinking we have Dani to thank?”