No Regrets

by Mari Carr

  “Actually, I think I’ve slept enough for a month.”

  “Weel, that is a nasty knock ye’ve taken there. Rest is surely the best thing for ye. Certainly was a shock when the master said we had an injured lady in the house. I didna see when ye arrived. Back in the kitchen with my Mr. Henry trying to get the blasted stove to light, pardon my language, miss.”

  Vee grinned, amused by the woman’s endless chatter and tireless cleaning.

  “Oh, ye poor dear girl. The doctor should be here anytime now. He was delivering Mrs. McCarty’s newest babe this morning when I sent Mr. Henry to fetch him. But as it’s her fifth babe, I doubt the doctor’s doing little more than merely catching it. Mark my words, Myrtle McCarty will have that babe this afternoon and still have Edgar McCarty’s supper on the table as he comes in from the field. He, Mr. McCarty that is, lives down in the village. Hard worker, he is. Does the smithy work for everyone around here. My Mr. Henry would never trust anyone but Edgar to shoe the horses on the estate.”

  Vee tried to keep up with the woman’s conversation, amused by the story of the McCarty’s lives. “You seem to know quite a bit about the people who live in this area.”

  “Ah, lord yes, girl. I’ve lived in this very house working for Lord Benjamin’s dear departed great-aunt Mary since I was a wee girl. My mother was the housekeeper before me, ye see. After me mum passed, bless her soul, I took up the reins and have been working here as housekeeper for nigh on forty years.”

  “My goodness,” Vee said. “That is a very long time. My name is, well, it’s Vee.” She wished she could introduce herself properly, but what else could she do?

  “And I’m Mrs. Henry,” the kind lady replied. “Lord Benjamin told me about your accident, ye poor girl. How awful. Not knowing your own name. Couldn’t imagine it meself.”

  Startled by Mrs. Henry’s sudden pause in conversation, Vee attempted to enter it herself. “Ben, I mean Lord Benjamin, believes it will return once I’ve had time to rest and recover, so I’m trying to keep a positive attitude about it all. Mrs. Henry, you seem to know so much about everyone around this area. Do I look familiar to you?”

  “Actually, I did a hard study of your face while ye slept, and I’m afraid to say I’ve never seen ye before, nor can I see any resemblance between ye and the families from the village. Of course, Lord Benjamin believes ye are from London and I tend to agree with him.”

  “Why is that?”

  “Ye’ve an air about ye. And that accent. I can’t quite place the dialect. Rather queer actually. But don’t ye worry, Lord Benjamin is resolved to find your home and family and he is a man of honor with more determination in him than any six men. I’ve never met such a hard worker, excluding my Mr. Henry, of course. Why he’s come into this house and worked miracles in just a few short weeks.”

  Vee nodded, unable to say anything as Mrs. Henry chatted on endlessly. She began to wonder if the woman ever took a breath.

  “Mr. Henry,” Mrs. Henry continued, “and I worried every night the place would crumble to bits with us in it, but Lord Benjamin has come in and hired all sorts of local men to fix Waterplace right up again. Why, I believe, he’ll have it lookin’ better than it ever did. And he’s not so high and mighty that he won’t roll up his sleeves, pick up a hammer and start workin’ right alongside the men. He’s not afraid of a little sweat and a hard day’s labor. Men in the area respect him fer that.”

  “He does seem like a good man,” Vee interjected, but Mrs. Henry, enamored of her new master continued speaking.

  “And look at all he’s doing for his young ward. How many men, I ask ye, would take in a damaged little girl, not even his own flesh and blood, mind ye, and raise her as his own?”

  “Little girl?” Vee remembered the green-eyed child in her dream.

  “Miss Chelsea Duncan,” Mrs. Henry replied. “She’s the daughter of a young man who served in Lord Benjamin’s regiment in the war against that nasty little Frenchman. Chelsea’s da was killed on the battlefield and milord promised the dying man he would care for his wife and young babe. Mrs. Duncan passed away in a fire a few months ago and the child hasna spoken a word since. Lord Benjamin, bless his kind, gentle heart, moved here from the city thinking the quiet, country air would soothe and mend the girl’s broken heart. Imagine a man of his social standing, he’s the son of a duke, ye know, giving up the fast-paced excitement of city life to come to the country all for the well-bein’ of a child.”

  “That is quite something.” She was fascinated by Mrs. Henry’s nonstop narrative. The entire time the housekeeper spoke, she’d been cleaning and by this point in her tale, she’d dusted all the furniture, swept the floor, fluffed the pillows under Vee’s head, straightened the bedclothes and laid out a fresh nightgown for her. Vee was exhausted simply watching her.

  “Oh, Miss Vee, ye’re so lucky to have been rescued by milord. He is a wonderful man. Simply marvelous. Always was, even as a boy. So good to his Aunt Mary, ye know. That’s why she left him this house. He always took the time to write her and visit when he could. He sent her gifts on her birthday and for holidays. Such a thoughtful lad. My mistress adored him before the madness took over her mind. It’s truly wonderful having him here at Waterplace to stay.” Mrs. Henry wiped away a wistful tear, her happiness overwhelming her for a moment.

  “Of course,” she continued after only taking the merest breath, “he’s not the same since the war, but that happens to so many men, doesn’t it, dear? War changes our men. Takes something out of them. Ah, milord was always such a carefree boy, and yet I haven’t seen him laugh since he’s been back. I was saying to my Mr. Henry last night, ‘Mr. Henry, our master doesn’t laugh like he used to.’ Mr. Henry nodded, he’s a man of few words, you know. He’s also noticed the sadness in milord’s eyes and the way he roams the house in the wee hours of night. Well, I always say, there’s nothing the love of a good woman cannot cure. Perhaps, milord will find himself a sweet, young wife to put the sparkle back in his eye.” At this, Mrs. Henry looked at her as if trying to decide if she were worthy of such a privilege.

  Uncomfortable under Mrs. Henry’s scrutiny, Vee cleared her throat. “I’m sure Ben, I mean Lord Benjamin, will find someone eventually. After all, as you say, he’s from a distinguished family and he’s so very kind and deserving of happiness.”

  “Exactly,” Mrs. Henry interjected, beaming over Vee’s comments. Mrs. Henry was clearly a master matchmaker.

  Vee changed the subject. “I believe Chelsea was here earlier.”

  “Was she now? I’m surprised. Child usually keeps to herself. Not at all fond of strangers. Did she say anything?” Mrs. Henry asked hopefully, pausing in her duties.

  “No, I spoke to her, but she didn’t respond.”

  “Ah, weel, that is the way of it, is it not? Poor wee thing. Hasna spoken a word since her mum died. They say she watched the house burning, her mum and grandda trapped inside. What to do, what to do?” Mrs. Henry muttered more to herself than Vee.

  “Weel, that’s this room tidy. Is there anything else you’ll be needing, my dear?”

  “No, thank you,” she answered, and then a thought occurred to her. “Actually, do you know if my clothes are clean? I’d like to get out of bed.”

  “I don’t think milord would be pleased to see you out of bed until the doctor’s had time to examine ye, but I will see to yer clothes. It’s strange, but milord didna give them to me to wash, and I don’t see them anywhere in here. Shame on him for changing ye himself. Should’a called me for that, but he’s an honorable man, so ye don’t have to worry on that account.”

  Vee blushed, recalling it was Ben who had changed her clothes. Hopefully, the room was dark when he did it. She might not remember her name, but she remembered what her body looked like and how unhappy she was with it. She was plump when she wished she were thin. Her breasts were too large, as was her bum, and her hips were far too wide. Her legs were short and, well, sturdy was about the nicest word she could use for t
hem. The only small thing on her was a waist that nipped in enough to give her a true hourglass figure and, honestly, what good was that when the rest of her was full to bursting?

  “I’ll have a word with milord about yer clothing, Miss Vee. If ye’re going to be here for a while, I’ll nip up to the attic and find some of milady’s old dresses for you,” Mrs. Henry replied, pulling her from her reverie.

  “Oh, I hate for you to go to any trouble on my account. I’m sure you’re busy enough with your household duties, and I really don’t know how long I’ll be staying here.”

  Mrs. Henry beamed at her words, pleased to have the importance of her station acknowledged.

  “No trouble at all, my dear. It’ll be so nice to have a lady in the house again, even if it’s only for a few days. Now ye get some rest.” With that, Mrs. Henry left, and Vee slumped back against the freshly plumped pillows feeling as though she’d just witnessed a whirlwind. Mrs. Henry was a bundle of energy and efficiency, and she liked her very much. She reflected on how fortunate she was to have been rescued by Ben—no, Lord Benjamin. It was really only appropriate she call him by his title. She’d have to remember that, even in her thoughts.

  Mrs. Henry’s recitation on the upstanding character traits of “milord” played in her mind. Vee agreed that he was a good man and that the war had affected him and wished she could find a way to teach him how to laugh again. Laughter was so important and something told her that she was the type of person who laughed a lot, even if she couldn’t remember for sure, and Lord Benjamin certainly seemed to have the potential for humor. After all, he had teased her about possible names. She would consider it her mission to make the inhabitants of Waterplace a little happier during her stay here. Between poor little Chelsea and Lord Benjamin, laughter was needed to lighten their heavy hearts.

  With that thought, she settled back onto the pillows to await the doctor, and made a mental list of all the things she hoped to accomplish during her time at Waterplace.

  1. Cheer up Lord Benjamin.

  2. Help Mrs. Henry with household chores.

  3. Befriend Chelsea.

  4. Remember who I am.

  The rest of the day passed quickly for Vee. The doctor came and concurred with Lord Benjamin that there was a good chance her memory would return to her in time, although much to her dismay, he insisted she remain in bed for another day or two. Dr. Jonesbury, like Mrs. Henry, had grown up in the area and said he was very sure she was not from Dover at all. Lord Benjamin said he would send a message to a friend in London to see if there was any word about a missing woman. While no one said anything, she sensed they were all more than a little perplexed by her arrival in Dover in such a battered state.

  Vee gave herself a migraine trying to force her memories to return, so Mrs. Henry gave her a tisane and insisted she remain in bed, bringing her a simple dinner of bread and cheese on a tray. She didn’t see Lord Benjamin after the doctor left and Mrs. Henry explained he’d gone to London himself to see if anyone was looking for her and would return in a couple of days. Vee hated that he’d gone to such trouble for her, knowing he was overwhelmed with work here. Still, she couldn’t help but hope he would return with her true name. She was finding it increasingly difficult to keep a positive attitude.

  She also didn’t see Chelsea again. Obviously, the girl was too shy to visit and she vowed tomorrow she would rise early and begin to make herself useful. Perhaps working would take her mind off her troubles. Perhaps tomorrow she would remember everything.

  Chapter 5

  V is for Valuable

  After as much bed rest as she could stand, Vee awoke with a clear—if still memory-free—head and a lighthearted feeling two days later. Unwilling to wallow in self-pity, she rose from the bed and crossed to the window. Bright sunshine and the beautiful English countryside greeted her. “It’s lovely here.”

  “Indeed it is,” Mrs. Henry’s voice answered.

  “Good morning,” she said, turning to find the housekeeper at the door.

  “Good morning yourself, Miss Vee. What are you doing out of that bed?” Mrs. Henry asked, reproach in her voice.

  “I feel much better today and I cannot spend one more moment in that bed.”

  “I don’t know if yer weel enough yet.” Mrs. Henry scrutinized every inch of her.

  “Oh, I am,” she insisted. “I am much, much better. Honestly.”

  “All right then. Me mum always said too much bed rest was as bad as too little. I didna have a chance to talk to milord about yer clothing before he left for London, so I went diggin’ about in the attic. Milady was a tad bit bigger than you, so we’ll have to nip these dresses in at the waist, but they should do fine for the time bein’. As luck would have it, milady wasna much taller than you. You are a wee thing, aren’t you? I thought so when you were lying down, but to see you standing up confirms there isna much of ye!” Mrs. Henry, who towered over her by at least six inches, laughed at her own joke.

  Vee smiled, extremely pleased to be referred to as “wee.”

  “They are wonderful. I’m sure they will fit fine.” She was relieved to be able to get dressed. Vee waited for Mrs. Henry to leave, but it soon became apparent the woman wasn’t going anywhere.

  “I’ll get dressed and then come downstairs.” She hoped Mrs. Henry would get the point.

  “Very weel then. Off with that nightrail and I’ll help you. We don’t have a chambermaid to serve as your lady’s maid, so you’ll have to make do with me, I’m afraid. Shouldna be a problem as I served her ladyship in the same capacity the last few years of her life off an’ on. She never could keep a lady’s maid. Her tongue, God rest her soul, got sharper every year. Not many of the young ladies could take the constant criticism. Didna bother me though. I’d been with milady for my whole life, and I knew her bark was worse than her bite. Weel, off with it then.”

  Vee blushed at her words. “I’m perfectly able to dress myself. As I said, I feel much better.”

  Mrs. Henry looked surprised, then chuckled. “This dress buttons all the way up the back, my dear. Besides, there’s no reason to be shy. You aren’t accustomed to a lady’s maid?”

  “I suppose not,” she replied. “I’m fairly certain I usually dress myself.” Although looking down at the dress in her hands, she did feel a nagging sense of uncertainty. The feeling had grown in the past two days as she slowly recovered. Nothing in the house seemed to be familiar. The house and its amenities left her bewildered. She had her hands full getting used to the chamber pot, struggling to fix her hair in a chignon as Mrs. Henry insisted was proper and found the thought of cleaning herself with only a bowl of cold water more challenging then seemed possible. She wondered how she could have forgotten how to do such seemingly simple tasks, yet remembered how to read and write.

  “I see.” Mrs. Henry studied her. “Weel, that seems to narrow down a bit about your background.”

  “It does?” She was excited that she’d stumbled upon a clue to her past. “How?”

  “Seems likely you’re not from a titled family. Otherwise, you would have had a lady’s maid.”

  “That doesn’t seem to narrow down much.” There were probably far fewer titled families than common folk.

  “No, it doesn’t at that,” Mrs. Henry agreed. “Still, ye will need help with this dress, so off with that.” She pointed at her nightgown.

  “Very well.” She was aware Mrs. Henry wasn’t going to back down on this point. Heat rushed to her face as she took off the nightgown, embarrassed to discover she was completely naked beneath it.

  “My goodness,” Mrs. Henry exclaimed, taking in her high color and the nervous hands covering herself. “Never seen such a timid lass. Don’t worry, girl. You don’t have anythin’ I don’t.” Mrs. Henry chuckled at her joke and Vee grinned ruefully, chastising herself for her shyness. Mrs. Henry continued to chuckle as she quickly and efficiently dressed her. It seemed everything Mrs. Henry did was fast and efficient.

  “There yo
u are.” Mrs. Henry circled her to examine her work. “Just as I thought, too loose. Weel, it’ll have to do for today. I’ll put a few stitches in it tonight. Now then, I’ll show ye around the house so ye won’t get lost, and we’ll nip into the kitchen for some breakfast.”

  Vee nodded her agreement, happy to be leaving the room and anxious to eat. She was more than a touch hungry. That seemed to be her constant state, not that it seemed so terrible. After all, Lord Benjamin said she didn’t need to diet and Mrs. Henry called her a wee thing. Vee liked it here quite a lot.

  Her decision that she liked Waterplace lasted only until she took three steps out of the bedchamber. Then, she was suitably horrified. She thought Mrs. Henry had been exaggerating when she said the house was crumbling, but realized with each room she saw the comment was meant literally. “Oh, my,” she exclaimed when a piece of plaster in the hallway fell, missing her shoulder by mere inches.

  “I know, my dear, isna it a shame? Waterplace used to be such a lovely home. I know it doesn’t look like it now, but twenty years ago, it was a wonderful place. Full of visitors, parties, teas, balls.” Mrs. Henry shook her head, mourning the loss of better days.

  “What happened?”

  “Weel, that’s when the baron died, my mistress’ beloved husband. After he passed, Lady Tolley fell into despair. She was never the same. Such a sweet lady, but without him, she seemed lost and sad all the time. Eventually, sadness turned to anger and resentment.”

  “Resentment?”

  “Over losing her true love,” Mrs. Henry replied as if the answer was obvious. “She became ill-tempered and mean. Servants began leaving, and she refused to replace them. Soon, it was only me and Mr. Henry left. Not that we would ever leave milady. Her heart was broken, and if we left her, there’d have been no one to care for her. Milord was away with the army during the worst of it, so he didn’t know. We did all we could to take care of the place, but as you can see it’s a large house. With only the two of us to cook, clean, care for the grounds and stables, it fell into disrepair. Mr. Henry isna getting’ any younger you know. His bones ache in the cold and rain somethin’ fierce.”