The Nose That Nobody Picked

by David Parkin

  “Something’s coming,” she said. With every second the thuds became more insistent. “And whatever it is … it’s coming fast.”

  They heard a splintered crack as a distant tree crashed to the ground.

  Lauren jumped unsteadily to her feet, “Now do you believe me?”

  Suddenly the ground was shaking beneath them. The heavy thuds surrounded them, echoing around the trees.

  The whole wood began to tremble. Snow fell from branches and a murder of crows lurched screeching into sky.

  Panic pumped through Christopher’s veins. He span around wildly, searching the gloom.

  Then, trunk and bark split and snapped as trees were ripped from their roots and cast aside like matchsticks.

  Legs and arms burst through the destruction and skidded to a halt.

  Lauren and Christopher stood frozen, stiff with fear. Countless beady eyes blinked and stared about wildly. Then one by one their pupils shrank to pinpricks as they focused on the children.

  With a low mechanical growl two large metal plates slid aside to reveal row upon row of sharpened human teeth.

  Christopher turned to Lauren.

  “Run!”

  The snow was thick and slippery beneath them and branches and twigs scraped across their faces and snagged their clothes. Christopher’s heartbeat thudded in his throat.

  “Don’t look back!”

  They blundered blindly through the wood, sprawling this way and that, pushing through hedges and trees. Christopher risked a glance over his shoulder.

  The huge creature, half flesh half machine, thundered after them. Like a boulder crashing down a mountain it tumbled over and over on its many arms and legs, destroying anything in its path. With each roll it gathered speed and drew closer, filling the air with the creaks and snaps of shattering wood.

  “Christopher!” Lauren turned to her brother and blinked through her steamed up glasses. “I can’t see!”

  Christopher grabbed her arm.

  “Just keep going! Watch out for…” Too late. Lauren’s foot hit a large twisted root and she slid, face down, through the snow. Christopher rushed to her side and yanked her to her feet.

  “Christopher, I tripped…” Lauren stumbled in a daze. Icy snow covered her face except for a large graze that ran across her forehead.

  “Let’s get you clean,” Christopher hastily brushed the snow from her cheeks.

  Then he froze.

  Hot wet breath panted against the back of his neck.

  Lauren looked blankly from behind her misted glasses.

  “Chris … what’s going on?”

  “Just don’t move,” he whispered. A deep mechanical growl cut through the air and a thick moist cloud of breath enveloped his head.

  Christopher turned around … very slowly.

  The growl continued, grating along like the low thrum of a chainsaw.

  “What’s going on, Chris?” Lauren was wiping frantically at her lenses.

  Christopher faced row upon row of needle sharp teeth. He edged back, putting himself between Lauren and the creature.

  The mechanised beast pulled itself up to full height. Fingers, arms and toes twitched.

  Lauren peered over her brother’s shoulder. She opened her mouth to scream but found she had no breath.

  “Stay calm,” said Christopher, reaching down for a rock.

  The huge metal ball towered above them, held aloft by arms and legs that padded heavily from side to side. Countless limbs protruded from the machine at every angle. Some held it upright, others clutched the surrounding trees whilst others swayed through the air. Beyond the limbs, encrusted on the iron sphere like barnacles, a thousand eyes blinked and watched the children. At the centre, the huge mouth, its metal plated lips pulled back and panted heavily. Three long wet tongues slithered around the teeth like snakes. The machine growled again, louder this time. The growl grew in volume and venom, gathering force like an airplane engine, building to an ear-shattering roar.

  Christopher shouted over the creature’s din. “Lauren … when I say, I want you to run!”

  He pulled his arm back and tightened his grip on the rock.

  “Have you got that?”

  “Christopher … I’m not leaving.”

  “Just get ready to run…” Christopher took aim. “Don’t argue. When I say…”

  Lauren saw a flash of flesh and heard a sickening thud as her brother was swatted from her side like an insect. Christopher flew through the air and slammed against a tree trunk. Lauren watched in horror as his limp body slid to the floor.

  Then her world spun upside down as two fat fists whisked her from the ground. There was a blur of trees and clouds as the arms lifted her higher. Then all she could see were teeth, row upon row of yellow sharpened fangs. Lauren looked down at the gaping maw and screamed. The tongues squirmed and thrashed and the metal plated lips retracted further. The waiting mouth grew wide and hungry.

  “This is all such incredible fun!” shouted Skinner. Before him, a thousand tiny monitors transmitted images from the creature’s beady eyes. Lauren dangled and silently screamed from countless different angles.

  “I think she’s just about scared enough don’t you?” said the Doctor pointing to a close-up of Lauren’s terrified face.

  “Don’t hurt her…” said Little Big Nose.

  “I’m not going to hurt her!” blustered the Doctor. “I’m just going to dump her and her brother over the wall. I don’t think they’ll be coming back, do you?”

  Skinner jiggled a joystick that lowered Lauren even closer to the gaping mouth.

  “I can’t guarantee that she won’t have nightmares for the rest of her life though!”

  The doctor winked at the nose and then tuned his attention back to his computer terminal. He pushed the lever again and then frowned.

  “What the…?” the doctor jabbed at buttons and glared at monitors. Lauren remained dangling in mid air. “Nothing’s responding…”

  Gradually, the mechanical hum that had filled the room fell silent as every computer display died.

  The doctor pushed frantically at his controls and watched helplessly as the fists that clenched Lauren lost their grip. The girl dropped deep into the creature’s mouth and the metal jaws clenched shut. Then all other power to the mechanical beast faded, and its legs and arms gave way. The thousand tiny monitors showed the ground lurch and rise to greet the dying beast and then each and every screen buzzed to black.

  Tears Turn to Ice

  Christopher traced the edges of the metal plating with his fingers.

  “There has to be some way in…” he muttered.

  The ball was impenetrable.

  After it had shuddered to the ground, every limb retreated into the machine and two thick iron plates had slid sharply over the mouth.

  Only the eyes remained, lifeless and blank, staring into nothing. Christopher felt around one of the eyeballs for a sign of weakness, but it was useless. Each one was welded into place. There was no way in … or out of the ball.

  Christopher felt all strength, all hope seep from his heart. He slumped back into the snow and looked at the machine.

  His sister was in there.

  He didn’t even know if she had survived the teeth.

  In a way he hoped not. He couldn’t bear to think of her trapped in its belly, screaming as the air ran out.

  He hung his head and wept.

  He thought of all the times she had tried to take his hand. Now all he wanted to do was hold hers.

  But it was too late.

  Lauren was gone.

  “I don’t understand it!” The doctor ripped away the panels to his main computer system. “What could have caused so much damage?”

  He peered into
the terminal and got his answer.

  “Where did you all come from?”

  There were hundreds of them, munching away at the wires and circuitry that made his computerised kingdom work.

  “I’ve heard of computer bugs…” he said. “But computer slugs?”

  Christopher sat in a world of his own and watched his tears slowly turn to ice.

  It took a while for the small voice to pierce his dark contemplation.

  “Christopher … Christopher…”

  The voice was muffled. Christopher jumped to his feet and looked frantically around. “Where’s it coming from?”

  “Christopher … can you hear me? Over and out…”

  His walkie-talkie. Christopher scrabbled in his pockets.

  He held the handset up to his mouth.

  “Lauren! Is that you? Are you all right?”

  “Just about…” came the weak reply. “But I don’t want to be in here much longer I’ve found a panel with a handle on it … but it won’t open … it’s jammed. Can you hear that?”

  Christopher rushed to the ball and could just make out a faint knocking, coming from beneath the machine.

  “It must be wedged against the ground,” said Christopher. “Hang on…”

  Christopher searched the nearby trees and returned with a rock and large branch. Wedging the rock by the ball, he thrust in the branch over it and under the machine to make a lever.

  “Hang on!” he shouted. Christopher thrust all his weight down on to the branch. With a deep creak the ball rolled a metre or two and then stopped.

  A panel banged open and a small pink hand thrust into the air.

  Christopher grabbed his sister’s hand and pulled her free.

  “Are you okay? You’re not hurt are you?” he said as he hugged her close.

  “I’m fine…” said Lauren shyly. “Don’t fuss.”

  “Rubbish!” said Christopher and planted a big wet sloppy kiss on her forehead. “I’ll make a fuss of you if I want!”

  Lauren beamed and handed him back his walkie-talkie.

  “I told you my spy kit would come in handy,” said Christopher.

  “You’ll need more than a kids’ spy kit to help you now…”

  The children turned and gasped. Doctor Skinner emerged from behind a tree.

  “You two,” he said, “have been the most dreadful nuisance.”

  They spun on their heels, but the Doctor’s long limbs were too quick. His bony fingers grabbed their coats and hoisted them into the air.

  The Doctor eyed the pair with a terrible twinkle in his eye. “What am I going to do with you?”

  The Laboratory

  “Christopher, I’m scared.”

  Christopher squeezed his sister’s hand.

  “Me too.” He tried his best to smile. “But it’ll be okay. I’ll think of something.”

  “Oh no,” said Lauren trying to smile back at him. “We’re in worse trouble than I thought.”

  Christopher had to admit that their situation wasn’t good. They were locked in a small cage, in the laboratory of a madman who was just about to cut Little Big Nose into tiny pieces. Things couldn’t get much worse.

  “Sitting comfortably, are we?” Doctor Skinner leant over and rattled his scalpel along the bars.

  “Not really!” said Christopher. The cage was barely big enough for him and his sister. They had to crouch awkwardly and crane their necks to fit.

  “Well, it is designed for monkeys after all,” said the doctor as he rose to his full height. “I don’t have any cages specifically for children. But with the amount of bother you and your friends have caused me today, I might have to build one.”

  Doctor Skinner held up a large jar filled with slugs. “Who would have guessed that such small, slimy, horrible pests could wreak such havoc … and these shell-less molluscs haven’t helped much either!”

  He exploded into a fit of giggles and spun off across the laboratory.

  The slugs had indeed wreaked havoc. Most of the doctor’s machines and computers were not working and even the lights were down. Candles flickered around the room, illuminating the lifeless specimens. Above all this, the low clouds smothered the turret in a thick black mist. There was nothing to be seen beyond the glass dome roof: no sky, no stars, no moon. Just an immense swirling darkness.

  Lauren and Christopher huddled closer together.

  “I’ll get us out of here,” whispered Christopher. “I promise.”

  “And how is the patient feeling?” asked Skinner as he reeled over to Little Big Nose. The nose was once again strapped down, this time to a table in the middle of the room. Surrounding him were various metal implements, clamps, knives and scalpels of all sizes. The doctor stood above him and pulled on a rubber glove.

  “Six fingered,” he said and winked. “I have them specially made.”

  “Please, doctor…” said Little Big Nose. “Please think about what you’re doing.”

  “I am thinking about it, you insufferable snout,” replied the doctor. “This dissection must go ahead … for the sake of science.”

  “What about me?”

  Doctor Skinner paused and stared hard at the nose. “I do wish you’d shut up. Here I am on the verge of a great discovery. Possibly the most important day of my life and you’re spoiling the whole mood.”

  “You can choose,” whispered the nose. “Choose to be kind.”

  Doctor Skinner shook his head. “No, no, no. When it comes to an important scientific discovery like this, there is no choice. As my father used to say – you can’t make an omelette without cracking a few eggs!”

  “And where is your father now?”

  Christopher looked round the room in hope of inspiration.

  “Haven’t you got any bar cutters or skeleton keys in your spy kit?” asked Lauren.

  Christopher didn’t answer. He felt scared and lost and angry and resolute all at the same time. The worse thing was that he’d got Lauren into this. He couldn’t let anything happen to her. He’d already nearly lost her once and was determined not to let that happen again. He had to think.

  His eyes fell on the overloaded bin that sat in the nearest corner of the room.

  “Look at that,” whispered Christopher and pointed.

  “What?” she said “Just a load of old rubbish.”

  “No look, right on the very top…”

  Lauren pushed up her glasses and squinted.

  “Looks like some kind of remote control.”

  “Exactly,” said Christopher and delved into his bag. “And what’s written on it?”

  “Erm, hang on, its difficult to read. Let me see.” Lauren scrunched up her eyes. “It says S something … Scuffler … no hang on…”

  “Quiet over there!” shouted Doctor Skinner over his shoulder. “I need silence!”

  “I did bring something else I thought might be useful,” whispered Christopher. He held open his bag a fraction so Lauren could see inside. “I didn’t mention it because I know it gives you the willies.”

  Lauren peered into Christopher’s rucksack and a huge smile spread across her face.

  “Why are you so fascinated by my father?”

  “Because I want to know more about you.”

  The Doctor surveyed the table and his various implements, then glanced at the nose. “For pity’s sake … why?”

  “Because you created me,” said Little Big Nose. “I may not like it … but you are where my trail begins.”

  “And where it ends,” replied the doctor in a cold, hard voice.

  “I don’t believe that…”

  “Believe it, snout! I’m afraid you are a necessary sacrifice in the name of progress.”

  “Would your father b
e proud?”

  Doctor Skinner closed his eyes and said, as calmly as he could, “My father is of little importance any more.”

  “Why?”

  “None of your business!”

  “Is he still alive?”

  “I don’t know!”

  The nose was perplexed. “You don’t know if your father is alive or dead? That’s odd.”

  “Not odd at all, you nosey … you nosey nose!”

  “Well, it seems odd to me.”

  “Not to me,” growled the Doctor.

  “Why?”

  “Because he LEFT! He left and never came back.” The doctor raised his fists and paced around the table. “He left when I was a child, and I haven’t seen or heard from him since. There, now you know! Does that satisfy your infuriating curiosity?”

  “You must be angry with him,” said the nose quietly.

  “He was an amazing scientist … a very intelligent, brilliant man.”

  “But not a good father.”

  “Will you shut up?” said the doctor. “How am I supposed to operate when you keep asking stupid infantile questions?”

  “If the questions are stupid … why are you so upset?”

  The doctor glared at the nose with bulging eyes.

  “Upset?” A big blue vein pulsed in his forehead and his fists were clenched tight. “I … AM … NOT … UPSET!”

  Little Big Nose could almost smell the anger as the Doctor stood there, stiff with rage.

  Then … Doctor Skinner laughed.

  “How could a tiny little thing like you upset me on a day like today.” He spread his long arms out. “On this glorious day of discovery… in fact…” Skinner clicked his fingers. “I should be filming this! The only witnesses I have are two dimwit children and a snotty hooter. No, this won’t do…”

  Doctor Skinner clapped his hands together and swept out of the laboratory. Christopher and Lauren watched him go. This was their chance.

  “It’s no use.” Christopher was at full stretch. His face was pushed against the cage bars but his fingers were still inches short of the bin. He turned to Lauren and whispered. “I can’t reach.”