by Nat Burns
Nina fiddled with the paper napkin beneath her own drink and wondered how best to explain her dilemma to Martha. The two had been close friends for many years and she knew deep inside she could tell Martha anything, yet this thing with Hazy was embarrassing. She found it hard to admit being swept away by such an obvious rogue.
“I don’t know if I can talk about it,” she finally admitted.
Martha took Nina’s slim hand and clasped it between her own.
“Please, Nina, I am your friend. Talk to me, maybe I can help you feel better. Sometimes just talking your problems over can help you put them into proper perspective and even makes solutions more obvious.” Nina did not reply and Martha frowned as if pondering what could be so bad.
“You’re not, like, pregnant, are you?” Martha whispered urgently. “I mean, being gay and all…”
Nina smiled, for only the second time that day, and squeezed her friend’s hand affectionately. “No, I’m not pregnant. You know better than that.”
Martha sat back and sighed. “Well, that’s a relief, isn’t it? Is it Rhonda? Didn’t the two of you get things worked out?”
“Not exactly,” Nina began. Then she concluded. “We won’t be seeing each other again.”
“I thought so,” Martha said with a nod. “She asked me to give her a ride over to the shore so she could catch a ride in with her friend, Sean. I thought it was pretty weird she didn’t want to wait and leave with me tomorrow.”
She paused and examined Nina. “Well, if Rhonda isn’t the problem, what is?”
They were dining in the same restaurant they had enjoyed the day before and Nina took a moment to look at the people surrounding them before speaking in a low voice. “I’ve fallen in love with a woman who’s married. Well, not really married but she’s going to be soon. She’s definitely involved.”
Martha leaned forward, as if eager for the intrigue. “Who is it?”
Nina glanced sideways at her friend before answering. “Hazy. You know, the one I’m renting from.”
Martha clasped her hands together, suddenly looking much younger than her forty-five years. “I thought there was something going on between you two. I think she’s wonderful and she has such a sexy British accent.”
Nina shook her head impatiently. “But she’s with a woman named Mama New. It doesn’t matter about her sexy accent.”
“Ahh, I beg to disagree. If she’s in love with you then you still have a chance,” Martha said with conviction.
“You don’t understand. Mama New’s husband was killed and he was Hazy’s friend, and Hazy’s parents were killed in this crash. They...they really need each other. And they have this whole family of children together and there’s this one little girl who I suspect is Hazy’s by birth because they both have that blond hair and blue eyes. Mama New has darker hair and eyes…I mean, what am I supposed to do? I’m no homewrecker.”
Martha leaned back and crossed her long, trouser-clad legs. “I see there’s complications, but tell me, what do you want?”
Nina thought carefully for a few moments. “That’s the hard thing. A few nights ago, I would have said Hazy, unconditionally, but in the clearer light of day, as they say, I have to reconsider. How could I live with myself if Hazy left Mama New, who is just so precious, for me? I could certainly love helping care for a child like Heather but I could not bear dealing with Mama New’s pain. Three parents might be okay in a perfect world but not when there’s betrayal and pain involved. I guess now I just want to be alone. I’m thinking I might write a book. Maybe a book about the ocean. Forget all this relationship craziness.”
Martha eyed Nina with a skeptical gaze. “I think you are one very confused lady and I’m sorry. I wish I could help but my advice would be to go after Hazy if your feelings are returned. Life’s too short, Nina, I’ve found that out the hard way.”
She paused as if in indecision, and then apparently decided to confide in her friend. “I let a dear love get away once and he was later killed in this freak accident while he was working in Germany. I’ve never quite gotten over it. If I had let myself love and trust him more I might have even had his child so at least a part of him could have lived on.”
“Oh, Martha, I didn’t know,” Nina said, aching with sympathy. She reached and took Martha’s hand.
Martha took a large gulp of her drink and nodded. She squeezed Nina’s hand and sat back as the waitress brought their plates of food.
“Few people do, Nina,” she said after the waitress had left. “But most people have a story like this and that’s what I’m trying to tell you. If you really love this woman, work out something. Love is not that easy to find. It’s not waiting on every street corner. False love is, but not the real thing.”
“So you think I should maybe be her…her mistress or something?” Nina said as she picked at her baked potato.
“I don’t know. How do you feel about that?”
“Well, I think the chemistry is certainly there, but no, I don’t think it’s something I could do. I like Mama New too much and I just, well, I’m not made that way. I couldn’t handle the secrecy, and the uncertainty.”
“Then I have different advice. Get on with your life but please don’t spend it alone. Find someone new to love. It may not be as wonderful but you can find satisfaction. I did.”
Nina nodded her agreement as she chewed absently on a piece of shrimp. “Yeah, maybe you’re right.” She paused. “Are you and Arnie close?” she finally asked. “Do you spend a lot of time together?”
Martha shook her head. “We spend very little time together, actually. He’s always off with his computers and I’m always busy keeping the company afloat. You know—” A smile of realization lit her features. “We really don’t see one another much, at all. Perhaps that’s why we have such a good relationship. The time we do have together is sacred.”
Nina laughed, feeling marginally better. “That could be, Martha, that could be.” She focused on her dinner.
“I hope I can be best friends with whoever I’m with,” she continued after a few minutes. “Since Rhonda was such a jerk, it’s given me ample opportunity to re-evaluate what I want in a relationship. I suppose it was a good thing it happened.”
Martha stopped with a forkful of food halfway to her mouth and eyed Nina in surprise. “You mean her walking out on you?”
“Yes, I think it will be good for both of us in the long run. Besides, I remembered the other day how angry I always made her just by doing simple things that meant nothing in the grand scheme of things. I would have been on pins and needles the whole time we were together.”
Martha nodded her understanding, but pointed an accusing fork at Nina. “You’re right. You should have realized that sooner. That’s no way to live with someone. But what are you going to do about this Hazy thing? Does she know how you feel? Have you talked to her about it?”
Nina shook her head sadly. “No, but I need to. I went by to talk to her this morning but she wasn’t there. Mama New and Heather were there though, and they were talking about what they’ll wear when Mama New and Hazy make vows to one another in a church. I couldn’t bear it and just had to leave.”
“Ouch!” Martha replied. She looked at Nina and sighed.
Chapter 34
Much later that evening, Nina sat at her kitchen table working on the latest novel review.
Darkness had fallen and her world had gotten strangely quiet, as if the whole circle of rental cottages had become deserted. So spying a flash of white startled her and she leaned into the screened window for a closer look.
When her eyes finally adjusted to the gloom outside, Nina saw that Hazy had come onto the boat rental dock, across the drive from her cottage. She was wearing a white T-shirt that periodically caught the lighthouse gleam.
Listening intently, Nina heard Hazy’s strong voice carrying a lilting song in another tongue. She listened, trying to discern the words or even the language but it was impossible from this distanc
e.
Nina watched Hazy a long time, aware that she should go out and talk to her but stalling. It was so easy to watch her from a safe distance. Going out and talking to her meant—well, who knew what would happen then?
The singing broke off abruptly and Nina lurched in alarm as Hazy’s feet slid from under her and she fell from the upper deck onto the lower one. After a few moments, in which she didn’t reappear, Nina slammed her computer closed and raced from the cottage.
Hazy was lying in the shallow level of seawater that covered the boat dock. At first Nina thought she was unconscious, but as she jumped down to rouse her, she heard the slurred refrain of a song and realized she was drunk.
Rethinking her rescue attempt, Nina turned to leave. It would serve her right if she stayed out here all night and caught a chill. But what if she turned face downward and drowned? How high would the tide go? Would it cover her face?
Reluctantly, she grabbed Hazy under the arms and heaved her limp form to the side. Worry beset her as she wondered how she was going to lift her onto the higher deck; the muscular woman was easily twice her own body weight. Hazy saved the situation by rallying and pulling away from her. “Let me be, harridan,” she said, her voice slurring. “Don’t bother pretendin’ what you dona feel.”
“Hazy,” Nina said coldly, “you’ve got to get up. You’re sitting in water, you know.”
Hazy turned her shadowed face Nina’s way and her voice reeked of sarcasm. “Of course I know I’m sittin’ in water. Do you think I’m an idiot? Oh, s’cuse me, of course you do, otherwise you wouldna have pranced around in your little shirts and panties, breaking the heart of an honest, hardworking—”
“Hazy,” Nina pointed out petulantly, “you’re not making sense. Just get out of the water so I can go to bed.”
She grabbed Nina’s forearm so hard that pain shot through to her shoulder. “Yes, go to bed, pretty Nina, I’m sure your Miss Charming waits there f’you. Hey,” she added. “Instead of you payin’ me, I should’ve paid you. It was a nice roll in the hay, too, worth a good price.”
Nina was so angry her body felt numb. Shaking off Hazy’s hand, she leaned and put the weight of her entire body into a forceful shove to Hazy’s chest. The strength of the push knocked the taller woman backward, causing a great splash of water as she fell onto the lower planking.
“Drown, damn you, see if I care!” Nina cried.
She moved rapidly toward the safety of her cottage.
Hazy was fast on her heels, amazing Nina with her speed considering the state of her inebriation.
Nina tried to slam the door shut but she was too close behind and threw her body against the door.
“Damn it, get away,” Nina growled as she strained to close the barrier.
“Nay, I’ll be in, this is my place and I’ll do as I blasted well please,” she replied through clenched teeth.
With a sudden burst of strength, Hazy managed to pop the door from Nina’s hands and Hazy, Nina and the door all flew into the room with a mighty crash.
Nina was the first to gain her feet and she stood before Hazy, chest heaving and fists clenched. Breath rasped through her lungs.
“Damn you, Hazel Duncan. I wish I’d never set eyes on you and your blasted cottages!” she shouted.
“Aye, a sentimen’ I agree with,” Hazy replied weakly. “You’ve messed up my life enough. Go on back to the…”
Nina watched Hazy, who was sitting on the floor, weave back and forth. She was poised and ready to flee should Hazy renew the attack. But the exertion of chasing Nina had taken its toll. Hazy fell backward onto the carpeted floor and promptly passed out.
Trying to regulate her thudding heartbeat, Nina examined the damage while keeping one eye on Hazy, just in case she was pretending to be unconscious.
The door was mostly whole but the hinge ends of the facing were splintered and would probably need replacing. Muttering to herself Nina set about straightening as much of the mess as she could.
As Hazy continued to lay insensate, Nina’s anger and boldness increased. She passed closer to the supine form, even roughly pulling parts of the doorknob assembly from under her limp body. The memory of Hazy’s asinine behavior led her to place a swift kick to the woman’s thigh. Though she jumped back nervously, remorsefully, afterward, Hazy still didn’t move.
After locking the screen door and leaning the main door against the portal to keep out some of the night air, Nina retreated to her bedroom and crawled into the bed.
Angry thoughts plagued her for many hours and she suddenly realized what she needed to do. Thus resolved, she was able to drift into an uneasy sleep, very aware of Hazy’s presence in the next room.
Chapter 35
Hazy woke feeling as though her body had been hit repeatedly with a sledgehammer.
Her mouth was bone-dry. Smacking uncooperative lips and trying futilely to wet them with a dry tongue, she opened her eyes. The first thing she saw was an unfamiliar ceiling. The second thing she saw was Nina’s angry face above her.
“I said get up,” Nina repeated loudly as she nudged Hazy’s ribs with the toe of her sneaker. “If you think I’m going to let you lie around on my floor all day, you are sadly mistaken.”
Hazy squinted at her as she tried to make sense of her predicament. “Where am I?” she asked finally, her voice a harsh whisper.
Nina had moved into the bedroom and her voice was muffled. “Guess. By the way, just for the record, you were pretty obnoxious last night.”
Hazy sat up, a movement that caused her head to pound unbearably. “What did I do?” she whispered.
Nina entered the living room, fully dressed and holding a cup of coffee. “Aren’t you gone yet?” she asked in a scathing tone. “I have things to do.”
Anger sparked in Hazy and she was actually grateful when an outboard motor coughed to life outside the cottage, reminding her of her duties. She wasn’t sure what to say to Nina and thought it better if she simply left.
Slowly she rose to prop herself on unsteady legs. Her head began pounding anew and her body felt sorely bruised and battered. A small moan escaped her but sheer willpower helped her hobble to the door.
She turned and looked sadly at Nina when she spied the broken door. “I didn’t hurt you, did I?”
Nina stood at the kitchen counter, her back to Hazy. Upon hearing the question, her back stiffened. “No, just a little bruised.”
Hazy nodded sagely. Making sure she was not observed, she left the cottage.
Nina released the breath she had been holding. She felt sorry for Hazy but could not let it show. She had to be the strong one, making certain both their lives weren’t destroyed by this infatuation.
Wearily she walked into the bedroom and pulled her suitcase and overnight bags from the closet. Most of her clothing was already stacked atop the bed and she mechanically loaded the items neatly into the suitcase. She fetched her toiletries from the bathroom and a few odds and ends she had stacked on one of the bureaus.
Packed last was her work; the Shaner manuscript, the computer and the notebooks she worked in. These were stacked neatly in a canvas bag.
With great sadness, Nina took a few moments to study every familiar corner of the small cottage. She would miss being here. She would miss Hazy and the possibility of who they might have been together.
Hazy had sat at that kitchen table when she conversed with Martha and Rhonda. She’d been waiting on that side of the sofa when Nina returned from the visit with Mrs. Loreli.
And it was on that bed they first made love.
Closing her eyes from the pain stirred by the powerful memories, Nina stood in the center of the living room. Tears broke free and cascaded over her cheeks. Swiping angrily at her face, she grabbed her emotions with a strong mental hand and lifted her handbag from the kitchen table.
She left an envelope with Hazy’s name on it in the center of the table. It held the money she owed for the week’s rental, the money Hazy had so angrily refu
sed when Rhonda was here.
After pushing the broken door wider so her luggage could get through, Nina left as she had arrived. She knew she was much changed. She would never be that happy, carefree person again.
Chapter 36
After several cups of strong coffee, a light breakfast, and a hot shower, Hazy stood on the wide landing of the dock and stared out across Assateague Channel.
A strong sea breeze ruffled her hair and she made a mental note to get a haircut sometime soon. As always, her eyes were drawn to cottage number eight. This time the sight of the leering door made her wince and shame flooded her. How could she have done something like that? She was often angry but violence had never been a part of her nature.
She couldn’t remember all the events of the previous evening but she knew she and Nina had shouted at one another and ended up in actual combat. Hence the broken door.
She sincerely hoped Nina had not been hurt. Her own temper could be fierce but she had yet to hurt a woman physically.
The cottage was very still and Hazy noted that Nina’s car was gone. A sense of loss filled her and she wondered how she was going to continue life without Nina when the woman moved into her grandfather’s house.
How quickly Nina had entered her life and snared her love. In a mere two weeks Hazy had realized the depth of emotion possible to her, and now she had lost the only person who seemed capable of making her feel those emotions.
Thoughtfully, she watched a small flock of ducks wind their way across the channel toward Assateague. It was almost September. Winter was just around the corner.
Dumping the last of her coffee over the railing into the rollicking seawater, Hazy knew the autumn of her life was also just around the corner. And she had been mostly alone for almost twenty years, never sharing or receiving in more than the most superficial of ways. It was time she grew up and went after the things that made life worth living. And those things included Nina.
