Broken

by Robin Nadler

  “I’m the best.”

  “Not even close.” Carrie sat down. “I need for you to help Lila.”

  He felt his heart twist. “What happened?”

  “She is in the rehab center and she isn’t doing well at all.”

  He jumped up, dread flowing through his body. “What? Why is she in the rehab center? She was doing so much better.”

  “She has a bad case of bronchitis, and the meds aren’t working. They are worried it will turn into pneumonia. Apparently she was stuck outside in the rain and after, she didn’t take care of herself. She isn’t eating and she has been a pain in my ass.” Carrie looked at him. “I know this has something to do with you and I don’t know what, but when I was checking on Adam and Eve, I found her journal. She wrote about you.”

  “You read it?”

  “It was open and I didn’t mean to, but the point is that she was really upset and without going into detail, you were the subject. Now I have been unable to get through to her, so I was hoping you could visit her. If you’re going to fuck her up more, then don’t bother.”

  He felt his eyes fill. “Where is the rehab center?”

  She gave him the address and smiled. “Now I have to go turn the eggs in the incubator. There is only one growing, but Lila lives for those lizards. Freak.”

  David looked at the address. “Wait. Don’t turn the eggs. They can’t be handled like that. And they’re reptiles, not lizards.”

  Carrie smiled. “Just testing you. I’ll be back, and if you make her worse, I’ll mess you up.”

  David smiled. “I don’t doubt that. Thank you.”

  Carrie left and David made his way out the door to see Lila.

  Chapter Twenty-Two:

  “Excuse me, I am here to see Lila Frankel,” David said to the woman behind the nurses desk.

  “I don’t think she is seeing any visitors.”

  “I know, but it’s important that I speak with her.”

  “Just a minute and I’ll talk to her nurse.”

  David smiled and stuck his hands in his pockets. He was so upset with himself and he really didn’t know what he could say to change what he did. He knew he couldn’t change it, but he needed her to understand. He needed to see her.

  “She is asleep. You should come back another time.”

  “I’ll wait.”

  The nurse walked over and sighed. “She doesn’t want any visitors. I think it would be best if you left. She is really struggling right now.”

  “I know, and it’s my fault. I hurt her and she needs to hear why. I need to make this right, please,” he pleaded with the nurse.

  “It is a shame. She seems like such a nice young woman.” She sighed and looked at David. “I can’t help you, but if you walk by room 529, you can find your way out.”

  He smiled, knowing she had given him her room number. “Thanks for trying.”

  The nurse smiled and went back to her files.

  David got onto the elevator and went to the fifth floor. He didn’t know what he would say, but he had to try. He walked down the hall and came to the room. He looked in and saw her lying there, her eyes closed, oxygen in her nose and her body covered up to her neck. His breath caught in his throat as he approached the bed; she looked like a shell of the woman he knew.

  “Lila?” he asked softy.

  She blinked and looked at him. Her eyes were dull and lifeless and she just stared at him before closing them again. “Get out.”

  “I need to explain things. Please hear me out.”

  She coughed and doubled over with the effort. His eyes filled with tears as he reached to help her.

  “Get away from me. I mean it David, get out.” She turned on her side and faced away from him.

  “I understand that you’re mad, but I need to explain.”

  “Why? Because I’m going to die of pneumonia? If I wasn’t here, you wouldn’t be here, so leave now. I absolve you of any guilt. Go home David.”

  He walked to the other side of the bed and sat down. “Lila, you’re not going to die.”

  “If you don’t leave I will hit the nurses button and have them throw you out,” she looked at him and he could see her lips were bluish.

  “You shouldn’t lay on your side. You’re not getting enough oxygen,” he looked at the monitors and saw her numbers were bad. “Lila, look at me,” he saw her struggling and the alarms went off.

  “Shit,” he said as the nurses ran in. He was pushed back and they worked on her, getting her numbers back to normal.

  David stopped one of the nurses on her way out. “She needs to be in a hospital.”

  “I’m sorry, but who are you?”

  “I’m Dr. Bryant.”

  “Are you her doctor? I don’t recall seeing your name anywhere.”

  “No, I’m her friend.”

  “Well if you were, you would know she has a no hospital policy. She will be here for whatever happens.”

  David was stunned. “That’s ridiculous. She is giving up and that’s unacceptable.”

  The nurse stared at him. “That’s her choice,” she turned and walked away.

  David stood outside her room and crossed his arms. He needed to do something, but he was lost. He knew if he went into her room, she would likely have another breathing fit out of stress, so he stayed out. He looked at his phone and made a call.

  *******

  “I got here as soon as I could,” Susan said as she walked into the lobby of the center. David was sitting there, waiting for her.

  “Thanks, Susan. I’m not sure what you can do, but Lila really seemed to like you. She won’t let me near her, but I have to fix this.”

  Susan smiled at the man she considered family. “Tell me what you did that was so bad.”

  David looked at his hands and told her most of the story. He left out the personal parts, like how much he enjoyed kissing her.

  “So let me get this straight. She asked you to stay and give things a shot and you agreed and then left when she wasn’t looking, leaving her a Dear John note? It’s been a week and you haven’t even tried to reach out to her? And you stood in the rain with her and now she might develop pneumonia?”

  He nodded, feeling like garbage.

  She stared at him and sighed. “I don’t know if even I can fix this.”

  “I just need her to agree to talk to me. She has given up and she’s really sick. I don’t want to lose her,” he said, his chin quivering.

  Susan had seen David through a lot in his life; the death of his mother, his father walking out, and most recently, the horrible attack he endured, of which she was sure he didn’t tell Lila everything. But nothing had affected him like this. It appeared to her, that Lila was far more important than he had realized, and she knew, in Lila’s heart, so was he.

  “Let me go see what I can do.”

  He smiled gratefully. “Thank you.”

  “No promises. You really messed up.”

  “I know.”

  She patted his shoulder as she walked to see Lila.

  ********

  Lila lay in bed and she let her tears fall. She was scared, really scared. So much in her life had been about control and with this, right now, she felt completely out of control. She couldn’t get out of this funk and she knew if she had any hope for surviving, she had to.

  David. He had come and it broke her heart, which was already in pieces. She knew he was only there because of his guilt. She couldn’t even look at him. She felt like a loser and no matter what, she couldn’t let him near her. Since her diagnosis, she hadn’t let herself feel anything for anyone, but when she met him, all of her rules were broken. Kissing him had been the best feeling in the world and she cursed herself for thinking he felt the same way. There was a knock at her door and she wiped her eyes.

  “Please leave me alone.”

  “Sorry, I can’t do that,” Susan said as she walked in. She was startled to see the young woman she had helped only a week ago looking so frai
l and sickly. She pulled a chair up and sat down.

  “Hi Susan. I’m really not up to visitors, so thanks for coming, but I would like to be alone.”

  “He really fucked up.”

  Lila sighed and didn’t stop her tears. “Can you please go? I really can’t discuss this with you.”

  Susan reached and took Lila’s hand in hers. “Can you give him a chance to explain?”

  She looked into the older woman’s eyes. “No. It will be a lie and I don’t need to hear it. It’s better this way.”

  “Why are you so sure it would be a lie?”

  Lila didn’t say anything for a minute. “He is only here because he feels guilty.”

  “That isn’t true, but even if it was, he would only feel guilty if he cared.”

  “Please stop. I really can’t discuss this with you. I just want to sleep.”

  Susan was quiet for a minute. “It must be nice.”

  Lila looked at her. “What do you mean?”

  “To be so perfect. To have never made a mistake or done something you regret.”

  Lila sighed. “You don’t know anything about me.”

  “Then prove me wrong. Let him talk to you. Let him try to explain himself. He isn’t perfect, but he really likes you. He also has some issues he needs to deal with, but to be honest, sweetie, so do you. Just hear him out. The man is beside himself.”

  Lila closed her eyes, just wanting to be alone. “Okay.”

  Susan rubbed her leg. “Thank you.”

  She walked out and saw David pacing down the hall. “Relax.”

  “What did she say? Will she see me?”

  Susan glared at him. “She is really hurt. You did a number on her self-esteem and it won’t be easy to break through those walls. If this is important to you, don’t mess it up. Tell her what you feel.”

  He exhaled and nodded. “Thanks.”

  She nodded and walked out.

  Chapter Twenty-Three:

  David took a few deep breaths and made his way back into her room. He didn’t know what he was going to say, but he had to do something. She looked up at him when he entered.

  “Thank you for letting me in,” he said.

  She sat up in her bed and shrugged. “I can’t let myself get so worked up.”

  “Right, so about that, they said you won’t go to a hospital. Can I ask why?” He walked and sat down.

  “My health is none of your concern. I told Susan I wouldn’t ban you from my room, but I have no intention of talking to you about my treatment,” she said softly.

  He sighed. “Have you ever done something you regret?”

  She looked at him. “I regret a lot of things, but it serves no purpose.”

  “That’s a bunch of shit. You are not so detached that you can turn your emotions on and off because they serve no purpose.”

  “Thanks. You can go now,” she said and closed her eyes.

  This wasn’t working and he wasn’t saying anything he meant. “Lila, I’m sorry I walked out on you. I’m sorry I didn’t call and I’m sorry about all of this,” he stood up and paced. “You just don’t understand.”

  She looked at him and felt her resolve crumble a tiny bit. “What don’t I understand?”

  He heard the softness in her voice and he faced her.

  “Lila, I got scared. You did something to me and I couldn’t handle it. I’m a coward and I ran.” He walked over and sat down next to the bed, close to her face. He looked at her and his eyes were wet.

  “What did I do to you?” she asked softly.

  “Made me feel. Made me want more,” he said, not even believing he was getting so personal. There was just something about her; he couldn’t hide.

  “Why come back? Are you only here because I’m sick? What if you didn’t know that? Would I have seen you again?”

  He smiled. “Brian and Susan were about to kick me over to see you because of how horrible I’ve been to be around the last week. I never let people get to me, it isn’t professional and to be honest, I don’t want to deal with the drama, or at least I never did. Since I walked out of your house, I have felt like I might have walked away from something really important.”

  She blinked and her tears spilled over her cheeks. “Thank you for telling me all of this, but you should go.”

  He was so frustrated. “Lila, what do you want me to say? I don’t want to go.”

  She wiped her eyes and shook her head. “It’s too late, David. I’m not going to get better and I don’t want you to watch me get worse. I thank you for talking to me and I understand why you left. I just have nothing to offer you and I don’t need a nurse.”

  “You are going to get better. Why do you keep saying that?”

  She sighed. “I don’t want to talk anymore.”

  “I don’t care. I want you to tell me why you’re so hell bent on giving up? I told you what I feel. I was honest with you. I want you to be as honest with me,” he pleaded with her.

  She wiped her eyes and looked at him. “I’m not giving up.”

  “Sure looks that way to me,” he sat back and crossed his arms.

  “Are you going to let me finish or just keep making assumptions?”

  He smiled. “Sorry. Please continue.”

  “When I was diagnosed, I thought my life was over, literally and figuratively. I felt like I would lose my career, my independence and my ability to ever have any kind of a long term relationship.” She stopped and took a few breaths.

  “When I told my friends that I had MS, they were scared. I mean I tried to make it seem less than it was, it was awkward, to say the least. Everyone said the right things and offered support, but they didn’t see what I did. My career was everything to me, and all of their words of encouragement were simply a reminder of how alone I really was. I kind of made a pact with myself after that.”

  He felt an emptiness as she pulled her hand away.

  “What kind of pact?”

  “If the time came and I wasn’t able to fight this disease, I would leave. I would make sure they didn’t have to deal with any of it,” she looked at him.

  “But Carrie knows you’re here. She told me where I could find you,” he began.

  “I know. I was here before and I got better. She thinks the same thing now, and that’s good. Carrie has a great career, and by the time she realizes this time is different, it will be over.”

  “You can’t be so cruel,” he said.

  His words stung and she lay back. “Like I said, thanks for coming, but you can go.”

  “Answer one more question, please.”

  She looked at him and waited.

  “When we were together, when we kissed, when you asked me to stay, was that real? Would you have given us a chance?” His voice cracked as he spoke.

  She looked at him and her chin quivered. “I’m not the one who walked out.”

  He nodded. “Right.”

  “It doesn’t matter. There is no point in going back. It is what it is,” she closed her eyes. “Thank you for coming.”

  “I know, I can go.” He turned to leave and she covered her face.

  It was better this way. He deserved someone better. She cried as she turned away from the door. She didn’t want to watch him leave.

  “Move over,” he said as he stood next to the bed.

  She looked over at him, his shoes off. “What? What are you doing?”

  “I’m not walking away again. Move over or I’ll lay on you and that won’t do either one of us any good.”

  She raised her eyebrows and made room. He got onto the bed and sat up, his legs on the covers. “You’re not going to die and you will give me another chance.”

  She smiled, despite the weight of the discussion. “What makes you so sure?”

  “I just am. Now stop talking and rest,” he put his arm around her and she melted against him, breathing easier than she had all week.

  Chapter Twenty-Four:

  David was making his way back to see
Lila after his last appointment of the day. It had been a week since he had been coming to see her. He came from work every day and spent time with her. The first few days she was really out of it, and David tried to get her to go the hospital, but she wouldn’t. The third day she had turned a corner and was finally feeling better. David was hopeful she would be able to go home soon. He made his way to her room and his heart dropped when he walked in and the bed was empty. He went to ask where she was when he heard her in the bathroom.