by A. M. Brooks
“I have some extra dishes in the kitchen. Come with me while I bag up the leftovers. I wanted Kelly to have them, so she can freeze them. They will make good meals when the baby arrives. Jason won’t have to do much.” Alice chuckles and leads us farther into the house. My heart rate accelerates and my hands feel clammy. I try to remember where Saylor said she was going with the guys and about how long they would take, but my brain can’t concentrate. I’m in Kai’s house. He can walk through that door at any minute.
We follow Alice into the kitchen. Mom and I sit at the table while she flies around the kitchen, bagging up food into Tupperware containers. They keep chatting, while I zone out, completely oblivious to the anxiety running under my skin.
“Oak?” My mom says my name, her eyes almost laughing when she looks at me.
“Huh?” I glance between them and find Alice is smiling at me too.
“I asked if you and Kai have had a chance to see each other since you’ve been back?”
“Oh,” I fidget with my fingernails under the table, “Ah, yes. I ran into him the other night while we were at dinner.”
“Good!” his mom says and turns to mine. “You know, for so long I was worried that boy would never make friends.”
Her words catch me off guard when I think about the friendships Kai has with Ciaran and Silas. “Why?”
The smile on Alice’s face dims a little when she slides into the chair across from me. Her hands fold over one another on the table. “I met Kai’s dad when I was sixteen. We married young, too young, but I wasn’t going to listen to my parents when they said we should wait. After we got married, things were hard, and we fought sometimes, but we always made it through. I thought everything was perfect. A year later, we had Kai…”
“And everything changed.” His voice responds from the kitchen’s entryway. My head whips around, my ice blue eyes connecting with his deep brown ones. Holding my gaze, Kai stalks toward the table and sits down.
“We started to fight more. Money was tight and I couldn’t work because daycare costs were so high in the city we lived in, that it made more sense for me to stay home and watch him. None of these things made life easy. My husband, at the time, started drinking. Eventually, he fell in with the wrong crowd while trying to pay back his debts. He was mean and each day I became more and more scared.” She glances at Kai, who is concentrating on the table. “The first time he hit me I thought it was an accident. I couldn’t even move, I was so stunned. The second time, I realized it was intentional and that I was in danger. I reached out for help and he found out. Only this time, Kai witnessed it. He picked me off the ground after his dad left. We ran to the car and took off, never looking back.”
“How did you find Rogue?”
“The guys my dad owed money too were members of a large gang. Matt found us and took us in,” Kai answers my question.
This time, when I look at him, he is already watching me. I can see the anger flash in his eyes and leave a trail of heat as they linger on my skin.
“Then you found Ciaran and Silas and now you boys are taking over Rogue.” His mom sighs.
I sit, silently, and listen to the talk around me about the early days of Rogue, but I mostly tune them out. In my head, I figured Kai was born into Rogue. He was raised with no other options. After hearing the truth, I realize now where Kai’s devotion comes from. He was saved, like Saylor, like Lux.
“I’ll take you back,” Kai states suddenly, pushing away from the table and holding out his hand to me. I take it, trying to ignore the looks our moms are throwing us when we leave.
“You don’t have to drive me,” I tell him, hating how small I feel right now. I knew Kai’s life was Rogue; I just wasn’t fully aware of the impact that this life has had on him.
“If you had known then, would things be different?” he asks, placing his hand on my elbow, so I’m forced to face him.
I try to really think about it and bring myself back to four years ago, to all the anger, hurt and finally acceptance that Kai and I were not meant to be. I picture standing on that beach and the look on his face when he poured his heart out. I remember my own feelings of betrayal and how I felt so stupid, thinking he wouldn’t have picked me. “I don’t know,” I shrug, “at least it would have helped me understand your reluctance to let it go.”
“And now?” His face creases in concentration. “You know now. My mom just told you our family’s deepest, darkest secret. But what she didn’t tell you was how many times I saw him hurt her. How many times I was there to comfort her before she finally made the choice to leave. I don’t remember many things about my childhood, but I will never forget getting in that car, the smell of cigarette smoke, the fast-food wrappers on the floorboards. I will never forget knowing if he caught us, we would die.”
“Kai.” My voice cracks and I take a step toward him, my hand landing on his jacket.
“If I had told you then I felt like it would be emotional blackmail to keep you there. You knew what Rogue was and what it meant to me. I put everything out there to apologize, but I wouldn’t force you,” he tells me.
My head falls forward and I hear something in his voice I didn’t before. “So why now?”
“You destroyed the last piece of light in me when you left. I thought if I let you go, let you live your life in New York, that you would be happy. That school, dating, studying abroad, and being away from me would make you happy and I wouldn’t have to worry. That’s not the case, though. Is it, Oaklynn?” Kai’s voice trails off.
He sounds so sure of himself and I feel shivers skate across my arms. The odd coincidences over the past four years flood my memory. The feeling of being watched and never finding who it was, even just a few days ago, is fresh in my mind. Kai knows. He’s already seen how unfulfilled my life is. How I live each day because I’m alive, but I don’t love the life I’m living. Admitting that out loud makes me feel like a failure, and I’ve kept it hidden, deep down, for so long. “It was you.”
His head tilts back, his breath coming out in a cloud when he sighs. “I wanted you to have the chance to fly. If you soared, I was going to ease out of your life and you never would have been the wiser. But nothing was making you happy. So I kept intervening, trying to make you happy. You aren’t though, Oak. You fought me, you pushed us away to have New York, but are you really happy?”
I shake my head. “I don’t know. And even if I wasn’t, then what? Move here?”
“I’m not saying you have to. I’m simply saying that while you make up your mind, I’m still here. I still want you. I never stopped loving you, Oak, and I’m so damn sorry I hurt you.”
My mind spins at the same time my heart leaps into my throat. Tears gather on my lashes, and I try to stop them from falling. Four years. Four long years play on a loop in my mind. Every time I struggled, I thought of Kai. Every time something good happened, I was mad at myself because I couldn’t tell Kai. None of our issues would fix themselves right away, and I’m still not sure if I can give up New York; it’s been my home for so many years, but if he asked me seriously right now to try long-distance, I think I would.
“Stop overthinking, Oak,” Kai interrupts my thoughts, “just feel. Does being with me feel right to you?”
I bite my lip and nod my head. God, does it feel right. It feels like my soul aligns back with my body. Kai doesn’t need my words. He steps into me, his hands cradle the back of my head, and his lips brush against mine. Sparks fly off my skin from where he touches me, and my mouth tugs into a small smile. I hear his intake of breath, before his mouth descends onto mine again. My arms wind around his waist, my head tips back, accepting him. Kai’s lips move over mine, strong and determined. He parts my lips with his tongue, and I taste mint and the hint of his favorite strawberry energy drink. His hand moves to the base of my neck, bringing me closer, squeezing me harder. Our tongues swirl together, devouring each other, him taking all my air like he needs it to breathe. I silently beg him to fix everything. T
o make me whole, and to never leave me again. He groans into my mouth as if hearing my secret thoughts, his chest rumbling against mine. I want to be closer, to crawl inside his skin, and then maybe we would never have to be apart again.
When Kai finally pulls back, he places his forehead on mine, and he’s breathing just as heavily as I am. I feel light-headed, and I realize I’m clinging to him, holding on like my life depends on it. My eyes glance up, his lips red and puffy; I’m sure mine look the same, and his pupils are blown, making his already dark eyes look endlessly black. I don’t know where we go from here, but before my brain can overanalyze, I hear Kai chuckle lightly.
“Go on a date with me.”
Kai
They say good things come to those who wait and I’ve been patient. Since I kissed Oaklynn three days ago, we’ve now talked every day, and our date is tonight. I know her flight leaves this Thursday, so I only have two more days to lock things down before she leaves. Oaklynn needs sustainability, and in the end, she needs me to show her how this can work rather than telling her. She thought I forgot this over the years, but I never did. If anything, the past four years is a testimony to that. She wasn’t very happy to hear I’d been keeping tabs on her, especially when it came to her dates. I had to remind her I wasn’t the one who picked those jokers out, and deep down, she didn’t really want to be with someone else anyway. That shut her up real quick, but I was also rewarded with another searing kiss that made my brain foggy. All of these little moments I’ve been stashing away, keeping them for any future separations we’ll have. Because if I know Oaklynn, like I think I do, we’re going to be apart again.
Which is why meeting with Silas and Ciaran today is detrimental to our future. I have an idea, and I’m not sure how they will take it, but it might help us all in the long run. It’s going to take time, though, and time is something I’m not sure I have yet. I need this plan to be a possibility before I bring it to Oaklynn.
“Stop doing that with your face,” I call to Silas as he saunters into the room. There is tension in his shoulders and his face screws up when he takes another glance at his cell phone.
“Lux is doing good. Stop worrying, okay?”
“It’s creepy when you do that.” He shakes his head, but some of the tension leaves.
“You remember what the last few months are like. I’m sure she has a lot on her plate. Plus, she’s finishing up school,” I remind him.
I look around the room we’re in, one that has changed over time and has been completely remodeled after the explosion. Still, the backroom of Rogue Auto Repairs will always feel like a second home and it’s where all our dreams are about to come true.
“Sorry I’m late.” Ciaran steps in last, his hand running through his hair.
“One minute,” I tell him, “I think we’ll live.”
“What did you want to talk to us about?” Silas turns to me.
“Wait,” Ciaran interrupts him, “what about you and Oaklynn? Are you together again?”
“You two gossip worse than high school girls.” I chuckle.
“I’ve been listening to the same things over and over again, all week, from Kelly, Saylor and Mila.” Silas glares.
“When did Mila get home?” I ask, completely thrown. She’s a freshman in college this year and I hadn’t seen her once since we’d been back.
“She’s not. They call her on speakerphone and analyze your relationship every other day,” he fires back.
My head tips back. I laugh so hard, my body shakes. “We should get our own reality show.”
“Yeah,” Ciaran huffs, “a regular Netflix original right here.”
A few seconds of silence pass while both of my best friends stare me down. “We have a date tonight.”
“Progress,” Ci throws out.
“I don’t know if she’ll ever leave New York,” I tell them honestly, really admitting it to myself. “Which is why I wanted to run something by you two.”
They both sit back, arms crossed, and I suddenly feel like I’m about to ask my parents for permission to borrow the car tonight. “Obviously we have a lot of work to do right now. We need to focus our attention on that, so this is a longer-term goal, but how do you feel about expanding and adding branches someday?”
“Like having a hub in New York?” Silas questions, his brow raised.
“Well, not in New York. We have that agreement with Aimsworth, but anywhere close to there, maybe. Think about it, I could run things over there. We could have one on the West coast. Silas, do you think part of Lux being sad about leaving is that she is used to being out there? You liked California too,” I remind him.
“Only for the weather,” he shoots back.
I shrug. “Like I said, this isn’t something that will happen right away. I just need to know if it’s a possibility someday.”
“We have a lot of work to do and money to make setting Rogue up to the level of security it needs,” Ciaran says. “It could be like seven-to-ten years before we expand. And I don’t know about you guys, but I’m hoping to be stable enough in three years so that our friendly, neighborhood, serial killer isn’t dropping traitors at our door.”
“Is that still an issue?” I ask, not remembering the last time this happened. I do remember what it was like four years ago, but since then, Matt has been taking care of it.
“No,” Silas informs me, “right after we left for bootcamp and basic, there were some issues and it’s only been twice since we’ve been gone. Both times Matt and the Sheriff’s office dealt with it.”
“Matt dealt with it. We still have no idea who it is?”
“Someone in Rogue obviously,” Ciaran shrugs, “they know way too much about our operation, the houses and employees.”
“Speaking of employees,” I jump in, “are they aware that we are rolling out a new plan?”
Ciaran nods. “Everyone got the message.”
We sit in silence, letting the information sink in. If anyone else was going to rise against us, now would be the time. We haven’t started our next phase of Rogue yet and the transfer of power is still new. We’re essentially at our weakest right now, until our plans go into effect, and we have the funding to make it happen. I spin in the chair and glance around the room, our main control station, now updated with blast proof walls and windows. Soon, we’ll be able to update it with all the latest technology and satellite equipment as well.
“When do we have our first meeting?”
“The day after Lux gets back,” Ciaran replies.
Good. We have some time to get things set up. “I’m thinking we add a vending machine.”
Oaklynn
“I like the blue one,” Saylor announces suddenly from her bedroom door, and I falter in front of the mirror.
“You don’t think it looks too dressy? There is only one restaurant in Savage Lakes.” I roll my eyes and she laughs.
“I think you look sweet,” she answers, her shoulders shrugging.
“Sweet?” My mouth drops open, appalled. “I don’t want to look sweet. I want to look deadly. It will make him think twice about letting me go.”
“I don’t think you have to worry about that. Anyone with eyesight can tell he’s not over you, just like you aren’t over him.” She steps into the room and takes my hand in hers. “I hope you both can talk tonight. Really talk and figure things out. I want you to be happy and Kai makes you happy, Oak. Don’t let the past keep standing in your way.”
I bite my lip and wipe away the stray tear on my cheek. My watery gaze meets Saylor’s and I see all those wishes for me she has in her heart. I love my best friend. I was sad to share her with this world, but she is a match made in heaven with Ciaran. I want that. I want my own fairy-tale ending; I just hope it isn’t too late. I also don’t want to be forced to be the only one making sacrifices. I can’t find the right words to say to Saylor, so I choose to wrap her in my arms instead. She squeezes me back, her hand gliding over my back as my body shudders. I’m nervo
us. More nervous than I’ve ever been in my life. I’m not just taking a chance on Kai. I’m putting everything on the line for a second chance at a first love, one that will, hopefully, last a lifetime.
I decided to meet Kai at the restaurant. If things ended badly, before the appetizer was even over, I was bailing, and I would need my own ride. I glance down at my blue dress and decide Saylor was right. I have major Cinderella vibes from the blue material, which might be fitting if I’m busting out of the ball and leaving the prince behind. A bubble of laughter escapes my lips, right as I step through the doors and come face to face with Kai. My smile is frozen on my face, and I stare at him, completely shaken. His hair is styled back, no longer hanging in his eyes. His black button-up shirt pulls tightly across his shoulders, making his lean body look even more menacing. But it’s the smirk he wears that really gets to me. He knows I was checking him out and I don’t even care. I can see his stare moving over my body as well and my heart flutters because of it.
“We’re ready for you two.” The hostess leads us to the farthest booth from the door. I scoot into the left-side seat, so Kai can have the right and is able to watch the door.
“I’m starving,” I tell him, and right on cue, my stomach grumbles.
“Me too. It was a long day of training,” he replies back. I almost drop my fork, surprised that he would share that with me. I glance up only to find him grinning at me. “I’ll always tell you what I’m doing. Besides the guys, you are the only other person who knows everything about me.”
I swallow back the emotion that is clogging my throat and sit up straighter. “How would we make this work? Can you still visit me on the weekend? I could probably fly here once in a while too. But then how long do we do that for, Kia? Eventually one of us has to yield.”
His hands fold together on top of the table. “It’s not a matter of one of us yielding to the other. We can find a way to compromise.”
