Hungry Cowboy

by Charlize Starr

  I heard him laugh too, and I turned around to find him staring at me. In his eyes was the same kind of contentment that I was feeling. We stared at each other in silence, smiles and flour covering our faces.

  “I should go check on Alfie. He’s expecting an apple pie,” I said finally and Connor reluctantly nodded his head. But he didn’t let me leave the basement till he had covered my face with kisses again.

  Chapter 12 - Connor

  The next few weeks passed by like a warm summer dream. I couldn’t have imagined having a life like this. With Lesley here, we felt like a beautiful little family and the ranch felt like home.

  With Alex gone, there was more work to be done and I took it upon myself to take care of his workload. I didn’t mind. These days, I had more energy and more enthusiasm. It wasn’t just a job for me anymore – or a means of living. It was my passion and I worked hard to provide for Alfie. At the back of my mind, I knew that I was working towards providing for Lesley too.

  We had settled into our little routines. Now, Lesley sat at the table with me for breakfast. She walked with me as far as the stables each morning with my packed lunch in her hands. We kissed each other goodbye for the day and she returned home to wake up Alfie.

  I was getting to know a woman who I had always thought of as a little girl. She wasn’t a little girl anymore. She was a grown woman and she had a lot to say. I knew I was falling in love, and even though it was too soon to admit it to her, I hoped that she was feeling the same way about me too.

  We slept in separate rooms. Lesley still maintained her bedroom because we wanted to take things slow with Alfie. It was Lesley’s idea, in fact, because she didn’t want Alfie to be alarmed by the sudden changes going on around him. So, we decided to break the news of our relationship slowly to him.

  And even though I sometimes visited her in her bedroom at night after Alfie had gone to sleep, our secret spot in the dark patch of trees behind the house was still where we liked making love. Our relationship was blossoming into something unknown to me, but with Lesley . . . it felt natural. I hadn’t even known that this was what I had been looking for all my life. All those empty one night stands and my marriage to Natalia had meant nothing. Lesley was the woman I’d been searching for my whole life.

  I liked to watch her in the evenings when she served our dinner on the kitchen table. She and Alfie laughed and played. He hugged her, wrapping his arms around her neck. I finally felt like I had done the best I could for my son. She was the mother he had always deserved.

  Chapter 13 - Lesley

  It was the night before Alfie’s school was starting at the end of the summer, and he couldn’t find his homework.

  “Mrs. Browning told us to bring it to class in the morning.” Alfie was whimpering as he searched the desk in his room. I was searching with him – just like we had been for the past hour.

  “I’m sure we’ll find it, honey. It has to be here somewhere,” I said, looking through all the drawers again. I could sense that he was about to cry and I hoped that we could find it soon. “Shall we check your dad’s cabinet? Maybe he collected all his papers off the kitchen table earlier and took your homework with him,” I suggested.

  Alfie’s eyes brightened up immediately. “Yes!” he squealed and ran out of his room and into Connor’s bedroom. I followed him there, chewing on my bottom lip nervously in the hopes that we’d find the homework there.

  Connor’s bedroom was as neat and tidy as ever. I’d been in there only a couple of times in the past few weeks that I was living on the ranch. Alfie was already rummaging through the cabinet, throwing his father’s files and papers on the floor in excitement.

  “Alfie! Don’t do that. You’re messing up your father’s files,” I scolded him and bent down on the floor to start picking them up again. I knew how much Connor liked his things to be neatly arranged.

  Alfie wasn’t paying attention to me as he sifted through his father’s papers. More files and letters came flying to the ground where I was kneeling now. I clucked my tongue, allowing the kid his couple of minutes of anxiety, and kept collecting whatever fell on the floor in a pile.

  Then my eyes fell on a file that had my last name printed on it. It looked old, yellowing on the edges, and I picked it up in surprise. How many Evans families did Connor know? Alfie was still muttering while I knelt on the floor and opened the file. It was packed with letters and important looking papers. My eyes ran over the words in a rush, although none of it was making sense to me – not at first glance – until I read my father’s name: Michael Evans. My brows furrowed in shock.

  “Found it! Lesley, I found it!” Alfie was squealing with joy and I slapped the file shut. I could feel my hands shaking, but I forced a weak smile on my face.

  “Found what?” Connor’s voice greeted us at the door of his bedroom and Alfie went jumping to him. The file dropped from my hands to the floor, but Connor hadn’t noticed.

  “You hid my homework in your cabinet, daddy!” Alfie squealed and Connor lifted him up in his arms. I turned to them, forcing myself to smile. Connor’s eyes sparkled, and he looked tanned and flushed as he looked into my eyes.

  “Ready for dinner?” he asked and I nodded my head, hoping that he couldn’t see the shock on my face.

  ***

  At dinner, I sat beside Alfie like I usually did and watched him talking enthusiastically about his latest drawings. Connor listened interestedly and, sometimes, I caught his eyes when he looked in my direction. I couldn’t hold his gaze.

  What business did he have with my father? We had been nothing more than neighbors all our lives, and I had heard nothing about my father working with Connor or his family. More importantly, in the past weeks of our relationship . . . when we had spent hours talking and lying on the cool grass of the fields staring up at the stars after making love, he had failed to mention any business he had with my family.

  “Lesley?” Connor’s voice interrupted my thoughts and I looked up to find Alfie and him staring at me.

  “You’re not hungry? We’re done with dinner already,” he said and I looked down at my plate. I hadn’t eaten anything.

  “Not really. I’ll clear the plates. Alfie, you should hurry up to bed, you have to wake up early tomorrow for school,” I said, and Alfie jumped off his chair and ran upstairs. Alone in the room with Connor, I kept my eyes averted as I started clearing the plates.

  He came over to me at the sink, wrapping his arms around my torso and holding me close to himself. I was tempted to just ask him – to bury my face in his shoulders and just tell him everything I was feeling, but I couldn’t. First, I needed to find out what was in the file.

  “I’m going to go to our spot for a smoke. Join me there after you’re done with Alfie?” he said and kissed my cheek lightly. I nodded my head and waited till he had left the kitchen. I waited till I heard the back door open and shut before I ran up to his bedroom again. The file was still on the floor where I’d left it, so I sank down to flip through it.

  My eyes ran over the words, my brows were furrowed. I read and re-read the financial statements till everything slowly started to make sense. Bad investments. Money lost. Savings depleted. The numbers didn’t make sense at first, at least until I tried to dig deeper into the records. Connor had served my father as an investment advisor. There were some bad bonds involved. My father had invested all his savings into them, including the mortgage on our house. He’d taken out loans to make these investments . . . It all failed, and he lost everything.

  The file fell from my hands and I leaped up off the floor. I clasped my mouth with both hands, realizing that I was panting from shock and anger. In a rush, I stuck the file back into the cabinet and ran out of the bedroom, hurrying to see if Alfie had tucked himself in.

  I wanted to make sure that I was securely locked in my own bedroom before Connor returned to the house, looking for me.

  Chapter 14 - Connor

  Lesley hadn’t joined me at our usual spot. I�
��d waited for her for an hour, smoking cigarette after cigarette, in the hopes that she would come. Instead, I’d spent that hour thinking about our relationship and everything I had done to not deserve her. I had kept my business history with her father a secret until now, and I didn’t like having this secret hanging over us. But I knew that if Lesley found out what I had done – that I had caused her family’s financial ruin – that this relationship would be over. I wouldn’t ever deserve her forgiveness.

  Crushing the last cigarette under my dusty boots, I took in a deep breath and walked back towards the house. All the lights seemed to be out, which meant that Alfie had already gone to sleep. Why hadn’t Lesley joined me like she said she would? I thought about how quiet she had been over dinner, too. I hoped that she was feeling well and I missed talking to her.

  When I entered the house, it was deathly quiet and dark. I carefully went up the stairs to the door of Lesley’s bedroom and I knocked. I heard nothing. I turned the knob, only to realize that she had locked herself in.

  “Lesley? Are you feeling all right?” I whispered hoarsely, but she didn’t respond to that either. I assumed she had already fallen asleep and returned to my bedroom in the dark.

  This hadn’t happened before. Since that first night we slept together, not a day had gone by in the past weeks that we hadn’t spent some time together after dinner after Alfie had gone to bed. It made me uneasy. I changed and settled into bed, and wondering why she hadn’t said anything to me if she wasn’t feeling well.

  The guilt of the secret I was keeping from her had seeped into my soul as well, and as I lay awake in bed, staring at the ceiling; I decided that I had to tell her. I didn’t want our relationship to be as fake and superficial as every other relationship I’d had before. I wanted to get it out of the way and explain the truth to her. But first, I needed to go into town and make a special purchase. Something I had been thinking about for the past few days.

  If I was going to tell her the truth, I couldn’t go into that battle empty handed.

  I lay awake that night, falling asleep in the wee hours of the morning from exhaustion. Even in my dreams, I saw Lesley . . . leading me across the fields, her summery floral dress floating around her as she ran, her beautiful laughter ringing in my ears. I said her name in my sleep because I loved her. I didn’t want to lose her.

  ***

  I woke up late the next day, only getting a few hours of sleep. I showered and changed and rushed downstairs, hoping to catch Alfie before he left for his first day back in school.

  When I hurried into the kitchen, I found him sitting at the table, scooping hot porridge into his mouth. A banana and an apple were lying half-eaten beside him – a habit of eating fruit which Lesley had managed to finally get him into, thankfully.

  Chris was making himself some toast, and Lesley was absent.

  “Hey, kid,” I went over to Alfie to ruffle his head while he ate. When I looked into his face, I noticed that he seemed a little confused.

  “Where’s Lesley?” I asked him and he stared at me with his eyes widened.

  “I don’t know,” he replied and I looked at his breakfast and then back at him again.

  “What are you talking about? Who made you breakfast?” I asked and Alfie put down his spoon, suddenly not interested in his food anymore.

  “She made it for me and now she’s gone,” he said and I turned to Chris for an explanation.

  “What is he talking about?” I thundered at him. He popped his toasts on to a plate and walked over to the table and sat down.

  “He’s right, boss. Lesley made him his breakfast and then got into a cab,” he told me and I shook my head in confusion. It was like these two were talking in riddles or something.

  “Got into a cab? What cab?”

  “She’d ordered a cab. She had her bags packed. She said she wanted to wish Alfie good luck for the day and make him breakfast, but that she had to go,” Chris said and casually crunched his toast as though there was nothing wrong. Everything was wrong. The ground seemed to be shaking under my feet.

  “Where did she have to go? Did you ask her?” I was hollering at Chris. He put down his food, sudden fear in his eyes. He was aware of what I had done to Alex, and now he seemed to think that I was just some crazy guy with a short temper. I looked over at Alfie and he looked frightened too.

  I realized that I was breathing hard and my nostrils were flared with rage. I didn’t even know who I was mad at.

  “I didn’t ask, boss. I figured you knew that she was leaving,” Chris finally replied.

  “Daddy, where has Lesley gone? How will I go to school?” Alfie’s voice cut through my thoughts and I whipped around to him.

  “Chris will take you,” I snapped and then ran out of the house.

  I knew that Lesley was long gone by now, and wherever she wanted to go, her cab had already taken her there. I cursed under my breath. Why did I have to sleep in today? I should have known the previous night that there was something seriously wrong. Now she was gone and I had no idea if she was coming back. I felt like a part of me had gone missing.

  Chapter 15 - Lesley

  I was back at home. The sprawling kitchen table at Connor’s ranch was now replaced with a small square table in a cramped kitchen. My parents had been sitting with me all this while, asking me a million questions about where I had been and what kind of work I had to do. When I left for Texas, I had left them a note on the fridge saying that I had a new job opportunity that I wanted to pursue. Now I had returned empty-handed with three weeks of radio silence.

  All the explanation I could give them was that this exciting new job opportunity hadn’t worked out and that I would be resuming my work at the diner and gas station. Eventually, they ran out of patience and questions to ask. Thankfully, my dad hadn’t noticed the way I couldn’t look at him. I was ashamed for him and I was angry with myself. I didn’t want to think about how I had allowed myself to fall for the man who had caused my family’s bankruptcy.

  My dad was the last person I could blame. I’d seen the contract; I’d read the terms and conditions. All my dad wanted to do was provide for the family, to make more money so he could pay off the mortgage on our comfortable home. Connor had taken advantage of his desperation and his ignorance. Connor . . . the man who I thought I was falling in love with.

  Now, as I sat at the table, I replayed every moment I had spent with him over the past three weeks. Every morning when I walked with him to the stables, every dinner table conversation with Alfie and him, every night when we made love out under the trees. I was happy. I felt safe . . . I had foolishly thought that my life was finally headed in the right direction. But I was wrong. It was all pretend. I couldn’t even come up with a legitimate reason why he would begin a relationship with me. Was it guilt? Did he believe that giving me a job and sleeping with me would absolve him of all the evil things he had done to my family?

  I felt like I had wasted three weeks. Three weeks that I could have spent here in town, working two jobs and making money to help my family. I felt foolish for falling for Connor’s charms. I should have trusted his reputation of being a womanizer and a heartbreaker. What had made me think that he had suddenly changed for me? What made me think that I was special in any way?

  I sat at our small kitchen table, staring blankly at the wall. I didn’t even know how long I’d been sitting there . . . Until I heard our doorbell ring. My mom had opened the door and I could hear her voice . . . as well as Connor’s.

  Chapter 16 - Connor

  I hadn’t seen Lesley’s mom in at least eight years – since I moved out of my family home and they stopped being my neighbors. But she had recognized me immediately and greeted me warmly. When I asked to see Lesley, she was a little surprised, but she showed me into their kitchen anyway. I was a little relieved to find that Michael wasn’t around. I wasn’t sure how I would be able to face Lesley’s father after everything that had happened between us.

  Lesley was
sitting at the kitchen table, and I realized that their apartment was even smaller than I had imagined it to be. Bankruptcy had reduced them to near-poverty and it was all my fault.

  Lesley’s green eyes glowed with fury when she saw me, but she said nothing. She just looked apologetically at her mom.

  “Can I make you two some coffee? We might have some cookies in the cupboard,” Mrs. Evans said, but Lesley interrupted her.

  “No, mom. he isn’t staying very long. Please, just give us a few minutes,” she said in an assertive tone. I didn’t have to look at Mrs. Evans to know that she was confused by the scene unfolding in front of her.

  As she left the kitchen, I stared at Lesley. Her physical presence had the same effect on me as it always did. I felt my muscles stiffen as I drank in the curves of her delicate shoulders. Her hands were clasped together on the kitchen table, her long brunette hair fell over her shoulders, and even though she had no makeup on, she still looked like the most beautiful woman I had ever set my eyes on.

  “Lesley, you left without an explanation,” I said, keeping my hands thrust deep in the pockets of my pants.

  “How is Alfie doing? How is school?” she asked instead of responding to my statement. We were staring into each other's eyes. Mine were dim while hers seemed to be on fire.

  “He misses you,” I replied and she blinked a few times, as though trying to gulp down the things she actually wanted to say.

  “I’m sure you’ll find another suitable nanny for him soon,” she said and I took a few steps towards the kitchen table. Lesley seemed to flinch and I stopped in my tracks.