Honorable Disgrace

by Stephanie N. Pitman

  He reached out and opened my front door, giving me a nudge. “Okay, okay,” I said. “I can take a hint. You can’t wait to be rid of me, huh?”

  Grinning, he kissed my cheek softly. “I’ll call you tomorrow.”

  “You better.”

  “I will. Night, Angie.”

  “Goodnight.” I watched him go, hugging myself, bereft of his warmth. I should be sated after spending the whole evening with him, but it just made me miss him more. Waiting until his taillights disappeared, I slipped inside.

  I headed to the stairs and waggled my fingers at my mom, who poked her head out of her bedroom.

  In my room, I perched on the edge of my bed and smiled. Grasping my face with my hands, I gave a small squeal and flopped back.

  Chapter Twelve

  “Slow down, Angie!”

  JJ ran after me into the school building. I paced in front of the boys locker room door and muttered, “He better not have. He couldn’t have, no, no, no.”

  JJ, clearly annoyed and out of breath, demanded, “What are you freaking out about?”

  I continued to pace and ignore her.

  The locker room door squeaked then opened wide. I stopped and held my breath. My old partner, Jeff, jerked to a stop, eyes wide like a kid caught with his hand in the cookie jar at the sight of me blocking the door. I tried to peer into the room, but he pulled the door shut.

  “What’s going on with her?” he asked JJ, jabbing his thumb at me.

  “That’s what I’d like to know,” JJ huffed, hands on her hips.

  I swung around, about to make a sarcastic remark, when the door squeaked again. The one-eighty I’d made to face JJ turned into a complete pirouette as I faced back toward the door. Cory’s face split into a grin when he saw me. “Ang.”

  “No,” I cried. “No!”

  I snatched the beanie off his head and his smile vanished. I knew what I’d find, but had to see for myself. His hair, his beautiful hair, was gone. Nothing but a bald head. He took my hands, his smile coming back slowly, this time full of amusement. “It’s just hair, Ang.”

  “But it’s gone.” I gasped and pulled my hands back, wringing them, the beanie still clutched in my hands.

  “You know, that’s the great thing about hair. It grows back.”

  “But your hair.” I rubbed his head. Smooth and shiny. Flanked on either side by James and Will, bald as well, they looked like a Mr. Clean commercial, their burly arms folded across their chests. If I wasn’t so upset, I might have been intimidated. “You should’ve asked.”

  “Asked who?” His eyebrows rose as he stifled a laugh. “You mean you?”

  “Yes, I mean me.” I threw the beanie at him. The notion I didn’t really have the right to demand such a thing broke through my anger, but I ignored it.

  “So because we’re dating, you can tell me what to do?” He stepped closer, an impish gleam in his eyes. I nodded slowly, walking right into his trap. “Alright, next time you want to do something with your hair, you’ll have to clear it with me first.”

  “Uh, wait, no … ach,” I spluttered.

  “I’m joking.” He pulled me to him and pecked my lips. Still miffed, I shoved halfheartedly against him, which was useless anyway. There was no way I was getting out of his arms until he wanted to let me. “Is it really that bad?”

  I leaned back to examine him and saw JJ out of the corner of my eye push the girls’ door open. She rolled her eyes and disappeared.

  What was that about?

  My brows furrowed, but I focused on Cory, taking his chin in my hand, turning his head gently from side to side. He actually looked pretty hot. “I liked you better with hair.”

  “Brat.” Cory poked me in the side, making me squirm. I batted at his hand as he lunged for me. With a squeal, I fled into the locker room, just out of reach. He taunted, his voice holding a promise, “You can’t stay in there all day.”

  My laughter, as well as my retort, died on my lips.

  Behind him stood Hobbs. His eyes briefly held mine and my heart crawled into my throat. Cory frowned and followed my gaze. Hobbs stepped forward and clasped Cory on the shoulders. They exchanged a few friendly jabs, a high five and a chest bump. I guess they’d made up.

  A twisted knot formed in the pit of my stomach. If I told Cory about Hobbs forcing a kiss, it’d surely cause an issue. Hobbs had been drunk, and I was okay. “Umm, I’ll catch you in practice, Cory.”

  I let the door close, shielding Cory’s confusion.

  What was I going to do? I should tell Cory, but nothing really happened. And what good would that do? Hobbs had been drunk, maybe he didn’t remember.

  JJ greeted me, already in her workout clothes. “His hair? That was the big deal?”

  I set to work on my lock. Preoccupied with what to do about Hobbs, I tucked my hair behind my ear. “Yeah, kind of pathetic, huh?”

  “Just a bit,” JJ said irritably. “You had me thinking someone got hurt or something.”

  “Sorry, I just really liked his hair.”

  She shook her head. “You okay?”

  “Something happened Friday night, before my date with Cory, and … I don’t know what to do.” I quickly filled her in on the party and the two unwanted kisses. “I told you how Cory was kind of weird after that song in the park. I don’t want to lie to Cory, but telling him could hurt him. And I don’t want him to think I like anyone else. Or that I’m some kind of slut.”

  “You should tell him. About both kisses. He might be upset, but it’s better for it to come from you than for him to hear it somewhere else. And it’s not like you sought the kisses out.”

  She was right. I knew she was. But that didn’t make it easier. And I really didn’t want to lose Cory. I nodded, my lips pressed firmly. “Thanks.”

  “You coming?” she held the door open, waiting.

  “You go ahead. I’ll be right there.”

  I eyed my untied laces and thought about tying them. My stomach felt like it held a nest of vipers. What was I going to do?

  Out in the hall, I bumped into Hobbs’ rock-hard build. I backpedaled. His eyes, black and intense, made my hair on the back of my neck stand on end like a dog with its hackles raised. So he hadn’t been too drunk. “Hobbs …”

  “So, I see you haven’t told good old Cory boy. Harboring secret feelings for me?” He was too close. His odorous breath pervaded my nostrils, the memory of his forced kiss causing bile to fill my mouth.

  “Gross. I didn’t say anything because I’d forgotten.” I knew I was poking at a caged tiger and I could get bit. But I was not going to let him harass me. And the proximity to the weight room, to others, to Cory, bolstered me. I lifted my chin defiantly. “Guess you didn’t leave much of an impression.”

  His face twisted into an unpleasant scowl.

  I spun away and headed into the weight room. The brief encounter only confused me more about what to do. I really didn’t want Cory to get in another fight. Almost immediately, I collided with Cory and clutched onto him for balance. I forced a smile, but too late.

  “Ang, what’s wrong?” Cory tilted his head down. “You still mad about the hair?”

  “No,” I spluttered and tried to cover it in a laugh. “No … your hair’s, I mean, your baldness is actually pretty hot.”

  “Hot, huh?” Cory grabbed me.

  The coach hollered for everyone to get on stations, his eyes on us.

  I followed Cory to the leg press. He motioned for me to get into position, the press already set with my weight. I slid down into the seat, reclined back and set my feet up on the footplate. My hands gripped the handholds and I shoved up with my legs. I’d made it through several reps when I stopped. “Cory, I need to talk to you.”

  He nodded, his expression telling me he’d been expecting something, his eyes on a spot on the ground.

  “The other night …” I couldn’t look at him, so I trained my eyes on my dangling shoelaces. “Friday, after work, Lorraine made me go to a party w
ith her. I didn’t want to, but Hobbs was there, and Brad.”

  At the mention of Brad’s name, he jerked his eyes up to mine. “You were at a party with Brad Rodriguez?”

  I remembered how weird he got when he talked about Brad and hesitated to answer. I blinked and tilted my head away. “Yeah, he actually helped me. Hobbs was really drunk, and I didn’t even know he was there until I was leaving, but Hobbs, he blocked me, and said he wanted to apologize for pushing me into the weight rack, but then he kissed me and wouldn’t let go. Brad helped me get free.”

  He crossed his arms, tendons and veins popping out on his forearms as they settled over his chest. His pinched eyes searched the room, narrowing even more when they landed on Hobbs. I could stop here. He didn’t have to know about Brad, did he? I closed my eyes and sighed.

  No, JJ was right. I needed to be honest. I didn’t want this to come out somehow down the road. Cory deserved the truth. All of it.

  “Also, you should know, when Brad walked me out afterward, he … kissed me, too.” As soon as I said it, my heart sank.

  Cory swallowed, his mouth tight, twitching, nostrils flaring. And then he stalked out of the room, the sound of a door slamming against the wall making me jump.

  I dropped my legs from the press and covered my face. I wanted to scream. Or cry. Or both. But I did neither.

  Instead, I gritted my teeth and set to work, turning my heartbreak into anger, using it as fuel. Piling more weight onto the press, I growled deep in my throat and lifted until my legs screamed. And then I moved to my arms, first biceps and then triceps with the free weights. I watched my form in the mirror, straight back, slight bend in my elbow at full extension, my mouth in a snarl, my eyes glistening with unshed tears. My whole body was on fire. More than half the class was over before Cory returned. I was on the mat, a twenty-five pound disc clutched to my chest doing crunches.

  He walked toward me, walked away a few paces and then returned. “Did you like it?”

  Tears prickled. His quiet anger was palpable. “Like what?”

  “Did you kiss him back?” He didn’t say who, but I knew. Brad. Had I kissed him back? Did I like it? Yes, a part of me had liked it when Brad had kissed me.

  Guilt coiled. I wasn’t going to be that honest.

  “I didn’t kiss him back. Cory, I like you.” My voice cracked. “Please, I didn’t ask for it.”

  He inhaled deeply, his shoulders and chest rising. When he exhaled, the severe set of his face relaxed a touch. “I know.”

  He spared me a quick glance before he stalked over to Hobbs. He talked to him a moment, then Cory made a fist and gave him a right cross to the jaw. He pulled his hand back, holding it as though it pained him, but didn’t make a sound. The coach stood open mouthed as Cory walked over to him.

  I couldn’t hear what Cory said, but the coach nodded and Cory headed toward the door. Just before he ducked into the hall, he gave me a small smile.

  ><><><><><

  JJ and I pulled into Brides, Beaux and Beauties, the mannequin in the front window display wearing a sheer peach dress that hugged the size zero model, a jeweled crisscross pattern over the chest. A bell dinged overhead as we entered. Cascades of white dresses dominated a whole wall the length of the store. But I had eyes for the small selection of colorful dresses at the front right of the shop.

  Coming across a pale lime green, the material cut on the bias, I held it up. “JJ, this would be perfect for you.”

  “I’m not going to the dance.”

  “Not yet.”

  She shrugged. “I guess it doesn’t hurt to try a few on.”

  We giggled and both dug in. I pulled one after another out, but caught a glimpse of the price tags and groaned.

  “Try them on anyway. Just for fun, Angie. It’s not every day we get to play dress-up.” She pulled me with her into a dressing room and slid a slinky, canary yellow strapless number over her hips. She turned her back and slipped out of her bra. “Can you zip me up?”

  The zipper closed smoothly, the ‘zip’ vibrating through my fingers. She helped me with a blue, jewel-toned dress and we both turned toward the mirror.

  “Oh, wow. We look hot,” I exclaimed.

  “Totally,” JJ agreed, and came up behind me to pile my hair on top of my head. The style exposed the elegant shape of my neck and jawline. “Cory’s going to have to pick his mouth up off the ground.”

  Twin spots of pink blossomed on my cheeks, but my smile faltered. “If he still wants to go with me after this morning.”

  She let my hair drop and wrapped her arms around me. “He’s already over it. And the right hook to Hobbs’ face has to make him feel a bit better, too.”

  “You’re probably right. But why do I still feel guilty?”

  “Guilty? Why would you feel like that?”

  I looked first to my clasped hands, and then to the ceiling, before sighing and sagging onto the raised dais in the corner of the overlarge dressing room. “Because he asked me if I liked the kiss. And I kind of … did like it.”

  JJ drew back slightly, her mouth open.

  “I mean Brad’s kiss. Hobbs’ was disgusting.”

  I wiped at my mouth. I didn’t know if I was ever going to get rid of the memory.

  “Oh, well that’s okay. Brad’s a really hot guy, and who wouldn’t like to be kissed by him?” She came to sit next to me, her arm slipping over my back. “You already told Cory about the kiss. I don’t think he needs to know you liked it.”

  “I only liked it a little. And I didn’t ask for it. It’s got nothing on Cory’s kisses.” Smiling tightly, I nudged her with my shoulder and wiped an errant tear from my cheek. “I better get out of this dress before I ruin it.”

  I took one more glance at how I looked before I turned to JJ to unzip it. It was perfect … but how was I going to pay for it? Would my mom help?

  “Angie,” JJ gasped. “What time was Cory meeting you to study?”

  I clicked my phone on and exclaimed, “In ten minutes!”

  The fifteen-minute trip out to my house felt like forever. Leaning forward like I could make the car go faster, I watched the speedometer, wishing JJ would speed just this once. When we turned the corner to reveal Cory propped against the fender of his Jeep, my heart leapt into my throat. Part of me had worried he wouldn’t come.

  “Hi, Cory.” My bag dangled in front of me, the rumble of JJ’s motor growing fainter. “Sorry I’m late. I was trying on dresses for the dance. Have you been here long?”

  “Just got here.”

  The silence lengthened. I shifted from foot to foot and gestured toward my house, my bag swinging with the action. “Should we, uh, go in and get started?”

  In a swift movement he slipped his bag off the hood of the Jeep and pushed off. His hushed presence behind me seemed louder than a thousand screaming words. Why won’t he talk to me? Just when I didn’t think I could take anymore, he took my hand.

  I released the pent up breath, an involuntary whimper escaping. “Cory, I’m so sorry about what happened. I … I—”

  “Angie, it’s okay. I’m not mad. Not at you.” He cupped my cheek. A white bandage covered his knuckles. “I can barely hold myself back from kissing you every chance I get.”

  I stifled a sob, covering my trembling lips, and then flung my arms around him. I turned into his injured hand and kissed it. “Cory.”

  He brought his arms around me and held me tight against him, his lips in my hair. And then he found my lips and kissed me until my knees softened. A car door slammed and we jumped apart.

  My neighbor, Mr. Salisbury, had just pulled in his drive. He raised a brow at me and I pressed my lips together and gave him a small wave. “Should we go inside?”

  Cory chuckled. “Probably a good idea. Did you find a dress you liked?”

  All the heaviness I’d felt since I’d told him about the kisses lifted with that simple comment, and I kissed him again. We shuffled in. The smell of a roast permeated the house and my sto
mach rumbled. I hadn’t eaten much at lunch, upset by the events of the morning, and JJ and I had gone straight into town after school. I dropped my bag onto the kitchen table, and went to the oven, inhaling the heavenly scent. Potatoes were set, ready to be boiled on the stovetop, along with a pot of peas.

  “Good, you’re home. You can put these in the oven to bake.” My mom came up the stairs, a tray of homemade rolls in her hand. Blocked by a set of shelves, she didn’t see Cory until she mounted the top step. “Cory, hi. I forgot you were going to study.”

  “I can go if this is a bad time?” Cory headed toward the door.

  I raised my eyebrows at my mom. “No, Cory. Dinner’s not quite ready. You have time to study. And then you can join us for dinner if you’d like. Angie’s dad won’t be in until late anyhow. He’s going over all the equipment for harvest.”

  My heart galloped at the thought of Cory staying for dinner. “I thought Dad did that already.”

  “He did, but he has to recheck a few.”

  “I’d love to stay. Thanks, Mrs. Adams,” Cory said.

  I smiled and gestured for Cory to sit and then sat down myself. Cory gripped my seat and slid me over until our legs touched.

  This was the first time we’d met to study since we’d been to lunch the other day.

  “So you really asked Mr. Perry about me being your tutor?”

  “Yeah, what could be better than to have your hot girlfriend be your tutor?”

  “Girlfriend, huh?” My smile was so big it hurt.

  His brow wrinkled. “Is that alright?”

  I nodded, “I like the sound of that.”

  We shared his book, but I fought to focus. I leaned over it and read a passage aloud, my mind buzzing with his presence, the words losing their meaning. Focus, Angie, you’re supposed to be helping him.

  My mom was in and out of the shared kitchen-dining room space while she tended to dinner. She would glance our way occasionally, a smile on her lips, but left us to our work.

  “Okay, that’s a good start. We’ll have to study at least a couple times a week. Is that okay?” I pushed back from the table and tucked a leg up onto my chair, grasping the knee.