Honorable Disgrace

by Stephanie N. Pitman

  “Cory, you make me want to go too far, to do things I know I shouldn’t. And I know I won’t regret it. Not for a second.”

  “I know exactly how you feel, but you would regret it. And so would I because you would. I don’t want you to regret anything, especially not me. I won’t put you in that position again, Ang. I won’t be that guy. I’m sorry.”

  He smiled sadly, his touch featherlike, caressing my cheek with his knuckles, the contact sending shivers through me. His thumb stroked my jaw, his fingers curving around the back of my head and he kissed my forehead. I knew he was right, and my heart swelled. He was so much more than I could have ever dreamed.

  My pulse accelerated again and I took a shuddering breath before pulling away. “We should study,” I whispered.

  In response, he hooked his hand around mine and guided me to the ring of chairs. That’s how Cory’s mom found us a few minutes later, thankfully, sitting with our books across our laps, me chewing on the end of my pen, Cory busy reviewing Shakespeare. I thought about what I’d have done if she’d caught us groping each other, and my face reddened.

  The aroma of fresh baked chocolate chips cookies preceded her arrival. Two frosty glasses of milk and a plate full of the gooey goodness were balanced on a tray.

  “Awesome,” Cory said enthusiastically. “You’re the best, Mom.”

  She set the tray down on a low side table and stepped back. “Better get them while they’re hot.”

  Cory snatched up a cookie and popped the whole thing in his mouth. “Delicious. Kudos.” He held two thumbs up, chocolate smeared on one of them.

  His mom tossed him a napkin while suppressing a smirk. “Manners, Cory, manners.” And then she disappeared down the stairs.

  I took a sip of milk, the ice cold liquid soothing on my parched throat. My hand quivered slightly as I set the glass down, the white liquid swaying dangerously.

  I took Cory’s book and asked, “So what do you think Shakespeare meant with his Induction of The Taming of the Shrew?”

  Keeping his eyes trained on me, his finger drawing lazy circles on my arm, he answered, “A lot of controversy surrounds the play. I think the Induction set a comedic tone for the play, with some definite battle of the sex’s overtones. ”

  We read out passages of several other plays, a mischievous glint in his eyes when we talked about Puck’s role. The hour passed quickly, but left me curious. “Cory, you know this. How come you’re failing?”

  He shrugged and placed a hand on mine.

  “Maybe all I needed was a hot tutor to ask me the questions?” He shifted his weight and turned me to face him. “You’re gorgeous, amazing. There’s so much more to you than meets the eye—though the eye is definitely not left wanting, either.”

  I let my hair fall forward to cover my face—since our date, I’d taken to wearing it down a lot more. His words triggered something in my mind. Laughter bubbled out as a scene from Transformers sprang to mind. Sam Witwicky, the main character, was trying to be smooth as he said goodnight to the hot dark haired girl played by Megan Fox.

  “Didn’t you steal that from Transformers?”

  “Transformers?” He tilted his head, his brow wrinkling.

  “More than meets the eye?” I raised an eyebrow, unable to hide the smirk. A giggle escaped my throat as he smacked his head, comprehension dawning.

  I grabbed a cookie from the plate, the chocolate still soft. “Hey, you’ve got something on your lip.”

  He wiped his mouth with his knuckle. “Did I get it?”

  “No, come here.” He leaned toward me, and I grinned wickedly, smearing chocolate from my finger across his lip up the side of his cheek.

  “No.” His smile widened a light sparkling mischievously in his eyes. “You’re in for it now.” He tackled me, his fingers finding my sides, the book sliding from my lap. He tickled me mercilessly as I shrieked and giggled, squirming uselessly, tears trickling down my face.

  “Okay, mercy … mercy!” I begged, my sides aching from both the tickling and laughter.

  He leaned forward, his lips a hairsbreadth away, the sweet scent of chocolate. But then he pulled back. A small mewl escaped my open, anticipating, mouth.

  He set my bag in my lap. It vibrated.

  I stared at it uncomprehendingly. It vibrated again and I plunged my hand into it, closing around my phone, and withdrew it from the depths of my bag. I glanced at the number and frowned. “Hello?”

  “Angie, this is Brad. Crystal called in sick. Can you cover her shift tonight?”

  “Umm, sure.” My heart plummeted, but I smiled at Cory’s quizzical look and then turned away. “Uh, what time do you need me?”

  “Now.”

  I glanced at the clock over the mantel, “Uh, I don’t know … it’ll take me at least 15 minutes.”

  “Okay, but can you hurry, please?” He sounded desperate.

  I was about to answer, but the line went dead. I frowned, my phone going black. “Uh, that was work. They need me to cover a shift. Sorry.”

  “Ah, no problem,” He pushed up from the beanbag, his hand tightly fisted. “We’re done studying, right?”

  I nodded and stuffed my textbook into my bag along with the few pens and notebooks that had fallen out. And then I smacked my forehead. “Dang it, I completely forgot. I don’t have a ride. I gotta call back.”

  “I’ll take you.”

  “You sure?” As much as I didn’t want to work, I thought of the blue dress now hanging in my closet. I’d made an agreement with my mom to pay her back for at least some of it with my next paycheck, so we’d gone yesterday after school to pick up the dress. I smiled over the thought of me coming up from my room in it to a stunned Cory. The dance couldn’t come soon enough.

  “Of course.” We’d made it to the foyer, and he squeezed my hand.

  “Oh, are you leaving already Angie?” Her brow furrowed, lips turned down at the corners. “I hoped you’d stay for dinner. Cory’s been talking about how much he enjoyed dinner at your house the other night, and I was looking forward to getting to know you.”

  “I’d really love to, but I just got called into work.”

  As Cory opened the door for me, I noticed words above the door. In large black vinyl lettering it said Return with Honor. I smiled and ducked out the door, Cory still talking to his mother. “I’m gonna run Angie into town since her parents are gone. Be back before dinner.”

  “Thanks for the cookies. They were delicious.” I smiled and waved before Cory closed the door behind us. “Your mom’s really nice. I like her.”

  ><><><><><

  I hesitated, my hand on the door handle of the Jeep. I wanted to kiss him, but his mood had become surly and closed the closer we got to town. He gripped the steering wheel, not looking at me, his profile rigid. “Cory, what’s the problem?”

  I followed his gaze through the window and into the pizza parlor. Ahhh, there it was.

  “Is that what this is about? Brad?” He didn’t say anything, and after a few silent seconds, I sighed. I pried his hand from the steering wheel and held it in mine. “Cory, you don’t need to worry about him. I’m not the slightest bit interested in him. I have who I want.”

  His eyes softened but silence continued to stretch between us, time slowly ticking by. “I don’t like it.”

  “Don’t like what?”

  “You working with Brad. I just … don’t trust him.”

  I squeezed his hand. “I’ll be fine. There are other people working with us. I better go, they’re waiting on me.”

  “Hey, hang on.”

  He leaned across the seat and tugged me to him. He gave me a lingering kiss that left me gasping, and I clutched his shirtfront. “I’ll see ya later.”

  The corners of his mouth turned down, but then his face brightened. “I’ll come pick you up if you want.”

  “No, that’s okay. I won’t get off until past ten, so I think I’ll just stay at my sister’s tonight.” I didn’t want him going out
of his way for me any more than he already had, but he looked so forlorn.

  He watched me sullenly and then gave me curt nod. “Okay. I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.”

  “Yep, see ya. And thanks for the ride.” My heart ached leaving him this way. I kissed him again deeply, until his breathing became labored. Reluctantly, I moved away. “Mmm, bye, Cory.”

  My kiss had had the desired effect, his laughter rumbling deep in his chest. But it also made me wish I’d said no. I could have stayed with Cory for the evening. Why had I agreed to work again? An image of Cory in a fitted tux came to mind. Oh yeah, homecoming.

  I waved as I hustled through the back door, the delicious smell of hot pizzas wafting out. Inside, everyone was frantically moving to and fro from the stations to the phones and to the front counter. I rushed to the bathroom to change my shirt and snatched an apron off a hook as I came out. As I clocked in, I glanced out the open door and spied Cory’s Jeep still parked outside. It was empty. I peeked out the door and squinted against the setting sun, the sky a dark pinkish-rose. Where was Cory?

  Brad was up front helping a line of customers and I started toward him to let him know I made it. When he saw me he broke into a wide smile and my stomach gave an involuntary flutter. I gave him a quick wave and turned to hide a frown by clumsily picking up a ringing phone. My thoughts leapt to our kiss the other night at the party and I flushed. Cory’s reaction to the news thrust the fleeting butterflies away. I was totally head-over-heels-crazy about Cory, so why did I have this reaction to Brad?

  “Hello, Joane’s Pizza, what can I get for you?” I jotted down the order, puzzling over Cory’s whereabouts, and conflicted over my stupid attraction to Brad. An upsurge of noise came from the front, and I had to cover my ear so I could hear the customer on the phone. The unfriendly voices rose in volume, and I dropped the phone. Well, now I knew where Cory was, but what was he doing here?

  “Miss, are you there?”

  “Oh, I’m sorry. It’s a … a bit crazy tonight.” I adjusted the phone and turned my back, attempting to ignore the heated scene between Cory and Brad. What was going on? “Could you repeat that one more time for me?”

  “Bacon and pepperoni? Large?”

  “Alright that’ll be ready in …” I glanced at the row of tickets above the prep table flapping from the heat of the ovens “… thirty minutes. Thanks for calling Joane’s.” I hung up and rushed to the front, Cory’s words setting my teeth on edge.

  “Just stay away from her, okay? She’s mine.” His voice dropped to a menacing snarl, and a conflicted surge of emotion rocketed through me at his possessive declaration. He pressed against the counter as close to ‘in’ Brad’s face as the obstruction would allow, a vein bulging in his neck, hands clenched tightly.

  “Whatever.” Brad motioned for the next customer to come forward, dismissing Cory. His posture appeared to be relaxed but after his attitude facing down Hobbs last Friday, I wasn’t so sure. Cory didn’t budge. Brad returned his gaze to Cory’s rigid posture, annoyance now etched on his sharp features. “What?”

  “I mean it. You keep your mitts off of her.” His eyes were narrowed to slits. “I saw the way you looked at her just now, and you’re not messing her up like you did those girls in school. You touch her and you’re dead.” I bristled, his remark now bordering on controlling. But what was with the other comment? What had Brad done?

  “That’s up to her. I’ll leave her alone when she tells me. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have customers, so either order or get out.”

  Cory opened his mouth, but I hissed, “Cory. What are you doing?”

  He whirled at the sound of my voice, sputtering like a fish out of water.

  “Do you want to get me fired?” My fists were on my hips.

  He pulled something thin and black from his pocket and set it on the counter. Pushing it toward me, he looked down, shaking his head brusquely. “Angie, I … uh, you forgot your cell. I shouldn’t have …”

  Too angry for words, I snatched it and pivoted on my heel.

  “Angie, wait.”

  “Just go, Cory. I told you, I’m fine.” I kept my back to him and jerked a phone off the hook. The sharp ding of the bell signaled his departure and I let my shoulders drop. What was he thinking? I shook my head, trying to focus on the order. I was at work .Work: take orders, make pizzas, help customers. I thumped the phone down harder than I’d planned. Angrily, I slapped my hand against the counter and muttered a curse.

  “Angie.” Brad passed me and motioned for me to follow. I reluctantly fell in behind him. On the threshold of the office, I took a deep breath. His look was cold, the set of his jaw hard, the pulse pounding in his neck. I barely stopped myself from fleeing, my insides feeling like lead. Yeah, I was about to get canned. Could that have been what Cory was trying to do? Get me fired? He said he didn’t like me working with Brad.

  “Do you want to tell me what that was about?” He jerked his finger roughly toward the front of the store, his voice low, disquieting. I think I’d have preferred he yell at me.

  “I have no idea.” I shrunk away from the fury emanating from him.

  “You have no idea? This is my family’s business, and I won’t have you setting your boyfriend on me.”

  “I didn’t set my boyfriend …” My voice was harsh. Brad looked at me sharply and I immediately marshaled back my overrun emotions, continuing more quietly. “I didn’t. I’m just as shocked as you. I had no idea he was going to come in.”

  “Well, it better not happen again, or you’ll be looking for another job.” He shoved past me and stormed into the walk-in. I was rooted to the spot when he slammed back through the door, his arms loaded with a tray of pizza dough. He snarled, “Get back to work.”

  I scurried off, surprised I still had a job. For the rest of the night, Brad gave me the silent treatment, casting me dark looks, but he kept his distance as well. I didn’t know why he was so angry with me. I couldn’t control Cory, and if I tried, I’d be no better than him. Even more perplexing, a few times I could have sworn there was hurt in Brad’s eyes.

  When I clocked out it was with great relief, and I fled like there was a predatory swarm of zombies on my heels. Twinkling stars passed in and out of view as patchy clouds shifted through the inky dark sky. When I exhaled a cloud of icy mist puffed into the air and I shivered, hunkering into my coat.

  I didn’t notice the vehicle shadowing me until the blare of the horn made me grab at my chest, my heart hammering. I yanked open the door and swung up into the cab. Heat blasted me from the vents and I held my frozen fingers in front of them, drinking in the warmth. “You gave me a heart attack, Lorraine.”

  “What are you doing here?” She regarded me with a stupid smirk, one hand propped on the steering wheel, a tendril of smoke spiraling up from the slender cigarette in her fingers. I bit my tongue to keep from laying into her about the stupidity of smoking. We’d already been rounds about that. At least she had the window cracked. Hopefully I wouldn’t die from hacking up a lung.

  “Didn’t you get my message?”

  She shook her head, and took a drag off her cancer stick. “What message?”

  “About me crashing at your place tonight?”

  “Nope. But that’s fine.” A dark blue car was in the driveway when we pulled in. Lorraine fumbled with a few grocery bags from the back seat.

  “Whose car?” I followed her up the walk, TV noise spilling onto the porch when she opened the door. The answer to my question was sprawled on the sofa, his many tattoos clearly visible on his naked torso. “Dave. Hey’d you get a new car?”

  “Little sis. Yeah, you like?”

  “Sure.” I hadn’t taken that good of a look, but it had to better than his rusted out VW.

  When Lorraine sidled past, he pinched her on the rear. She squealed and hung over the back of the sofa to kiss his bare shoulder, careful to keep out of reach of his groping hands. The bags in her arms rustled and as if the noise reminded her of them
, she moved into the kitchen to put them down.

  I plunked into the armchair, my eyes shifting back and forth between his shirt on the floor and him. I focused on a smudge on the wall over his shoulder. “What’s up, Dave?”

  “Not much.” He slouched back, his legs spread wide, hand resting on his crotch. Refocusing on the smudge, I felt my cheeks grow warm. Why did guys insist on sitting that way? “How about you?”

  “Um, the same I guess, not much.” I could hear Lorraine banging things around accompanied with low muttering. Every few seconds she’d scowl at Dave, her subtle attempts to get his attention evidently lost on him. “Excuse me. I’m gonna go help Lorraine.”

  He tilted his head in her direction not looking at her. “Babe, get me a beer, would ya?”

  The look on Lorraine’s face made me want to run to the bedroom and lock the door. I froze. Having lived with her for years, I knew there was going to be trouble, and was thankful it wasn’t directed at me this time. I watched as she snagged a beer from the fridge and hitched on a wooden smile before handing him the bottle.

  “Lorraine, you okay if I go to bed? I’m exhausted and school’s pretty early. And, oh yeah, would you mind giving me a lift in the morning?”

  “Yeah, sure.” She didn’t even look at me, the set of her chin telling me I was making my exit just in time. Not sure whether she said yes to taking me to school or me going to bed or both, I closed the door to the spare room. I’d figure it out in the morning. I’d just made it, her hostile tone bleeding in through the walls. Before shucking my dirty work clothes, I glanced at my cell phone. I had several texts from Cory.

  Sorry for being a jerk

  Call me when you get off

  I pulled up his number, my thumb hovering over the call button. My mouth flattened into a tight line. No, not tonight. I was still too angry and didn’t want to say something I might regret. Plus, I wasn’t sure he hadn’t done it to try to get me fired. It was slightly endearing he cared enough about me to confront Brad, but didn’t he trust me? I’d told him about the kiss. I hadn’t asked for it. I snapped the phone closed and discarded it on the side table, then found an oversized t-shirt in the closet. I fell onto the bed and stuffed my head under the pillow, the sound of quarreling fainter, but every now and then it jerked at my subconscious.