On first glance, she felt a little guilty when she saw her mother struggling out the door with a rolling bag in each hand. But then she realized the handsome man who was holding open the door, and who looked to be about ten years her mother’s junior, was also deftly handling four suitcases that matched her mother’s other two. She’d managed to find help after all.
It was right there that Pepper realized she didn’t have to worry about her mom. Marjory Merriweather would be fine. It was time that Pepper started looking out for herself.
* * *
Life was definitely a series of ups and downs. Thank goodness it seemed to be on an upward trend—at least for the time being, Rob mused as he let himself into the house.
Who’d’a thunk that going from the tabloids straight into reality TV would be a good thing?
The taping had gone perfectly. Kate and he had done the on-camera grip-and-grin. Pepper had watched from the wings—if that’s what you called the off-camera area—before she had to leave to pick up her mother.
It had been a pleasure meeting Pepper’s friends, who obviously adored her. And it had been a good exercise in relationship building. The people who ran the annual Taste of Celebration fund-raiser had agreed to donate next year’s proceeds to the Macintyre Family Foundation to be earmarked for the pediatric surgical wing at Celebration Memorial Hospital.
The day couldn’t have gone much better. The only thing left undone was meeting Pepper’s mother. Rob was amazed that he was looking forward to it.
From the foyer, he heard the soft coo of a woman’s voice and then the distinct sound of Cody’s delighted giggle.
He made his way into the family room and saw Pepper reading to his son.
The boy pointed to the book Pepper was holding and growled the fiercest sound he’d ever heard come out of his son. Then he laughed delightedly.
“Do I detect a wild rumpus going on in here?” Rob stretched his arms out and did his best monster walk toward Cody, who screamed in delight and giggled when Rob tickled him.
Pepper put down the book and stood up. “Nadia had a minor family emergency, and she asked me if I would sit with Cody until you got home.”
“Oh, is everything okay?”
“I think so. She said one of her granddaughters was sick and she had to go care for her.”
Rob nodded. “Family first,” he said, as he hung up his coat. He glanced around, taking in the Christmas lights and decorations that Nadia must’ve put up today before she left.
“Hey, bud, did you help Nadia decorate today?”
“Yep,” Cody croaked in his five-year-old voice.
“It looks great in here. Good job.”
“Yep,” he repeated.
“Hey, Cody, what do you want for Christmas?” Pepper asked him.
“A wolf suit!” he cheered.
No stuttering.
In fact... He looked up and gazed at Pepper and Cody, who had returned to their reading. His son hadn’t stuttered once since Rob had walked in the door.
Trying to be unobtrusive, he walked a little closer and pretended to open some mail while he listened in on what Cody and Pepper were doing.
She would read a line from the book and have him repeat it back to her, tracing his finger under the words on the page.
“Now, it’s your turn,” she’d say. “Say it very slowly. We want to make this book last a long, long time.” Very slowly, she growled out the words long, long time in a monster voice. Cody repeated the words she told him to say. He took his time, sometimes coming to a complete stop for several seconds to work his mouth into the proper shape, waiting until he had a strong enough hold on the word to spit it out without stuttering.
Pepper was teaching his son to...to cope with this condition that had had a firm grip on him since the accident and his mother’s abandonment.
He watched in silent amazement as the woman he once worried was so frivolous and shallow helped a little boy in a way that could possibly change his life.
He didn’t know she could do that.
Hell, he didn’t know if he could do that.
But one thing he did know was that he was starting to fall in love with her.
And he had no idea what to do about that.
She accepted Rob’s invitation to stay for dinner. Nadia had prepared a lasagna before she left to tend to her family.
“So, I need to ask you something,” Pepper said to Rob after Cody had settled into watching his favorite cartoon on television.
“Anything,” Rob said. His voice held a particularly flirty note to it. It stirred something in her belly.
“Well, gosh, this is important, but I don’t know if I want to cash in my anything card on this,” she teased. “I mean this is a pretty straightforward yes-or-no question.”
He donned potholder mitts and took Nadia’s lasagna out of the oven.
Rob’s voice saying “Family first” when he’d heard of Nadia’s need to tend to her own registered in her head. His roots really were firmly rooted in his people, which essentially boiled down to Cody and Kate. The three of them together made a family—as nontraditional as they were. In many ways, she realized, they were a firmer family unit than her own, which at one time had been considered a pillar of the Dallas/Celebration community.
How quickly things had crumbled. Her father was dead. Her mother was more distant than ever. Pepper had had a brief conversation with her as she’d dropped her off at the house, but her mother hadn’t been ready to talk about her husband’s death, much less discuss plans to scatter his ashes. In true form, Marjory Merriweather was emotionally unavailable when Pepper needed her most. So, Pepper tried to be patient and focused on the fact that her mother was home. She just needed time to adjust.
One step at a time. She reminded herself, family wasn’t necessarily about blood as much as it was about choice. Really, the closest thing she had to family was her girlfriends.
“So, you were saying?” Rob asked.
“Sorry, I was momentarily blinded by how stunning you look in those oven mitts.”
Rob mugged a pose wearing the mitts and Pepper lost another little piece of her heart.
“All right, Adonis, would it be okay if I gave Cody my brother’s old wolf suit? My mom had it made for him when he was about Cody’s size. Some costume designer made it. It was a pretty big deal.”
Rob sobered. “It belonged to your twin brother?”
She nodded, feeling a little wistful. “My only brother.” It suddenly hit her that maybe it wasn’t such a good idea. “Maybe not. It’s okay if you don’t think it’s such a good idea. It is more than twenty-five years old. So, it may not be appropriate.”
Or good enough.
“I’ll bet it’s fabulous,” he said. “My only reservation is that you might want to hang on to it.”
“Well, the last time I wore Max’s wolf suit was a very long time ago, and it was a very wild rumpus.”
“I’ll bet.” He wiggled his brows at her. “I’d love to see you in a wolf suit. Although I had you pegged as more of the Red Riding Hood type.”
She rolled her eyes. “Actually, I can’t remember my brother ever letting me try it on.” And after he died, she never took it out of its box again. But she’d kept it. She shook away the blue meanies that were threatening to settle around her. “Still, Carson and I stirred some wild rumpuses that would’ve made Max himself roar with envy. You’ll have to ask my mom about that when you meet her.”
“Yeah, I’m looking forward to that.”
She paused. Really? She swallowed hard and brushed a piece of hair—that may or may not have been there—off her forehead. “You know, sometimes I look at you and Kate and wonder if that’s how Carson and I would’ve been. You two have a great relationship. You’re such a great family.”
“I suppose we have our moments.”
“You’re not a traditional family unit, but that’s what I love about you guys. You give me hope for my mother and me.”
The way he smiled at her conveyed more than any words he could’ve spoken. It unnerved her a little and she wasn’t quite sure how to react or what to say. So, when he opened a cabinet and took down three plates, she reached for them. “Here give me those.”
He didn’t let go, but instead pulled her into him. Leaning over the plates, he kissed her. She was very aware that it was the first time they’d kissed in his house. It felt strange and new and sort of like the first time all over again.
He set the plates on the counter and took her into his arms.
“What about Cody?” she asked.
“He’s okay. I’m pretty sure he’s not wearing his X-ray goggles right now.”
His lips brushed hers in a feather-soft kiss and naturally, she responded, opening her mouth, letting him in. Sighing, she thought, I could get used to these kisses.
Who was she kidding? She already had.
He pushed her hair back and leaned in, resting his forehead on hers.
“I loved watching you in there with Cody,” he said. “You’re going to make a great mom someday.”
She froze. Suddenly, the world tipped on its axis in the way it did when a panic attack gripped her. Breathe. Just breathe.
But it was still happening. She felt as if she were standing on the outside looking in on herself in this house, with this man, part of this family that somehow seemed to function despite all the obstacles that had been thrown in its path.
As much as she wanted to fit into this perfect picture, she didn’t. She would make a terrible mother, just like her own mother would never be the mother of the year because she wouldn’t let Pepper bridge the emotional ocean that had spanned between them. Pepper should’ve admitted that to herself before she fallen for a man with a kid.
The truth felt like a vine growing out of control, coiling around her, strangling her and tying her to a past she’d never be able to run away from, keeping her from a future that she would never have.
Because unlike the Macintyres, her family had started its slow disintegration the day she’d caused the accident that had killed her brother.
There had been no putting the shattered pieces back together. It was like the continental drift theory playing out in real life. A slow, steady shift, and once it had started, there was no way to stop it.
She had caused the accident that killed her brother, and her parents—especially her mother—had never forgiven her.
She had certainly never forgiven herself.
Chapter Fourteen
Christmas was Rob’s favorite time of year. But it had been years since he’d been able to enjoy it.
This holiday felt different. He wanted the tree. He wanted the turkey. He wanted the Christmas carols and the eggnog, too.
Bring it on. All of it.
Because for the first time in a long time, it truly did feel like the most wonderful time of the year.
He and Cody had gotten not one, but two Christmas trees—one for the formal living room, and one for the family room where they’d always celebrated their Christmases because it was the most comfortable room in the house.
They’d invited Kate and Pepper to come along on the great tree hunt, but they’d each begged off, promising to come over later to help decorate it and make Christmas cookies with Cody.
Now, with a blazing fire in the fireplace and the house smelling like pine and cinnamon, he and Pepper were gently unwrapping ornaments and hanging them on the tree.
Christmas carols were playing, and the scent of the cookies Kate and Cody were busy making in the kitchen filled the house with so much good cheer, Rob’s Christmas cup threatened to overflow.
But it hadn’t yet.
He unwrapped the laughing Santa ornament and was flooded with nostalgia. He held it up and showed it to Pepper, who had been a little quiet tonight.
“This one was my dad’s favorite.”
She took it from him and looked at it, turning it carefully in her hands.
“Aww, that’s sweet.”
He handed it back to him and watched him as he picked out just the right spot and hung it on the tree.
He sensed that there was something on her mind.
“Ornament for your thoughts?” he said.
She chuckled. “Actually, may I ask you something?”
She looked so solemn and inside herself that he wanted to make her laugh to draw her out.
“Are you cashing in your ask-anything pass?”
She stared off into the distance for a moment. “Yes, I suppose I am for this one. It’s kind of a big one.”
“Whoa, like a ‘send out for champagne’ kind of question? Are you asking me to marry you?”
She felt herself flush. Good grief, he was full of himself tonight.
“No! Of course not. Don’t be absurd.”
“Do you find the idea of marriage absurd or just the idea of being married to me absurd?”
She opened her mouth to answer, but she couldn’t find the words. For the first time in a long time she was speechless. What was she supposed to say? I’m not the woman who should be the mother of your child—of your children. Especially not precious Cody. I love him way too much for that.
“Excuse me, I’m the one with the ask-anything pass.”
But now he had killed the mood. Or maybe she had. Either way he was in much too good of a mood for her to bring him down with what she’d wanted to ask.
She sighed. “Never mind.” She picked up her glass and started toward the kitchen.
“Wait, Pepper, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to joke about marriage like that. I know it’s not something to take lightly.”
His hands were on her shoulders and he turned her to face him. Then he took her face in his hands. “I’m sorry. Ask me anything. Please.”
His gaze searched her face and there it was—that feeling of magnet moving steel and a pin pinging into place. Into exactly the right place in her heart. And it terrified her.
“Were you able to forgive you father for the accident?”
Now it was his turn to be rendered speechless. He regarded her for a moment without saying anything.
“Actually, yes. I have forgiven him.”
“So, if he were here right now, and Cody was...”
He took her by the hand and led her to the couch. “Let’s sit down.”
* * *
The question caught Rob off guard. Actually, it knocked the wind out of him like a sucker punch to the gut. But this was something that Pepper needed to know and with the direction his heart was leading him, it was now or never.
He chose now.
They settled on the couch and he took a deep breath.
“There’s a short answer and a long one. First, the simple answer is I forgave him because he’s family. And there’s that old adage that says something about how harboring resentment is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.”
She arched a brow at him. “That’s clever. I’ll have to remember that. What’s the long answer?”
He raked a hand through his hair, mentally preparing himself to excavate garbage from the past that he’d buried deep in the years past. But he believed in full disclosure—keeping no secrets from those he loved.
“When I was fresh out of college, I moved to New York and got a hotshot job on Wall Street. I left my family behind and set out to make a better life for myself. Well, while I was taking care of myself, my mother died. My father blamed himself. After unsuccessfully trying to drink himself to death, he finally sobered up and decided to start taking care of Kate. She w
as still at home—in high school by this time. Unbeknownst to me, rather than cleaning himself up, my father had traded in one vice for another and had run up a huge gambling debt.
“He was afraid that the thugs he owed money to would hurt Kate—they actually did set the house on fire once. It was a small fire, and the fire department was able to put it out without too much damage. But it was a warning—pay up or suffer the consequences.
“My father was desperate. So he came to me. Told me they were going to kill him if he didn’t pay. So I got him the money.”
Pepper was listening wide-eyed and rapt. “What did you do? Please tell me you didn’t kill anyone.” She shuddered.
“No, I didn’t do that, but I stole the money my father needed.”
Her mouth formed a tiny O.
“And I paid it back quickly before anyone knew it was gone. I got lucky. And I walked away from that world as quickly as I could because I knew what I was capable of and I didn’t like it.”
“So, that’s when you went and worked on the oil rigs and worked your way up to billionaire?”
He shrugged. That wasn’t the point.
“It almost seems like everything you touch turns to gold.”
Neither was that.
“No, it means that I am no better than any man who makes a mistake. That’s why I can’t judge your father or blame mine. Pepper, we all have our reasons. We all have our price and our threshold. It just depends on the cause and how far we will go for it.”
* * *
On Christmas Eve, Pepper was still thinking about what Robert said about forgiveness. He had been so candid with her, she wished she could be the same.
More than anything, she wanted to ask him how his theory of forgiveness applied to oneself.
But she couldn’t. It was Christmas Eve. She’d already been Debbie Downer when they’d decorated the tree. She wasn’t going to spoil what should be one of the most magical nights of the year.
The best way to get herself in the spirit was to give presents. She’d gotten Kate an art book she’d been talking about. She was giving Rob a set of gold monogrammed French cuff links. And of course, they were both getting Maya’s Chocolates. But out of everyone, she most wanted to see Cody open his present.
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