Image of You

by M. G. Morgan

  Changing into a t-shirt and shorts I brushed my teeth before climbing into my bed. As I lay there in the dark staring up at the ceiling I contemplated going out to him. If I went out there I knew what would come. The kiss in the kitchen had very nearly ended in us both naked and writhing in ecstasy. He was a player. He used women, drew them in and then dumped them. It was something he was renowned for. Why would being with me be any different?

  Drifting off into a frustrated sleep, I tossed and turned. My mind conjuring up memories I had thought were buried.

  Chapter Six

  "Katherine, this work is truly excellent... I'm really impressed with how far you've come. You've really taken my comments onboard and it shows."

  "Thank you, sir." I shuffled nervously in the chair. Extra credit was important, the more I could gather the better my chances at scoring the scholarship. But it still didn't change the fact that Mr Craigsdale made me so uncomfortable.

  "Please, Katherine, or can I call you Kat? School is over, call me Jacob."

  "I... Ok, sir, I mean, Jacob."

  The sound of his name on my tongue sounded awkward and wrong. I didn't want to call him Jacob. I just wanted him to grade my project as he'd promised so I could leave.

  "That's so much better now isn't it? Kat."

  The way he said made my name made me shiver. I jumped up from my chair, my haste to get away knocking a cup of coffee he had perched on top of a pile of papers. I watched as the liquid spilled down across the desk.

  "I'm so sorry..." I grabbed some tissues and hurried back, my hands shaking as I mopped up the spill.

  "Clumsy, clumsy, Kat. What if I had something important on the desk? Something irreplaceable?" His hands brushed against my hair as he pressed up against me, squashing me between the desk and his body.

  I shrugged out of his grip, turning and backing up until my back hit the chalkboard.

  "I didn't mean to. I'm really sorry, it was an accident."

  "Always sorry aren't you? " He advanced slowly.

  "Mr Craigsdale, I think I should just go home. My parents will be wondering where I am..."

  "We both know that's a lie, Katherine. Lying is such an ugly past time for such an intelligent young woman."

  I tried to move past him. To just grab my bag and leave, but his hand pressed on my arm, swinging me back and slamming me into the chalkboard. White dust rained down on me, covering my hair and making my nose itch.

  "You leave when I say it's time." He whispered the words before falling upon me. His hands probing and pressing at my body. I tried to scream, but his hand found my mouth. He clamped his hand across my lips, effectively silencing me and cutting off my air.

  My body went into panic as he pushed us both to the floor. I fought back, my hands slapping and scratching as he tried to subdue me. The feel of his hands slipping up underneath my skirt sent me into overdrive. My arms scrabbled across the floor trying to find something anything to use as a weapon. He pressed against me, a sigh of contentment leaving his lips as he closed his eyes.

  Chapter Seven

  Warm hands gripped me tightly, holding me down. I screamed and fought, bucking and heaving, desperate to escape. I had to escape. I had to.

  "Kat, wake up, it's a dream, it's just a dream. You're safe. wake-up."

  Matt's voice slowly drifted down to me, drawing me from the horror of the nightmare. He was kneeling on the edge of the bed, his strong arms holding me tight. I noticed the fresh nail marks across his naked chest as he moved and the moonlight fell over him.

  "It's a dream. You're safe, sssh." He brushed his hands across my hair, pushing it back from my face.

  I pulled him further into the bed, drawing his body closer to mine as I drank in the scent of his skin. I needed something to chase the taste of the dream from my head. It was trying to linger and the harder I clung to Matt the less hold it held over me.

  I buried my face against his stomach and the tears flowed hot and heavy. I'd never had someone tell me I was safe before. The dream was a common occurrence. Something I had most nights. But tonight was different. Tonight was the first night someone had held me and told me the monsters in my dreams weren't real.

  He held me there for a few moments, neither of us spoke. My heart rate slowed and finally my tears dried and still he held me. When he shifted in the bed, it was to slide down nearer to me. His face was mere inches from mine and I could feel the fan of his breath across my cheeks.

  "Matt, I need you..." The words hung between us. I watched as several emotions seemed to war within him. They crossed his face and he held his breath, as though waiting for me to change my mind. To take back what I had just said. But I didn't. I waited for him.

  The moment he gave in I felt it, like all the air had been sucked from the room. His mouth met mine, softly at first, just a tentative press of his lips against mine. But I wanted more. I wanted to taste what I had glimpsed in the kitchen with him. I wanted the passion. I needed it. Something that would perhaps chase the nightmares from me once and for all. Could a passion burn strong enough to burn out the bad dreams? I didn't know but I was desperate to find out.

  I climbed over him, straddling his hips with my body as I deepened the kiss. My hands running across the smooth skin of his chest. He bucked his hips just enough for me to feel the hard length of him. It pressed against me and my breath caught in my throat.

  His hands ran up and under my t-shirt pulling it off and over my head, he discarded it on the floor. He rolled the tip of his tongue over my nipple, the sensitive bud instantly jumping to attention. I wondered was it from years of playing the guitar. His fingers stroking over the strings as he practised.

  A muffled squeal escaped me as he flipped me over in the bed. My shorts disappeared as he unbuckled his jeans and dumped them with the rest of the clothes on the floor. Naked he poised himself above me. He gazed down at me until my cheeks burned red and I was sure he could see it in the dark. I automatically tried to cover myself up with my hands, but Matt was there before me. His hands pinning each wrist above my head, trapping me beneath him. And yet for the first time in my life I didn't feel trapped. I felt alive and utterly free.

  He continued to gaze down at me. Not moving just watching as though at any second, I would change my mind and push him away. But I didn't. I couldn't. Not now. I wanted him and I didn't care about the consequences.

  "Are you sure you want this?" His voice sounded strained, as though holding himself back was physically causing him pain.

  "Yes..." My whispered acquiescence was all he needed to hear.

  With one fluid movement he thrust into me, buried his body to the hilt inside in mine. I sucked in a deep breath, my entire body tensing around his. My fingers dug into his shoulders as he started to move within me. Withdrawing until just the tip of him remained before plunging back inside me. It was like a dance. A dance that I had worried I wouldn't know the steps to, but with Matt it was simple.

  I clung to him, sweat leaving a fine sheen on my body. I gasped for breath as each stroke of him within me stole the air from my lungs. The pleasure built within me, like a sweet torture that I never wanted to end. And yet I knew at the end of that tunnel that I was rapidly disappearing into I would find my haven of peace. A moment of pure and utter bliss.

  We kissed, his tongue plundering my mouth as I gave myself over to the sensations of his love making. With one hand he gripped my hip, pulling my ass off the bed and driving himself into me so seep I was sure he would simply break me apart.

  But my body seemed to understand what he was doing. Seemed to easily accept every move of his and each one only made me pant a little harder, moan a little louder.

  I writhed beneath him, my head flung back, eyes closed as Matt bore into me. Forcing me with his body to taste everything he had to offer. Every ounce of pleasure he could wring from me.

  The sensations swept through me and I clung to him as though he were the only life raft. Afraid that if I let him go I would float away
and never be seen again.

  The pleasure crashed over me and I gave myself up to it completely. Matt's cry of release was mingled with my own as my body convulsed with the ripples of our love making. I dug my nails into his body, drawing blood but not caring. All I knew was in that moment I needed to hold onto something. Someone. And that someone was Matt.

  He collapsed on top of me. Our breathing laboured and the sweat cooling on my skin. I kissed him again. The taste of salt on his lips.

  He held me, cradled in his arms and when I started to shake he drew the covers up over us both.

  "What do you dream about?" His voice was soft. As though just before sleep.

  "I've never told anyone that..."

  "But you could tell me..."

  Silence fell around us like a blanket. And there in the dark for the first time in my life I felt truly safe. I felt as though I could tell him the truth and I would still be safe. He could protect me.

  "I dream of the day all my dreams shattered."

  Matt shifted in the bed and glanced down at me. I couldn't see the look in his eyes but I could feel it. And it urged me to go on.

  "It was the day you left high school... You broke it off with Angela, I was there in the hall and she was pulling one of her usual stunts. I was going to hand in my project to..." My mouth went dry, as though I couldn't even bear to say his name. That if I did he would come back and get me. Silence me.

  "Mr Craigsdale..." Matt said the name for me and I shuddered. He held me tighter and fell silent.

  "Yeah, him... Only he wasn't interested in the project..."

  Matt's arms tightened around me a little more and he wrapped his body around mine, cocooning me in his warmth.

  "What happened, Kat?"

  My mind replayed the scene over and over. The nightmares never seemed to fully do it justice. They were never terrifying enough. In the dream I didn't remember the cloying smell of his aftershave. Or the way his hands had dug into my soft skin, leaving bruises that took weeks to heal. The roughness of his beard against my face...

  I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to hide from the memories, memories that I had tried to bury.

  "You can tell me... They say it makes it easier if you tell..."

  "He tried to rape me... Pushed me down on the floor... I remember him trying to pull my knickers off, the press of his fingers against me. I fought. I tried to get away, told him to stop... But he wouldn't. I begged him to let me go."

  Silence engulfed us again, punctuated only by the sounds of my quiet sobs. Matt drew in a shaking breath before speaking.

  "Did he... You know? Did he succeed?"

  "No." It was the one thing I clung to out of the horror of the memories. He didn't succeed. I won. I beat him. But the victory had always tasted bitter. It wasn't a victory I wanted. It wasn't worth the memories or the nightmares or the terror.

  "You fought him off?" There was something in Matt's voice, some type of admiration that I couldn't quite put my finger on.

  "I grabbed a ruler that had fallen on the floor near me. I hit him with it. And when he got off me and tried to grab me again, I hit him again, and again. Until he stopped trying to grab me... And then Angela walked in and ruined my life for good..."

  "Angela?"

  "Yeah, your ex. She walked in, saw Mr Craigsdale covered in blood and decided I'd tried to kill the teacher..."

  Matt started to laugh and then stopped when he realised that I wasn't laughing with him. "You're serious? But there's no way they'd believe that! How could they?"

  "Because Craigsdale backed her up. When I tried to explain what he'd done, he said I'd fallen on the floor with some sort of fit. He'd tried to restrain me for my own safety and I'd flipped out. Beat him with the ruler repeatedly... He ended up with concussion, and I ended up expelled with a record for assault... Everyone believed him because he was the teacher. The adult... He wouldn't lie... And he had Angela who made out she had seen everything..."

  "So that's why you started working for Brody... Changed your name to Katy Faulkner?"

  I nodded and chewed my lip self-consciously. Would he believe me? No one else had. How could I expect Matt to believe me?

  "I'm really sorry he did that to you..."

  I didn't say anything, but I started to cry again. It wasn't because I'd had to drag up the memories, or even because I was feeling sorry for myself. It was because for the first time since it'd happened, someone actually believed me.

  "How do you know I'm telling the truth?" I asked, finally scrubbing the tears from my face and taking in several deep breaths.

  "Because I know what it’s like to have a secret that eats at you. One that you've tried to bury but it haunts you every night in your dreams."

  "What secrets do you have?" The words were little more than whispers and I wasn't even sure if he'd heard me. When he didn't answer I decided that he couldn't have heard it, or maybe I had imagined I'd asked it.

  I cuddled in against him, hugging his body with mine. "Stay with me..."

  Matt nodded as he answered. "Yeah." He pressed his lips to the top of my head, and settled down in the bed.

  My body felt lighter than it had in years. It was as though sharing the horror of what had happened that day had set me free. I wasn't tied down by it anymore. Not only that but someone had actually believed me. Matt hadn't laughed or told me I was crazy. He hadn't sided with Craigsdale like everyone else had.

  I remembered the look on my parents face when they had found out. So disappointed. It didn't matter how much I tried to tell them truth. As far as they and everyone else was concerned I was a liar. Of course the little issue of no doctor being able to find a reason for this mysterious fit I'd had, didn't seem to count.

  I closed my eyes. Let my mind drift over what I'd shared with Matt. Something special, unique even. Or was I just imagining it? Matt's breathing had deepened and I knew he was on the edge of sleep. Would he still look at me with lust in the morning? Or now that we'd shared a bed for the night would I simply become another notch in Matt Henley's bed post? I hoped not.

  Chapter Eight

  The following morning dawned bright. The sun streamed in through my window pulling me awake. I stirred and turned, Matt's arm sliding around my waist as he murmured in his sleep and drew me closer.

  I smiled. I couldn't help it, and I even felt silly doing it, but that didn't stop me from feeling happy. And I was happy. Happier and lighter than I'd been in years. I'd shared my terrible dark secret with someone else and they hadn't laughed at me. Or told me I was crazy. He had believed me. And after everything that had happened in the past, that one piece of belief was meant the world to me.

  I wasn't a terrible person. I hadn't deserved what had happened back then. I'd believed the lies, believed that I was worthless. A liar. Scum. I'd believed that I had deserved what had happened that day.

  Matt had changed that. I was still insecure in myself, and I didn't honestly believe that one night in his arms had suddenly changed everything. But it was a start. A good start.

  "Morning, Kitty Kat." He rolled to the edge of the bed and stretched. I grabbed him but it was too late and he tumbled over the edge. The sound of him hitting the floor and his muffled swearing had me in fits of giggles.

  Peeking over the edge at him I tried to stifle my laughing with my fist in my mouth. But the look on his face was too much. He reminded me of a cat I'd had when I was younger. Mr Snuggles contrary to his name never wanted anyone to touch him. He spent all of his time with a permanent scowl etched onto his small cat face.

  Matt scowled up at me as he shifted up onto his hands and knees. "Your bed just tried to kill me... I may have to retaliate..."

  I giggled again as he pounced back up onto the bed and pinned me beneath him.

  "You wouldn't be laughing at me, now would you? That would be very bad for you..."

  My laughter instantly turned to little gasps as he lowered his head and pressed his lips into the hollow between my shoulder and
neck. He nipped and licked at my skin, moving down lower over my body.

  Both of our phones chose that exact moment to begin ringing. I groaned as I wriggled beneath him, but he held me still for another moment.

  "We'll continue this later, Kitty Kat, I plan on my punishment being the most delicious thing you've ever experienced..."

  I shivered at his words. Opening my mouth to answer him my mouth went dry. The words refusing to come out. It was his turn to laugh and as he rolled off me I slapped him playfully.

  "Careful, I might like that." He grinned at me as he stood and reached for his jeans.

  Pulling the sheet around my body I stood and grabbed my phone. The office number flashed up on the screen and with a sigh I flipped the phone open, instantly answering the call. I'd ignored Brody yesterday, I couldn't afford to keep doing it.

  "Finally! Where the hell have you been, Kat? I've been calling and calling."

  "I know, look I'm sorry, Brody. Something came up, that's all. I was going to call you this morning."

  "Yeah well no need." He hung up and I stared at the phone in confusion for a few seconds before there was a loud rapping on the front door of the apartment.

  "Shit." I muttered as I grabbed my clothes and frantically began dragging them on.

  "Who is it?" Matt asked as he leisurely pulled his jeans on.

  "I'm pretty sure it's Brody." More rapping punctuated each of my words.

  Matt shoved his phone in his pocket as it continued to ring and I shot him a quizzical look.

  "Who is calling you?"

  "No one important." A look crossed his face. A look I couldn't quite put my finger on. But I knew he was lying. Whoever was on the phone was someone he was actively trying to avoid. But I really didn't have time to deal with it right now.

  Grabbing a jumper I pulled it on as I rushed to the front door and tugged it open.