Coletti Warlords: Just Desserts

by Gail Koger

  “Never judge someone by their size. You’re liable to get your ass handed to you.”

  “Yes, ma’am. I’m mighty impressed by your abilities.”

  Sarcastic ass. “We need to find a place to hide.”

  “I’ll do a little recon.” Hank vanished.

  “How many Pings, Momma?”

  I scanned the cavern. “Tell Daddy forty.”

  “’Kay.”

  Angry growls echoed down the tunnel.

  Time to put a little more distance between the bears and us. Lucky for me, the Hus Pings weren’t the best trackers in the galaxy. Gathering my power, I teleported us another five hundred yards and collapsed against Tihar’s scaly chest. “You need to cut down on the Bir worms, buddy.”

  Hank popped in. “I found us a way off this rock.”

  “Great. How far?”

  “Not far.” He flashed me the image of a landing bay.

  I whimpered. It was over a thousand yards away.

  “We help, Momma.”

  To my utter surprise, Zarek’s, Talree’s, Haki’s, and Thor’s power poured into me. I focused on the image and teleported. There was fleeting second of blackness, and poof. I was in the landing bay.

  “Momma did it,” Thor chortled.

  “Love you, baby boy.” The landing bay was empty except for a pitiful excuse for a shuttle. It looked like it was held together by chewing gum. “That’s it?”

  Hank shrugged. “I did a systems check. It’ll fly.”

  “Yeah, but for how long?”

  “Long enough, ma’am.”

  “Right. I guess we can teleport if it catches fire.”

  He looked at me like I was nuts. “Teleport from a moving shuttle?”

  “I’ve done it before.”

  “And you didn’t lose any body parts?”

  “Nope, not a one. Can you put Tihar in the shuttle?”

  “Me?”

  “You’re a former marine. It should be a walk in the park for you to carry Tihar a measly hundred feet.”

  Anger flashed in Hank’s eyes. “I was an Army Ranger, ma’am.”

  “There’s a difference?” I waited for the explosion.

  “Marines are pussies. They send the Rangers in when the job needs to be done right,” he retorted.

  I saluted him. “Mess with the best, die like the rest. Hoo-yah.”

  Hank shot me a nasty look. With a grunt, he heaved Tihar over his shoulder and stood.

  This should get interesting.

  The Askole’s tentacles slid down Hank’s neck. Letting out a startled yell, the big wuss dumped Tihar on the floor and smacked wildly at his neck. “Sonovabitch.”

  Stifling a gurgle of laughter, I assumed a concerned demeanor and asked, “Bug get ya?”

  He muttered something under his breath.

  I cocked my head. “What was that?”

  His eyes narrowed in pure exasperation, Hank replied, “It wasn’t a bug, ma’am. Oh, yeah. I found Valdez.”

  “What? When? And you decided to withhold that information until now?” I mimicked Talree’s scary face.

  A laugh broke from him. “You couldn’t frighten a fly with that look, ma’am.”

  Dang. I thought I had it down pat.

  Hank stalked over to a control panel and hit a button. The wall slid back to reveal a bloody holding cell. “I discovered our traitor’s location five minutes ago.”

  My stomach roiled. Valdez was missing most of his face, an arm, and part of one leg. “He’s still alive?”

  “He is.”

  “Sucks to be him. He thinks he’s hurting now, wait until Zarek gets finished with him.”

  “Grandpa wants bad man.” Thor quickly added, “Alive.”

  “We’ll try.”

  “Try hard, Momma.”

  “Tell Grandpa Valdez is missing pieces.”

  “Find med kit,” Thor parroted.

  Hank called, “I’ll look for one, ma’am.”

  “If you call me ‘ma’am’ one more time, I’m gonna kick your ass.”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  An evil-looking grasshopper landed on Hank’s shoulder.

  Should I warn him or not? It jumped on his head. Its mandibles chomped on his hair. “You’ve got a critter on your head.”

  He rolled his eyes.

  Its antennae quivering, the grasshopper crawled down Hank’s face. He froze. “Get it off. Get it off. Please.”

  Well, if he was going to use the P word. “Off,” I commanded mentally.

  The alien grasshopper obediently hopped down.

  Hank stomped the shit out of it.

  “Snake come, Momma,” Thor said urgently.

  Terrific. “Did you hear that, Hank?”

  “I did.” He ran to the cell area, retrieved a med kit, and brought it to me.

  “Hot dang.” Grabbing it, I hurried to Tihar and ran the scanner over him. Not as bad as I was expecting.

  A metallic voice sounded from the med kit. “Inject Askole with 10cc of Vishna.”

  I did as instructed.

  Tihar twitched.

  The metallic voice directed, “Scan Askole again.”

  I complied.

  “Inject Askole with 20cc of Sushila,” the voice commanded.

  “Sushila?” I rummaged through the kit. Crap. There wasn’t any.

  “Inject Askole with 20cc of Sushila.”

  “Would if I could.”

  Hank opened another med kit and handed me a vial. “Here you go.”

  “Thanks.” I quickly injected Tihar.

  “Stand back,” the metallic voice ordered.

  I exchanged a puzzled look with Hank, and we took several steps back.

  Tihar shuddered and shook. His eyes rolled wildly in his head.

  “That can’t be good.”

  “Maybe we should make a run for it,” Hank said.

  With a terrifying howl of fury, Tihar shot to his feet. “Kill. Kill. Kill.”

  Yikes. “Don’t move a muscle,” I whispered to Hank.

  A bunch of Hus Pings burst into the landing bay.

  One second Tihar was in front of us, and the next he wasn’t. Moving too fast for the eye to follow, he literally tore the Hus Pings to pieces. Body parts and blood flew in every direction.

  Hank dodged a flying leg. “Damn. He’s fast.”

  More teddy bears joined the fight.

  Scooping up the pressure injectors, I filled them with a heavy-duty anesthesia and handed one to Hank. “How about we even the odds?”

  “Sounds like a plan.” He popped out.

  I teleported. Jabbed a bear in the butt. Teleported. Jabbed. Teleported. Jabbed.

  A massive paw rocketed toward my face. I ducked. The bear bellowed in frustration and lunged for me.

  I somersaulted backward. Eight-inch claws missed me by inches.

  A black blur zoomed by. Tihar was in his hyperspeed mode.

  Whack. Hot blood sprayed over me. Oh gross. I wiped it out of my eyes.

  The Hus Ping’s headless corpse lay at my feet.

  Another teddy bear grabbed me, squeezing the air out of my lungs. I stabbed him in the thigh with the injector.

  The bear staggered around like a drunk on a three-day bender before toppling to the floor.

  At least I was on top this time. I pushed the hairy arms off me, took several wheezing breaths, and waited for the funny black spots in my vision to go away.

  Tihar turned the last Hus Ping into sushi.

  I sagged against the cold metal in utter relief.

  A small boiling gray cloud formed.

  Perfect. A goddamned vortex. Had the Queen Bitch found us?

  Chapter Seventeen

  A Shani wearing a gold collar crawled out of the vortex.

  That sure looked like Bree’s little friend, and was that a com-link on her collar? “Rami?”

  She quickly slithered over to me. “The Overlord sent me. You are to call him immediately.”

  I released the com-link
and flipped it open. “Hello?”

  “Status,” Zarek barked.

  “Mog is behind our kidnappings. Tihar took out the majority of the Hus Pings. We’ve located a piece-of-crap shuttle we hope will fly and—”

  Tihar suddenly crumpled to the ground.

  “Oh no.” Scrambling to my feet, I ran over to Tihar and knelt beside him. He had picked up some rather nasty cuts.

  Zarek demanded, “What’s happening?”

  “Tihar collapsed. I think the drugs we gave him wore off.”

  There was a long sigh, and the Overlord asked wearily, “What did you inject him with?”

  “Vishna and Sushila.”

  “Those drugs are used only in emergency situations.”

  “It was an emergency, sir. We needed Tihar on his feet and able to fight.”

  Hank hurried over and handed me a med kit.

  I quickly scanned Tihar.

  The med kit’s mechanical voice stated, “The Askole’s vital signs are stable. He will not be combat ready until 2300 hours.”

  Could this day get any worse?

  “Rami will assist you until we arrive,” Zarek said.

  I massaged my throbbing temples. “Great, and what’s your ETA, sir?”

  “One hour.”

  “You better be taking good care of my son.”

  Talree’s grim voice sounded from the com-link. “Thor is with me. How badly are you injured, Kaylee?”

  “I’m fine.”

  “Kaylee.”

  When Talree got that steely note in his voice, there was no reasoning with him. “Some bruises and a couple of cracked ribs.”

  “Have Hank scan you.”

  My Siren senses flared to life. Great. More Hus Pings, and was that Mog? “Later. We have incoming hostiles.”

  The landing bay doors opened with a loud squeal.

  Hank hurriedly dragged Tihar next to the wall.

  A decrepit shuttle zigzagged wildly before swooping into the landing bay. It bounced off our ride and crashed into a wall.

  “What a piss-poor pilot,” Hank commented.

  “No kidding.” I jerked in alarm when Rami wound herself around my leg. “What are you doing?”

  “The Askole moved.”

  “He won’t hurt you.” I petted her head. “He’s my friend.”

  Rami eyed him warily. “An Askole tried to kill Momma Bree.”

  “That Askole was a rogue. Tihar hunts rogues and kills them.”

  Her grip on my leg loosened.

  The shuttle door slid back. Three drunk-as-skunks Hus Pings stumbled out and walked right past us, totally ignoring the bloody remains of their buddies.

  “If Mog plans on being Master of the Universe, he needs better help,” I said as the bears disappeared down the corridor.

  Honking like a demented duck, Mog lurched down the ramp, his funky eyes zooming in and out.

  Hank asked quietly, “You think he sees us?”

  Mog went for his laser pistol.

  “That would be a yes.” I teleported behind Mog and snatched the pistol away.

  The cyborg lunged for me, lost his balance, and fell flat on his face.

  I stunned him. His metal parts clanged against the floor as he convulsed violently.

  “You should have fried his ass,” Hank grumbled.

  “Zarek will want to talk with him.”

  “True.”

  Rami’s forked tongue flicked my hand urgently. “The Queen Mother is sending her army here.”

  A boiling funnel cloud formed outside the landing bay doors.

  “Guess the hidden base isn’t a secret anymore.”

  “The Queen Mother won’t stop until she has captured you,” Rami warned.

  I glanced down at my boots. “I think we should blow this joint.”

  Hank grinned. “Between us we should have enough explosives to turn this mountain into a pile of rubble.”

  “And take out what’s left of her army.”

  Opening the heel of my right boot, I took out the explosives and a timer.

  Rami wiggled excitedly. “I like your plan.”

  “I need you to ’port Tihar inside the shuttle.”

  “I would have to touch him.”

  “You heard what the med kit’s doc said. He’s unconscious and can’t hurt you.”

  “I will try.” Rami crawled on top of the Askole. A few seconds later, a vortex consumed them.

  I handed my explosives to Hank. “What about Valdez?”

  “I couldn’t find the keys to his cell, and there’s an energy barrier to keep him from teleporting out.” Hank planted our bomb and set the timer.

  “Zarek won’t be happy, but we don’t have time to bust him out.” I popped into the pilot’s chair and did a quick systems check. All systems were functional. I glanced over my shoulder. Tihar was sprawled on the floor. “Good work, Rami.”

  “He is very heavy.” She crawled into my lap.

  “Yes, he is.”

  Hank dumped Mog in a chair. “Go.”

  Engaging the hover mode, I turned the shuttle around and punched it. We shot out of the landing bay, barely avoiding the Queen Mother’s boiling gray vortex.

  A laser beam flashed out, missing us by a mile.

  “Bad shots too,” Hank muttered, strapping himself into the copilot’s chair.

  Kaboom! The entire mountain blew.

  The shock wave slammed into the shuttle, shaking it violently. I fought to control the wildly bucking craft. Pieces of debris hammered the hull. “Think we overdid the explosives just a bit?”

  “Not at all,” Hank responded drily.

  I looked at the view screen. Holy shit! Flames and smoke shot hundreds of feet into the air. I watched in total amazement as the ground around the base buckled and collapsed into a gaping crater. Good-bye, Shani army.

  The ship pitched radically, and warning lights flared to life on the control console. “Find us a place to land, Hank.”

  “Tryin’, ma’am.” He tapped the tracking scanner.

  The com-link chirped. I ignored it.

  “Momma. Daddy wants talk,” Thor said.

  Systems shorted and blew out, spraying us with sparks. “Tell Daddy I’m trying not to crash.”

  “Me tell.”

  “Found you a spot one click ahead,” Hank advised.

  Metal shrieked loudly. The shuttle bucked and did a one-eighty. Rami flew off my lap. Tihar tumbled wildly around the cabin; his size-twenty boot barely missed my head.

  “Fuck! The stabilizers are gone. It’s gonna be a rough landing.”

  Hank grabbed Rami as she fell from the ceiling. “Try the emergency backup system.”

  The Askole slammed into the deck.

  “Yes, sir.” The ship pitched radically and plunged toward the surface at terminal velocity. G-forces slammed me against my seat. I brought the braking thrusters online, trying to slow our descent.

  The ground rushed up to meet us. I repeatedly hit the icon for the backup system. “C’mon. C’mon, kick in.” A green light finally flared to life on the console. I blew out a relieved breath as the shuttle slowed dramatically.

  Branches clawed against the bottom of the shuttle as we skimmed the treetops. I adjusted our course and put the ship down in a narrow, barren flat. It bounced several times, coming to an abrupt halt against a boulder.

  Smoke billowed from the console.

  I unfastened the harness. “Rami, can you ’port Tihar outside?”

  “Yes.” She crawled over to Tihar.

  “I’ll grab the cyborg,” Hank called.

  Coughing up a lung, I teleported outside the shuttle and sighed in relief when I saw Tihar and Rami were a safe distance away.

  Hank popped in and dropped Mog on the ground. “I’m surprised the ship didn’t blow.”

  “Me too.” I flinched as flames shot from the crumpled metal. “Think we should move back a bit?”

  Boom. The shuttle exploded, sending a starburst of metal fragments flying
in every direction.

  “Shit!” we yelled in unison and ducked under an overhang of rock. Metal shards thudded down around us.

  Mog squawked and flopped around. Pieces of metal were embedded in his mechanical eyes, cheek, and chin.

  Hank shook his head. “I’m not pulling those out.”

  “Me either. He bites.”

  Zarek, Talree, Wulf, and a dozen warriors suddenly surrounded us.

  “Better late than never,” I quipped as Talree’s arms enfolded me.

  He held me for a long moment, then whispered in my ear, “I’m going to dip you in chocolate, and after I’ve licked every inch of your body, I’m going to fuck you until you scream.”

  I nibbled on his lower lip. “Dark or milk chocolate?”

  Zarek coughed into his hand and motioned to a warrior. “Take Mog to the ship and lock him up.”

  The warrior grabbed the cyborg by the neck and disappeared.

  The Overlord ran a disbelieving eye over my blood-splattered form. “Did you have to bathe in it?”

  “You try staying clean with an Askole on the warpath, sir.”

  A faint smile touched Zarek’s hard mouth. “A difficult task. You have an hour to prepare for the birthing ceremony.”

  My mouth dropped open in disbelief. He had to be kidding. Right?

  Talree laughed. “Let’s get you back to the ship.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  The birthing ceremony was along the lines of a Catholic christening, but instead of dunking Thor in water, it was blood. The source of a warrior’s power. Zarek chanted some gibberish in a language I didn’t understand and had my son drink from him.

  Talree took our baby from Zarek and spouted more mumbo jumbo before Thor latched on to his wrist and drank.

  Power flared in the room as Talree and my father-in-law linked minds with my son. The bond they forged could never be broken.

  I understood the necessity of the bond, but I didn’t like it. They had taken my son’s choice away. Thor could never be an artist or musician. He would follow in his father’s footsteps and become a Warlord.

  Talree placed a jeweled dagger on Thor’s chest. “With this blade, I claim you as my heir.”

  Voss stepped forward “I swear my allegiance to the heir.”

  “I swear my allegiance to the heir,” Wulf proclaimed.

  Hank appeared next to Wulf. “I swear my allegiance to the heir.”

  And on it went until every warrior had sworn his allegiance to our son.

  Haki threw himself on Thor. “Me swear.”