Out of the corner of her eye as she leaned over to place a slide inside the bat, Casey saw Reid come around one side of the table. Forcing herself to concentrate on the task at hand, she retrieved the sample from the bat. As she reached for a clean slide to put over it, Reid handed one to her.
Mouth dry, she carefully took the slide, afraid that she might contaminate him with her bloody glove. “Thanks,” she whispered hoarsely. He was so close. And so damnably, pulverizingly male. She ached for his touch, his protective embrace once again. How could she? Placing the slide into a paper container, she straightened up. Well, now she had to face the music. Reid didn’t deserve her cowardice, but her honesty, instead.
Stepping away from the table, Casey lifted her head and met his slate gray gaze. “What took you so long?”
Reid smiled tentatively as he cautiously gauged her reaction to him. “I overslept this morning.” And then he added teasingly, “Had a busy night last night, but I’m not complaining.” He saw the tension on Casey’s very readable features. He was more than a little aware of the fear banked in her eyes. She was standing as if trying to prepare herself against a physical blow. Why? With the paper hood over her head, the goggles in place to protect her eyes from any splattering while dissecting and her paper lab coat on, she looked alien. But the goggles couldn’t hide how she felt. Her green eyes were in absolute turmoil, her gaze skittering and never quite meeting his. Then his own gaze moved down to her soft, lush lips, which were now compressed tightly, and he realized she was holding back a lot of feelings.
“Do you need some help getting out of that space suit of yours?” he asked, hoping to put her at ease.
Casey knew Reid deserved an answer for her reaction to him. Instead, she focused on the task at hand. “Yes… could you? Put on a clean pair of gloves though, before you touch this stuff.” She pointed to a biohazard box, where all the paraphernalia would be placed and then burned. Viruses died in sunlight, bleach and extreme heat. She turned around so that Reid could untie her paper lab coat. Taking a shaky breath as she felt his fingers brush her back, Casey tried to capture all her escaping feelings. His touch last night… it had been excruciatingly tender and oh, so healing to her. How badly she wanted his touch again! It was crazy. Crazy!
Reid helped Casey disrobe from her biohazard gear. After putting the items in the box, they stepped away from it. Carefully placing the goggles in a bucket of bleach, he straightened. The tension was palpable as he went and dropped his gloves into the box for later burning. Turning, he saw Casey running her fingers nervously through her flattened hair.
“How’s the dissecting going?” he asked as he moved over to the table. Reid wanted to give her the space she needed. He had no desire to make this confrontation any more torturous for Casey than it obviously already was. He saw relief sheet through her as he moved away from where she was standing.
“Oh, that… I paid the warriors to go out and catch four different species of bats and I dissected them and took slides from them.” Clearing her throat, Casey pointed to the table. “I identified the species and marked each set of slides for the OID.”
“So, all we have to do is collect them and then take them to Yambuku in two weeks so the colonel can fly them out?”
Casey tried to keep her mind on the conversation, but what she really wanted was to cry. To laugh. The storm of feelings vaulting through her made her voice tremble. “Yes… yes, we’ll go to Yambuku and meet the colonel there in two weeks.”
Gazing at her, Reid said softly, “We need to talk, Casey.” Fear vomited through him. Now that he spoken the words, he wondered how she would respond. Would she lash out at him like Janet had? Scream at him? Call him half a man? Heartless? Selfish? He tried to prepare himself.
She closed her eyes and took in a deep, shaky breath. As she released it, she opened her eyes and met his warm gray gaze. “Yes… we do… .”
Opening his hands, and keeping the table between them, Reid said, “Paul told me you were here. He offered me a horse to ride over on.”
One corner of her mouth hitched upward. “He must be home from the university in Kinshasa for a visit. He’s a professor of English there.”
With a shrug, Reid said, “It was a pretty rough time for you last night… .”
Looking around the small clearing, at the tropical palm trees and the orchids twined here and there along their trunks, Casey whispered, “I didn’t realize just how much of a coward I really was until now. I thought… ” she slowly turned and held his sympathetic gaze “… I thought I had everything under control… but last night… those nightmares… the Ebola coming after me… Steve’s breathing just before he died… ” She shut her eyes and felt hot tears pressing against her lids. Unable to speak, she choked on a sob.
Steve? The word nearly leaped from his mouth. Frowning, Reid realized that whatever her reactions had been last night, they weren’t for Stan or Vince. Who was Steve? Reid started to move around the table toward her.
Casey’s eyes snapped open and she threw out her hand. “No!” she said in a choked voice. “No, don’t… hold me… don’t touch me, Reid. I can’t handle it… you… please… .”
Chastened, he halted at least six feet away from her. The suffering on her face, the pain in her voice nearly unstrung him. Tears glimmered in Casey’s eyes and she refused to meet his gaze. She wrapped her arms tightly around herself and stood rigidly, obviously trying to get a handle on her feelings.
His mind whirled with a hundred questions. His heart was suffused with anguish over her suffering. Something terrible had happened to Casey. Something far worse than he’d ever endured, he guessed. Opening his hand, Reid slowly extended it toward her. “Listen to me,” he rasped, “I’m here for you, Casey. What happened last night… it wasn’t intentional… not like you might think. When you screamed, I bolted awake. I thought there was an intruder, a terrorist. I came up with pistol in hand. You didn’t see me because you were curled up in a ball, your face covered with your hands, sobbing.”
Casey winced. Valiantly, she fought back her tears. How soothing and calming Reid’s voice was to her. Even her heart, which had been pounding ferociously in her breast, began to quiet beneath his deep voice. Did he know how healing an effect he had on her? Casey wasn’t sure. She closed her eyes. Her arms tightened against her chest.
Reid intuitively trusted his gut and went on speaking. He saw the instant effect his quiet tone had on Casey. “I was pretty tired. I wasn’t thinking clearly, just reacting out of blind instinct. When I realized we weren’t dealing with an intruder, I guess I knew you’d had a bad dream or something. I put the pistol aside and all I wanted to do was to help you in some way, Casey.” He stopped, his voice laced with frustration. “I know you find this hard to believe, but my holding you wasn’t sexual. It was to help you get through whatever pain you were holding on to… .” He saw her lift her chin, her dark green eyes upon him.
“I didn’t mean to… kiss you. It—I—it just happened,” he rasped. “I take full responsibility for it, for my actions. You were in so much pain I could feel it, Casey.” He touched his chest where his heart lay. “I can’t stand to see a woman or kid cry. It just rips the hell out of me. Right or wrong, it just does. I was torn up by your sobbing, by all that pain I heard coming out of you. I thought you were still crying over Stan and Vince, and coming here to this clearing where they’d been killed.” Helplessly, he dug deeply with his gaze into her wounded-looking eyes. “I didn’t know what else to do. So I started by giving you a few kisses, like kissing a kid on the head after she bumps it. That was all it was meant to be… .” Reid breathed raggedly. “If you thought I was taking advantage of you and the situation, I can see why you’d want to leave the village and go home. But I swear, it wasn’t like that. You’re going to have to trust me on this, Casey. And if you can’t, well, I don’t know what to do or say to fix it between us… . If it can be fixed… .”
Rubbing her eyes, Casey muttered, “You deserve
the truth, Reid.”
Reid stood there feeling helpless, like he should be holding her. But he didn’t dare try to do it though he saw the punishing agony clearly etched in every feature of Casey’s pale face. His fingers and arms itched to move out, to embrace her, to drag her into the safe haven of his arms. Reid knew he could help her to heal. He’d felt their synergy last night, and that wonderful connection, whatever it was, was still throbbing palpably between them right now, like an invisible umbilical cord. Swallowing hard, he gave her a brisk nod. “Okay, the truth.” Again he tried to prepare himself to be dressed down by Casey for all the things he’d done wrong with her last night.
Casey closed her eyes, her voice sounding broken. “I was engaged to be married to Steve Bower. He… he was a scientist at the OID. I’d known him for years. We’d been to Africa together, off and on, and the last two years trying to locate the Ebola’s reservoir. Over time, I just sort of fell for the guy… .” She smiled sadly. Opening her eyes, she saw Reid’s forehead wrinkle and a penetrating darkness enter his eyes. “Steve and I were in the hot zone lab at the OID a year ago with some monkeys that we suspected were infected with Ebola. Ebola tai, the latest mutated version they’d found originally on the Ivory Coast. Steve went to catch one in a cage and it attacked him and ripped a hole in his bio suit. The monkey’s claws went through it and scratched him on his arm.”
Casey grimaced. “I got so scared. I knew. I just knew… ” Her voice went lower. “Steve instantly got out of the hot zone and performed all the procedures for Ebola infection. I went ahead and caught that monkey, dissected it, and the autopsy showed he had Ebola tai. By the time I got out of the lab, they had Steve in that special room where they take Ebola patients.” Casey sniffed. “I didn’t even get to say goodbye to him—not like I wanted to. I couldn’t touch him or go in the room without being in our level-four space suit. In forty-eight hours, he showed the first signs of Ebola infection. Everyone—” her voice cracked “—everyone did everything they could to save Steve… but… he died… . He bled out… .”
Casey pressed her hands to her face and choked back a sob. “Yesterday was hell for me, coming to this clearing. All I could see were those black-and-white photos showing Stan and Vince dead here. I cried for them. Last night… maybe from being here in Africa again, facing Ebola again… I had a horrible nightmare about the Ebola worms, and it was mixed in with the last breaths Steve took before he died. I was in that sterile room with him, sitting at his bedside, holding his hand with my gloved one. I saw the Ebola virus wrap itself around me, and I felt myself dying… .” Casey removed her hands from her face and looked at Reid, whose own face was alive with anguish—for her, for what she’d lost. “That’s when I screamed, I guess. I remember my voice echoing like it was in a sound chamber. Last night’s thunder… I don’t know, really. All I remember is my panic. And I felt so much grief over losing Steve coming up through me that all I could do was cry like a little kid. Sob and shake… .” She gave a rueful shake of her head as her voice trailed off into silence.
Casey couldn’t continue. She couldn’t share with Reid how much his presence, his care, his embrace, meant to her. He had stirred her womanly longings to life in the process, and he’d opened her heart when she thought it would never open to another man again as long as she lived. The fear of loving Reid, the fear of losing someone she loved again, was too much for Casey to endure or even contemplate right now. All these things wanted to tumble out of her mouth, but she choked them back. It was beyond her as to why she was so inexorably attracted to Reid Hunter after all she’d been through.
As gently as he could, Reid whispered, “I’m sorry, Casey. For you… for your loss of Stan and Vince. I didn’t know about Steve. He must have been a very special man to have captured your heart… .” And he meant it. Casey didn’t suffer fools gladly. She was a proud, intelligent and courageous woman who would make most men run in terror of her. It would take a man who was immensely comfortable with his own masculinity—not too full of testosterone, as Casey would dryly point out—to get her interest, much less hold her heart in his hands like the treasure it was. The misery and grief Reid saw in her eyes as she studied him in the gathering quiet, struck him deeply. He had no doubt that she’d loved this man with all her heart. For a moment, Reid wished she could love him with that same kind of singular fierceness. What would it be like for her to open her heart to him? The kiss they’d shared last night had opened him up as never before. It had left him vulnerable, hungry and wanting more of Casey in every possible way. And on its heels came the absolute fear of rejection by her because he could never measure up to a man like Steve. Obviously Steve wasn’t half a man, like Reid was.
Reality dampened his hungry desire for her. It was clear she was still in mourning from her loss of Steve. Reid understood about grief, about how it took its own time with a person. Not everyone healed at the same rate of speed from such a devastating loss. Janet leaving him at the altar had certainly stained his life, the way he saw women in general, he admitted sourly. Yet the kiss he’d shared with Casey last night had felt like someone had wiped the slate clean for him once and for all. He’d felt buoyant when he’d awakened this morning. Happier than he could ever recall. And today hope had thrummed through him so strongly that he’d felt like laughing just for the sheer joy of feeling that energy tunnel through his chest and up and out of his mouth.
Glumly, Reid realized it was sharing the kiss with Casey that had made this all possible, this healing that he’d received from their mouths clinging hotly to one another.
Studying her in the silence, he felt his hope dissolving. Casey was still in mourning. How would he feel if he loved someone and then watched her die such a horrible, horrible death? More than likely, the same as she did, he admitted. A woman like Casey would need a man like Steve, not a man like Reid—a heartless warrior without human compassion.
“Maybe you just needed to release some of your grief. Maybe you’d held on to it too long,” he murmured.
With a half smile filled with pain, Casey lifted her chin and gazed skyward. “You’re right. I sort of buried myself in my work after Steve died. It hurt to feel.” Casey pressed her hand to her heart. “Every time I felt or thought of him, I’d burst into tears. It got to be embarrassing around the OID. I’d be having lunch in the cafeteria, and out of nowhere, I’d start crying.” She met his somber gaze and tried to smile, but it didn’t work. “It got so no one wanted to eat with me. Not that I blamed them… “
“If I’d been there, I’d have put my arms around you, held you and just let you get it out of your system.” Now where had that comment come from? Stunned, Reid searched himself in panic. It was his heart speaking. His foolish, blind heart.
His deep voice blanketed her with such warmth and care that Casey almost stepped forward—into his waiting arms. The burning light in his eyes, that smoldering look of protection, embraced her. She felt awkward. She felt lonely. Reid could offer her so much—so much if she’d let him. Fear shot through Casey. Clearing her throat, she said brokenly, “Yes, you would have.”
His smile was tentative, unsure. “I guess it’s another side of my Neanderthal nature, maybe?”
Casey managed a strained, short laugh. “I think it is… but it’s a nice part of you, Hunter.” One she desperately needed and wanted right now. Lifting her hand, she added, “I’m sorry I scared the hell out of you last night.
Normally I don’t get nightmares like that. I think it was just jet lag, overwork and the stress we endured at the Kinshasa airport… .”
“That was probably it,” Reid agreed quietly.
Nervously, she ran her fingers through her hair. “Uh… I think it would be best if we don’t stay together in that tiny little hut… .”
He looked at her sharply. He felt his chest go cold with new terror. She couldn’t do this to him!
Casey felt his gaze go straight through her. Panic ate at her. “Look, I obviously have some stuff to work th
rough. Being in Africa is dragging it all back up to the surface. I can’t keep you awake, or scare the hell out of you by waking up at night and screaming again… “
His heart contracted. The last thing Reid wanted was to be away from Casey. Yes, it was purely selfish on his part. He hadn’t expected her to make this suggestion. He hadn’t anticipated her asking that they separate. “I’ll take my chances with you, Casey. I’d rather be there than not be there for you.” That was the truth. Reid didn’t look too closely at the other reasons he wanted to be sleeping near her. If he couldn’t have her, at least he could absorb her nearness. It was better than nothing now that he understood the circumstances about her behavior toward him.
Casey felt her nerves tighten. Anxiety swept through her. She moved suddenly, almost robotically, toward the table. “No! You don’t understand. I don’t want you sleeping in there with me. You can’t.”
Reid stood in front of her. She halted abruptly, her eyes widening. The fear in them cut at him. She feared him. The realization made his mouth taste bitter. “I can try to understand if you’ll let me, Casey.”
Breathing hard, she spun around him. “No!” She grabbed the microscope. Her hands were shaking so badly that she nearly dropped it. If not for her quick reflexes, she would have.
He watched as she walked quickly to the truck. The back was open and he watched grimly as she placed the microscope safely into a wooden case. Nostrils flaring, Reid turned and walked slowly toward her. He saw her breasts rising and falling rapidly beneath her olive coveralls. Her red hair was in disarray. She looked like a disheveled doll in that heartbreaking moment. Her face was so pale, her eyes dark with fear and grief. It hurt to know that she didn’t want to be near him. That was worse than anything for Reid to bear. Besides, how could he protect her when he couldn’t be near her?
“We don’t have a choice in this, Casey,” he said wearily. “I was sent here to guard you twenty-four hours a day. If I sleep in another hut, how can I protect you? We don’t know who might be Black Dawn members. For all I know, they’re in Henri’s village just waiting for a chance to kidnap or kill you.” He met her startled look as she turned toward him. “I’m sorry, but I’m not going anywhere. We’ll stay in the hut together. And from now on, if you get the urge to run, we’ll do it together.” Somberly, Reid looked around the clearing in the jungle where they stood. “If Henri hadn’t sent four trusted warriors with you this morning, Black Dawn might have made a bid to capture you. Had you thought of that?”
Heart of the Hunter Page 13
