Anger sizzled through Casey. It squelched her momentary fear. “I can take care of myself, Reid!” She brushed past him, walking quickly back to the table to retrieve the other items that needed to be packed for the return trip to the village.
“We don’t know who our friends or enemies are.”
Glaring up at him, she snapped, “I sure as hell do! Henri is our friend. He’d know if there was a terrorist living in or near his village. You can damn well bet he would!”
She was gripping a box as if her life depended upon it.
Reid tried to steady his own stunned emotions. Casey didn’t desire him at all. Not like he desired her. In an emotional sense, she saw him as a threat, not a protector. With a huge effort, he worked over those gut-wrenching realizations and tried to keep focused on the issue at hand. He was here to protect her, and he never backed away from a mission. “Terrorists hit and run. They could come roaring into that village in a couple of vehicles and tear the place apart with their SKSs. No,” he rasped grimly, “we’re staying together whether you like it or not.”
Her hands shook. She instantly grabbed a reference book lying nearby and held it against her stomach. “I can’t take it!”
Startled by her cry, Reid’s mouth tightened. “You mean take me.”
“Yes! No! Oh, hell, I don’t know!” She pushed past him again and walked quickly to the makeshift camp.
Reid watched her as she gathered up several other items and brought them back to the truck. Holding on to his patience, he said, “Casey, let’s just stop this merry-go- round we’re on, and sit down and talk it out.”
His voice was cooling to the fire consuming her. Fear mixed with adrenaline and made her perspire. She felt like a trapped animal. She remembered how his hot, melting kiss had brought out so much pain and grief from deep within her. Dumping the items into the vehicle, she placed her hands flat against the floor. The metal felt cool and steadying against the power of the storm roiling within her. Trying to control her ragged breathing, her adrenaline pumping overtime, Casey closed her eyes.
“What happened last night was an accident,” Reid declared, almost pleading with her. “I promise I won’t reach out for you again, even if you wake up screaming. Okay? I can’t let you be alone, Casey. Not with Black Dawn lurking around somewhere. Our lives are in enough peril hunting the Ebola virus. And then we have that black mamba colony somewhere out there on the savanna, roving around looking for people to kill. I don’t need you looking at me like I’m an enemy, too. I’m not.”
Her fingers curled against the metal. Head drooping, she tried to force herself to speak. She felt Reid’s overpowering nearness. Did he have any idea how much he affected her? Casey couldn’t believe he didn’t know. When she twisted her head to look in his direction, she swallowed hard. Guilt washed through her. Reid looked absolutely vulnerable standing there. The naked pain on his features, the agony she saw in his eyes, told her much more than she wanted to know. He didn’t have a clue how she felt about him.
“Last night when you held me—” Her voice cracked. Casey slowly straightened up, her nails biting deeply into the palms of her sweaty hands. “I’ve never felt so protected as when you held me, Reid.” There, it was out. She saw utter surprise flare in his eyes. And then his gaze narrowed ruthlessly upon her. She felt like a quarry. Her heart thudded with pain, with longing—for him. The shock of that revelation stunned Casey for a moment. Floundering, her voice ragged and wispy, she said, “I don’t know how it happened… or why. I’m too raw to ask right now. I hurt too much from the past. I’m too afraid to look for answers.” She forced herself to hold his dark gray gaze, his pupils huge and black. Her mouth went dry. “I—just can’t take any more. I had no idea that was going to happen… I didn’t… “
Reid knew she was talking about the heart-shattering kiss they’d shared. He saw her cheeks flush brightly and saw the shame in her eyes. “Neither did I,” he admitted with a growl, “but I’m not apologizing for it, either.” Liar. You saw that kiss coming from the moment you laid eyes on her, he admitted to himself. He quelled his real feelings and knew he was a first-class hypocrite. If he told Casey anything else at this delicate moment, she’d bolt and run.
Too much was at stake. He disliked himself for not being completely honest with her, but he had no choice.
Casey tried to smile but failed. “Neanderthal to the end, aren’t you?”
Appreciating her attempt to lighten the tension sizzling between them, he forced a smile he didn’t feel at all. “Yeah, I guess I am.”
Shrugging helplessly, she whispered, “I know you held me to help me. I could feel your care for me… .”
Now it was his turn to avoid her soft, haunting green gaze. Looking down at his muddy boots, he could only nod, a lump in his throat. “It won’t happen again, Casey. I can tell you that.”
Inwardly, Casey cried. His kiss had been the cleanest, most beautiful one she’d ever savored, ever shared. Afraid to admit it, she laughed brokenly. “We’re adults. We’ll handle this.”
Looking up, he caught and held her vulnerable gaze. “Sometimes adults feel like frightened little children inside, too. They deserve to be held when they feel like that.” The image of himself as a four-year-old scared out of his wits by the thunderstorm as he hid in the broom closet loomed before him.
Casey rubbed her brow, embarrassed. He saw through her like glass. Was she that obvious? Or did Reid just have a special kind of knowing? Caught off guard, she pressed her hand to her wrinkled brow. “Please… can you sleep elsewhere?” Anywhere else, hut not with me. I’m afraid I’ll reach out for you when I’m hurting. I’m afraid I’ll crawl into your arms and want to be held again. I’m so afraid… .
Reid felt like a real bastard. He heard the crack in her husky voice. She was begging him. Taking in a deep breath, he placed his hands on his hips and looked down at her. “I’m sorry, Casey. No. You and I are staying together.”
*
Reid thought the tension in the hut that night was so thick he could feel it. Casey lay against the mosquito netting, turned away from him and lying as far as she could get from him, which wasn’t very far. He lay on his back, his hands behind his head as he stared up into the darkness. Replaying their conversation earlier in the day, he sighed heavily. Casey had been jumpy all evening, as if dreading going into the hut and being alone with him. Damn! Pursing his lips, he slanted a glance in her direction. All he could see on this moonless night was the vague outline of her darkened form.
To hell with it. He had to do something to ease the tension between them, even if it was at his own miserable expense. “I have a story to tell you,” he began quietly. “A true one.”
Casey tensed instantly. She lay very still. As tired as she was, she couldn’t sleep. Reid was too close. Too masculine. Too inviting to her raw, shredded emotional state. “My mom used to tell me stories and that would put me to sleep,” she whispered thickly.
“Well,” he murmured, “close your eyes and maybe this one will put you to sleep.” Heartened by her soft response, Reid took in a deep, ragged breath and began. “Once upon a time, there was a marine officer. He had made good on his education and he was well thought of by his commanding officer and his men. He’d been to the Gulf War, got a silver star and come home to a parade where he was praised. To anyone on the outside looking at his life, he had it made. Except for one thing. The marine was lonely. His job couldn’t replace that feeling in his heart. The men he worked with and was proud of couldn’t fill that spot in his heart, either.
“One summer evening he sat on a hill at Camp Reed, out in the middle of that rocky, cactus-strewn desert, and wondered what was wrong with him. Why couldn’t he attract a woman who liked him just the way he was? Was it because he was honest? That he didn’t play games? That he valued truth, honor and integrity above the societal games and manipulation he saw going on all around him? The marine acknowledged that one of the reasons he hadn’t made major yet was because h
e wouldn’t play the political games expected of him within the officer corps to get the higher rank. That didn’t bother him as much as being without the right woman, however.
“Giving this a lot of thought, he decided that maybe he’d have to initiate a search for this woman. He wasn’t the type to go to the Officer’s Club and get drunk or party very much. No, he valued quiet walks in nature and he liked to walk along the beach and watch the Pacific Ocean roll in, instead. He went to the O Club to have dinner. He didn’t like the odor of cigarettes, the loud music or the drunkenness he saw there. It wasn’t that he was a prude, it just wasn’t his idea of having a good time.
“On the way out of the club after dinner, he met this beautiful blond woman named Janet. She was just going into the club. She was dressed in a short red dress and it made her blond hair look like a gold crown. The marine was smitten by her dancing blue eyes, her easy laughter and the way she looked at him. He invited her to go to the beach for a walk. Janet liked the idea and went with him. They spent half the night talking around a small campfire that the officer had made.
“The marine was happy. All his loneliness disappeared that magical night. Here he’d been wishing with all his might, and almost miraculously, this woman materializes before him. Well, his happiness took off like an eagle for the next four months. Janet seemed happy to take walks along the beach with him, have a picnic up in the mountains or go hiking in Yosemite when they could get away from their respective jobs.
“His happiness was complete when he gave Janet a diamond engagement ring one night on the beach. She promised her undying love to him through her surprise and tears. He promised his love in equal measure to her. They sat there on a driftwood log, watching the moon rise over the Pacific, in one another’s arms, talking of the future… of children… and how many they wanted. What they might look like twenty years from now, and what they hoped for in their future together… .
“The marine set the wedding date with Janet’s approval. She was an orphan, without birth relatives, but her adoptive family, who lived in California, were eager to attend the coming wedding. The ceremony would take place at the chapel on Camp Reed. All the marine’s best friends, his Recon team members and their families, were in attendance. The marine was so happy. At last he no longer felt lonely. He felt that space in his heart being filled in a way he’d never dreamed possible. Standing at the front of the chapel in his dress blue uniform, with his honor guard of six fellow officers and six bridesmaids, he waited for his love, Janet.
“Time went by. And then more time. The officer became worried. Where was Janet? The maid of honor came out of a side door of the chapel, the bride’s room. She was crying. In front of the whole group, she said that Janet wanted to talk with him privately. The marine was suddenly scared, but he went back to meet with her. Janet said she didn’t want to marry him after all. She gripped the marine’s hand and apologized profusely for her last-minute decision. She felt terrible.
“The reason why Janet couldn’t marry this marine was because he had no heart. They had had many discussions about this officer’s inability to feel, to deal with emotional issues. Janet was afraid he would never open up and share how he felt with anyone. The marine pleaded with her to marry him. He promised to try and change, but Janet tearfully said no. Eventually, the marine agreed. He went back and told everyone to go home, that there wasn’t going to be a wedding. He apologized to all of them.
“That evening, the marine went to the beach alone. He was a heartless being. A robot who could not feel. Janet had said he was only half a man, not a whole one, and she could never settle for what little he offered her. He stood there, watching the waves rolling in from the Pacific Ocean and felt so very alone. The marine was very confused and hurt. He didn’t know what to do. The next day, he phoned Janet’s apartment, but there was no answer. He then went over to her adoptive parents’ home and they said that she’d moved away. Janet had left the state. Thanking them, he left.
“So the marine went back to what he knew and did best, being a soldier. He tried to put Janet out of his thoughts. He tried not to blame himself for what had happened. Over time, he came to realize that even though he was only half a man, a man without heart, he could still be a good officer and leader.” Reid closed his eyes, a sad smile tipping the corners of his mouth. “Sorry, some fairy tales don’t have a happy ending.”
Casey lay there, her eyes wide. “My God,” she whispered. “That was awful.” She sat up, wrapping her arms around her drawn-up knees. Looking over at Reid, who appeared incredibly masculine in only the thin blue cotton pajama bottoms, his chest broad and darkly haired, Casey met his pained gaze. “This happened to you.”
He nodded. “You’re supposed to have gone to sleep. I told you a story.”
Her heart bled for him. He was trying to be so nonchalant about it all. Casey could see the devastation it had cost him to tell her the story. There was anguish in his dark, slate-colored eyes. Whatever it was about Reid, she found herself wanting to roll over, stretch out beside him, wrap her arms around him and simply draw him against her and hold him. The urge was very real. Casey felt her fear dissolving as she held his gaze. How powerful he was, and yet it was power in balance. The promise not to touch her or kiss her echoed in her memory. Her gaze dropped to his strong, well-shaped mouth. It was twisted with pain.
“I’m sorry… .” Casey whispered. “You didn’t deserve that. You’re a good man, Reid. And you aren’t heartless.” You ‘re too good for me. And he was. He had such integrity and morals. How hard it must have been on him to be embarrassed in front of all his superiors, his friends and the men who worked under him. How painful to stand there in that chapel, alone and deserted. She rested her brow against her drawn-up knees. “We’re a lot alike, you and I,” she murmured tiredly.
Reid ached to sit up and reach out for Casey. He didn’t dare. Keeping his hands behind his head, he chuckled softly. “No, I’m the Neanderthal, remember? You aren’t.”
Pain moved through Casey. Reid’s pain. She felt deeply for him. His attempt at teasing made her tremble inwardly. For her sake he was trying so hard to put on a brave front over his own anguish. “Sometimes life sucks,” she muttered defiantly, lifting her head and looking down at him. “It just sucks.”
Reid saw the fire, the life, back in Casey’s narrowed gaze. “Yeah, doesn’t it?” He patted the blankets that lay across her pallet. “Come on, lie back down. You need to sleep. You’ve had your story told to you, now hit the sack.”
He was irresistible in that moment. Reid had given her a gift, she realized. Two gifts, in fact. Following his bidding, she eased down on her pallet and lay on her right side, her back toward him. All the fear of him was gone. The tension had bled out of her with his sharing of his own miserable story of love and loss. Closing her eyes, Casey felt a small ray of hope in her heart. Hope for what, she didn’t know. She was too fatigued and worn-out to follow that thread within her. More than anything, she now felt safe with Reid. And she hadn’t before.
Sleepily, she whispered, “Will you tell me another story tomorrow night?”
He chuckled softly. “Sure, if you want.”
Her lips parted as sleep began to claim her. “Yes,” Casey said in a slurred voice, “you’re a good storyteller, but next time, can it have a happy ending?”
Reid smiled up at the ceiling of the hut as he heard Casey’s voice dissolve into sleep. “For you, anything,” he promised her softly. Positive that Casey had not heard him, Reid turned on his side, facing her relaxed form. Something healing had happened between them. He didn’t know exactly what, but he was grateful for the tension being dissolved. Yes, telling her true stories about himself, his career as a marine and his life as a boy growing up, would be very easy to do. Maybe the next three months in Africa wouldn’t be a continuous hell, after all… .
Chapter Nine
The cooling air of a thunderstorm moved languidly through the darkness of their hut. Casey lay on her b
ack, her hands behind her head, contented. A month had passed and it barely seemed like a week to her. Reid’s nightly stories were the highlight of her day. She’d never told him that, but they—and he—were.
Tonight she was restless. The last remnants of lightning flashed at the windows and she saw Reid lying on his back, his hands behind his head as well. His upper body had a sheen to it; the hut was humid and warm. The breeze lifted the curtain at the front door and Casey sighed. “Feels wonderful, doesn’t it?”
“Anything cool feels good,” Reid said dryly. “What I’d do for a glass of iced tea with real ice cubes in it.”
Giggling softly, Casey closed her eyes. She was less than two feet from Reid, but she absorbed his nearness, the intimacy he always gave her so effortlessly. The past month had eased the tension between them, she realized.
They were turning into good friends. For so long Casey had wanted to talk to him about his statements about being heartless. She felt good tonight, and solid emotionally. The ups and downs of grief over Steve and her friends had slowly dissolved, too. For her healing process, she owed more than a little thanks to Reid and his own hesitant brand of warmth and attention.
Turning on her side, she rested her hand on her head and looked at him. She saw him cut a look at her and then slowly ease onto his side, assuming the same posture as she. Softly, she said, “How anyone could call you heartless is beyond me.”
Heart of the Hunter Page 14
