Hope Prevails

by Dr. Michelle Bengtson

  Recommended Playlist

  “The Truth Is Who You Are,” Tenth Avenue North, © 2010 by Reunion Records

  “Keeper of My Heart,” Kari Jobe, © 2014 by Sparrow Records

  “Identity,” John Waller, © 2007 by Reunion Records

  “Love Has Been Spoken,” Building 429, © 2011 by Essential Records

  “Hello My Name Is,” Matthew West, © 2012 by Sparrow Records

  “Beautiful,” MercyMe, © 2010 by Ino/Columbia

  “All He Says I Am,” Gateway Worship, © 2012 by Gateway Create Publishing

  “Remind Me Who I Am,” Jason Gray, © 2011 by Centricity Music

  “I Am New,” Jason Gray, © 2010 by Centricity Music

  “Drops in the Ocean,” Hawk Nelson, © 2015 by Fair Trade/Columbia

  9

  Remember Your Secure Destiny

  My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father’s hand.

  John 10:29

  Your past is not the predictor of your future—God is.

  Steve Dulin

  Have you ever wondered where God is? Or if he even cares?

  I did. I don’t like to remember those days. Even admitting that I doubted God was near or cared about me during my times of desperation brings back a shadow of sadness.

  In the valley of my depression, the enemy tried to convince me that no one cared, not even God. For a while he had me convinced, and I took my pain and anger out on God. Can I share with you a little something I learned, though? God is big enough to handle my anger and yours.

  One evening the pain of the darkness dragged me so low that I wondered aloud where God was in my suffering. Did he even care that I felt like a surfer battered against the rocks within a vast, lonely ocean? In my agony and desperation, my wonderings turned to angry venting. I told God of the pain deep within my soul. I held nothing back as I lost control in an angry outburst like a volcanic eruption.

  When I had no more words to say and was physically spent from my vulnerable expression of the depths of my pain, I sensed a quiet, gentle voice whisper within me, “Well, at least now you’re talking to me.” It wasn’t a condemning correction but more a lighthearted reflection to help me see the truth in my ways.

  The enemy had worked hard to convince me I was alone, no one cared, and I shouldn’t share my pain with God because he might judge me harshly. But when I was ready to return to the Father, much like the prodigal son, I experienced anything but judgment. He was not the harsh judge I feared. He responded like a father whose child was hurt and in need of comfort. He proved David’s words to be true: “The LORD is near to those who are discouraged; he saves those who have lost all hope” (Ps. 34:18 GNT).

  I know now that part of what contributed to my depression was an unloving spirit operating in my life. The ultimate goal of an unloving spirit is to keep us from receiving the fullness of God’s love. It also keeps us from loving ourselves the way God desires us to. That spirit repeatedly tries to convince us we are unworthy of being loved.

  As a result of agreeing with such an evil spirit, I became prone to self-pity, self-doubt, self-accusation, decreased confidence, and self-rejection (although I didn’t realize it at the time). My conscious and unconscious agreements with the enemy opened the door for behavior that was incredibly unhealthy—physically, spiritually, and emotionally. I suffered from deep fear of failure, fear of others’ opinions, fear of rejection and abandonment, drivenness, and perfectionism.

  I thought the more I did and the more perfect I tried to be, the more others and God would like me and love me. The problem with that mentality is that we can never be good enough for others, and we can never be perfect. I was literally killing myself trying but didn’t know it. I allowed drivenness and perfectionism to become so deeply entrenched that I went for a very long period of time working so many hours a day trying to do more and be better. I had been sold swampland in the enemy’s resort. That is how the enemy works. In his deceptiveness, he offers up an appealing counterfeit to the truth that God offers.

  Destiny Granted

  The enemy wants us to believe that God requires us to be perfect in order to love us and in order for us to secure our reservation in heaven. How often have you heard people say they believe they are going to heaven because they are good people? They have believed a lie. Our good works have nothing to do with it. Salvation has everything to do with what Jesus did for us: “When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners” (Rom. 5:6 NLT).

  I agree that in order to get into heaven we must be better than “good”; God requires perfection. Yet that is as far as the enemy likes to take that argument. The truth is that there has been only one person who met God’s standard of perfection: his only Son, Jesus. Because God requires perfection, he had to create a way for all of us imperfect people to meet his criteria. In his mercy and his grace, God allowed Jesus to die in order for him to take all of our imperfection on himself. When God looks at us, he sees the perfection and righteousness of Jesus. That is what Romans 4:5 means when it says, “But people are counted as righteous, not because of their work, but because of their faith in God who forgives sinners” (NLT). God justified the ungodly by putting our sin on Jesus so that we could be considered righteous in him.

  When a person feels that they have to justify themselves before God, and they can’t, they feel shame. Do you ever experience shame? Can I encourage you today and tell you those thoughts and feelings don’t come from you. Nor do they come from God! They come from our enemy, who inflicts a spirit of accusation upon us, tempting us to accuse others, accuse God, and accuse ourselves. Satan wants us to think God is judging us. But God’s desire has never been to judge us and to heap guilt on our shoulders. “For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him” (John 3:17).

  God desires to bless us. He took away all our sin when he gave it to Jesus on the cross. In this, our destiny is secure. We are accepted by God. He looks at us as righteous. If we have accepted Christ as our Savior, nothing and no one can alter our destiny. “Don’t let your hearts be troubled. Trust in God, and trust also in me. There is more than enough room in my Father’s home. If this were not so, would I have told you that I am going to prepare a place for you? When everything is ready, I will come and get you, so that you will always be with me where I am” (John 14:1–3 NLT).

  The enemy tries to convince us first that we are unlovable (even by God) and second that our destiny is on shaky ground because we are not good enough to gain access to heaven. When I look back, I see I wasn’t striving to be rich or to be famous. I was striving to be good enough to be lovable—the very thing the enemy wanted me to believe I wasn’t. You and I won’t ever be good enough to be worthy of God’s love and acceptance. God knew that, and so did Jesus. That is why Jesus willingly gave up his life: “For my Father’s will is that everyone who looks to the Son and believes in him shall have eternal life, and I will raise them up at the last day” (John 6:40).

  Destiny Secured

  God won’t allow our depression, our resulting frustration and despair, or even our misguided anger to change the security of our destiny as long as we are Christ followers. “Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God” (Rom. 5:1–2). This is good news! Our faith in Jesus’s finished work on the cross justifies us in God’s eyes, resulting in peace with God because he now sees us through the same lens with which he views Jesus. As a result of his grace and our faith in him, our destiny is secure and we can exchange our depression for the joy Jesus died to give us.

  Depression makes it difficult to remember the assurance of our destiny. In the valley of depression, I couldn’t see past my pain to the glorious, joyful future God had for me. I can now see that ev
en in my dark valley not only was I not alone, but God also wasn’t leaving me there. And he won’t leave you where you are either. Take assurance from his promises: “And I will give you a new heart, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart and give you a tender, responsive heart” (Ezek. 36:26 NLT).

  Finding my way out of depression’s darkness was a slow, gradual journey, and one I frequently grew weary of traveling. The enemy used that laborious pace to convince me of a counterfeit destiny:

  “You will always feel this way.”

  “You will never be free from depression.”

  “God heals others but not you.”

  “Depression is in your genes, so you are destined to suffer.”

  Desperation made me willing to search for real intimacy with God and to ditch my preconceived notions in favor of his promises. Now, on the other side of depression’s dark door, when the enemy returns to flirt with my mind, I return to the truth of God’s promises.

  God does not want any of us to live in depression and defeat. When we fall prey to depression’s destruction, God promises, “He will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the LORD has planted for his own glory” (Isa. 61:3 NLT). Friend, God promises our destiny includes beauty, joy, blessing, and praise.

  When my body resembled a battleground and I became emaciated, I all but lost the will to go on. The enemy desired nothing less. The weaker I became, the stronger he grew. The spirit of doubt prompted questions regarding my purpose, God’s plan for my life, and any hope of returning to health. I could hardly stand unassisted, much less actively engage in a battle against the enemy. Was this how my life would end, with the enemy of my soul declaring victory in my defeat? In one of my more lucid moments, the Holy Spirit prompted me to search God’s Word for the answers to questions I was too afraid to ask out loud.

  I recalled a verse I had heard many times since childhood: “Don’t be dejected and sad, for the joy of the LORD is your strength” (Neh. 8:10 NLT). I grew frustrated. The verse was familiar to me, but I experienced neither his joy nor his strength, to which the enemy whispered, “See, that doesn’t apply to you. You’ll always be depressed, so you might as well admit defeat.” This was not just a battle for my life but also a battle for my mind. According to Strong’s Concordance, in this verse, strength refers to “a place of safety, refuge, protection.”1 Here God encourages us not to be sad or despair because God is our protector. Finally understanding his promise filled me with strength.

  Returning to physical, emotional, and spiritual health took time. I had to diligently pay attention to my thoughts and actively question whether they were coming from God or from the enemy. Some days seemed like torture and made me wonder if the fight was worth the effort. During those dark days and nights, tears flowed freely, yet I determined to win the war against the enemy of my soul.

  I commiserated with the apostle Paul, who wrote, “I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us” (Phil. 3:14 NLT). Friend, God is faithful. He brought Scripture, songs, and other believers across my path when I needed them most. I hope he is using this book in the same way with you. God longs to usher you to the other side of depression’s cavern.

  When my husband had cancer, I came across one of God’s promises that gave me hope during my dark days.

  We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. . . . Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal. (2 Cor. 4:8–9, 16–18)

  Hold on to this truth. Our heavenly destiny assures that despite how we feel—depressed, hard pressed, or struck down—God has greater things waiting for us on the journey.

  Trusting God Despite Our Circumstances

  Some years ago, I was given a diagnosis that even the doctor had to run three sets of labs to confirm. As she shook her head, she offered little more than, “It just doesn’t make sense.” Suddenly little seemed to make sense. The next day my right-hand staff member was hospitalized for a terminal condition. Within days, my husband came home from the office, sat down on my side of the bed, which often doubled as my home desk, and with every ounce of his normal joviality absent, relayed, “The doctor’s office called. My CT scan wasn’t clean. They are scheduling me for surgery.”

  How did I feel? Shocked. Numb. Lost. Grieved. Overwhelmed. Sad. Devastated. Alone. Confused. Betrayed. Hopeless.

  Fortunately, those feelings were fleeting. But only because I had come into a greater awareness and appreciation of who I am and who God is for me than I had known when I faced a similar triple attack twelve years earlier.

  I don’t want to mislead you. I didn’t react perfectly. The triple threat I faced took me down for a little while. That is what the enemy wanted. I knew I had an enemy, but knowing that I had a secure destiny gave me even more strength to fight.

  The night my husband told me about his results and impending surgery, I called a friend and sobbed incoherently. I felt overwhelmed and was unable to think clearly enough to even make a game plan—so unlike me. Since talking was clearly ineffective, I texted a couple girlfriends and gave them the most recent news and asked for their prayers.

  One responded by asking if she and her husband could come over that evening to pray with us. At that moment, I wasn’t even sure what to pray. They came and prayed for both of us and our trio of difficult circumstances. They said they were sorry for all we had to endure in a way that conveyed they were sharing in our pain. Both my husband and I came undone. I don’t know about you, but seeing my spouse cry does me in. As he cried, the enemy took advantage of my weakened state and slyly whispered, “If he’s crying, you know you really have something to worry about!” Before I started to accept what seemed like a valid argument, I was pulled into their prayers for healing, wisdom, peace, and thanks that God already held every answer we would need on this journey.

  Whether it was the tears I had shed, the release of the shock, the medicine the doctor had called in to control my nausea, or God’s graciousness, I will never know. But I fell into a deep sleep, waking in the morning to a greater sense of peace and inner calm. I still wondered what would be, but I didn’t worry. I didn’t allow myself to react and make my own plans out of fear. Despite my feelings and the uncertainty of my circumstances, my destiny remains secure in God. He holds me firmly in his hands.

  Faith and fear both carry equal weight, and both demand our focus, but I resolved to choose to respond in faith. When the enemy began to meddle, whispering thoughts like “But what about . . . ?” I responded verbally with, “No! I will not worry because my God will supply all my needs.” He came back around using well-intentioned people with comments such as, “Have you thought about . . . ?” I then graciously replied, “No, I haven’t. We are taking one moment at a time.” I thought, “Lord, I choose to trust you. Your Word says those who trust in you will not be disappointed. Thank you that I will not be disappointed. I choose to lay my worries at the feet of your cross because you told me to, because you care for me.”

  Idle moments were the worst. During almost imperceptible streams of consciousness, we may unknowingly come into agreement with the pronouncements of the enemy over our lives. When I felt sad, lonely, overwhelmed, and devastated, I had to choose to embrace what God says about me and not succumb to the feelings that, left unchecked, had previously spiraled into devastating depression. I consciously and repeatedly recited God’s truth: “By his stripes I am healed! I am more than an overcomer. I am victorious in Christ Jesus. His mercies are ne
w every morning. In my own strength I can do nothing, but I can do all things through him who gives me strength. God has a plan for me—it’s a plan to prosper me and not to harm me, a plan for a future and a hope.”

  Old habits are hard to break. I know that, and God does too. He is merciful to give us the time to learn his ways. Looking through God’s frame of reference still doesn’t always come naturally to me. Thankfully, I have a couple of good friends who will speak the truth in love and help me to see when I’ve believed the lies of the enemy.

  Acceptance Despite Imperfection

  One morning I visited my local exercise facility, not especially interested in exercising that day. My preference would have been to stay in my warm bed and get a few more winks on that cold and dreary morning. Instead, I got up and braved the elements, as I knew there wouldn’t be time later in the day. The facility was quiet, probably because others were enjoying the comfort of their warm blankets.

  As I worked out, endorphins started flowing through my brain and body, creating a sense of contentedness and well-being, rewarding my decision to get up. At this particular gym, weight training stations are equipped with computer monitors that provide automatic feedback regarding an individual’s pace and form throughout each exercise. The monitor mirrored back to me my perfect form until partway through the workout my form dipped below 100 percent. Interestingly, with my shift in form, I noticed a correlating shift in my thinking. I began focusing on the negative aspects of the situation: “Why can’t I ever stay at 100 percent? Why does the music have to blare so loud in the morning? How come exercising always seems easier for everyone else?”

  I realized what was happening. So I did what I often advise my patients to do. I took a couple of deep breaths, and I course corrected. While I waited for the offensive song to finish, I got a drink of water, stretched, and moved the monitor to a more optimal position. While waiting, I course corrected my thinking as well. I had shifted from being pleased with my performance to suddenly equating my less-than-perfect performance with defeat. That was a lie I needed to reject. So I consciously shifted my thoughts to the positive: “I’ve got more endurance now than when I first started. I’m going to have more energy this afternoon because I got up and worked out. I did more repetitions that were in perfect form than weren’t!”