The Bet (Persaud Girl)

by Mott, Teisha

  “I continue to relive it because it hurts, Andie!” Nathan said, hoping he wouldn’t start getting emotional again. “It hurts like hell. Every time I close my eyes, or I try to go to sleep, or even when I’m awake… All I can see is him with the gun to his head and the blood and his body… The selfish bastard. I was nine years old. No nine year old kid needs to see his father blow his own brains out.”

  “I know it hurts, Nathan,” Andie said. “But you can get over it. My grandma Joyce always says that pain can be caused, endured, and never fully explained. But it can be eased. It can always be eased if you work hard on it. Do you talk to your mother about how you feel? Do you tell her how scared you are, and how badly affected you are by his suicide?”

  “I can’t talk to my Mom about him,” Nathan told her. “I can’t burden her.”

  “But you cannot carry this huge burden by yourself!”

  “I don’t have a choice!” Nathan shook his head. “I have to be strong for Mom and for Joie. And usually I am… It’s just that some days I miss him so much. I wish he were here to talk to about things…. He wasn’t around to teach me to drive, or to shave, or to help me through my first date, and when I think of why he wasn’t around, I get so damn mad at him! Then I am confused, because I don’t know whether I should miss him or be mad at him, and sometimes I am both at the same time... Does that even make sense?"

  “There’s no right or wrong, Nathan,” Andie said. “It’s alright to miss your father. It’s alright to be mad at him too. What isn’t alright is you blaming yourself. It wasn't your fault, and you have to let it go.”

  “I don’t know how… I don’t have anybody to turn to…” Nathan said.

  “Is that why you turned to these?” Andie asked softly.

  “What?”

  Andie retrieved the bottle from her purse, and held it out to him. “How long have you been on them, Nate?”

  “Since I started UWI,” Nathan confessed.

  “Does your mother know?”

  Nathan shook his head.

  “Listen, the mere fact that your mother doesn’t know tells me that you know you shouldn’t be taking them, Nathan,” Andie said. “Why are you trying to hurt yourself?”

  “I am not trying to hurt myself, Andie; I am actually trying to help myself. I need them. They’re the only thing I can take when I can’t fall asleep, or when I get so scared that I don’t know what to do…”

  “Well you don’t need to take them anymore, because now you have me,” Andie pointed out. “I’m here for you anytime you need to talk about anything. Anytime you have a nightmare or wake up feeling frightened, just call me. I’ll always be here for you, and you don’t have to pretend to be strong with me.”

  “I wish it were that easy…” Nathan began.

  “There was a boy in my class at Hialeah,” Andie interrupted. “His name was Marc. He was so cool and popular and happy and smart. Very smart. He was my number one competition in Maths class, and he used to tell everyone that he wanted to do a Math degree at Harvard.”

  “Andie…”

  “Nothing ever bothered Marc,” Andie continued, as though Nathan had not tried to interrupt. “His parents had gotten a divorce, and he was always left alone at home – his mother was a pilot, you see…. But Marc couldn’t care less. Everything for him was ‘no problem! Everything cool!’ Anyway, everyone – including me – was always jealous of Marc. Such a happy-go-lucky boy, with no problems, nobody to tell him what to do...” Andie sighed.

  “What happened to him?” Nathan asked, brushing her hair from her face.

  “One week into Upper-Sixth, the gardener in his apartment building found his body floating face down in the swimming pool,” Andie said. Tears formed in her eyes as she remembered Marc Dawson. She remembered his big, lopsided smile, and the mischievous twinkle in his eyes. “The principal told us that the autopsy had shown that he had been taking your pills. We still don’t know what happened – if he killed himself or if he took too much and fell into the pool…”

  “Nothing like that is going to happen to me, Andie!” Nathan assured her.

  “But you can’t promise me that, Nathan!” Andie countered. “You cannot tell me that you’re never going to become dependent, and then one day accidentally take too many, or drive while you’re on them and get into an accident. I don’t want you to get hurt… I couldn’t sleep for weeks after Marc died, and he wasn’t even my close friend. You mean the world to me, Nathan. I would die if anything bad happened to you!”

  Nathan looked into her pretty face. Sincerity shone from her eyes. He was happy she was there. He was comforted to know that she would be there for him. Nathan’s heart swelled. He knew he could no longer hold back what he was feeling.

  “I love you, Andie,” he said.

  “Nathan…” Andie’s head was spinning.

  “This is weird for me to say,” he continued. “I’ve never felt this way about any girl before, and I never knew I ever would. I love you so much. You don’t have to say it back. You just have to believe that I do.”

  “I believe you do, Nathan,” Andie said. “And for what it’s worth, I love you too!”

  “Even after learning the truth about my father, and witnessing me bawling like a baby in front of you?” Nathan asked.

  “Even after all that!” Andie confirmed. “I’d still love you for even more than that. In fact, I can’t think of anything you could ever tell me, or do to make me stop loving you.”

  Nathan forced himself to smile. He knew there was something that he could tell her that would make her decide that she did not love him after all. He brushed her hair from her eyes so he could see her face. “How did I ever get so lucky to have ever met you?”

  “Just be grateful that I am a dunce at politics,” Andie quipped.

  “You aren’t a dunce at anything!” Nathan declared.

  Before she could disagree, Nathan kissed her. Andie did not bother to resist, but happily gave herself over to him. She pressed her body against his, wanting to recreate last Thursday before Christopher had burst in. She pulled him on top of her and began unbuttoning his shirt. This was it! This was finally it! She was finally going to be with Nathan!

  Nathan pulled her closer, kissing her with such a hunger that left her breathless. He pushed the top of her dress off her shoulders, pulling her hands free one at a time. The dress fell to her waist. His lips left hers and covered one of the firm nipples that were pressing against the lacy black bra, while his fingers massaged and teased the other.

  “Oh yes!” Andie gasped. “Don’t stop, Nathan! Please don’t stop…”

  But Nathan could not ignore the nagging voice at the back of his head that told him that he had to stop. Eight weeks ago, when all his thoughts were of getting her into bed, that voice would not have been an issue, but now, everything was different. He kept remembering Stephen’s words, about repenting. Maria and Toni’s voices were speaking simultaneously with his conscience: ‘What I have may not be valuable to anyone else, but it is valuable to me!’ ‘My stuff is not no riff-raff!’ As much as he did not want to stop, he had to restrain himself before he lost control. He could not break his promise to God, and he could not take Andie’s most prized possession –not like this. Reluctantly, he tried to pull away, but Andie would not let him.

  “Andie, no…”

  “Nathan…” Andie began.

  “We can’t…”

  “Why not?” Andie asked, still clutching at him. “But I want you to!”

  “When we make love, Andie, I want us to be married …” Nathan tried to explain.

  “But what if we never get married?” Andie pleaded desperately.

  “Then you will be happy that you didn’t lose your virginity to me, right?”

  Andie did not comment. She let him go and pulled up her dress turning her back to him.

 
“Andie…”

  “Don’t tell me what would make me happy!” She said to the wall. “As a matter of fact, don’t say anything to me at all!”

  “Don’t be mad at me, pretty girl!” Nathan begged. “You have no idea how hard this is for me…”

  “And it’s all about you, huh?” Andie still did not look at him. She did not want him to see the tears in her eyes.

  “Whether you believe it or not, it’s actually all about you,” Nathan told her. He sighed. “What time do you have to be home?”

  “By eight.”

  “It’s almost three,” Nathan said. “We’d better get some sleep or we might oversleep again.” He got off the bed and moved towards the door.

  “Where are you going?” Andie asked.

  “I’m going to sleep in the other room,” Nathan told her.

  “You don’t have to do that…” Andie began.

  “Believe me, Andie,” Nathan said. “I have to.” He turned back and lightly kissed her forehead. “Sleep well, pretty girl. I love you.”

  Andie lay on her back on the bed, but she did not sleep. Her mind was on Nathan, lying in the other room. Tears of frustration ran down the sides of her face. He said he loved her, and she loved him. How come he did not want to be with her? She turned over on her side, recalling what Darrin had said about Nathan – that he had gone around Montego Bay with raging hormones, screwing everything in sight. The Nathan she knew was clearly not the Nathan that Darrin spoke of. The Nathan she knew had the self-control of – of – she could not even think of a character from history that had phenomenal self-control. Andie sighed in the darkness. Her body was still taut from what almost happened. How could Nathan have left her like that? He was just one door away, yet she could not have him in her arms. Perhaps, Nathan and Bianca were both right. Perhaps the best thing to do was to wait and see where their relationship went. Perhaps they would date for four years like Bianca and Tevin. Perhaps they would get married. Then, they wouldn’t ever have to stop. They could make love as much as they wanted to. Nathan had said it earlier – the longer the wait, the greater the gratification. She would wait if he would. And she would enjoy being with Nathan when the time was right. Before she knew it, she had fallen fast asleep.

  277

  The Bet

  chapter twelve

  “How many days till Daddy comes home?” Christopher asked, looking up from his breakfast.

  “Two,” his mother told him. “He comes back on Tuesday, and if you’re good, I will take you to the airport with me to pick him up.”

  “I hate it when he has to go away!” Christopher said.

  “We all, do, Christopher darling!” Samantha said.

  Janise Persaud and her children were having Saturday morning breakfast in the kitchen. Theresa, Rosilda and Nursey all had the weekend off, and Mrs Persaud had tried her hand at scrambled eggs and bagels that the children, except Andie, were politely enjoying. Andie chose to have sardines instead, because after the hair conditioning fiasco that Saturday night of her first date with Nathan, she could never eyeball another egg without feeling a little bit ill.

  Andie took a bite from her bagel, and chewed it slowly, deep in thought. After she swallowed, she looked at Christopher. “At least he is coming back,” she said. “Suppose you were Nathan and your father was gone forever!”

  Christopher made a face like he smelled rotting meat. “I don’t care about Nathan, or his father!” He snapped.

  “Christopher!” Mrs Persaud chastised him. “Why would you say that?”

  “I don’t like Nathan!” Christopher declared.

  “Since when?” Samantha asked.

  “Since I saw…” Christopher began, but was cut off by a sharp kick under the table from Andie and a warning glare. He looked at Andie. “Since I decided that I don’t like him!” He said. “Can’t a man decide who he likes and who he doesn’t?”

  “Except that you, little boy, are not a man!” His mother told him. “And I don’t want to hear you going around saying that you don’t like people!”

  “If you knew what I knew, you wouldn’t like him either!” Christopher grumbled, under his breath.

  “I take it Nathan is feeling better,” Mrs Persaud said, looking at Andie.

  “Yes, he is,” Andie confirmed.

  “What was wrong with him?” Samantha asked.

  Andie shrugged. “I dunno,” she lied. “I guess he must have eaten something at the party that did not agree with him.”

  “If Klao were here, she would immediately suggest that Ravi P was liable for a lawsuit!” Samantha chuckled.

  “Nathan would never sue!” Mrs Persaud stated. “Not while he has the hots for the owners’ granddaughter!”

  Andie beamed prettily. She had gotten over being upset and embarrassed when she was teased about Nathan. “Of course my baby would never do that!”

  “’My baby would never do that!’” Christopher mocked maliciously.

  Mrs Persaud was about to comment again on Christopher’s disdain towards Nathan when her cell phone rang. “Jan Persaud!” She answered. She frowned and left the table, taking the cell phone with her.”

  Andie looked at Christopher.

  “Stop looking at me!” Christopher scowled.

  “Poke my eyes out!” Andie countered.

  “Come closer!” Christopher threatened, arming himself with his fork.

  “Quit!” Samantha commanded. “What is wrong with the two of you?”

  Before either could offer an answer, their mother came back in, looking harassed. “I have to go out for a bit,” she said. “I should be back soon. If not, Samantha, please start dinner.” She kissed Christopher. “Behave yourself, and listen to your sisters!” She instructed him. “Call me if you have any problems.”

  “I’m only listening to one sister!” Christopher declared, as soon as his mother was out the door.

  “You are certainly on a roll today!” Samantha commented. She got up from the table and began clearing away the dishes. “Go to your room and try to make your bed. I’ll be up in a while to help you. Andie, help me with the dishes, please.”

  Andie took the last bite of her bagel and took her plate to the sink. She removed her wristwatch before immersing her hands into the warm, soapy dishwater. She looked at the kitchen clock. It was ten o’clock on Saturday morning. The day stretched out in front of her like a road. She smiled to herself. She had no idea what the day would bring, but recent history had proven that it would not be anything but exciting.

  ***

  Andie knocked on her sister’s bedroom door, then pushed it open. “Hey Sammy!”

  “Hey!” Samantha returned. She turned from her statistics text books to face her sister. “What’s up?”

  “Nothin’. I’m bored with studying!” Andie flopped down on to Samantha’s bed. “I mean there has to be more to life than final exams and papers due…”

  “There is,” Samantha told her. “But right now, that’s it. Besides, you didn’t do anything but lay around all last weekend. This weekend you have to do some work. Don’t you want to get good grades?”

  “Yeah, but…” Andie sighed. “Like I said, I want to do something different today. Let’s go somewhere!”

  “Wish I could,” Samantha turned back to her books. “But Rome wasn’t built in a day, and one does not become the Governor of the Bank of Jamaica by running around Kingston with her little sister like a lost child. Why don’t you call Bianca and Klao?”

  “Already did.” Andie played with Samantha’s hair, tracing one of the long blonde streaks from the root that was beginning to turn brown, to where it ended below her shoulders. “They have to study. Med Science and Law exams begin before ours.”

  “Why don’t you go play with Christopher?”

  “Christopher isn’t exactly talking to me,” And
ie said.

  “Why not?”

  Andie blushed fiercely. “How should I know how an eight year old’s mind operates? I haven’t been eight in ten years!”

  “You are such a liar!” Samantha shook her head. “You know very well why Christopher is mad at you, and I can bet my bottom dollar it has something to do with Nathan.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about!” The lie burned Andie’s tongue.

  “Whatever, Andie!” Samantha said. “Right now, I am not even interested to know what happened with you and Christopher. If you are bored, why don’t you go on campus and hang out with Fern and Shauna and your darling boyfriend?”

  “And who’s gonna take me?” Andie asked. “Mommy isn’t here, Nursey isn’t here, and you’re studying.”

  “Take the Rav!”

  Andie did a double take. “What?”

  Samantha passed her the keys. “Take them,” she said. “Get out of the house and give me some peace and quiet.”

  “You want me to drive your precious vehicle?” Andie grabbed her chest and pretended to have a heart attack. “Me? Your little sister? You trust me with Rav, the only man in your life?”

  “Shut up, egg head!” Samantha playfully chucked her sister. “Go with the car. But if I see one dent or speck of dust on it, you are dead meat, do you understand me?”

  “Thank you, thank you!” Andie hugged her sister before scampering out of the room to change her clothes. It was a rare occasion that Samantha allowed her to drive her car. Andie had only gotten her drivers’ license that past summer, and Samantha had declared when she had come back from the depot, that she would not be responsible for allowing one more lunatic on the road. Andie was convinced sometimes that Samantha was not aware that she was only nineteen, and not twenty-nine!

  “Get back here early!” Samantha called after her. “If Mommy doesn’t come home in time, you’re gonna have to help with dinner!”

  Andie was bursting with happiness when she got into the driver’s side of Samantha’s SUV and buckled up. She had to adjust the seat. Samantha was tall. That was not news to Andie, although, she realised, that her sister was not tall per se, but leggy – long legs that went up to her armpits, and long arms and big boobs to match. And pretty. Samantha was remarkably pretty. Even on her best day, Andie knew she could not even compare in looks to Samantha. Andie knew that half of Samantha’s good looks came from the self-confidence that she exuded. She smiled to herself. She was beginning to feel a little bit as confident as Samantha. That was thanks to Nathan. He brought out the best in her – made her feel smart and pretty. Even as she glanced at her reflection in the rear view mirror, she realised that she was really not bad looking. Her skin was clear and smooth, and her hair was a beautiful shade of auburn, and the natural waves that fell around her face made her look young and carefree. Nathan called her ‘pretty girl’, and she certainly felt like one today.