Background Music

by J. R. Rogue

  Seeing him taking up my personal space made my skin itch a little. I tried to drum up a memory of the last time I had invited anyone upstairs. My best friend Sera didn’t live here anymore, and I really couldn’t remember having anyone else over. My father never came to his old hometown; I went to see him. He lived in a bigger city, there was more to do. I sometimes had dinner with my Aunt Daria but she had a dining room large enough for entertaining so coming to my place was out of the question.

  When I hurled the towel at his chest and he caught it quickly, it occurred to me I may be throwing things a tad bit aggressively at him. First the keys and now this. Oops.

  My quiet apartment filled with the sounds of fabric brushed over skin. I worried my lip, wondering if he could hear my heart beating in my ears.

  Outside, the rain started to beat down again, drowning out my nerves, trapping Reese in my house. He spoke as I looked over to my open floor-to-ceiling windows in the living room.

  “Don’t worry, I won’t be staying long. I didn’t walk here. I’m parked across the street at the comic shop. I can run over there.”

  “Oh,” I said, walking over to the window, seemingly checking to see if he was telling the truth. Maybe it was ingrained in me now, to question him. After I saw his truck in the dark, I made my way toward the kitchen. “Would you like a glass of tea?”

  “No, I’m fine,” he answered politely. “I’ll leave here in a second.”

  “It’ll warm you up,” I urged. “Are you just going to stand there awkwardly in my living room until the rain dies down? That’s helpful.” I started rummaging in my cupboards for my teabags and then pulled the kettle from its permanent place on my stove and brought it over to the sink. It wasn’t until I placed it back on the burner that Reese moved from his spot in the living room.

  He had removed his shoes and socks. The sight of his bare feet walking across the tile as he made his way to the small table against the wall felt oddly intimate. Like he belonged here. Like I wanted him here. I did.

  He flipped a chair to the side and sat down, facing me, pulling one ankle up until his foot was beneath him. And although he was facing me, he didn’t look up at me.

  I watched him as I reached behind me to the counter, pulling myself up until I was seated above his eye line.

  I crossed my ankles and watched my feet sway, also free from shoes, and counted down, wondering when the teakettle would save us from ourselves.

  Reese’s jeans had a few rips in them and remnants of paint near the ankle. It didn’t look like some purposeful fashion statement, instead something that just wouldn’t wash out. I was wondering what he had been painting when I heard the whistle calling me from the stove. With my back turned to him, I felt at ease talking to him.

  “So what were you doing out walking?”

  “Ah, just clearing my head.” I heard him rustling in his seat. “I was on my way here when I heard you break the vase. I wasn’t just loitering near your building.”

  “You were coming to see me?” I asked, reaching into the cupboard for a set of mugs.

  “Yeah.” I heard him stand. The sound of the chair being pushed back under the table. He was in my peripheral vision then. Leaning against my counter, close.

  “What for?” I asked, pouring a bit of honey into each glass, chasing it with tea. I pulled the drawer out in line with my waist, grabbing two spoons.

  “I needed to tell you something,” he said as I stuck my hand out with his mug in it. He took it, careful not to let his fingers touch mine.

  “What was that?” I said, staring straight into his blue.

  He pulled his mug to his mouth, spoke behind it. “You should stay away from me.” It was half a mumble, half a whisper.

  “Excuse me?” I choked on the gulp of tea I was holding in my mouth.

  “Now that I’m back, please don’t reach out to me.” He had the decency to look embarrassed by his words, a little ashamed. He had aged since I saw him last, and it hurt a little. I had been so infatuated with his youth back then. I was infatuated with nothing now.

  I set my mug on the counter and counted to five in my head, then walked away. I made my way toward the window by my small kitchen table. I crawled through the hole, grateful the rain had stopped. I hadn’t even bothered to check.

  Reese followed quietly, finding a seat on the ledge facing the road, watching me pace, watching my anger grow. I walked slowly back and forth on the rug in the center of the space, not brave enough to step onto the bare roof in my bare feet. I let the sound of the wet rug squishing beneath my feet calm me. Finally, I turned to him and spoke.

  “Let me get this straight,” I started, folding my arms, squaring my stance, “you came over here to tell me I should stay away from you? This is the second time you have shown up where I live. I haven’t reached out to you. I mean, I didn’t know you were back in town, and if I had, I wouldn’t have tried to get ahold of you anyway.” Lie. “But that’s beside the point.” I was getting off track. I needed to get to my point, whatever that was. I started again. “I think I saw this in a movie once, or I read it in a book. Some guy or girl went out of their way to tell an ex they should stay away from him or her. Is this the Twilight book? This feels like an obvious cry for attention. Is that what this is?” I dared.

  “Absolutely not,” he scoffed. “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t think me stopping by the other day was an invitation.”

  “You have some nerve,” I growled, aiming my finger at his chest. “After everything you put me through.” I think I saw his face flinch a bit, like a glitch in a movie, the kind you think could have been made up in your mind. You’re hoping the cable isn’t about to go out. It’s the climax and you can’t miss a beat.

  I couldn’t deny he seemed different now, his mannerisms. So quiet and controlled. I even mused that his voice had dropped an octave. It was like he had shed his boy skin and a new man was standing here.

  I convinced myself I was seeing someone else in front of me. He was more beautiful, and it was killing me. Fact was, I needed it to be someone new, the old version of this man in front of me, the one who had hurt me, I couldn’t be around him. Another fact was that we both knew he wasn’t sure of the words he was saying to me.

  I took notice of his busy foot then, he was bouncing it back and forth in front of him, and his eyes were staring at it. I knew he didn’t find his bobbing foot to be all that interesting but he seemed determined to stare at anything but me.

  Then I noticed his white knuckles on the ledge he was sitting on. He was gripping it so tightly. Maybe he was worried I would walk even closer to him and just push him over the edge. I laughed unexpectedly at my morbid thought, and that was what brought his gaze to me, finally.

  “What’s so funny?” he breathed, his lip turning up a bit at the corner, relief that my anger seemed to be gone threading his brow.

  “Oh, nothing,” I said. “Just had a brief fantasy about pushing you over the edge there, no big deal.”

  He jumped up at my words, as if he had been sitting on lava. After a moment of silence, he started to walk backward toward my open window.

  “I’m sorry about this.” He stopped, crossing his arms, looking straight into my eyes. “I’m an asshole and I shouldn’t have assumed you would be begging me to spend time with you just because I was back here. That was a ridiculous thought and honestly, maybe I was just wanting a bit of your attention, because I knew you would in no way want to reach out to me. I don’t want to play games, and this looks like nothing more than a little boy wanting to play them. I’m not that guy anymore, and I don’t deserve your friendship. You really should just stay away from me. I’ll let myself out.”

  He left then and I didn’t try to stop him. But I wanted to.

  On Saturday afternoon, I drove over to Chace and my sister’s house just out of town. When I walked in the front door, I found my best friend shirtless and my sister making moon eyes at him. Barf.

  “Honey, I’m hooo
oooooommmeeeee!” I sang, making Sera laugh. “Jesus, Chace, put a damn shirt on in front of my sister. What the hell is going on in this place while I’m away?” My sis blushed. If she wanted to ogle him, more power to her. Judging others was not one of my hobbies.

  I was also rewarded with a musical laugh coming from the top of the stairs by Kat, pulling my eyes up. Good God, she looked delicious. I was immediately struck with the desire to get her alone and my brain went into lightning speed planning mode. I shook my head and focused on the two heart-eyed idiots in front of me just as my sister punched me in the arm. I flinched dramatically.

  “But seriously, man, put a shirt on and let’s roll. These ladies can’t be out late, they’re getting up in the years,” I said, earning a much harder slap from my sister.

  When everyone was ready to go, I insisted that Kat ride shotgun up front with me, hoping Chace and Sera would talk in the back. Instead, my friend leaned forward, thwarting my plan to flirt with Kat and to play matchmaker. He was so damn shy and passive. So was my sister. If something was going to happen between them, then it would probably take all summer to get going.

  I had never been to the bar we would be attending tonight, and I was hoping to talk to the owner—before I had a few too many—about setting up a gig that summer. The large room had a dance floor, a nice stage area, and multiple bars. We found four empty barstools after a few minutes of searching and left the girls to hold on to them, promising to return with the first round. Although it was early, there was already a line to fill up on liquid courage. After standing in line for a moment, I turned to my friend.

  “So, you have a thing for my sister?” I asked. Chace choked a bit, on the air, on his own embarrassment, who knows. I smirked at his reaction. After a moment, he just smiled his unassuming smile and looked me in the eye.

  “Yes,” he said. Lies didn’t live in this dude. We had been friends for years, and I appreciated his ability to always tell the truth, whether it benefited him or not. It was a trait I wished I owned. I turned back to the bar, away from his vulnerability. I was afraid some of it would wash over me. No thank you, sir.

  “Good,” I replied. I saw him still looking at me, waiting for more. I turned back. “Yep. Good. Chace, you’re my best friend, and she’s my sister.” I shrugged my shoulders, “Maybe some would frown upon that, but not me. You know me. Live and let live. That’s my style.”

  He released a breath I was not surprised he had been holding captive and relaxed.

  I reached up and threw my arm around him, pulling his ear close to my mouth. “You do realize you’re going to have to make the first move, right? She isn’t like Caroline or any of the other girls who have fallen all over themselves for you. She is quiet and calculating in a soft way. And judging by the way she blushed earlier when I was giving you both shit, she is probably embarrassed that she has the hots for someone my age, a friend of mine, my best friend! So you’re going to have to convince her.”

  “I know,” he said, jokingly jabbing me in the ribs. I released him and took a step forward as another person walked away from the bar with drinks in hand. “What’s going on with you these days? Are you seeing anyone? Or are you still harboring an all-consuming crush on an unknown number?”

  I groaned loudly and stared at the ceiling. “Still harboring an all-consuming crush.” I paused. “She’s texting me again, did I tell you that?”

  “No you didn’t. Wow. Why did she drop off the map?”

  “Divorce,” I said, trying not to smile. Trying not to look like the typical ‘other man,’ giddy with the knowledge that the married woman he had been trying to lure away from her husband was now, in fact, unattached to her husband. I wasn’t sure if the guilt I felt was proportionate to the damage I had inadvertently or directly caused. She hadn’t said much about her divorce, instead focusing on getting back into the rhythm we had lost when she stopped texting and changed her number. We were teetering on the edge of the delicate friendship we had created and a romance I knew we were both yearning for.

  “Oh, man, that’s heavy. Do you feel like you were the cause of it?”

  “I don’t know. She was obviously unhappy before I accidentally texted her and this whole mess started. She doesn’t talk about it much now. When I bring it up she becomes short with me, so I don’t pursue it.”

  “So are you going to meet now? There’s nothing holding you back now, right?”

  “Well, she’s still hesitant. We are still carrying on with the ‘no names, no faces’ thing. And she isn’t actually divorced yet. It takes a while I guess.”

  “Did you tell her where you live?”

  “Not yet. I’m afraid she might freak out a bit. She knows I have the Kansas City number. She thinks I’m there, safely four hours away, less of a threat of being a real flesh and blood man who can touch her, kiss her,” I softened, “make her realize this is all real and not some Message in a Bottle, Nicholas Sparks thing.”

  Chace nodded and we took another step closer to the bar. “You’re going to have to tell her eventually. She could be in this room right now. You could be passing her at stoplights. She could be anyone.”

  “It’s not that easy. I mean, are you going to go out there to that dance floor, grab my sister, and tell her you’ve been madly in love with her since you were a kid?”

  Chace’s brow drew up at my accusation. “Wait, what?” he questioned.

  I laughed at him and smiled at the bartender as we stepped up for our turn. After he took my order, I turned to my friend. “Dude, I’ve always known. You’ve always known. It’s time she knows, too.” He simply smiled at me in response.

  Giving my best friend a hard time caught up with me later that night when I found myself in my own do or die situation. My hands were on Kat’s waist, and my head was swimming with my sister’s words. She’s going through a divorce. No, no no no no. I had pulled my sister’s friend out to the dance floor and we had been two-stepping and laughing for a handful of songs. Now we were swaying slowly to the soft sound of a Garth Brooks song.

  Could my mystery woman be my sister’s long-time friend? Was my mystery woman right here in front of me, heart beating like a hummingbird, sweaty and sweet, close enough to taste? She was a little lit up by my touch, and it was thrilling. I thought of the text earlier today; “I’m terrified to meet you.” Maybe she already had.

  I leaned down to her ear and she rose a bit. I needed to get close if she was going to hear me over the music. “So what’s new with you?” I asked, lamely.

  She moved to answer in my ear. “A lot. Getting settled in to my new place. Working a lot.” Her answer mirrored my mystery woman’s texts. Fuck.

  “My sister says you’re going through a divorce?”

  “Yeah. I wish it was a simple process, but it isn’t. It’s so easy to enter into a marriage, but they sure make it a grueling process getting out of one.”

  “Doesn’t seem to make sense now does it?” I said. “I think that needs to be flipped. Make it a little harder for people to get married. Make sure they truly want it. Might make for less divorces.”

  “I agree.”

  “Do you regret it?”

  “Getting married?”

  “Yeah.”

  “Yes,” she said, though I could barely catch the answer over the music. She tensed a bit in my embrace.

  I pulled her a little closer and pressed my lips to her temple, causing her to soften again. I wouldn’t bring it up again. My stomach flipped as my mind went into full on panic mode. I was reminded of a ridiculous meme I had seen on Facebook the other day. SpongeBob Squarepants clones were trying to put out a fire in an office. That was my fucking brain right now. That flaming fucking office of insanity. It had to be her.

  I needed to get Kat’s number so I could know for sure. But I couldn’t ask her for it because then she would have mine and we would both be confronted with the truth. I decided to push the thought away and just behave the way I normally would when I had a beautiful
woman in my arms.

  I pulled Kat a little closer, letting one of my hands trace up her spine until my palm was resting on the nape of her neck. Chace and Sera had finally made it to the dance floor, and I hoped we were nowhere in their line of sight. I didn’t need my sister watching me put the moves on anyone, let alone her best friend. I looked around until I found them and smiled when I did. She wouldn’t be noticing anyone around her; a couple could plow right into her and all she would see was Chace. Good. Finally.

  I turned my focus back to Kat, who now had her head resting on my shoulder. I brought my mouth down to her neck and swept her long red hair away from her ivory skin. She puffed out a breath and pulled her head up. Her voice rose up from the cavern of space she had created between us. “What are you doing?” she asked, her soft voice suddenly husky.

  “I don’t know,” I said honestly. “Do you want me to stop?” I asked. She looked up into my eyes and we stopped our spinning.

  “I, don’t know. I don’t know,” she fumbled.

  “I’ll stop if you want me to. Just tell me to stop.”

  “I’m not telling you to stop, Andrew.” My throat caught a little at the sound of my name on her lips. I looked over her shoulder again at my sister and best friend.

  “Look at them,” I whispered, motioning with my eyes. Kat turned in my arms and took in the sight of them. I let my hand move again up her back. I let my fingers sift through her hair and was rewarded with the press of her hips to my jeans, just a bit closer.

  “Looks like maybe they stopped fighting it,” she said as she turned back to me and smiled.

  “Yeah, it sure does,” I grinned. “Isn’t it nice when people stop fighting the things they want and just give into their desires?”

  “Andrew Taylor, oh my God,” she laughed and pinched my side.

  I wouldn’t be distracted by a bit of playful teasing. I reached down and grabbed her wrist, pulling the hand that had just been at my ribs to my mouth. I placed a delicate kiss there and watched her eyes transform in front of me. Please let it be her. “What is that look?” I asked as her hand fell between us.