Lily’s War

by June Francis

  She walked sedately downstairs, remembering Daisy saying that morning ‘If wishes had wings.’ There was a part of her that was soaring up and away, part that wanted to stay put.

  Matt was standing in front of the fire, but turned as Lily entered and came towards her. She realised he looked weary as well as sombre. ‘What is it? What’s happened?’ Without a second thought she went into his arms.

  He said against her ear, ‘The vicar had a heart attack during the night. He died a couple of hours ago.’

  ‘How awful! What about his wife? Is someone with her?’

  ‘The curate’s wife.’ He rubbed his cheek against her hair and kissed her left eyebrow. ‘Poor Richard! He doesn’t know if he’s coming or going. He’s having to see to all the arrangements so I’ve volunteered to do some of his sick calls.’

  ‘Do you know your way around?’

  ‘Not well enough.’ He hesitated. ‘I’ve offered to stay on for a while and help Richard until a new incumbent is found.’

  She felt a kind of relief but wondered how he really felt about staying. Her eyes searched his face. ‘Will you like that?’

  ‘It’ll be a new experience. Don’t go away.’ He drew her back into his arms with a sigh. ‘It’s comforting like this and I feel like being comforted. I’ve never worked as a parish priest before.’

  ‘A different thing altogether, I should imagine.’

  ‘Yes. I’ve never stayed in one place long. Only when Dad was ill and I stuck with him in Sydney. After he died I had to get away. A year ago I came in contact with the bush brothers for the first time in years. Their lifestyle drew me. I’m still only with them on approval, you might say, and I don’t always behave the way I should. Perhaps through all this God could be saying it’s time for something different again?’

  ‘In what way different?’ she said cautiously, wondering what it might mean to her.

  ‘I can’t say. I’ve learnt that sometimes you’re only shown one step at a time.’ He released her abruptly and ran a hand over his hair, his grey eyes uncertain. ‘How about that cup of tea?’

  ‘Are you hungry?’

  ‘I haven’t eaten since last night.’

  ‘Then you must make time to eat.’

  ‘Yes, Lily,’ he said meekly.

  She laughed, stopped worrying, cut the string on the parcel William had brought and lit the oven.

  ‘Would you like me to show you the parish?’ she asked ten minutes later as she poured tea. ‘It’ll help you to make up for the time you’ve spent here.’

  ‘I thought you’d never offer.’ His tanned face was suddenly alight with laughter and she felt a queer catch at her heart.

  ‘I want to be of help to you,’ she said slowly, putting the teapot on its stand.

  He caught hold of her hand and kissed it. ‘The first visit is to a Miss Fletcher.’

  ‘Her father’s the cobbler. They live over the shop. No problem there, except—’

  ‘Except what?’

  Lily frowned. ‘Miss Fletcher loves nothing better than other people’s business. If I go in with you she’ll gossip.’

  He stopped nibbling her fingers. ‘Did I stampede you last night? Have you had second thoughts?’

  ‘I wasn’t sure if you’d changed your mind.’ She felt unusually shy. ‘We haven’t known each other long.’

  ‘How long does it take to know something feels right?’ He pressed her hand between both of his. ‘I felt something there between us the moment I first saw you.’

  ‘I was attracted to your voice even before I set eyes on you.’ She hesitated. ‘Then when you took what I said about the kipper in the right spirit, I liked you a lot.’ Her voice trailed away at the pleasure in his eyes and suddenly she knew it was all right.

  ‘There’s no need for us to rush into marriage,’ he said.

  ‘No.’ She was relieved he understood and impulsively leaned forward and brushed his lips with hers. He caught her to him and kissed her deeply. Eventually they drew apart and she said unsteadily, ‘Best eat your pie or we’ll never get round the parish, and I’ve got to be back for the milking.’

  He smiled and did as he was told.

  By the time Lily arrived back Albert and Ben were home. ‘Where’ve you been?’ grunted her father. ‘No cup of tea waiting for us and it’s been a lousy day. Mrs Jones told us you went off with the preacher.’

  ‘Stop moaning, Dad!’ Ben glanced up from the newspaper. ‘Our Lil’s entitled to see who she likes.’

  ‘I want to know why she was with him?’ muttered Albert, draining his cup. ‘She knows my feelings about his sort.’

  ‘You’re narrow-minded, Dad,’ she murmured. ‘And Ben’s right, I can see who I like. But if you must know, the vicar dropped dead and Matt came to tell me. He’s staying on at the church to help.’

  ‘I’m not happy about him calling here,’ said Albert, scowling.

  ‘Be unhappy then,’ said Lily, catching hold of her apron and pulling it off its hook. She opened the back door and walked out, wanting to slam it, but Ben was right behind her.

  He waited until they were halfway down the yard before saying, ‘You’re made up he’s staying, aren’t you?’

  She hesitated, wondering whether to tell him of Matt’s proposal but decided it could wait. ‘I suppose I am,’ she murmured. ‘I like him a lot.’

  ‘It’s more than that you feel.’ He looked slightly unhappy. ‘But he’s educated, Lil. Think what you’re doing.’

  She was irritated by his drawing her attention to something she knew but did not want to think about. ‘I am bright enough to have noticed that,’ she flashed back. ‘And to know men don’t like women who are too clever! I’m also smart enough to have kept this dairy and household going for years. I read about things! We can communicate.’

  ‘I didn’t mean you were stupid,’ said Ben, flushing. ‘I’m just saying he’s used to a different way of living than ours.’

  ‘Thank God,’ she muttered. ‘I could do with a change.’

  Ben’s expression was suddenly gloomy. ‘There’s no talking to you.’

  ‘No, there isn’t! Now let’s get on with the milking and don’t say a word to Daisy about Matt or bring him up while Dad’s there. I can do without his remarks at the moment.’

  Lily need not have worried about her father. When they went back inside the house he had vanished and so had a large portion of one of the hotpot pies.

  ‘He might have waited till Saturday to get drunk,’ said Ben, slumping wearily into a chair.

  Lily tapped her fingers on the table. ‘You don’t sound surprised. Has he got money?’

  ‘Uncle William gave him two days’ pay.’

  ‘Damn him! He could have handed some of it over.’ She felt angry, considering the way she had to be careful with every farthing if she was to save for a rainy day.

  ‘Too late now,’ muttered Ben, yawning. ‘Better not tell our Daisy or she’ll hit the roof.’

  But Daisy had other things on her mind when she arrived home. ‘The King and Queen are coming to Liverpool for the Grand National.’ Her heart-shaped face was alive with excitement. ‘Not that I’ll get to see them. Now there’s a man who knows his duty to his country, not like old Eddie with his fancy woman.’

  ‘I suppose Eddie really loves her?’ murmured Lily, adding thoughtfully, ‘Which would you choose if you had to? Duty or love.’

  Her sister hesitated. ‘I suppose love, if I’m honest.’

  ‘Aye. You’d leave the duty to me,’ said Lily drily.

  ‘You are the eldest,’ said Daisy, frowning.

  ‘So was Eddie.’

  Daisy shrugged, took off her scarf and sat down. ‘Let’s forget it. What’s for tea?’

  Lily put a plate of pie in front of her and said no more, but she did not forget the conversation. There were times when she really did get fed up with being taken for granted.

  On Sunday Lily and the two younger Thorpes were late getting to church because Daisy
had decided to come, having discovered Matt’s identity from her younger sister.

  ‘Will the vicar be in Heaven by now?’ whispered May as they crept into church, sketchily crossing themselves before sitting in a back pew.

  ‘Shush,’ hissed Lily, kneeling and burying her face in her hands so she wouldn’t have to answer more questions. She was irritated, having determined to be early so as to sit at the front for a better view of Matt. Trust Daisy to think choosing the right hat was more important than getting to church on time.

  She sat back and gazed down the long length of the aisle through a haze of incense. Hadn’t she known it would be crowded with the vicar dying? Strange that. It wasn’t as if they’d be seeing him. Morale booster for the curate, she supposed.

  Richard was reading the lesson and Matt was sitting in a great carved chair in the chancel between the choir stalls. He looked distant, apart, and Lily’s heart misgave her. She did not know that man. How could she have said she would marry him? She kept glancing at him as she went through the ritual of singing, praying, chanting. Then it was time for him to ascend into the pulpit. He stood there, his eyes reaching out over the congregation, searching, seeking, and suddenly she knew he was looking for her. Perhaps he was nervous? What had he said the day the vicar had died? ‘I feel like being comforted.’ He must have had quite a lonely life, wandering from place to place.

  Matt began to speak in that powerful voice that sent delicious shivers down her spine. He spoke of Jesus turning his face resolutely towards Jerusalem. He spoke of a chosen destiny and yet of God being a God of surprises. ‘Some of us like to know more or less what we’ll be doing this time next week – next month. We like our lives to run like clockwork. We prefer things to happen the way we want, but it’s God who is the initiator and we who are the followers.’ A pause and Lily held her breath, not caring that May was scuffing her best shoes on the pew in front but Daisy did and kicked her feet down. Then she nudged Lily. ‘Nice voice. No wonder you’re struck.’

  ‘Shut up,’ she hissed, aware of several heads turning.

  ‘Not bad-looking either,’ whispered Daisy, taking out a packet of chewing gum.

  Lily groaned but after that her sister did not say another word.

  When the service was over, Lily sat for several seconds, wondering what her family would do and say when she upped and left. She did not dwell on the thought for long, preferring instead to think of a sunlit future in foreign lands. She had not told the family but she had asked Matt to Sunday dinner. Albert had gone out so there should be no trouble.

  She caught up with Daisy, and her sister glanced sidelong at her and said with a grin, ‘Not bad. But can he dance?’

  ‘You can ask him. He’s coming round in an hour,’ she said nonchalantly.

  ‘To see you, I suppose?’

  ‘It could be that he just wants a pint of milk.’

  ‘Like hell you believe that!’ said Daisy, her smile vanishing. ‘What’s going on in your mind, Lil?’

  ‘Thoughts. What goes on in yours?’

  ‘I don’t fancy no vicar.’

  ‘He’s not a vicar. He’s a travelling preacher,’ said Lily, her eyes dreamy as she imagined the future.

  ‘So he’s travelled and you find that dead romantic?’

  ‘He’s also got that lovely voice and gorgeous eyes.’

  ‘You’re besotted.’

  Lily realised her sister was worried and slipped a hand through her arm. ‘Yes.’

  ‘Frank’s a safer bet and he only lives down the road,’ she said unhappily.

  ‘I don’t respect Frank. I respect and admire Matt,’ Lily replied.

  Her sister stared at her. ‘But that’s all it is, isn’t it?’

  Lily barely hesitated. ‘We’re going to get married.’

  Daisy stopped in her tracks. ‘Oh, come on, Lil! He’s not going to marry you! You’re different people from different backgrounds.’

  Any doubt Lily might have had herself about their varying backgrounds vanished and she gave her sister a dagger-like look. ‘He thinks I’m wonderful!’

  ‘He doesn’t know you!’

  ‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ Lily was hurt and her temper rose even further. ‘When I think of the way I cook and clean for you lot, it makes me mad your saying that!’ She stormed away from her sister, past the wireless shop on the corner and up the street.

  Daisy raced after her. ‘Be sensible, Lil,’ she panted. ‘Let’s pretend we’re out when he comes.’

  ‘Not on your nelly! Me and him are for each other, so you might as well get used to the idea now!’ She burst into the house and went immediately to the kitchen and set about getting the dinner ready. Her father had not returned, thank goodness, and Ben was out with a mate from the Territorials.

  She glanced about the kitchen with its well-worn furniture, deciding the best that could be said of it was that it was solidly made and comfortable. Her surroundings had never bothered her before but now she tried to see the room with Matt’s eyes. It badly needed decorating. She glanced round at her family, at May playing with a doll, Ronnie sorting out cigarette cards and Daisy pretending to ignore her by twiddling with the knobs on the wireless set. Then she remembered Matt had seen the room before and had not been put off. Squaring her shoulders, she set the table with the best damask linen cloth and the heavy silver cutlery her mother had brought from Wrexham, and awaited Matt’s coming.

  ‘Yes, I can dance. You had to in Simla,’ replied Matt in response to Daisy’s question, his eyes glinting as he gazed across at her. ‘Would you like a demonstration? Charleston? Foxtrot? Tango?’ He glanced over at Lily who was clearing the table.

  She smiled. ‘Can you really dance the tango?’

  ‘I’ll prove it to you one day.’

  ‘Never mind dancing,’ said Ronnie from his perch on the stool at Matthew’s knee. ‘Is Simla in India?’

  ‘Yes. It’s in the Himalayan foothills.’

  ‘Was your father stationed there?’ asked Lily, drawing closer as she folded the tablecloth.

  ‘He mentioned it as having the reputation of the liveliest place in India.’

  ‘Did it have elephants walking in the streets?’ demanded May, looking up from playing with a doll.

  ‘Most of the streets are steep. You walk or go by rickshaw. And talking about walking …’ He looked up at Lily. ‘If you’ve finished, perhaps we could go for a walk?’

  ‘We could all go,’ said May swiftly. ‘You weren’t asked,’ said Lily firmly. ‘You can help Daisy with the dishes.’

  ‘Thanks a lot,’ murmured Daisy, following her into the lobby. ‘I was going out.’

  Lily raised her eyebrows. ‘You didn’t mention it before. Anyway you can go out later. If I’m not back, you and Ronnie will have to do the milking.’

  ‘I hate that! What’ll I tell Dad when he comes in?’

  ‘Tell him the truth.’ Lily gazed at her pink cheeks in the mirror, tucked a curl behind an ear and fixed her hat at a jaunty angle.

  Daisy scowled. ‘I don’t like the way you’re behaving. It’s not you.’

  Lily whirled round. ‘Perhaps this is the real me? The me that’s been squashed down for years.’

  ‘You’re probably reading more into what he’s said than there is.’

  ‘He asked me to marry him! How can I read more into that?’ She felt angry again as she drew on her gloves. ‘Now if you don’t mind, I want to enjoy his company.’

  ‘Oh, Lil,’ cried Daisy. ‘Can’t you see he’s in a different class?’

  Lily was still a moment, then she said in a seething voice, ‘His father was a soldier in the British Army, so was ours.’

  ‘His was probably an officer. What was Dad?’

  ‘Unlucky!’ snapped Lily. ‘We come from good stock. Our ancestors worked for everything they had.’

  ‘Shall we go, Lily?’ It was Matt’s voice.

  They both turned. A tide of scarlet crept over Daisy’s face and without a wor
d she walked past him.

  Lily realised she was trembling and took a deep breath but could not think what to say so remained silent and went out ahead of him.

  ‘I thought we’d go to Bootle,’ said Matt, taking her hand. ‘It would be proper, don’t you think, to meet my only living relative and invite her to the wedding?’

  ‘I’m sorry about mine,’ she said roughly. ‘Daisy’s only saying what Ben’s said and probably what everybody else will think.’

  Matt’s expression was rueful. ‘Your uncle warned me off. If my intentions weren’t so honourable I’d find it funny. I never thought I was such a disreputable character.’

  A smile vanquished Lily’s cloudy expression. ‘He warned me, too … said I had to be sensible.’

  ‘He told me he was leaving you money and that you wouldn’t get a penny if you didn’t do your duty by your father.’

  Her eyes widened with shock. ‘He what?’

  ‘It’s true.’

  She stopped in her tracks. ‘I’m surprised at him saying such a thing to you. How dare he threaten you?’

  ‘I don’t think it was so much a threat as a plea. He’s got a high opinion of you. I wondered if he’d once been in love with your mother.’

  Lily stared at him. ‘My mother?’

  ‘He said you’re alike and seemed to have had a great admiration for her. He had quite a talk with me before I called you.’

  They started walking again with Lily deep in thought. ‘Maybe he did love her,’ she said softly. ‘She told me that when Dad was away at the Front, Uncle William was a great help to her. She spoke of how difficult it was being parted for months and months on end.’ She glanced up at him. ‘He intended you telling me, of course.’

  ‘I think so.’

  ‘He should know me better than to believe money would make any difference but …’ She hesitated. Perhaps it would make a difference to Matt? Put them more on a level.

  ‘He doesn’t want you leaving Liverpool. You mightn’t have to, of course. We’ll just have to wait and see.’ He caught hold of her hand. ‘Now let’s get to Byrom Street. We can catch a tram there to Bootle.’