Lily’s War

by June Francis

  Daisy said moodily, ‘It’d be better if you were staying here.’

  ‘Well, we’re not!’ The last thing Lily wanted was to come back to the dairy and her old way of life. She had begun a new one and was determined to continue it.

  She called May over to the table and put the men’s plates in the oven. Daisy asked where they had spent their honeymoon and Lily told them about Wales and the variety show they had seen at the theatre.

  Ronnie thumped on the ceiling and automatically Lily flew upstairs, to discover he had been sick again, this time over the bedcover. She stripped it off with the blanket underneath and dumped them in the bath, running water on to them. She was beginning to feel more tired than if she had done a full day’s work. That was the shock, she guessed.

  Hesitantly she went into her father’s room and sat on the edge of the bed, thinking about him and trying to pray, remembering how he had been missing on her wedding morning. The sheets on the bed were still clean because he had spent the night at the farm. She and Matt could sleep here, she thought, plagued by guilt again. Only it might be better if Ben did. She found herself worrying about Ronnie once more. Then, hearing Matt’s voice, she left the room.

  ‘What did Uncle William have to say?’ she said, going over to him.

  ‘Not much,’ he replied, his expression softening as he took both her hands in his. ‘Are you all right?’

  She nodded. ‘Ronnie isn’t, though. What about Aunt Dora?’

  ‘Her usual self.’ There was a sudden shadow in his eyes and Lily wondered what her aunt had said to him. Probably she had blamed the pair of them for her father’s death. Matt added, ‘There’s to be an inquest tomorrow. Ben and I will go. There’s no point in you upsetting yourself.’

  ‘We’re hoping the funeral can be on Friday,’ said Ben, dropping his head on his hand as he leaned on the table. He looked really tired.

  ‘Good.’ She wanted it over with as soon as possible. The mixture of unreality, horror and guilt were still with her. She needed something to do, so she made tea and took their dinners out of the oven. ‘I’ll do the second milking for you tomorrow, Ben,’ she said, considering it was the least she could do if her brother was going to the inquest and would probably have to do deliveries.

  ‘Thanks. I’ve got a lot to fit in.’ He yawned. ‘As soon as I’ve finished this I’ll get to bed. The last few days have been a bit of a nightmare.’

  She rumpled his hair affectionately, then remembering Ronnie, told them about the vomiting. ‘It might be better, Ben, if you slept in Dad’s room, if you don’t mind? The sheets are clean.’

  He groaned. ‘You think it might be something catching?’

  ‘You can’t take chances, not with you doing the milking. Get Daisy or May to check how he is.’

  ‘Do I have to touch him?’ said Daisy in alarm, looking up from her magazine. ‘I don’t want to catch anything.’

  Matt gave her a frowning glance but it was Lily who said impatiently, ‘Would you rather May, a ten-year-old, saw to him? Anyway, I’ll be round in the morning. I’ll see to him then.’ She stood, needing to get away. ‘We’ll have to be going.’

  Ben smiled and held up a hand. ‘See you then.’

  Lily blew him a kiss and she and Matt left the room.

  They found a suitable guest house in Lord Nelson Street by Lime Street station. Lily sank flat on the bed as soon as they entered the room, closed her eyes and freed a deep sigh. ‘Thank God! I feel like I’ve been through the mangle. Our Daisy was going on about us postponing our voyage.’

  ‘And you think that would be wrong?’ said Matt, opening a suitcase and taking out his Book of Common Prayer. He sat on the bed beside her with it unopened on his knee.

  She opened her eyes. ‘Our berths are booked and everything’s planned. You’d be letting people down if we postpone,’ she said. ‘You couldn’t get a letter to them quickly enough.’

  ‘That’s true,’ murmured Matt, opening the prayer book. ‘Let’s hope the funeral can be on Friday and that Ronnie is going to be all right.’

  ‘Yes!’ She sat up, hunching her knees and putting her arms round them.

  There was a furrow between his brows. ‘How worried about him are you?’

  Lily bit her lower lip then said lightly, ‘Worry worried.’

  ‘And you’re happy to leave him to Daisy’s unloving mercy?’

  ‘Not happy.’ She pulled a face. ‘I just hope I’m wrong and it isn’t anything catching.’

  ‘I hope so too.’ He put down his prayer book and reached for her. She shuffled across the bed and they wrapped their arms around each other. ‘I told you it wouldn’t be easy, sweetheart.’

  ‘I hurt –’ she took his hand and placed it firmly in the region of her heart ‘– right there.’

  ‘I’ll kiss it better.’

  ‘Can you?’ A small sad smile curved her mouth.

  ‘I can try.’

  He undid her brassiere, kissing her neck and throat as he did so before reaching her breast. She reached out for him, holding him close, but a moment later the worry, the guilt and the grief were back, like lead weights in her mind and her heart. ‘Matt.’

  He raised his head. ‘Don’t think about it.’

  A laugh escaped her. ‘How is it you always know what’s going on in my mind?’

  ‘Easy in this case. You’re thinking of your father, and should we be doing this?’

  ‘And should we?’

  He cuddled her. ‘If it comforts you I don’t see why not. Should you stop eating and having cups of tea?’

  ‘I need to drink and eat to live.’

  ‘And you don’t need this?’ He gazed into her face, then pushed her gently down on to the bed and slid on top of her. He kissed her with a melting tenderness which brought unexpected tears to her eyes. They made love very slowly, which she found infinitely comforting.

  The noise of a train huffing and puffing and rattling the sash window woke Lily next morning. She discovered Matt already dressed. ‘The inquest is at ten,’ he said, coming over to her. He planted a kiss on her mouth. ‘I thought I’d pick up Ben and afterwards return the car to the hire place. You can sleep a little longer if you want.’

  ‘No!’ She scrambled out of bed. ‘Wait for me. I might as well go to the house now. I can get some shopping on the way and prepare something for tea for the whole family. There’s also that bedding to do.’

  Matt shook his head at her. ‘If you must, you must, but they’re going to have to learn to look after themselves.’

  ‘It’ll only be a few more days.’ She reached up and kissed him before getting ready with a speed that caused him to comment drily that she was definitely the woman to have with him on the move.

  ‘How is he?’ Lily asked Ben as soon as she stepped out of the car.

  ‘He says he’s hot and has been sick again.’ He ran a hand over his face. ‘And he’s got a rash. I think we’ll have to get the doctor. I’ve kept our May away from school in case it is something catching.’

  ‘You haven’t been in to him?’ she said swiftly.

  ‘I stood at the door.’ Ben dug into his pocket. ‘I’ve got some money—’

  ‘No! You might need it,’ said Lily, pushing him towards the door. ‘You go off to the inquest with Matt.’

  She found May washing doll’s clothes in a bowl in the kitchen. ‘Are you feeling all right?’

  May nodded absently. ‘Can I mangle these?’ she asked, holding up a hand-knitted bonnet and coat.

  Lily answered in the affirmative and ran upstairs.

  Ronnie’s neck and arms were covered in a rash which seemed to be spreading to his chest. He’d already had chickenpox and measles, so she was certain this was something different. ‘How d’you feel, love?’

  ‘Awful,’ he croaked. ‘Me throat’s terrible.’

  She placed the back of her hand to his forehead and found it burning hot. She made him as comfortable as possible and went to see Mrs Draper.


  ‘Of course I’ll stay in the house with them, dear,’ said the old lady, patting Lily’s arm. ‘Not a nice homecoming for you. So sorry about your father.’

  Lily thanked her and hurried to the doctor’s surgery to receive a promise that he would call later. She did some shopping on the way home and was relieved when Mrs Draper offered to take May to the park.

  The doctor closed his black bag and gazed over his spectacles. ‘The boy has scarlet fever, Mrs Gibson.’

  Lily’s hopes took a nosedive. She laced her fingers tightly together in front of her and cleared her throat. ‘He’ll need careful nursing then?’

  ‘You can’t possibly nurse him here,’ he said firmly. ‘I’m afraid I’ll have to insist on his going to the fever hospital, and everything in this room will have to be fumigated. Has he been anywhere near the cows or in the dairy?’

  Lily shook her head and said proudly, ‘It’s spotless in there. Everything is scrubbed and scalded twice daily.’

  ‘I see.’ He allowed himself a pinched smile. ‘You’ll have to have a word with the men when they arrive about whether it needs doing again and if you can sell the milk.’

  She nodded, resigned to that possibility. ‘How long will Ronnie need to be in hospital?’

  ‘It depends on how well the disease progresses. If we’re lucky the fever will abate within three days. I’ll arrange for the boy to be taken to hospital today. You can visit him in a couple of days and see how he is.’ He wrote out a bill and handed it to her. She glanced at it briefly, glad she had not touched Uncle William’s five-pound note, and handed him his fee, wondering what she would do if Ronnie didn’t start to improve in three days. It made her heart ache seeing him so poorly.

  Matt came in shortly after Lily had done the second milking. Everything in the coolroom and dairy had been washed and scrubbed meticulously. An ambulance, which she had to pay for, had taken her brother to hospital. The fumigating van had called and the strong smell of disinfectant hung over the whole house.

  He wrinkled his nose, watching her put on the kettle. ‘What is it?’

  ‘Scarlet fever. He could be a lot better by Monday.’ She forced a smile and changed the subject swiftly. ‘What happened at the inquest?’

  ‘Death by misadventure,’ he said carefully. ‘It’s OK for us to have the funeral on Friday. Your aunt and uncle were there. Ben said your Aunt Dora asked him if she could have Albert’s body taken back to the farm.’

  ‘Cheek!’ exclaimed Lily, anger flaring up inside her. ‘After the way she wouldn’t let him in the house, she thinks she can take over now!’

  ‘She said she’ll have someone lay him out properly, and buy the coffin.’

  Lily stiffened. ‘What did Ben say?’

  A slight smile lightened Matt’s finely boned face. ‘He agreed. He could hardly have the body brought back here with the way things are.’

  Her anger faded. ‘Aunt Dora just wants to look good.’

  ‘Probably. But it could be that she wants to make amends.’

  ‘Hmmph!’ Lily folded her arms and strolled over to the fireplace. She rested her head against the mantelshelf, gazing into the fire’s glowing heart. ‘I suppose I should be grateful. People can get funny about dead bodies. It’s bad enough with Ronnie having the fever. Some’ll go elsewhere for their milk.’ She turned to face him, her blue eyes thoughtful. ‘What about a service, Matt? He was an unbeliever.’

  He raised his eyebrows. ‘You don’t consider we’ve an understanding, merciful God?’

  ‘Of course!’ she said impatiently, waving an arm. ‘But Dad wasn’t exactly a friend of his.’

  Matt took her hand. ‘It’s your decision,’ he said softly. ‘We can just dig a hole and put him in it if you feel it’s more honest.’

  A small laugh escaped her. ‘If he’d gone first, there’d be no doubt about what Mam would have done. She’d have had a service whether he’d have liked it or not. So we will and he’ll lie beside her.’

  ‘Do you want me to arrange it? I’ve got to visit the vicarage.’

  Lily nodded and wondered what to arrange for Ronnie when he left hospital. She broached the matter with Daisy when she arrived home, hoping her sister had a few more caring thoughts about her brother.

  ‘Ask Aunt Dora if he can stay with them. They’ve plenty of bedrooms, good food and lots of country air,’ said Daisy, picking up her knife and fork. ‘This looks good, Lil,’ she said of the breast of lamb hotpot. ‘You’re a much better cook than I am.’

  ‘I’m not asking Aunt Dora,’ said Lily, her expression determined. ‘You’ll have to ask her when Ronnie comes out if you can’t be bothered to look after your own brother.’

  ‘I’m not giving up my job.’ There were two spots of colour high on Daisy’s cheekbones. ‘I told you we need the money.’

  ‘You mean you like the money!’

  Daisy made an exasperated noise. ‘What if I do? It’s none of your business if you’re going to Australia. You just go and leave us to muddle through. We’ll survive somehow! As it is I’ll have to take time off for the funeral. When is it?’

  ‘Friday.’

  Daisy nodded. ‘I’ve mentioned it to Mavis in work. She said she can lend me something black.’

  Lily held her temper. Perhaps Ronnie would be all right and Aunt Dora would have him to stay?

  Despite the short time they had to prepare, the funeral went off without a hitch. There were plenty of people there, and whether this was due to her father’s popularity as a character in the area, or people’s sympathy for the family, it did not matter to Lily. She was just glad he had a decent send-off. She and Dora were coolly polite to each other. William still seemed in shock and there were tears in his eyes as the coffin was lowered into the grave. He gave Lily an unexpected hug and said he was sorry about everything and asked after Ronnie.

  ‘I’m seeing him tomorrow. I’ll let you know,’ she said, relieved that all was well between them again.

  The next day, because she was the only one allowed in to see Ronnie, Lily went alone to the fever hospital in Grafton Street, not far the from the Brunswick Dock. She hated the Victorian atmosphere of some hospitals, possibly because some had once been workhouses and she associated them with poor people’s misery. She was shown to where Ronnie lay in lonely isolation.

  ‘You mustn’t go near him,’ said a rustling, bestarched nurse. ‘Speak to him through the curtain.’

  ‘Why?’ said Lily bluntly, touching the damp heavy material which smelt overwhelmingly of disinfectant. ‘I touched him when he must have been contagious!’

  The nurse strugged. ‘Those are the rules, duck.’ She stepped in a tray of disinfectant and vanished through the doorway before Lily could say more.

  She parted the curtains and gazed at the figure in the high metal-framed bed. ‘How are you, love?’ she whispered.

  Ronnie’s head turned slowly in her direction and immediately she noticed one side of his face was swollen. ‘Terrible,’ he answered in a faint, sad voice which wrung her heart. ‘I’ve got nothing to do but lie here and I’m still too hot and me ear’s killing me.’

  ‘Have you told the nurse?’

  ‘Yeah! But she hasn’t done anything much,’ he said fretfully. ‘Did you bring me any comics?’

  ‘Yes. And some orange juice. I’ll have a word with the nurse about your ear.’

  ‘Not now! I want to know when you’re going to Australia.’

  Lily hesitated. It was easy to say to Matt they had to go and to tell Daisy she was old enough to cope, but now she felt a whole storm of conflicting emotions welling up inside her. She cleared her throat. ‘Tuesday.’

  His eyes seemed larger and darker in his spotty face. ‘Will you still go if I’m dying?’

  She forced a laugh. ‘If you can make jokes you must be getting better.’

  He groaned and his thin face twisted. ‘I feel terrible, Lil! I tell yer, I hope our May catches this. She’s always going on about having something but never get
s anything. It would serve her right!’

  ‘That’s not a nice thing to say about your sister,’ said Lily, a quiver in her voice.

  Ronnie sighed heavily. ‘It’s not fair!’

  There was another silence.

  ‘Will you go to Australia?’ he asked earnestly. ‘I know you’re married now but you could always go a bit later. Matt would let you. I know he would if I’m really ill.’

  Lily sighed. ‘He wants me with him, Ron.’

  ‘You could ask him.’ Her brother looked at her mournfully. ‘I really feel ill.’

  Lily was swamped with guilt. It wasn’t like her younger brother to complain. ‘We’ll see.’

  There was a pause. ‘Is Dad buried now?’

  ‘Yes. Hopefully he’s with Mam.’

  ‘I wonder if I’ll go to Heaven and see her?’

  ‘Of course you’ll go to Heaven!’ Then she added hastily, ‘Although that won’t be for ages yet.’

  ‘I might die and you’ll be in Australia.’

  ‘You’re not going to die,’ she said emphatically, starting to feel haunted.

  ‘I feel like I’m going to die.’

  Lily took a deep breath and changed the subject.

  Afterwards she spoke to the sister about Ronnie’s ear.

  ‘We’re watching it. A suppuration of the ear happens in some of these cases.’

  ‘What’s that mean?’ said Lily, staring at her across a desk. ‘In plain English, please.’

  ‘It means that the infection from the throat has spread to the ear and is affecting the Eustachian tube. It is painful because of the pressure on the eardrum, but one can only hope—’

  Lily cut in ruthlessly, ‘How long will it take for him to get better?’

  ‘One cannot say for sure. It depends on how he fights the infection. Other complications can arise, of course.’ She moved the open casebook on her desk an inch. ‘Now if you’ll excuse me, I have work to do.’

  Lily stared at her, her temper rising. ‘What do you mean, other complications? Are they dangerous? I’ll be leaving for Australia soon and I must know.’