Lily’s War

by June Francis

  ‘How did you know?’

  ‘Rob – Australia.’

  ‘I didn’t say yes!’

  ‘You wouldn’t be telling me if you had.’ Lily kissed her impulsively. ‘I know it’s not easy …’

  ‘Nowt’s easy at the moment,’ said Vera, flushing. ‘But you’ve all been good to me and the twins and I’d feel like I’d be betraying the whole family if I said yes. Besides it must be worse for Ben. As long as he comes home it’ll be worth the wait.’ Lily agreed but pitied her and damned the war, while wondering what might be the outcome of Andy’s knowing the name of Matt’s church.

  A couple of weeks later Lily and Ronnie were doing the second milking when they heard the sound of some lads the other side of the wall in the entry. One of the cows bellowed and pulled its head back. There were several giggles. Lily put a finger to her lips and reached for the cane in the corner by the door. Then she crept up the yard, through the house and up the entry. She was behind the boys before they realised.

  ‘Gotcha!’ she said, whacking the nearest one across the seat of his pants, causing him to splutter as the peashooter dropped from his lips. The two others fled.

  ‘I wasn’t doin’ any harm, missus,’ cried the lad, hopping from one foot to the other in an attempt to dodge the cane.

  ‘Weren’t you?’ said Lily grimly, catching him a stinging blow on his leg. ‘Cows have feelings. How would you like bits of grain up your nose and in your ears, Jimmy Jones? Besides, don’t you know there’s food shortages? I’ll tell your mother.’

  ‘Mam’s at work in the munition factory. Don’t tell her! Ouch! I won’t do it again.’

  ‘You better hadn’t or I’ll have your guts for garters. Now scram!’

  The lad legged it and Lily turned to go in the back gate but a figure in air force blue was leaning against it and although with part of her mind she had half expected something like this one day, the sight of him startled her. She remembered just in time Ronnie was the other side of the wall and walked swiftly past Rob and round the corner.

  He followed her, just as large and handsome as ever. ‘May told me you’d lost the baby. It must have been meant, Lil, so you’ve got nothing to tie you to Matt.’

  Pain mingled with sudden fury. Bringing the cane down, she slashed him across the back of the hand.

  ‘Hell, Lil, what are you playing at?’ he cried, nursing his hand. ‘You don’t still believe he’s innocent, do you?’

  ‘He doesn’t remember. He was knocked unconscious. Besides, that’s got nothing to do with it,’ she hissed. ‘The baby was mine as well. You have no idea how much it hurts to lose a child.’

  ‘I’m sorry. I didn’t think.’

  ‘That doesn’t surprise me. Did you really think before you came here?’

  ‘Only of you.’ He seized her hand.

  ‘Don’t give me that soft soap!’ She struggled to free her fingers, worried in case Ronnie should come out. ‘If you were thinking of me you wouldn’t be here.’

  ‘I’m not noble, Lil. I want you, and as I’ve said before I’ll do anything to get you. Pity Matt survived the blitz.’ His eyes gleamed as they gazed into hers.

  She remembered Matt’s worried, weary face and also that it was Rob’s words that had caused her to fly in a fury to confront Matt that day she had begun to lose the baby. ‘It is my husband you’re talking about! He might have his faults but so have you,’ she muttered.

  ‘But mine are faults you can accept, his aren’t. Come on, Lily, you can’t believe that cock and bull story he’s told you? Come out with me and I’ll tell you again how it really happened.’

  ‘No thanks,’ she said stiffly.

  He shook his head and said softly, ‘You’ll regret it.’

  Lily smiled tight-lipped. ‘I don’t think so.’ She walked away, half expecting him to follow, but he did not and she determined to put him out of her mind for ever.

  ‘Lily, I want to talk to you,’ said Matt.

  She looked up at him and immediately was on her guard. They were alone for once. Ronnie had gone to the pictures with the new lodger, a middle-aged but spry Irishman who worked as a horse delivery man at Scott’s bakery and helped look after the horses. He had lost his sister and home in the blitz while at the stables freeing his team during the raid. He had told her and Matt how the horses always found their way back afterwards. Lily put aside the cardigan she was knitting Josie for Christmas and turned off the wireless. The Japanese had bombed American ships at Pearl Harbor and it appeared the Yanks would enter the war. ‘What is it?’

  ‘An Australian airman called at the vicarage today.’ Matt’s expression was inscrutable.

  Lily stilled and her nerves jumped. She was unsure how to respond. ‘Who was it?’ she said at last.

  ‘It was Rob Fraser but I wasn’t there unfortunately.’ He tapped an envelope against the palm of his hand and his expression hardened. ‘I’d have liked to have him tell me to my face what he told you about Abby all those months ago.’

  She was immediately very unsure of herself. Matt sounded so honest, as if he didn’t have anything to hide from Rob. ‘He came here,’ she said hesitantly. ‘I told him I’d rather he didn’t. I don’t want to be reminded of the past and his part in it. Maybe it’s time we put everything behind us, Matt.’

  He did not respond immediately as she hoped. ‘What did he say?’ His expression was probing and she felt herself flushing as if she had something to hide.

  A sharp laugh escaped her. ‘The same old thing!’

  ‘If he comes again, delay him. I want to talk to him.’

  Suddenly she was apprehensive. ‘What’s the point? He’s talked of knocking your block off.’

  Matt’s eyes glinted. ‘Should that change my mind? Do you think I’m frightened of him?’

  ‘I didn’t say that.’ She frowned. ‘But he’s a big man. It’s pointless the two of you meeting, only to fight.’

  ‘You’re forgetting my calling.’ He sounded slightly amused. ‘We won’t fight. I just want to ask him a few questions. You will tell him?’

  ‘He won’t be back!’ She was impatient at his insistence.

  ‘But you will if he does?’ He dropped the envelope he had been toying with and leaned towards her, taking one of her hands and lifting it to his lips. It was the first show of affection between them in months and she felt a lessening of the unhappiness inside her.

  ‘I hope he doesn’t come,’ she muttered, letting her fingers curl about his. ‘But yes, I’ll do as you ask.’

  ‘Good girl.’ His smile still possessed that charm which in the past always had the power to melt her heart.

  It made her realise just how long it was since Matt had smiled in her company. ‘I’m not good, Matt,’ she said slowly. ‘We all make mistakes and perhaps with time we’ll get through this after all.’

  ‘I hope so, Lily.’ He touched her hair and traced the curve of her cheek with a finger. Then his hand dropped and he picked up the envelope from the table. ‘I’ve got good news. This is from Aunt Jane! I wanted to tell you about it yesterday but I wasn’t sure if you’d be interested.’

  ‘Not interested in a letter from your aunt when we thought she was dead? You must be joking!’ The pleasure the news gave her was there in her voice but she was hurt he had kept it from her until now. ‘What does she have to say? Where is she?’

  ‘Ormskirk. Do you know it?’ He handed the letter to Lily. ‘She would have got in touch sooner, only Amelia took bad and got worse and worse and apparently she’s just died. The interesting thing is that she knows we’re all right because she bumped into Nora in some market they hold there. Because they both had Liverpudlian accents they got talking about their old homes and the bombing, although apparently the bombers gave Ormskirk a slight scare last spring too.’

  Lily perused the letter eagerly. ‘I see she’s living on the money you gave her.’

  ‘She had to because Amelia needed her full-time care.’

  ‘We shoul
d go and see her,’ said Lily, then almost hesitantly she smiled at him. ‘If you think that’s a good idea and you can spare the time?’

  His set expression stilled. He smoothed back the tuft of tawny hair sticking up from his crown and nodded. ‘I’m due a day off. We’ll ask William if we can borrow the car.’

  They did so and a few days later headed for Lancashire. They conversed little but Lily did not mind. She was not quite ready for a heart to heart but found it immensely comforting being in his company and away from the city. They travelled through lanes hemmed in by hedges and trees stripped of their leaves, leading between fields which stretched for miles towards the coast. The road rose before dropping steeply into Ormskirk and it was not long before they were making their way through narrow streets.

  Lily glanced about her curiously. In her letter Jane had mentioned the town beginning its existence as a coaching stage on the road north to Lancaster. It had developed as a market town only after the surrounding area had been drained by the Scarisbrick family a couple of hundred years ago and now the land was heavily farmed. Lily enjoyed finding out these things. It gave her a sense of Britain and what fighting the war was all about.

  They soon ran into trouble in the crowded streets because it was a Thursday and market day. Matt parked the car by a convenient pavement and suggested they walked round the stalls. The slower Lancashire dialect mingled with a surprisingly high number of nasal Scouse accents. It appeared that Nora and Jane were not the only Liverpudlians to take refuge there.

  Their own conversation was desultory and concerned mainly with whether to buy some ginger parkin for Jane and home-made pink and white coconut ice for the twins. Lily bought both and Matt, who had wandered off, came back with two bunches of Michaelmas daises, one of which he handed to Lily without a word. She was touched by the gesture and although the shadow of depression was still there at the back of her mind somewhere she felt it lift.

  They found Jane brushing up leaves with a besom in the front garden of the small terraced cottage she rented. As soon as she saw them, the broom slipped from her hands and she flew to the gate to open it. She hugged them both. Her hair was greyer and she had cut it short, but it seemed to Lily she had not changed in any other way.

  ‘It’s the gear to see you!’ she cried, ushering them into the house, talking non-stop.

  It was not until after they’d eaten a hastily prepared meal of brawn, mashed potatoes and turnip cooked in a frying pan over the fire that Jane shooed Matt out. ‘Go and look at the church! It has a steeple and a tower ’specially made for some bells from Burscough Priory in the time of Henry VIII. There’s a bit of Lancashire history for you, lad! I want to talk to Lily.’ He went with good grace.

  Jane waved Lily to the rocking chair in front of the blackleaded fireplace and seated herself a couple of feet away. She fixed her eyes on her, gimlet fashion. ‘Nora told me you lost a baby and that you and our Matt were having trouble,’ she said.

  Coming so bluntly and out of the blue this caused memories to come flooding back and for a moment Lily was unable to speak. Then she managed to say, ‘It’s been a difficult time for both of us.’

  ‘Aye! Nora said you’d gone into yourself and Matt was lost as to how to winkle you out.’

  ‘I didn’t think she’d noticed,’ murmured Lily, slipping off her shoes and holding her stockinged feet out to the fire, more for something to do than because her feet were cold.

  ‘Well, she did! I remember myself doing the very same thing after I lost my baby. I never had the chance of another. Reg was killed on the Somme.’ For a brief second moisture glistened in the inner corners of Jane’s eyes. ‘Thousands of my generation lost our men. You’ve got yours. He mightn’t be perfect, Lily, because none of us are, but don’t let the time go by, only half living.’ She picked up the poker and shoved it into the fire. ‘I’ve said me piece. Now tell me how the rest of your family’s doing and then we’ll go and meet Matt at the church.’

  All the way home Lily was thinking about Jane’s words, nursing Matt’s flowers in her arms as if they were a baby, and imagining if she was the older woman or even Vera. She was fortunate having Matt with her but that did not make it any easier to cross bridges.

  Yet she had it in mind to start bridging the gap that night, but Matt was called out to a dying woman. The next day he was tired and it seemed harder than ever to attempt the seduction of a husband who was distracted by other people’s woes.

  Christmas came but Rob did not, much to Lily’s relief. She believed violence would be the only outcome of him and Matt meeting. There was enough of that in the world, she thought, as they came out of church on Christmas morning.

  ‘Mr O’Hara is coming with us to Aunt Dora’s, isn’t he, Lil?’ asked Ronnie, as they walked home in bright sunlight. Matt and Mr O’Hara were bringing up the rear.

  Lily glanced at her brother, considering how he had grown up in more ways than one in the last year. The tweed overcoat he wore belonged to Ben but only just fitted him. ‘I’ve told Aunt Dora that he’s clean, respectable, Protestant, and all alone in the world except for us,’ she murmured, her eyes twinkling, ‘and she has condescended to extend an invitation.’ She had asked Jane as well, but she was spending Christmas with Nora.

  Ronnie’s face brightened. Lily knew her brother had taken a real shine to the old man, who possessed more knowledge where horses were concerned than William or her father. In truth he was swiftly becoming a father figure to Ronnie.

  Mr O’Hara’s leathery face creased into a smile when Lily told him of Dora’s invitation. ‘Sure, and you’re a gorgeous woman, Mrs Gibson, lovely in looks and lovely in nature. Because I’m sure your aunt would not have thought of asking me if you hadn’t thought of it first.’

  Lily smiled. ‘You’re a flatterer, Mr O’Hara. I’m sure you’ll say as much to my aunt, but I warn you, she’s suspicious of compliments and fine words.’

  He winked at her, a devilish gleam in his other eye as he placed on his head a brown Derby with a sprig of mistletoe in its curling brim. ‘I’ve yet to meet the woman who doesn’t enjoy being told she’s a beauty, Mrs Gibson.’

  ‘Yes, Lily, don’t put Dermot off,’ said Matt, smiling. ‘I wouldn’t mind borrowing that hat of his for purposes of my own.’ She turned and looked at him and was suddenly breathless.

  Dermot’s shrewd eyes passed from wife to husband. ‘Now, Matt. I’m sure you don’t need a sprig of mistletoe as an excuse to kiss your lovely wife whenever you feel like it. Although maybe me and the boy cramp your style at times.’ He smiled and hobbled slightly bow-legged out of the room, accompanied by Ronnie.

  Lily went to follow them but Matt pulled her back and the expression in his eyes was intense. ‘Is it true, Lily, that I don’t need the excuse of a pagan custom to give my wife a Christmas kiss?’

  She barely hesitated before pulling his arm around her waist. She was aware of a stir of excitement. How would it feel being kissed by him after all this time? His mouth came slowly down over hers. It felt good and her lips parted beneath his, prepared to extend the moment, but her brother called, ‘Time we were moving, Lil. We’ve got the tram to catch!’

  Lily and Matt drew apart but she was aware of a warmth inside her that had been missing for a long time. He pulled her hand through his arm and they went to join the others.

  The old farm kitchen rang with chatter as they gathered round the oak table. Both leaves had been pulled out to accommodate them all and it was covered by Dora’s best lace-trimmed linen tablecloth. In the centre was a cut glass bowl of apples and pears from the farm orchard and four precious Jaffa oranges. Firelight sparkled on crystal glasses, bought at Litherland and Co. in Bold Street in the year of the King’s coronation.

  ‘I told Dora that we have to make the most of these occasions,’ said William as he waved Lily and Matt to places either side of him. ‘It’s been a sad year for all of us in one way or another, and last Christmas we weren’t sure we’d survive it but we hav
e.’

  ‘Yes. Let’s look on the bright side of life,’ said May, sliding on to a chair next to Matt. She picked up her glass and wiggled it under William’s nose. ‘I hope you’ve got something stronger than lemonade to fill this, dear uncle?’

  ‘Show a little decorum, May,’ said her aunt severely. ‘I don’t know what Mr O’Hara must think of you.’

  ‘Dermot, dear lady, and I’m thinking that the young miss is very pretty and charming.’ He seated himself next to Lily and smiled across at May.

  ‘I think you’re charming too,’ she said, tilting her head and grinning at him. ‘I suppose you’ve kissed the Blarney Stone?’

  ‘It was too far away, my dear. I’m just telling God’s own truth about you.’

  Dora plonked another chicken down between the two of them. Her cheeks were flushed. ‘I think Matt should say grace and we get started or it’ll be supper time before we have dinner.’

  Matt took the hint, adding a prayer for Ben’s safety and for peace in the world.

  William opened one of the bottles of champagne he had bought in anticipation of Lily and Matt’s baby’s christening and they drank a toast to absent family and friends.

  After the meal Ronnie, Matt, May and the twins took Dermot off to show him round the farm while William and Dora napped and Vera and Lily dealt with the washing up.

  Lily had dried several plates before she realised Vera was dripping tears into the washing-up water. ‘What is it, love? Not bad news?’ she said with a mixture of anxiety and sympathy.

  ‘No! I was just thinking that this time last year Ben was here.’ Her voice had a desperate note to it as she plunged more plates into the sinkful of steaming water. ‘We were so happy! But now I can’t stop thinking – what if he doesn’t return? How’ll I bear it?’

  ‘You’ll bear it,’ said Lily, putting an arm round her. ‘You’re strong, love.’

  ‘I’m not!’ Tears brimmed in her eyes. She made to rub them away but only succeeded in getting soap in her eye. Lily handed her a dry tea towel. ‘Why don’t you leave these to me?’ she said quietly. ‘Go and get some fresh air. It’ll do you good.’