Sean

by Desiree Wilder

  ***

  We met Ethan and Gia at a restaurant in the hotel. They were having a drink at the bar as they waited for us. They looked like the perfect couple as they laughed and flirted like no one was watching. Gia looked as amazing as ever in her distressed denim shorts and cowboy boots. Her shirt was plaid, unbuttoned to her cleavage, and tied at her waist above her belly button. I’d never seen her in a ‘country’ outfit, but I knew she was at this concert because of Hank Jr., so I wasn’t surprised.

  They stood as we approached. I held Gia’s hand up and twirled her with a whistle before I gave her a hug. “Yee-haw,” I said.

  Gia and Ethan hugged Brynn and Gia gushed about her sexy bandana shirt, telling her she’d never seen anyone pull it off the way Brynn did. She was right, my girl was looking hot.

  Dinner was delicious, although Brynn hardly touched hers, which worried me. She was laughing and having a good time with Gia and Ethan, unlike her usual demeanor when she didn’t eat. She was feeling the alcohol by the time we stood to leave and I was wondering how much she could handle on an empty stomach.

  “Are you okay?” I asked her.

  “No, I’m fantastic!” she said. Uh-oh, she’s gonna be a handful tonight.

  “Yes, you are fantastic,” I told her. “Don’t you think you might want to pace yourself a little? Why didn’t you eat if you’re going to drink?”

  She laughed. “Don’t worry about me. I’m a big girl.”

  The hotel limo took us to the concert venue. We had champagne on the way and Brynn was the life of the party. Gia and Ethan seemed to love it but I was confused, it was so unlike her. I wondered what was on her mind and what had changed since we met the others at the restaurant.

  As we exited the limo, all eyes were on us. Well, all eyes were on Gia and Brynn, really. They were partying like rock stars and looked the part, too. I tried to keep ahold of Brynn, but she was in her own little world, making excuses to distance herself, it seemed. She went to the restroom while I waited in the beer line and then chatted up a group of people on her way back. She seemed the social butterfly I’d never watched her be.

  “Having fun?” I asked when she finally returned to me.

  “Yes!” Her eyes were big and bright, taking in all of her surroundings. I remembered the fact that she’d never been to a concert before our trip to The Lock and it gave me some ease as to why she was so aggressively lively.

  “Good.” I slipped my arm around her waist and the four of us made our way into the arena. The pre-concert music was good and so was the dance that Brynn gave me. It made me feel better that she was ‘with’ me again, but something about it seemed impersonal. She didn’t touch me or look into my eyes.

  I grabbed her around the waist as a slower song started and stared into her wandering eyes. They were sad as she searched for something, someone, I wasn’t sure. She finally looked into mine and I saw hurt. I took her by the hand and pulled her out of the crowd.

  “What’s going on?” I asked.

  “What?”

  “Something is up. What’s wrong? Did I do something?”

  “Nothing out of the ordinary,” she said. “I’m going to make the best of it and have fun. I’d suggest you do the same. Our friends are here and they’re ready to party, so let’s party.” She danced her way back to Ethan and Gia. I followed.

  As soon as we got there, before I could wrap my mind around what Brynn had said, or more importantly, what she’d meant by it, Kid Rock hit the stage. The crowd exploded with screams and applause, making me readjust my focus on the show. Brynn and Gia danced their asses off to the first three songs, which they both knew by heart. I imagined that Brynn probably danced at the club to some of those songs and I wished we were back there, totally into each other, like we were the night before. I smiled as I watched them have a great time.

  “Let’s get a round.” Ethan pulled me from my dream.

  “Brynn could stand to skip this one,” I told Ethan as he was about to order.

  “Did Brynn tell you that?” he asked.

  “No, but she didn’t eat much and she’s kind of a lightweight.”

  “So, you want me to go back there with a round and tell Brynn you’d decided she needed to skip this one? I don’t think so, man. I think I’ll leave it up to her.” He ordered the four drinks and handed two to me. “What the hell is wrong with you?” he said as we headed back to the girls.

  “I don’t know. I can’t stop screwing shit up.”

  “If I were you, I’d make a decision right quick about what it is you want, because I’ll tell you, Sean, if you don’t, then one is going to be made for you,” Ethan warned. I knew he was right but I couldn’t quite put my finger on what it was, exactly, that I was doing wrong.

  We handed the girls their drinks and Gia turned and gave Ethan one hell of a thank you kiss. Brynn held her drink up to me and clinked mine. I smiled and shook my head, so she leaned in and gave me a peck on the lips. Before she could pull back all the way, I put my hand on the back of her neck and pulled her back to my waiting, wanting mouth. She hesitated at first, but then her arm came around my neck and she gave me what I was after.

  As if Kid himself were answering my prayers, “Blue Jeans and a Rosary” started and Brynn and I swayed together to the slower tempo. Her arms were on my shoulders, one hand in my hair and the other holding her beer. She searched my eyes and I searched hers. We both wanted this, yet we were both searching for something more. I pulled her to me and she tucked her face into my neck. I felt her breath on my skin and wondered how I could ever want or need anything more than her. She was perfect. I loved her. End of story. I had to get my shit together, like Ethan said, before it was too late.

  I kissed the top of her head and ran my hand up and down her bare back. She nuzzled into my neck and twisted a lock of my hair around her finger. I reached up and tilted her chin to look into my eyes again. Hers were softer, more forgiving, and less disappointed. I smiled and she brought her lips to mine. Her kiss was soft and assuring, full of hope and love. I felt it fully and I wanted to tell her I felt the same way, but I knew she could feel it, too.

  The rest of Kid Rock was awesome. Gia and Brynn danced together for most of it while Ethan and I stood back and enjoyed the music and our women. Apparently I was wrong about the amount of alcohol Brynn could handle and I was grateful to Ethan for pointing out that it wasn’t my call to make in the first place. I shuddered at the thought of how that would’ve turned out, had he have let me.

  After Kid’s encore, we hit the restrooms and found a spot to sit for a while. Brynn slipped onto my lap sideways and wrapped her arms around my neck. I took a whiff of her vanilla as I licked my way from her collarbone to her neck.

  “You’re the sexiest woman here,” I whispered. “And I’m the luckiest man here.”

  She pulled back and looked into my eyes like my words surprised her. She was smiling as she put her hands on my face. “Thank you,” she whispered.

  I put one arm around her bare back and the other behind her head and leaned her back as I kissed her. She giggled while she kissed me back and held tight with her arms around my neck. I pulled her up and the giggling subsided so I leaned her back again. I loved the sound of her giggling. It was pure, innocent, and sweet as hell. It made me happy.

  “No, thank you,” I told her.

  We grabbed a round before we found a spot to watch Hank. Gia was so excited to see him. She was like a fifteen-year-old waiting for One Direction to hit the stage. She said she and her Dad listened to him a lot while she was growing up, and still do, especially when they go fishing. I could tell it meant a lot to her.

  The crowd went ballistic as Hank appeared and began one of everyone’s favorites, “All My Rowdy Friends Are Coming Over Tonight.” He hit us with three more adrenaline pumpers before he slowed it down a bit. Ethan and Brynn headed to the restroom, so I danced with Gia to one of her favorite ballads.

  That ballad turned into another, and when we’d
finished dancing, Ethan was walking up to us with a round. Gia took hers and thanked Ethan with a kiss while I took two for Brynn and me. I turned a complete three-sixty, but didn’t see her.

  “Where’s Brynn?” I asked Ethan.

  He shrugged. “She headed back here when I headed to the bar.”

  “She’s right there.” Gia pointed to a couple dancing about twenty feet away.

  There was my girl, dancing with some guy. They looked like they’d been dancing together for years. He swung her, flipped her, and tucked her under his arm and back again. She met every move with ease and they had quite an audience. I was jealous and about to head over to them when Ethan grabbed my arm.

  “Don’t be stupid,” he said. “It’s harmless. Plus, you were dancing with someone else when she came back.”

  I nodded, knowing he was right. So I stood and watched like everyone else. I was surprised when they finished and Brynn grabbed his hand, leading him back toward me.

  “Jake, this is my boyfriend, Sean,” she said. Jake reached his hand out and I put both bottles in one of mine so I could shake his with the other.

  “Nice to meet you, Sean,” he said. “Your girlfriend is one of the best dancers I’ve ever had the pleasure of working with.”

  “Jake is in Grease,” Brynn explained. She introduced Gia and Ethan. “He’s Danny, of course,” Brynn said sarcastically as she gave him a nudge. My heart skipped a beat, seeing her flirt with him.

  “And she should be Sandy!” Jake told us. “She really deserved it, still does, but like I told her, just because she didn’t buy her way into the lead, it doesn’t mean she isn’t the best.” He gave her a hug. “Nice to meet you all,” he said before he turned back to Brynn. “See you Monday morning!”

  I handed Brynn her beer, feeling a little deflated. Gia and Ethan whooped and hollered at some song that Hank started that they were totally into.

  “You okay?” Brynn asked.

  “Yeah.”

  “Wanna dance?”

  “Not really.” I couldn’t stand the thought of how I danced compared to the way Jake did.

  Brynn danced alone while I stood next to her, pouting. She even turned toward me a couple of times, trying to get me to join her, but I knew I’d just look like an idiot, so I smiled and shook my head. I watched Ethan and Gia. They couldn’t really dance, not like Brynn and Jake, but they looked great as they moved and laughed together as they sang the lyrics. Someone tapped me on the shoulder, and when I turned, Jake was standing there.

  “Hey, Sean, I figured you’d want to dance with your girl, but since you don’t, do you mind?” His face was as excited as Brynn’s was when she turned and saw him with his hand out. She looked at me for an answer. What could I say? She wanted me to dance with her and I wouldn’t. I nodded. She smiled and kissed me on the cheek as she handed me her beer.

  He grabbed her hand and led her back to the group he was with. They all danced pretty well, but none as good as those two. They danced until a ballad started and I watched as Brynn told them all good-bye. It seemed like a big group of friends, nothing more, so why was I so jealous?

  Brynn was out of breath when she came back to me and took her beer. She took a couple of sexy swigs. “Will you dance with me to this slow song?” she asked with a smile and raised eyebrows.

  “If I don’t, are you gonna run back to Jake?” As soon as the words left my lips I knew they were unfair.

  She looked at the stage, hurt.

  I reached for her but she turned and glared at me. “I didn’t mean that,” I said. “I don’t know why I even said it. I’m sorry.” I was being a lousy boyfriend and I didn’t know why.

  “You should be,” she said. She turned her attention back to the stage, where she kept it for the rest of the show. She didn’t move her body or drink her beer. She just watched, expressionless. It was because of me and my childish, unfounded jealousy. I was glad the show was almost over. I couldn’t stand to see her so sad.

  “That was awesome!” Gia said as she walked up to us.

  “Yes, it was!” Brynn told her and Ethan with a big smile, not wanting to spoil their fun. She was so much more mature than I.

  We headed for the limo and I took Brynn’s hand. She didn’t grasp back but she didn’t pull away, either. We all jumped in and tried to decide where we were headed. We asked the driver if he’d mind just cruising around for a while. We drank champagne and talked about the weekend. I told Ethan and Gia I wanted to take them to the zip-line the next day and they were all for it.

  “Isn’t that where you two went on your first date?” Gia asked.

  “Well, second, actually, but yeah, might as well have been,” Brynn said. “It’s a blast, you guys will love it.”

  “You’re coming, right?” Gia asked her.

  “I don’t think so. I’m zip-lined out.” She laughed. “But maybe I could meet you when you get back, before I go to work.”

  “You love the zip-line,” I said as I tried to read her. She wasn’t giving anything away.

  “Yeah, I did, I mean do. I’m just not up for it this time.” She smiled at Ethan and Gia before she looked out the window. My heart sank. Gia and Ethan both gave me dirty looks.

  We decided to call it a night so we could get up the hill early in the morning. We wanted to make sure we were back in time to have a nice dinner with Brynn before she went to work.

  “You can drop me at Parkside Apartments first,” Brynn told the driver. “Since we’re already on this side of town.” I wasn’t happy about it, but she’d told me earlier she’d be in her own bed at the end of the night, alone, and that was what she was going to do. She was so aggravating sometimes!

  I got out of the car to walk her up even though she told me it wasn’t necessary. She didn’t want to talk to me but I didn’t care. I took her hand but as soon as we entered her building. She yanked it away and ran up the stairs. I followed her.

  “Brynn,” I started. She quickly turned and got right in my face.

  “No!” she said. “Don’t even start with me. I’m not in the mood for your shit!” I’d never seen her angry. It surprised me.

  “Brynn,” I tried again.

  “Sean, I’m warning you. If you don’t turn around and walk out of here, you’re not going to like what I’m going to say to you. Just go and we’ll talk Monday after we’ve had some time to think.” She was calmer but I knew she was serious about me not wanting to hear what she wanted to say.

  “Okay. I’m sorry, for everything. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Thank you for still being committed to the talk on Monday. I’ll see you tomorrow when we get back.” I kissed her cheek and watched as she unlocked and went inside.

  “What the fuck is wrong with you?” Gia yelled when I got back into the limo.

  “I don’t know,” I said.

  “She’s about had enough of your bullshit and I don’t blame her! You act like such an ass sometimes! Are you trying to get her to dump you? Because that’s what it looks like.” Gia was pissed.

  “Why are you so mad?” I asked her.

  “Because she’s my friend and she’s getting her heart broken. Sean, you’re supposed to be my best friend and I love you, why are you acting like a complete douchebag?” She and Ethan were waiting patiently for an answer.

  “I don’t know. I need to figure it out. I love her.” My eyes got big and my heart pounded as I realized I’d just said that out loud. Gia gasped and she and Ethan smiled.

  “Well, there you go,” Ethan said. “Love makes us do crazy things. You need to figure out why you’re so scared of being in love and get over it, like I told you earlier.”

  “You need to tell her you love her,” Gia said. The thought of it made me sweat.

  “She’s not ready,” I whispered.

  “Yes, she is,” Gia said as she took my hand. “She’s waiting for you, dummy.” I looked at her, then at Ethan. They were both smiling like proud parents whose little boy just solved his first riddle. Was
she really waiting for me? Surely not. She was the one who needed to go slow; Gia had even told me that. I was in pause mode because of Brynn, not me.

  ***

  When I got home I texted Brynn.

  Zip-line won’t be the same without u. call if u change ur mind.

  I didn’t get a response. I showered and ate something before I texted again.

  I miss u. I wish u were here. Im sorry.

  I was really pathetic. I didn’t know what to say to the woman I loved to get her to talk to me. I put in a movie and ate Ben & Jerry’s. I couldn’t concentrate and I didn’t know what to do. I went to bed. I tossed and turned as I replayed the last few days’ events in my mind. I had been a douchebag, Gia was right. But why? I struggled with it until 3:30 a.m. before I fell asleep.

  Chapter 14

  “Jesus, you look like shit,” Ethan said when I met them at the hotel for breakfast.

  “Yeah, thanks. It was a long night. I don’t want to talk about Brynn today. I just want to take you two to one of my favorite places and enjoy the day.” It was the only way I was going to get through it.

  “Okay,” they agreed.

  We had a nice breakfast and a great ride up the mountain. I thought of Brynn all the way, of course. As I watched Ethan and Gia zip together, I felt happy for them, not jealous of what they had. When I hit the third platform, I smiled. When we stopped and swam at the waterfall, I took a little walk by myself and sat in the sun where Brynn and I had gone that first day. As I sat there alone, I broke down. We’d had so many great times together and they all hit me with a rush. I couldn’t lose her. I had to fight for her. I had to show her how I felt about her.

  As soon as we got back down the mountain, Gia called Brynn and made a plan to have pizza together before Brynn went to work. I couldn’t wait to see her. When we pulled up to her building, she was waiting outside. I was bummed that I wouldn’t have that moment alone with her at her door. She hopped in the back seat with Gia and I immediately smelled her vanilla.