Sean

by Desiree Wilder

  I spent the night in my old room after staying up with my parents half the night. I fell asleep feeling warm and loved for the first time in a long time. All of the great times Brynn and I had had over the summer and into the fall had been replayed in my mind as I shared them with my parents. I’d been replaying the break-up for so long it was refreshing to go back to the beginning again. I had the sweetest dreams about my girl that night.

  Chapter 17

  I stood tall as I rang the bell at the Cranes’ mansion on Richmond Avenue. I knew the facts and I had nothing to hide. I smiled at the portly dark-haired woman who opened the door.

  “Juanita?” I said. She looked surprised I’d called her by name.

  “Yes. Can I help you?” she asked nervously.

  “I’ve heard a lot of wonderful things about you from Brynn,” I whispered. “I’m here to see Professor Crane. I’m Sean Strauss,” I said with conviction.

  “Yes, Mr. Strauss, Professor Crane is expecting you. Please, come in.” She spoke authoritatively, but still had a look of confusion on her face about hearing me speak of Brynn. I followed her through the vast foyer with the marble floors. I smiled as I thought of Brynn scuffing the floors with her Mom’s heels while she practiced her dancing.

  When we reached the study, Juanita announced me to Professor Crane, who was sitting at a massive oak desk in a high-back brown leather chair. He stood as he took off his reading glasses and dismissed Juanita.

  “Sean.” He held out his hand to me. “Good to see you, son.” We shook and he gestured for me to sit. “I wish I could say I was surprised to hear from you, but I was going to suggest we get together myself.” That took me by complete surprise. I panicked for a moment, thinking maybe my dad had spoken to him, although he promised he wouldn’t.

  “Really? Why’s that?” I asked.

  “Well, I’ve been made aware of your grades, and I have to say I’m a little disappointed in you. Your GPA last semester was considerably lower than what you’ve been pulling. That is what you’re here for, right?” What a smug asshole. He got reports about my grades? Why wasn’t I aware of that?

  “No, Professor Crane, it’s not. I’m doing fine in school, I assure you.”

  “Anyone can do fine, Sean,” he said. “But you’ve always done exceptional. I write very few letters of recommendation to get kids like you into schools like that, so I’m sure you can understand my need to keep up on how you’re doing. I’d hate to be made a fool of for sticking my neck out for you like I did.” He was stern and insinuating that I would be an embarrassment to him if I slipped a bit? He offered to write the recommendation, and as much as I appreciated it, I wasn’t about to kneel down to him.

  “My grades are not the reason I’m here, Professor Crane. I’m here on a much more personal matter.” I had to change the subject before I told him to shove his letter up his ass.

  “Oh?” He was taken aback. He leaned forward and gave me his attention. “Are your parents all right?” He was suddenly the man I’d always known him to be, kind, caring, and easy to talk to.

  “They’re fine,” I said. “I’m here to talk to you about Brynn.” He gasped as he pulled back in his chair. His face turned red before he spoke.

  “I don’t know a Brynn,” he spat. His expression told me to watch myself.

  “You don’t know a Brynn Crane? Brynn McDonald? Brynn who grew up here in this house with you and Frances? Brynn, your daughter?” I didn’t give a fuck whether he wanted me to watch myself or not—I wasn’t leaving until I’d said my peace.

  “She is not my daughter,” he said matter-of-factly. His face was still beet red.

  “How can you say that? You may have disowned her, but she’s still your family.” I raised my voice as my emotions spiked.

  “Sean,” he said with an evil tone. “You’re way out of line here. You have no idea what you’re digging into.”

  “Why don’t you explain it to me, then? Explain how you can turn your back on your own flesh and blood?” I stood and glared at him. He rose up out of his chair slowly as his eyes bore into me with disgust.

  “She’s not my flesh and blood,” he growled through gritted teeth. “She’s a product of lies, deceit, and betrayal.” His face was inches from mine when he heard me gasp. “That’s right! Her mother’s ultimate betrayal with a lowly member of our staff.” I was shocked, to say the least. A hundred things were running through my mind at once. I never, ever expected anything like that.

  “Does Brynn know?” I asked as I took a step back.

  “No. I did the right thing and raised her as my own. She had the best of everything. She never wanted for anything.” I regained the step and we were face to face again.

  “What about love?” I yelled. “What about attention? You smug asshole! You’re going to stand here and pat yourself on the back by saying you did the right thing? No! Ignoring and neglecting a child is not doing the right thing! Throwing money around is not doing the right thing! Taking a child’s hopes and dreams from them is not doing the right thing!” I was pissed and I wasn’t holding back.

  “Who are you to come into my house and disrespect me? After all I’ve done for you and your family?”

  “You wanna know who I am?” I backed up and threw my arms in the air. “I’m the man who’s in love with your daughter!” I screamed. His eyes grew big. “That’s right! I’m hopelessly, totally, completely in love with Brynn! She’s amazing, sweet, and innocent, not the street-walking prostitute you’ve tried to say she is. Did you ever really believe that? Or was it just an easy out for you to disown her and send her on her way?” I waited for the answer because I was curious if he ever even knew her at all.

  “She was living on the streets and with prostitutes,” he declared. “What would you think? Now, she’s a stripper. She’s an embarrassment, even after I’ve given her every opportunity to be someone!”

  “Really? You can’t seriously believe that! She grew up here, in this house, all her life. She never went on vacations or even up the mountain. Her family, the people who loved her, were your servants. When she found something she loved, like dancing, you ridiculed her and stomped on her dream. You gave her nothing!”

  “I saved her from making a fool of herself in front of the entire school. Sometimes good parenting means telling your children the truth, even if it hurts them.” I couldn’t believe he was trying to make himself sound like a good parent.

  “Well, then, you must’ve been father of the fucking year! She showed you, though, didn’t she?” He looked at me curiously. “It’s funny that you know my GPA but you don’t know your own daughter’s kicking serious ass playing the lead role in a big time theater production. I guess maybe it’s not so much funny as it is sad. It’s also sad that you don’t know how beautiful, sweet, generous, hard-working, talented and innocent she is. She’s everything that most parents would only dream their child would grow up to be and you’ve disowned her because your ego couldn’t get past the fact that her mother betrayed you. You should be ashamed of yourself! I’m ashamed to be associated with you!”

  He sat in his chair and sighed. “I think it’s time you left,” he snarled.

  “Gladly,” I said. “Oh, and Professor Crane?” He looked into my eyes. “Don’t worry. I love her enough for all of us.” I smiled triumphantly and slammed the door behind me on my way out.

  Juanita quickly tip-toed up beside me as I approached the front door. “Tell Brynn I’m proud of her and I love her,” she whispered.

  “Brynn hasn’t spoken to me in almost three months,” I told her. “But if I ever get the chance, I certainly will tell her.” I winked and smiled at her sad face.

  I drove for hours after I left the Cranes. I was hurting for Brynn after finding out the man she’d thought was her father, wasn’t. How would she take it? Who was her real father and where was he? Did Brynn know him? How would she feel about being the product of her mother’s betrayal? I hoped she’d learn the truth someday. She deserved t
hat, at least.

  I pulled up to the theater before I headed for home. I knew the show had ended and I thought maybe, just maybe, I could catch a glimpse of her leaving. I pulled around to the rear entrance and parked behind a dumpster. I knew it was immature and borderline stalkish, but I was desperate. I waited about half an hour before some of the cast members emerged from the doors. I scanned them as they headed in all different directions.

  Then, a group of six came out together and I recognized her immediately, even at such a distance. I actually heard her giggle through my open window and it made me close my eyes for a moment and smile. She was happy. One of the guys put his arm across her shoulders and she leaned into him. He kissed her on the forehead before she and the other girls hopped into a car and left. The guys got into a different car and went the opposite direction. Hmm. He must not be the someone she’d mentioned meeting. He looked more like a friend than a someone.

  When I got home I made sugar cookies all by myself. I was fairly proud of them, too. I was filled with sweet memories of Brynn and I heard her giggle over and over when I closed my eyes. I was happy that she was happy and I was also happy that I knew where I could see her, even if it was from a distance and for only a handful of seconds. I packaged up the cookies so I could share them the next day.

  I dropped some off at Sashay for Angel, along with a small vase of yellow flowers. I didn’t put a note on them because she’d know who they were from. I dropped some off for Carl and I took the rest to school and shared.

  I’d started staying after school and studying in the library. I found it easier to concentrate there and I knew I had to buckle down in order to get my grades back to where I felt comfortable. By the second week of February, I’d gotten a handle on it and was able to relax a bit.

  Valentine’s Day was really a downer. I sent Brynn flowers and balloons at both the theater and Sashay. I knew they were probably overlooked but I couldn’t give up and I couldn’t stand the thought of not getting the woman I loved something for Valentine’s Day. I handwrote on each of the cards.

  Brynn,

  I love you.

  Sean.

  I had dinner at the hotel and planned to catch a movie, but ended up just going home and watching one I’d seen countless times before. I fell asleep on the couch just before the break-up scene and had a dream that Brynn was knocking on my door.

  Chapter 18

  My eyes shot open as I realized there really was someone knocking on my door. I jumped off the couch and ran to it. When I swung it open, I was shocked to see Maria.

  “Maria,” I said. “Is Brynn okay?” It was the only reason I could think of as to why she’d be at my house in the middle of the night. My heart raced.

  “No, I mean, yes, she’s physically okay.” I pulled her in and shut the door. “She’s had a rough couple of days. Juanita paid her a visit and told her about her real father.” Oh, my god. My poor girl. I was shaking with nervousness and anxiety. I wanted Maria to talk faster. I had to know how Brynn was. “She also told her about the visit between you and Professor Crane. She listened outside the door and heard everything you told him.” She smiled approvingly. I desperately tried to remember everything I’d said.

  “Maria, why are you here? Where’s Brynn?” I couldn’t breathe.

  “Sean, I’ve watched her suffer every day as she’s tried to get over you. She’s miserable without you and she loves you as much as you love her. She’s a mess right now as she’s trying to deal with the shit Juanita told her, but please go get her. She’s in the car.” I released the breath I was holding and wrapped my mind around the words that came out of Maria’s mouth.

  I ran to the street and frantically scanned the parked cars. I saw a door slowly open and I couldn’t get to it fast enough. My knees were weak and my eyes weren’t focusing because of the tears, but as I approached, I knew it was my girl. I took her hand and pulled her to her feet. I took her face in my hands and kissed her tears before I picked her up and carried her to my door.

  Maria winked as we passed on the landing and I mouthed ‘thank you’ to her. I wanted to hug her but there was no way I was letting go of Brynn.

  I carried her in and kicked the door shut. Her arms held tight around my neck as her head rested on my shoulder. Her little legs hung freely and her bare feet swung around when I moved. I sat at the bar on a stool and held her on my lap as she cried. I stroked her hair and her back as I kissed the top of her head. The vanilla scent I’d missed so much filled my nostrils and I could’ve sat like that, with her, forever.

  “I’m sorry,” she said through her stifled breaths.

  “Shh,” I said. “You have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who’s sorry. Just let me hold you. We don’t have to talk right now. Just let me hold you.” I was completely content with her in my arms. It was what I’d dreamed about for the last four months.

  She released her arms from my neck and put them around my waist as she tried to get comfortable sitting sideways on my lap. I stood and carried her to the couch. I never let her go as I sat first and then pulled her down with me so we were lying on our sides facing each other. I pulled her tight and she relaxed into my arms again.

  “Better?” I asked.

  “Yes.”

  “I love you, Brynn.”

  She looked up at me with red swollen eyes and smiled. “I know you do. I love you, Sean.” She started to cry again. “There wasn’t anyone else. I lied because I wanted you to feel the pain I felt every time I saw you look at Gia.” She sobbed into my chest as she apologized.

  “Shh, baby. It’s okay. I forgive you. I’m so sorry I made you feel that way. Please believe me when I tell you that it wasn’t what you thought with Gia. I never, ever felt about her the way I feel about you. I know I made it hard for you and it took me a long time to see that. I’d give anything to be able to go back, knowing what I know now, and change it.” I tilted her head up so I could look into her eyes. “You’ve never been my second choice. You’ve always been my only choice. I was prepared to spend however long it took to not only tell you that, but prove it to you. Please let me do that.”

  “You fought for me,” she cried. “You came after me time after time.” She buried her face in my chest again. Her tears soaked my shirt and I felt the coolness on my chest.

  “Of course I did,” I told her as I stroked her hair. “You’re my girl and I love you.” She cried twenty-three years of held back tears in my arms.

  “I’m so tired,” she whispered when her breathing finally returned to normal.

  “Would you like me to take you to bed?”

  “Yes.” She nodded.

  I carried her through the kitchen as I locked up and turned out the lights. I pulled back the comforter and she sighed as I laid her in the middle. I took off my wet shirt and climbed in next to her, pulling the comforter back over us. I held her and she snuggled into me. It felt perfect.

  “Good night. I love you. Happy Valentine’s Day,” I whispered. I felt her smile.

  “Good night. I love you. Happy Valentine’s Day,” she said.

  ***

  I woke up before Brynn, so I took the opportunity to watch her sleep. Her eyes were still puffy from crying and she looked worn down even as she rested. I wondered how crazy her schedule was between Grease and Sashay. Now she was going to have the family stuff to deal with on top of them. I was fully prepared to help her however I could.

  I slowly got up and showered. As I made breakfast I whistled a tune, over and over, as I smiled wholeheartedly. I felt like a new man. I felt her arms come around my waist and her head against my back.

  “Mmm, good morning,” I said as I turned to face her. She looked tired. “Why don’t you stay in bed? I’ll bring you some breakfast in a bit.”

  “That sounds really nice,” she said. “But I don’t want to waste our first day together sleeping.”

  “Any day spent with you would not be wasted,” I told her. “Are you telling me you have the en
tire day free?” That was unexpected.

  “Yes.” She smiled. “I took a few days off after Juanita came. I couldn’t function. Last night was the first I’ve slept for a couple of days.”

  I picked her up and carried her back to bed. I tucked her in tight and kissed her on the forehead. “I don’t want to see you until at least noon,” I told her as I shut the blinds.

  “You’re the best boyfriend in the world,” she said. “There’s so much I want to talk to you about. Between work and Grease and my dad…” I leaned down and put my finger against her lips.

  “Do I get you for the entire day and night?” I asked. She nodded. “Good, then stop with all the thinking and relax. You need to get some rest. I’ll be right here when you wake up.” She smiled and snuggled against her pillow. I think she fell asleep before I got back to the kitchen.

  Gia called after I ate and she was ecstatic when I told her about Brynn and I. Ethan even got on the phone and told me how he’d been considering a trip here just to find her and get us back together.

  “I don’t know how you did it for four months,” he told me. “But I know you did a lot of work on yourself and now you can have it all again, buddy. I couldn’t be happier for you, and for Brynn. You two are really great together.”

  “Thanks, man,” I told him. “Thanks for everything.” I knew he was genuinely relieved and that he’d been running all kinds of ideas by Gia that I could try to get Brynn to talk to me.

  They were planning on coming to Grease and I promised to have Brynn call Gia to discuss the schedule.