Unwillingly Yours (Warning: Love Moderately)

by Tee, Marian

  Too much. Derek had a feeling he had made his move too fucking fast, pushing her too fucking hard and he was going to pay for it.

  Two Years Earlier

  Jaike carefully adjusted her lens before kneeling on the ground, her lens zooming between the rails of Roosevelt Bridge. The position gave her the perfect angle to take a long-range shot of the town of Stuart. With dawn breaking overhead, the town appeared magical, wrapped in a mystery of pink clouds and orange skies.

  Click, click, click. She took a series of shots before getting back to her feet. When she lowered her SLR, a guy stood before her, startling Jaike into a little jump.

  “Did I surprise you?” Derek asked innocently. He wore a black sleeveless shirt and khakis, and he had his own SLR camera slung around his neck.

  Jaike shrugged, not trusting herself to speak. If she did, her voice might reveal the suddenly maddening state of her heartbeat.

  “You look beautiful.” Derek always said it like he meant it, even though she had to be Scarlett Johansson’s twin just to look marginally attractive next to him.

  “I don’t.” She said it because she meant it, too. She knew what she looked like, what everyone saw in her. Jaike was average girl in all ways---her hair was neither silky straight nor curly, her skin neither ivory nor gold, and her face was just…passable.

  What she couldn’t figure out was what Derek saw in her that made him so persistent all this time. There wasn’t a day she didn’t get to see him, talk to him, and he didn’t even seem to care if he did so while Angelo was right next to her.

  They had their staring contest again, one she always inevitably lost. His gaze made her uncomfortable even now, with the way his eyes caressed her body as if he knew what she looked underneath her clothes.

  In an effort to distract herself Jaike gestured awkwardly to his camera. “I didn’t know you’re into photography, too.”

  “I just joined yesterday.” The lazy smile on his lips was an arrow to her heart, one that never ever missed. And it was an arrow that struck her entire body.

  Jaike tried to control her reaction to that smile, appalled at the heat that enveloped her, as if his gaze alone could command her body.

  Derek smirked, as if he knew exactly what his nearness did to her. And he probably did, considering his reputation. Jaike wasn’t blind or deaf. She knew he was a ladies’ man, that he dated practically every girl who came on to him.

  Derek reached out to touch her but she quickly stepped back. He chuckled, and even the sound was possessive, like he was only being generous in giving her time to be apart from him.

  “I hate taking photos.” Derek lifted his camera from his chest, turning it around in his hands as if it was a toy he couldn’t decipher.

  She pressed her lips together, not wanting to accidentally scold him for the careless way he held his camera. The muscles in his arms flexed with every move he made, and Jaike gnashed her teeth, hating how just the sight of it made her toes curl inside her sneakers. Why couldn’t she stop being so obsessed with him?

  “Why are you staring at me like that?” There was that smirk again.

  She stumbled for an excuse. “I don’t understand why you bought a camera if you hate taking photos.” She fingered the ID card pinned to her jeans pocket, which served to identify her as a club member. “Are you hoping you’ll improve with the club?”

  Derek replied in a matter-of-fact tone, “I bought this camera, I joined this club, and I woke four in the morning today just to see you.”

  Jaike’s lips parted in shock. When he didn’t take the words back, she said lamely, “That’s not a good reason to spend hundreds of dollars for something you won’t use.”

  His laughter startled her. “You still sound like a nun.”

  Derek’s amusement was infectious, and Jaike was unable to prevent her lips from twitching.

  Derek pretended to clutch his heart. “At last! I thought I’d never see you smile at me again.”

  This time, Jaike really did smile, and it widened when Derek groaned. “Now I can die happy.”

  She giggled.

  Derek’s jaw dropped. “Did you just…giggle?”

  “I did not.” Then she ruined it by giggling again.

  “It’s the end of the world, isn’t it? You smiled at me, you giggled, what’s next?” He suddenly pulled her close. “You’ll let me kiss you?”

  In an instant, amusement turned into a conflicting mass of emotions inside her. Jaike was shy, frustrated, and excited – and she didn’t like feeling any one of them. She frowned at the fingers encircling her wrist, hating how the skin there prickled in awareness. “Let go, Derek.” She tried wriggling her wrist out of his hold.

  “Why not?” His thumb slowly stroked her knuckles, making her imagine how it would feel when it was other parts of her body he stroked.

  Jaike pushed the thoughts away. She couldn’t think like that anymore. It wasn’t right.

  “I like you a lot. You know that, don’t you? Take a risk with me, Jaike. Go out with me.”

  “I can’t.” The more he pushed, the more Derek terrified her with the feelings he evoked. They were so…strange. It was the only word she let herself use. Anything else was too dangerous.

  “Yes, you can.”

  “No, I can’t.” Jaike added in a small voice, “I’m dating Angelo Va---”

  “Then stop dating him,” Derek interrupted coolly.

  “No, you don’t understand.” She swallowed convulsively, knowing instinctively that Derek wouldn’t like what she was about to say. “I’m Angelo’s girlfriend now.”

  Derek’s hands fell away so abruptly it was as if she had burned him. His voice was hoarse when he asked, “What did you say?”

  Jaike forced herself to smile. “Aren’t you going to congratulate me?” She had said it to lighten the air between them, but the moment the words left her lips she knew it had been the wrong thing to say.

  Derek looked like she had stabbed – no, he looked at her as if she was a no-good cheat who had backstabbed him.

  “I’m not going to fucking congratulate you,” he bit out.

  She had a sudden urge to cry. Rage, Jaike would have been able to handle but the look of betrayal in Derek’s blue gray eyes wasn’t something she had prepared her heart for.

  When she started to bend her head, Derek snapped, “Look at me!”

  She did as asked, her lips trembling.

  “Why the fuck did you become his girlfriend, Jaike?”

  “I c-care for him.”

  Derek looked like he wanted to throttle her. “Liar.”

  She glanced around nervously, torn by her need to comfort him and her desire to run away. “Derek, people might hear us---”

  “Fuck them.” He grabbed her shoulders. “Can’t you feel how different we are together, Jaike?”

  She turned her head away from his searching gaze. “I’m Angelo’s---”

  “Don’t say his fucking name in front of me!”

  “Am I interrupting something?”

  Derek’s hands dropped from her shoulders and he stepped away as Angelo came to her side. Derek was breathing hard, but his face was without emotion when he met the other man’s gaze.

  Jaike bit her lip as hard as she could. If she cried Derek would think that she was feeling sorry for him, and he would hate her for that.

  Angelo slipped an arm around her waist and glanced down at her with a gentle smile. “Hi, cara.” He was as handsome as ever, dressed in a foam green collared shirt and designer jeans. The difference between him and Derek was glaring, and the difference with how they made Jaike feel was just as blatant.

  “H-hi.” Normally, she loved
hearing Angelo speak, his faint Italian accent lending a sweet cadence to his words, his voice settling over her like a blanket of tranquility. But now it did nothing to quiet the riotous emotions battering her heart.

  “No kiss?” Angelo asked with a smile that didn’t reach his eyes.

  The words were still spoken in a feather-soft voice, but Jaike knew it was a test. In the days she had spent with Angelo, she had slowly come to know the secret side of him, the one that was forceful and jealous. That side of him wordlessly demanded for Jaike to make a choice now.

  Derek was staring at her.

  I’m sorry. Jaike whispered the words silently to him just as she tiptoed to kiss Angelo on the cheek. Angelo twisted his head at the same time and their lips touched.

  She pulled back in surprise, but Angelo only laughed. “Sorry. I couldn’t help it.”

  Derek was gone. She didn’t have to turn around to know it. His presence was like a coat that kept her warm, and when he left she was all frozen inside.

  Angelo pulled her close, stroking her hair, kissing her forehead. “You chose me.” He said it quietly.

  She closed her eyes, breathing in his familiar scent and drawing comfort from it. “I’ll always choose you,” she whispered, knowing that the words were heartbreakingly true.

  She pulled away when she felt Angelo hardening against her.

  “Don’t look at me like that, cara.” He caressed her cheek. “I’m sorry. I was too fast, wasn’t I?”

  Jaike nodded.

  His answering laugh sounded forced. “Not even going to deny that, huh?” He walked away, leaning against the rails, his hands clasped over it.

  Jaike knew what he wanted and, oh God, she wished she could give it to Angelo. Maybe someday she would but not now. She could make her mind rule her heart, but her body wasn’t hers to command. It only answered to its owner, and it wasn’t Angelo.

  Angelo glanced at her over the shoulder, a tender smile on his face, the rising sun in the distance creating a golden halo around him. “How about taking a side shot of me?”

  “Sure.” She smiled back, her body instantly relaxing at the familiar twinkle in Angelo’s eyes. This Angelo in front of her was the one she wanted, the one that kept her normal.

  Jaike hurried to position, kneeling down again so she could get a different angle of Angelo.

  Click.

  When Angelo started to move, she shook her head. “One more.” She stood up and backed a couple of steps. When she took the shot, Jaike swallowed back a gasp.

  Derek stood at the foot of the bridge, the look on his face leaving her cold.

  One Year Earlier

  Midnight was the best time to take photos of the campus, especially after stressing over finals. All the streets were brightly lit but empty, the silvery sheen of moonlight turning whatever it touched into a black-and-white still painting.

  Jaike stretched luxuriously, arms over and behind her head, her joints aching after being on her knees taking close-up shots of roses that were just about to bloom. The night was colder than usual, making her wish she had worn something thicker than her cotton shirt and denim shorts.

  Looking around, Jaike found nothing familiar in her surroundings. Even after two years of college, her mind still couldn’t quite grasp at how enormous the university’s property was.

  Just as Jaike was about to turn around and retrace her footsteps, something rustled behind the trees, followed by sounds that seemed like moans of pain. Jaike stilled, waiting for another sound even though she prayed at the same time that there wouldn’t be one.

  Another pain-filled moan emerged, and Jaike quickly fumbled for her pepper spray and torch from her pockets. Keeping her footsteps quiet, she slowly walked past the row of rose bushes circling the gazebo, her heart beating faster as the moans grew more frequent and louder.

  “No more.”

  “Shut up. You know you want this.”

  “No.”

  “Yes.” A grunt in the darkness.

  “No!”

  Reaching the edge of the bushes, she stepped past it and shone the light at where the sounds were coming from.

  The moan turned into a shrill scream. “Shut the light off!”

  “I’m sorry!” Jaike gasped, unprepared to see a couple making out instead of the rape scene she was expecting. She clumsily struggled to switch the torch off, wishing there was a way to forget what she had just seen.

  The girl had her arms around the tree’s bark, bent halfway so that her ass was up in the air while the man she was with thrust in and out of her from behind.

  “Mind your fucking business next time, bitch,” the girl snarled.

  Jaike looked up in dismay and was even more embarrassed when she saw the girl hastily putting her clothes on. “I’m sor---” Her voice died when the guy turned around, revealing a familiar set of features, but now the dark hair was matted with sweat, blue-gray eyes wide in shock.

  She walked away. But it wasn’t enough and soon she was running. Her feet pounded the pavement in heavy steps, the pain lodged inside her heart making her breath come out in broken gasps as she silently urged her legs to move faster.

  “Wait!”

  Jaike almost fell down in her haste. But it was a futile effort, and he caught up with her in seconds, forcing her to spin around to face him. It felt like the worst kind of déjà vu, a nightmare that only the most twisted mind could create.

  Moonlight cast Derek’s face in light and shadows, with not even a single shade of gray to numb the pain.

  He had been fucking another woman.

  The thought made Jaike gasp involuntarily, and when she noticed his partially unbuttoned jeans, a broken cry slipped past her lips.

  Derek cursed when she saw where she was looking at, his fingers automatically going to the buttons. “Jaike---”

  She shook her head furiously. “You don’t have to explain.”

  “Then why are you looking at me like that?”

  Jaike couldn’t speak. She knew that the answer to it was inside her somewhere, but she had buried it so deep she didn’t know where to find it anymore.

  Derek swore and she flinched at the sound of it.

  “Don’t look so goddamn hurt,” he snarled.

  She lifted her chin. “I’m not!” But her voice shook at the end.

  “Fuck! Fuck!” A look of bitter rage darkened his face and Derek looked around wildly as if searching for something he could thrash violently. “What did you fucking expect me to do, Jaike? You’re another guy’s girlfriend!”

  “I know!” She shouted the words out. She had to. If she let herself soften just one bit, she would break down, and she wouldn’t ever be the same again if that happened.

  “What did you think I’d fucking do? Wait for you forever?”

  Jaike shook her head, crying now. She hurt. They both hurt. But she just couldn’t see a way out for both of them to escape with their hearts intact.

  He grabbed her hand and placed it on his dick, which was still fully erect. “Do you feel that, Jaike? I’m fucking hard for you all the time and it’s goddamn hell knowing I can only touch myself and imagine that it’s you. When I fuck some other girl, I have to pretend she’s you.”

  A look of pained pleasure twisted his face as Derek pushed her hand harder against his dick. “I wanted to fight for you, Jaike. I goddamn wanted to steal you away from that prick!”

  He curled his hand around hers, forcing Jaike to curl her fingers around his dick. “When I tried to make you choose me, you made me pay by being fucking his! And now that I’ve stayed away, you’re looking at me like I’m goddamn wrong again!”

 
She sobbed out, “I don’t know---”

  “Bullshit! You’re not crying because you don’t know, Jaike. You know what you want me to do but because you’re such a goddamn coward you’d rather let Valencia play with you---”

  Jaike snatched her hand away from his hold and slapped him. “You don’t understand!”

  “Then make me!” Derek roared. “You have me on my fucking knees, Jaike. Do you want me to fight for you? Do you want me to stay away? Tell me what the hell I can do just so that you won’t fucking belong to someone else!”

  “Derek---mmph!” His lips slammed over hers. Passion exploded between them, and the sheer strength of it made her lips part in shock.

  Derek’s tongue immediately thrust in, swooping into her mouth, tasting her as if his kiss was meant to mark her as his. There wasn’t anything sweet and tender in Derek’s kiss. It was raw and demanding, and she loved it. She was obsessed by it. Putting a stop to Derek’s kiss didn’t even cross her mind, the kiss claiming her in a way that Jaike was no longer herself. She was simply his.

  Derek’s tongue thrust in and out of her, mating with her tongue, and she could have died for the sensations that his deep and masterful kiss churned out. His kiss demanded, and she yielded.

  His lower body pushed against her, and she pushed back without thinking, loving the pulsing heat of Derek’s hard length.

  The next thing she knew Derek had jumped away from her, and the glare in his eyes made Jaike gaze back at him in hurt confusion.

  “You’re so fucking confusing you’re driving me crazy!” he growled.

  “You’re so fucking confusing, too,” she half-screamed, unable to understand how Derek could be so mad after the kiss they had shared. “What do you want from me?”

  “You know what I fucking want. It’s you who doesn’t fucking know what you goddamn want!” Derek took a challenging step towards her, his chest shaking with every ragged breath he took. “Tell me, Jaike. Does this fucking mean you’ll leave him? Are you mine now?”