Cast in Ruin

by Laura Landon

  She slid her plate away from her, an indication that she’d finished eating. “Because you were forced to marry me. Because I was without a doubt the last female in society you’d ever considered to marry.” She gave him a serious look. “You didn’t know I was alive until our fathers forced us to marry.”

  “That was my error in judgment.”

  She rolled her eyes and continued. “Because you could have had any female you wanted, yet you got me. And most of all, instead of the perfect bride that you can proudly display in public, you got used goods.” She placed her linen napkin beside her plate. “You, my lord, got the worst end of this bargain.”

  Ben slid his chair away from the table and stood. “I think we both need some fresh air if we’re going to continue this conversation. Would you like to take a stroll through the garden?”

  She nodded and rose.

  He placed her hand atop his arm and led her through the house to the French doors that opened to the back flower garden. He assisted her down the few steps, then down the path. “Now,” he said when they’d walked a ways along the path. “I think it’s time we put a few of your misgivings to rest. First of all, I wasn’t the only one forced to marry. If I remember correctly, you refused my offer. You were then informed that refusing wasn’t an option. Not if you cared for your sisters’ futures. That speaks highly of you. You put your sisters’ happiness ahead of your own.”

  Her footsteps faltered.

  “As for you being the last female I considered for my bride,” he continued, “I had never considered anyone I wanted to marry.”

  “Why was that?” she asked.

  “Because contrary to your opinion of me, I never intended to marry.”

  “I can’t believe that.”

  “Well, it’s the truth.”

  “Do you dislike children, my lord?” she asked.

  He looked at her and noticed the questioning look in her eyes. “No, I don’t believe I do. I’d never given it a thought, one way or another. I just didn’t think children would be in my future.”

  She studied him for a few seconds. “Why?”

  Now Ben was the one to hesitate. “Because there was no need. I’m not the Townsend heir. Gideon is, and he’s already taken care of providing an heir. And a spare.”

  “Providing an heir isn’t the only reason to marry. As you know, there are other benefits.”

  He turned his gaze to look at her. “Yes, like I said, there’s the benefit of your interesting conversational skills.”

  She punched him softly on the arm. “That isn’t the benefit I was thinking of.”

  “Oh, yes,” he teased. “My skills in the bedroom.”

  “You can’t deny that you have a… healthy appetite for the marriage bed.”

  “I’m shocked, dear wife.”

  “I doubt anything I say could shock you. Especially if I reminded you of the things you say and do to me when we’re making love.”

  He couldn’t help but laugh. He also couldn’t help himself from wrapping his arm around her shoulder and holding her close to him. His heart expanded when she wrapped her arm around his waist and leaned into him.

  “No doubt in time you would have tired of searching for someone to satisfy your need, and realized the advantage of having someone at hand whenever the… the, uh… Well, you know what I mean.”

  “You mean whenever the urge came over me?”

  Her cheeks darkened and she nodded. He loved how she tried to speak as if she were so knowledgeable, yet how talking so bluntly embarrassed her.

  “Which convinces me that you weren’t serious when you said you had no intention of ever marrying.”

  “Oh, I was serious,” he interjected before he thought better of his answer.

  “Then, there’s another reason you’d decided not to marry. Are you going to tell me what it is?”

  Ben led her down a narrow cobbled path near the far corner of the garden. The footpath wound around a small pond and led to a white wooden gazebo. A bench, just long enough for two people if they sat close, rested against the wooden railing. The view from the bench overlooked the water. He led her there and they sat.

  He knew she expected an answer, but how could he tell her about his mother? How could he tell her that his mother was a murderer?

  He leaned forward and rested his forearms on his thighs. “Can you tell me you have no secrets that you’d rather keep to yourself?” he said.

  When she didn’t answer, he turned his head and looked at her. The closed expression on her face was answer enough. “I thought so,” he said, turning back to gaze on the water. “The same is true for me. There are some things better left unsaid. My reasons for not wanting to marry are my own.”

  “Was there someone else?” she asked softly.

  “Someone else?” he asked not understanding at first. Then, her meaning became clear. “Oh, you mean someone I thought I loved?” He shook his head. “No. Nothing that simple.” He pushed himself to sit upright. “What about you? Are you in love with someone else? Is that the reason you didn’t want to marry me?”

  He wanted to hear her say that there wasn’t. He wanted her to say that she hadn’t fancied herself in love with someone else. But she didn’t say the words.

  Instead, she whispered, “That hardly matters any more. Like you said, there are some secrets we need to keep to ourselves.”

  And he remembered the scandal that had ruined her. She’d been found in a strange bed, proof of what had happened there for the world to see. And knowing her like he did, he knew that she’d cared for the man to whom she’d given herself.

  Now he wanted to ask her if she still did. If she was still in love with someone she could never have.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  Why couldn’t she have lied?

  Rachael knew her response had disappointed him. And had erased a large portion of the progress they’d made that brought them closer together.

  Why couldn’t she have denied that she was in love with someone else? Because in truth she wasn’t. At least not with anyone she could name. Or with anyone she’d recognize if she saw him again.

  Rachael recalled the fox mask her lover had worn, and struggled to remember anything she could about him. The night she met the masked stranger had been a fantasy. If little Claire weren’t here as a reminder of what she and her lover had shared, she could almost convince herself that none of what transpired had ever happened. Not because it hadn’t been special. But because every night in Benjamin’s arms was equally as special.

  After that night in her stranger’s arms she thought she’d only have that one miraculous memory to hold on to for the rest of her life. Instead, she’d been blessed with one perfect night after another. And instead of a phantom in a fox’s mask, she had a magnificent human being to hold in her arms.

  A knock at the door brought her back from her musings. She called out for them to enter then turned. She thought it would be Milly. Instead, Benjamin stood there.

  His broad shoulders filled the open doorway. His powerful physique as magnificent as a marble sculpture. The sight of him there affected her with a desire she didn’t think would ever be satisfied. She didn’t know how he’d gained such a hold on her, but he’d penetrated the deepest recesses of her heart and had taken possession. Every time he came near her, her body heated to a fevered pitch.

  “I thought you’d gone,” she said. Earlier he’d told her he would be gone for most of the afternoon.

  “I wanted to speak with you before I left.”

  She motioned for him to follow her through the connecting door that led to her sitting room. When they reached her private room, she indicated that he sit in one of the two matching floral wing chairs. “Would you care for tea? I can have some brought up.”

  “No, this won’t take that long.”

  “But it’s serious,” she said, examining the frown on his forehead.

  He smiled, as if her remark had reminded him to erase the serious expre
ssion on his face. “No, not all of it is serious.”

  “Then perhaps you’d best start with what you think I’m not going to like.”

  “Very well.” He sat forward in his chair. His movement brought him closer to her. “It’s about Lady Comfrey’s ball. It is tonight.”

  “I was wondering when you were going to bring up the topic of attending.”

  “Then you haven’t forgotten,” he said, not as a question, but as a statement.

  “No, I haven’t forgotten.”

  “Are we going to attend?”

  She studied him. The expression on his face wasn’t insensitive. It held a sense of uncertainty, as if he assumed that because of what had happened at the Withering ball she wouldn’t want to go out into Society again. His hesitation indicated that he wasn’t sure how far he could push her before she broke.

  “I don’t want to,” she said.

  The muscles on either side of his face tightened. She could see that she’d disappointed him.

  “But I refuse to let Julia Bentley think she beat me,” she continued. “So, yes we’re going.”

  A slow smile lit his face. “That’s my girl.” He rose to his feet and extended his hands toward her.

  Rachael placed her hands in his and stood. When she was on her feet, he wrapped his arms around her and brought her close to him.

  “Tonight will be different,” he said, touching his finger to the tip of her nose.

  Rachael lifted her face to look at him and smiled as brightly as she could. “Yes, it will, my lord. Because you and I are going to dance until our feet hurt and we collapse in a heap in the middle of the ballroom.”

  “Are we?” he said on a deep, rich laugh that filled the room.

  “Yes. It’s been nearly two years since I’ve been to such a lavish ball, and I want to dance every single set.”

  “Then dance you shall, my lady. We will be one of the first couples to arrive and one of the last to leave.”

  Rachael’s heart swelled in her breast. “Thank you,” she whispered. Her voice was filled with emotion.

  He cupped his palm to her cheek and rubbed his thumb against her lips. Then, he lowered his head and brought his mouth down on hers.

  His kiss was gentle, the slow mating of two people who were growing comfortable with each other. She didn’t know how it was possible for him to affect her like he did, but every nerve in her body sang with desire. With a touch, or a caress, her mind ceased to function. She couldn’t think past her desire for him. For what he could do to her.

  She wrapped her arms around his neck and pressed against him. For the first time in two years she felt safe. She felt as though she finally belonged somewhere. That she wasn’t alone. That she belonged to someone.

  He deepened his kisses. His tongue traced her lips and she opened for him. She couldn’t imagine not giving in to him. Couldn’t imagine not taking everything he offered.

  His tongue explored her mouth, and she met his entry as if she’d waited a lifetime for his kiss. She doubted she could control her emotions if he demanded more from her. And he did.

  His tongue touched hers, then touched it again, until the aching need inside her was almost unbearable.

  She threaded her fingers through his thick honey-colored hair, and brought him closer. She wanted more from him. She wanted to give him more of herself. She wanted him to know how important he was becoming to her. But she couldn’t say the words. Telling him how she felt would give him too much power over her. Allowing him to know how deeply she was beginning to care for him would transfer any power she had to control her future―because her future wasn’t the only future she needed to consider.

  She remembered how terrified she’d been when she realized what had resulted from her night of passion. For the first time in her life she had truly felt alone. There had been no one to turn to. No place to go. She would never allow herself to be placed in such a dangerous position again. She would never allow herself to feel so helpless ever again.

  She kissed him once more, then turned her head and broke their kiss.

  Their breathing came out harsh and ragged. Their kisses always left her breathless. Always left her weak and gasping for air.

  As if he knew how unsteady her legs were, he pulled her against him and held her close.

  “I wish I didn’t have to leave,” he said between breaths, “but I need to meet with Father. He wants to go over the plans I drew up for the crops on our estate.”

  “Does he approve of the changes you want to make?” She stepped away from him. Thankfully, her chair was near, and she sat. Ben didn’t. He remained on his feet and looked at her.

  “I’ll find out soon,” he answered. “But I believe he does. He indicated that he believes Meadowmont Estate will improve by implementing my suggestions.”

  “I like the name of our estate. Meadowmont is a strong title. Meadowmont Manor has a stately sound. When can we go there? I’d like to see it.”

  “Are you afraid you won’t like it?”

  She shook her head. “I know I’ll like it. And you said it’s not far from Townsend Estate. That will be nice. You’ll enjoy seeing your Father and brother, and I look forward to getting to know Gideon’s wife, Eve, and their children. And your sisters will be there, too.”

  He closed the distance between them and placed his hands on her shoulders. “I think Father believes that marriage has been good for me. He’s hinted more than once that he’s happy with how I’ve changed since we married.”

  “Do you miss your former life?”

  “No, I don’t miss it. It wasn’t the best lifestyle. Father was right. It would have led to my downfall eventually. I realize that now.”

  “Then I’m glad you walked away from it.”

  “So am I.” He leaned down and kissed her. “I need to go. I’ll be back in time to dress for Lady Comfrey’s ball. I promise I’ll get you there in plenty of time for the first dance.”

  The smile they shared warmed her whole body.

  She watched him make his way toward the door and marveled again at his strong physique, his magnificent stature. She was amazed at how perfect he was. And not just physically, but in countless other ways: his protectiveness when she’d been attacked by Julia Bentley, his attentiveness to her needs, his intelligence, his interest in her thoughts and opinions. How had she been fortunate enough to have married someone who fit her so perfectly?

  She only prayed that wouldn’t change if he discovered the secret she was hiding from him. Or if when he did, he wouldn’t realize she was unworthy to be his wife.

  Her heart ached when she thought that might happen. A painful throbbing gnawed at her insides when she considered that she might lose the man she had come to care for more than she knew was safe for her heart.

  He stopped when he reached the door and turned. “I’ve opened accounts for you in several ladies’ shops. If you need to purchase something in a shop that doesn’t know you, have the proprietors send the bills to me and I’ll take care of them.”

  “Thank you,” she answered.

  “Be sure to rest this afternoon,” he said with a smile.

  “Milly and I are going for a walk, but we won’t stay out long. I’ll be sure to get plenty of rest if I’m going to spend the night dancing.”

  He smiled, then opened the door to leave.

  “Will you tell me what your father has to say?” she asked. She was reluctant for him to leave.

  “If you want to know.”

  “You know I do.”

  “Then I’ll try to remember every word.”

  “Good.”

  He gifted her with another startling smile, then left her.

  She experienced an emptiness when he was gone. A desire to call him back. A light went out when he left.

  How had this happened? How could she have allowed herself to care for him like she did? She knew the risk was great. Knew the emptiness she’d feel when he turned from her would hurt more than she could bea
r. But that’s what would happen when he discovered her secret

  . . .

  Ben walked with a lighter step when he returned from meeting with his father. For the first time in his life, he felt as if he wasn’t simply the spare to the heir, but that there was a purpose to his life. Meadowmont Estate had more than twenty tenants, and he was responsible for their welfare.

  He was responsible for the crops that were planted in the ground. For the livestock that would provide the wool they would send to market. For the barley they would sell to the breweries. And more important than that, he was responsible for a wife, and eventually a family.

  Six months ago, recognizing the enormity of the responsibility that was placed on his shoulders would have terrified him. Even three months ago, assuming the obligations that he’d taken on would have made him want to run as far away from what he was expected to do as possible. Today, he wanted to shout his thanks to the heavens because he was convinced that there was nothing he couldn’t do as long as he had Rachael at his side.

  His chest swelled with a euphoric elation he could barely contain.

  He took the four steps to his townhouse, then entered the door Henley held open for him.

  “Is my wife in, Henley?” he asked, handing the butler his hat and coat.

  “Yes, my lord. She returned a short while ago and went to her rooms.”

  “She was gone all this time?” he asked, thinking Henley must have misspoken.

  “Yes, my lord. She was out until a few minutes ago.”

  Ben made a mental note that if her feet ached tonight, he’d inform her that he knew how long she’d walked this afternoon, and she deserved to have sore feet. Then he took the steps two at a time. He couldn’t wait to tell her all about his meeting with his father.

  He went to her room and knocked on the door. He entered when she answered and found her sitting in one of the two matching chairs where they’d sat earlier. She’d had tea sent up and was drinking a cup. “I hoped I’d find you resting your feet. Henley said you stayed out nearly all afternoon.”

  “Yes, I… I... was reluctant to return,” she stammered. “It was entirely too nice to be indoors.”