by Abby Ayles
“I believe in you,” Antoinette replied. “You seem to know what you are doing, and you are here, so you cannot be going through too much hardship. I bet you can turn that business around in another year or two,” she insisted encouragingly.
Mr. Perry smiled a genuine, slightly tormented, yet still tender smile at her. “We shall see. I have good years and bad years, but every time I am a step ahead, some vulture lands on my back with debt, or some mighty heavenly hand strikes down one of my ships, and I am poor again.” He shook his head slowly again and sighed. “I do not know what I shall do, except persevere.”
“You say you are not the equal of any person here, but I disagree,” Antoinette replied.
“How so? I am fairly confident that, accounting for the debt my father accrued, that waiter over there has a greater net worth than I do.” Mr. Perry laughed a little. “Is it not ironic, that from riches to rags, I would now do better to begin working as a servant than to endure with this business?”
“Now you truly are being ridiculous,” Antoinette insisted. “You have something nine-tenths of the people in this room are lacking. You have perseverance, courage, and a focused mind. Of course these people are doing well with their lives. So am I. Because we have never wanted for anything. Meanwhile, you... You are saddled with a mountain of debt which is no fault of your own, you are facing constant hurdles, and yet you persevere. You believe in your potential to save yourself and your father's company. And here you are, still standing among Dukes and Colonels, despite all the hurdles life has presented you. You may not have a wealth of money, or status, or support, or assets. But you have a wealth of brains and heart, and with those two things you are sure to acquire the rest.”
“I do hope so,” replied Mr. Perry. “After so many years of continual setbacks, it is easy to lose faith. Yet... I do want my old life back. And I do want to give my children the childhood I had, if not a better one. Should I ever have children.” Mr. Perry laughed a little. “As things stand I can only hope a woman would marry me out of pity.”
“Nonsense, Mr. Perry. You are still deserving of love,” Antoinette replied. “And to be married out of love, without a penny to your name, is surely better than to be married in greed to a woman who despises you.”
“Those are very true words, Miss Byrd,” Mr. Perry said. He offered her his hand. “Come, let us dance some more.”
As they entered the ballroom once again, a pleasant Minuet was playing. Antoinette loved to dance the Minuet, and seized Mr. Perry's hand firmly, hurrying him to the floor so that they could join in. Mr. Perry chuckled as they finally joined the dance.
“You are just like my little sisters, so eager to get dancing that you forget yourself,” he said quietly as the eyes which had looked on in slight disgust turned away from them.
Antoinette blushed. “Has everyone stopped staring yet?” she whispered.
Mr. Perry nodded. “You were not too badly behaved, just a little overeager. I am sure they will forget by the end of the night if you do not attract any further attention to yourself.”
Antoinette nodded sternly and looked out at the other couples and onlookers. They had, in fact, stopped staring at her and resumed their own affairs. She breathed a sigh of relief.
“You said that I would be able to marry for love,” Mr. Perry said. “Do you truly believe that?”
“You are a sweet, good-looking, gentle man,” Antoinette replied candidly. “I am sure that some woman will find you ideal, whatever you have to your name.”
“Some woman... but not you? Could you not marry for love?” Mr. Perry replied.
“I could,” said Antoinette, “but...”
“You do not love me.” It was a statement, not a question. Mr. Perry smiled and nodded. “I understand. I suppose a Duke is easy to love.”
As the Minuet came to a close and yet another waltz began, Antoinette sighed a little. “You would think so, and yet...”
“And yet?” asked Mr. Perry after waiting a few seconds for her to finish.
“Mr. Perry, Duke Godwin invited me here. He did not know for sure that anyone else I knew would come, and he definitely knew my father was out of town. I expected I would be a guest of honour, and that he would spend much time dancing with me, talking to me, and getting close to me. But what happens instead? He is too busy to spend time with me, leaving me stranded.” She shook her head. “It is not what I expected.”
“So... you do not love him?” Mr. Perry asked.
“I did not say that. Of course I love him. It's just not easy to love him,” she explained.
Mr. Perry nodded. “I believe I understand,” he said. “And, if you love him, surely you would love him even if he were not a Duke, and not wealthy?”
Antoinette paused. Of course, her parents expected her to marry as highly as she could. But as for her... She thought back to his gallant rescue at the market. “Oh yes, I would marry him if he were a... a... a shoemaker!” She laughed a little.
“How come? What do you love about him besides his status and wealth?” Mr. Perry replied.
“Mr. Perry! Are you insinuating—”
“Not at all,” he insisted, shaking his head, “I am only curious about what could make a woman love a man so much that she would elope with a simple commoner, however high status she is herself. I know it happens. We have all heard about it. But... Every woman I have met has honestly not been interested in men beneath her rank, or beneath her family's wealth. I am just curious, now I have met a woman who believes in the powers of love, to discover what inspires it.”
“Very well...” Antoinette began. “I suppose it is his character that makes him lovable. He is brave, and selfless, he shows love for children and animals, he is generous with all that he has... He may be introverted and quiet at times, but he makes an effort to move outside his comforts and to be gregarious. He is a good man. And for that I love him.”
“I suppose I stand a cat in Hell's chance of someone loving me, if that is what is lovable,” Mr. Perry replied. “I am quiet, not particularly daring, and definitely not gregarious.”
Antoinette shook her head. “It is not like that. Those are the traits which I, as an individual, appreciate in Duke Godwin, as an individual. Other women may prefer other traits. And I may like other traits in other people. Take, for example, my cousin and Duke Haskett. I find his openness and honesty to be, quite frankly, rude and unnecessary. But she greatly appreciates it. And yet despite this, I know I possess some of the traits which I cannot stand in him, and that these traits are what makes Mary fond of me. Sometimes opposites are drawn to one another, other times it is our similarities which make us love one another. And you are perfectly lovable as you are.”
“Is that so?” Mr. Perry asked, shaking his head slowly. “You do not love me, so how can I trust your explanation of what may make me desirable? Even if what you are saying were true, would it not also be true that you could not possibly comprehend what another woman likes in me?”
Antoinette blushed. “I suppose... It is complicated. But rest assured, there are women out there who would like to marry you.”
“Is that any reassurance that I would want to marry them?” he asked, eyebrow raised.
“Well... I suppose not...” Antoinette admitted. “But it is a good start, is it not? And besides, I remain wholeheartedly confident that a man with your determination, your perseverance, ought to be able to succeed in life. So even if you were unable to marry without wealth, you are sure to have more wealth one day.”
“I do hope so,” he replied. “It may sound silly, but I am one of those people who cannot bear being left alone. I rarely do much talking. In fact, I find it quite tiring. After tonight I may need to rest and recover before I see anyone more. But I enjoy company, and listening. And I cannot bear silence or solitude.”
“I understand completely,” Antoinette replied. “I could not imagine spending the rest of my days alone. It is a good thing to have someone to accompany you thro
ugh life, to bring you joy and peace and... Oh, I am so sorry,” she said. “I do not mean to insult you with all this.”
Mr. Perry shook his head. “Not at all. I understood from the beginning that I was not an ideal prospect for you, and assumed you would not take me seriously. It is a happy accident that we get along as famously as we are doing, and I do like you and enjoy your company. However, if there is no opportunity to marry you, I would rather ensure that you are happy. And Duke Godwin makes you happy, does he not?”
“Oh, so happy,” Antoinette said with a sigh. “He is everything I have dreamed of since I was small. And... Sorry I am doing it again.”
“No, it is no problem. It is early enough that I am not too attached to your person romantically, and I would much prefer to see you happy and be a friend to you, than to make you an unhappy wife.” He smiled broadly.
“Thank you so much for understanding!” Antoinette exclaimed, resisting the urge to embrace her new friend.
But now just one small matter remained. It was all well and good for her to focus all courtship efforts on Duke Godwin so long as she could spend time with him. But right now... where was he?
Chapter 8
As the evening progressed, Antoinette knew she could not spend too much time with one suitor. Especially not one she had no intention of marrying. It just looked... wrong. So she had been deeply relieved when she had spied her cousin, Mary, and her husband, Duke Haskett, Duke of York, sitting by the piano in the obscenely oversized drawing room, talking to the pianist.
Antoinette said her “see you later” to Mr. Perry and, with a curtsy and a bow, they parted ways for the night. She felt a little sorry to change company. After all, she had enjoyed a wonderful time dancing and talking with him. But he was not her best prospect, as far as suitors were concerned, he did not know anyone to introduce her to, and she did not want to spend so much time with one person.
On the other hand, Duke Haskett, abrasive though he may be, was surrounded by a small entourage who were happily chatting around the piano. Even the lady who was presently playing had her head turned to listen in on the conversation, and from time to time got a word in.
Antoinette walked up to the group and curtsied.
“Ah, everyone, this is my wife's cousin, or perhaps better said, our cousin, Miss Byrd,” Duke Haskett immediately introduced her, then Mary shuffled up to him a little on the bench, making room for Antoinette to join them.
“Antoinette, pay attention for there are quite a few names. May I introduce to you Master Forbes, Lord Baxter, Miss Carter, Lord and Lady Worthington, Duchess Thrup, Sir Nott, and finally Miss Curtis,” Duke Haskett said in one breath, indicating each person with a wave of the hand as he introduced them.
Antoinette lightly curtsied at each in turn as they bowed or curtsied back. Finally, she was able to sit down with her cousin. Her feet were aching horribly from all that walking and dancing and standing in her new shoes, but she knew better than to complain. Instead, with a relieved sigh, she took advantage of the looseness of her skirts as she sat to lift her feet up off the ground, feeling the pressure and pain reduce.
“We were just talking about Duke Godwin's charitable acts,” Duke Haskett said, “I do believe you and your family are also strong advocates for charity?”
Antoinette nodded. “Well, we largely do Christian work, and my brother joined a Mission to India recently, spreading the Word. But personally I am very impressed by the work Duke Godwin does for children in need.” She wanted to carry on, but cut herself short suddenly. She knew that if she continued talking she may put the other guests off getting to know her. She hated it, but at the same time she knew that once they got to know each other she would be able to be more herself.
“That we all are,” said Miss Curtis with a nod. “He truly is a generous man. Not many men will do much for children who are not their own these days. But he knows what he has to give and he is so generous with it.”
Lord Baxter's moustache twitched. “If you ask me, he is not giving enough. This is one of the wealthiest men in the country and he expects us to make donations for coming to his ball?”
Lord Worthington nodded in agreement. “And he had the arrogance to say as much in his letter. Apparently, we are not doing enough in his eyes. What does he know of our personal finances? I am sure, looking around, that some people here cannot afford the amount of donation he was requesting, and I daresay that many potential guests have abstained from the ball altogether due to the lack of funding.”
“That is no way to speak of our host!” whispered Lady Worthington to her husband, who suddenly and sheepishly withdrew. “He is a generous, amiable man who simply wishes for others to be more like himself. Why, I heard that quite recently he saved a young woman and a child from being trampled by an out of control horse at the market. We should all aspire to be more like Duke Godwin.”
Miss Curtis had turned her nose up slightly as the men spoke about Duke Godwin, in the manner of someone who was personally insulted. However, upon hearing someone leaping to his praises, she smiled warmly and nodded along in agreement. “Indeed we should. Do you know, I hear he tamed that angry horse with his own bare hands, without needing to break a whip on it, nor to use a gun. A true gentleman, so loving of God's creatures.” She punctuated her sentence with a sigh and lightly fanned herself with her hand.
“Well, if you ask me it is an elaboration at best, probably even a total fabrication. There is no man who can tame a horse down like that, especially not a soft-skinned lifelong noble such as Duke Godwin,” said Lord Baxter. “I do believe he marches about spreading such rumours about himself, for I cannot count on both hands the number of times I have heard similarly unbelievable tales. I don't suppose anyone knows who this young lady is, and why she was in his company? She's as fictitious as the horse and the entire event.”
Lord Worthington looked as though he were about to join in again, but Antoinette spied Lady Worthington pinching her husband's arm subtly but sharply, which made him reconsider.
“It was me,” Antoinette piped up. “I was the young lady he rescued and I can verify it was indeed all true.”
Lord Baxter's eyes narrowed. “Really? Is that so? May I ask what you were doing out with Duke Godwin? This sounds a little... attention-seeking.”
“I assure you I am not, I am simply stating facts. He is courting me, and felt that a nice walk through the market to see the Christmas wares would be enjoyable. And the rest happened as stated. There are plenty of witnesses, I see no reason why you should be so cynical,” she replied.
Lord Baxter pursed his lips. “But people are prone to sensationalism. No, I stand by my statement. It is a highly decorated version of the truth, you are just a willing participant in the deception.”
Antoinette flushed red with frustrated anger. “Well, if you genuinely believe that then you may. But being wrong without opposition would make you no less wrong.”
Lord Baxter looked around and, finding himself outnumbered shrugged. “I do believe I am not welcome, so I shall depart.” He bowed lightly and disappeared into the party.
Antoinette shrugged and shook her head. “I cannot help it if someone so objects to the truth,” she insisted.
“Indeed, he was being most unreasonable, was he not?” Lady Worthington said to her husband, who meekly nodded. “Now, you say Duke Godwin is courting you? How marvellous! I have been wondering a long time when that man would settle. He seemed so... averse to marriage. I was beginning to think that he was one of those men who never has an interest in it. Can you imagine? What a waste!”
Antoinette nodded. “Indeed, he said as much when we first met at Duke Haskett's wedding. It seems he has recently changed his perspective on marriage very much,” she replied.
Glancing around the group, Antoinette saw some conflict on Miss Curtis and Miss Carter's faces. On the one hand, she could tell they were excited to hear that Duke Godwin was, indeed, courting once more. But on the other hand they were
glaring at her as though she had kicked their puppy. She knew exactly what that look meant. They were jealous. As two unattached young women who obviously were interested in Duke Godwin, they had probably approached him in the past and become two of the many women he had rejected. To be faced with a woman he was currently courting seemed to affect them like a slap to the face.
Rather than address her, they began talking to one another about the charity again, and Duchess Thrupp was quickly incorporated into this new little social group. Meanwhile, Lady Worthington chatted amiably to Antoinette about all the fantastic things Duke Godwin did, and how many women he had rejected or insulted during his youth.
Antoinette found the dynamic terribly odd. Why would these women be going out of their way to defend Duke Godwin? Even against her own husband's opinion, in the case of Lady Worthington. Of course he was a desirable man, and two of the women were unwed and probably interested in him. But from what they were saying, although he was a fantastic man, he had treated some of the women who approached him very poorly in the past. Antoinette knew that, Duke or no Duke, if he had treated her as coldly as he had treated some of these women, she would not have been interested.
“I don't know how any of them could bear it,” she voiced aloud.
“Bear what?” Lady Worthington asked.
“The way he treated them. He may be a Duke, but to turn a young woman down so bluntly, so rudely...” Antoinette shook her head. “Why are they still interested in him?”
“I am not sure I would call his behaviour rude as such,” Lady Worthington replied.
“But it was. Sending a young woman back from your door as soon as she arrives... That would be an insult to me,” Antoinette replied. “I am amazed this is the same man.”
