Honor

by Jaxon, Andi

  I always hated when Ryan used that serious tone with me. He always made sure that everyone around him was laughing or smiling, even when they felt like shit. However, there were a few times when he had to be serious. I have never been on the receiving end of that tone of voice.

  “I don’t like how that sounds, man.”

  “Let’s head outside, away from everyone. This is a private conversation between you and me.” He claps me on the shoulder as he goes by. Heading out the door with his hands tucked into his uniform pockets.

  I follow him out the door into the small courtyard between buildings, he suddenly stops and turns to face me.

  “I am going to ask Katie to marry me before we leave San Diego.”

  It’s as if all the air has been knocked from my lungs. The pain that immediately radiates through my body is excruciating. I remember the first day I laid eyes on Katie. We were walking down to the beach, and I spotted her sitting on a bench. I was too much of a chicken shit to go and talk to her, but Ryan wasn’t. I could tell from the moment I saw her smile she would have my heart for the rest of my days. The more I hung around with them, the more I fell in love with her. Ryan saw it, he even offered to step aside and let me have the girl, but I saw the way Katie looked at him. Her eyes would light up when he would enter a room, she didn’t even know I existed. I didn’t want to take that away from her, even if it broke my heart.

  “I don’t want to hurt you man, but you had your chance. I was more than willing to step aside and let you get your girl, but not anymore. I love her, I want her to be my wife.”

  I look in Ryan’s eyes and see the truth in his words. He is right, I had my chance, and I decided that my best friend and my love deserved to be happy with one another. It would be selfish for me to take this from them.

  “You’re my best friend and teammate but understand one thing. If you ever make her cry, I will find you. If you ever hurt her, I will hunt you down and make you wish you were never born. I will always be there for you in any way that I can, we are brothers through and through, but please understand I cannot watch you two, together, any longer. There is only so much I can bear.”

  I feel my emotions bubbling to the surface, but I choke them down. This is not the time. I will let my friend have his moment. Suddenly, I hear something, when I lift my head, I notice our sniper instructor coming into the courtyard.

  I immediately throw my arm over Ryan’s shoulder and yell,

  “Congratulations, you crazy mother! Gonna make an honest woman out of Katie! Who the hell has a camera? We need a picture to commemorate our boy becoming a man.”

  I put a fake smile on as the rest of the team comes out and congratulations Ryan, all while I am slowly dying inside.

  I’m brought back to the present as I stop in front of his grave. Tears already running down my face. All these emotions I have been feeling, anger, heartbreak, and desperation are all overflowing on to my best friend’s grave.

  “Why! Why would you do this to me?” I shout to the empty graveyard.

  “You knew this would happen, you knew she would turn away from me just like she did all those years ago. Was this a test? Just one final time to show me that you were the better man?”

  The excruciating pain I feel causes me to crumble to my knees and begin sobbing on his grave. I cry for Katie and the loss of her husband. I cry for myself and the loss of the only thing that ever really mattered in my life. Most of all, I cry for the cruel reality that I have lost the only two people in the entire universe that mattered to me, I’m lost.

  “Logan.”

  I hear my name as if it is carried by the wind. I slowly turn around hoping against hope that what I hear is a reality. When I open my eyes, I see the only thing that can make this pain go away. Katie is standing a few feet away, tears running down her face, reaching out to me as if she wants to put the pieces back together.

  “Katie.” I barely have the strength to say her name, but that is all the encouragement she needs as she races into my arms. I nuzzle into her neck, breathing in her scent. I have no idea why she is here or for how long, but I am going to commit everything I can about her to memory.

  “Not that I am complaining, but how did you find me?”

  “I had a little help,” she responds as she wipes tears from my cheeks.

  “Help?”

  I’m honestly not sure who to thank for this miracle, but I will make whatever offering to whatever god I have to if it means she will stay here in my arms.

  “Yes, let’s just say someone helped me put things in perspective.”

  I open my mouth to respond, but before I can get a word out, I am met with a smack to the back of the head.

  “I know you’re mad, Dollface, but what the hell was that for?”

  “That was for making me run all over the place looking for you! You could have answered your damn phone! I called you a half dozen times! Charlie even called.”

  I hang my head sheepishly before I answer, “My phone may have met an unfortunate end.”

  “Meaning?”

  “Meaning I got so pissed I smashed it into a million pieces.”

  She giggles in response. I close my eyes, I am going to commit that sound to memory as well. It is all these little things that you want to ensure you remember when you are in fear of losing someone.

  “Come on now, Cowboy. You have some serious explaining to do. I would prefer for it not to be sitting in a graveyard.”

  I reluctantly let her crawl out of my lap before she reaches her hand out to help me up. I grab it but then release it quickly. I watch as the pain flashes across her face, but she covers it quickly. I dare to hope that mean there is some fixing us, that there there’s still a chance we can mend whatever is broken between us.

  I sigh, “I have a room at the hotel here on base, but we can go anywhere you would like.”

  She looks at me with a quizzical look, “I really just want to go home, meet me there?”

  “Sure.”

  She smiles at me before heading down to her car. I turn and have one last look at my friend, before giving his grave a smile. I can’t say that everything is going to be alright, but I do feel like Ryan did get one thing right. Even in death, he made sure that Katie and I were finally together.

  KATIE

  I pull into my driveway, turning off the engine. I have no idea what the hell I am doing. I just took off toward the cemetery with no real plan in mind, but when I saw Logan there, I knew that I had to go to him.

  I have no idea what Ryan had in mind or what he wants to come of Logan and I, but I do know he always wanted me to be happy. Logan makes me happy, beyond happy. I just need to understand and wrap my mind around this fate nonsense. Well, I guess I can’t call it nonsense if he has been in love with me for the last eight years.

  I hear Logan’s truck pull in behind me.

  “It’s now or never,” I mumble to myself before opening the car door and hopping out.

  I watch as Logan climbs out, shoulders slumped, head down. He already looks defeated, like he has given up on life itself. This is not the man I fell in love with, I did this to him. Just the thought brings tears to my eyes. I hold my hand out to him as he gets closer, hoping that he will take it. When he does, I give him a shy smile before wrapping my arms around him. I squeeze willing all my love and strength into him. He hesitates before wrapping his arms around me as well.

  “I’m so sorry Katie,” he mumbles as he buries his face into my hair.

  I pull back slightly so I can look up at him, “I know.”

  I grab his hand and lead him toward the front door. Once we’re both inside, Logan mumbles, “It looks exactly the same.”

  Logan sound surprised that I haven’t rid my house of his existence. His boots are still next to the door with mine. There are pictures of our day trip to the beach on the fridge, as well as some other little things here and there. Small reminders that he is a part of my life.

  “Of course, it is, Loga
n, you hurt me, don’t get me wrong. I may have not reacted the best way possible, but please understand I love you.”

  Hearing the conviction in my voice at those words seems to have released the tension in the room. Logan lets out a huge sigh.

  “Katie, I love you so damn much. I never meant to hurt you or lie to you, but I was searching for the right time to tell you my story.”

  I look up at Logan and see the truth in his eyes, sure he benefited for not telling me, but he never intentionally set out to hurt me.

  “I understand that now, but lying is still lying, as my mom says. That is the worst part of all this,” I say with a sigh.

  He places a kiss on my forehead before reaching for my hand and leading me toward the living room. We both have a seat on the couch, collecting our thoughts. We need to talk this out to move on. To move forward from here. It isn’t going to be easy, no one said it was, but if we love each other, we can make it work.

  “Katie, there is no excuse for lying to you other than I was a coward. I was afraid that you would leave me. I have loved you since the moment I first laid eyes on you. I remember it like it was yesterday, you were sitting on a bench at the beach. I assume you were waiting for Avery and Amber, but I saw only you. I was too much of a chicken shit to walk over and say hello. Ryan wasn’t, and because of that, he got the girl.”

  I can see pain radiate across his features at the memory of losing me to his best friend. I reach out to touch his cheek, and he rubs against my hand.

  I try to interrupt, but he places a finger on my lips,

  “Please let me finish, you deserve to know everything. Ryan and I have been best friends since boot camp, he even gave me a chance to have you all to myself. I saw the way you looked at him, and how he looked at you, and I couldn’t come between that. I tried to forget you, I did, but every girl was you. You’re the love of my life Katie.”

  Tears begin streaming down his face, this man has loved me for most of a decade. He gave up the one and only person he was meant to love to make sure I had everything I wanted. I didn’t think I could love him more than I already do.

  He reaches for my hand, “Katie, I was there when Ryan died. He asked me to take care of you.”

  My emotions are all over the place, I try to wrench my hands from his grip, but he just holds on tighter. This is too much to process in this moment.

  “Listen to me! He knew how much I loved you, he told me to come and get you. To love you as much, if not more than he had, for the rest of my life.”

  I can no longer fight the tears that I’ve been desperately holding at bay, “I love you with all that I am, Logan.”

  “I love you too, Katie. I always have.”

  There are no words to describe the calm that suddenly overcomes me. Its as if Ryan is looking down on us from heaven and has given his blessing.

  Logan looks down at me with a huge smile before placing a kiss on my forehead.

  “He may have gotten the girl at that moment, but I think Amber was right. I loved Ryan with all my heart and I know he loved me. I needed to love him first, so I would know how to love you right.”

  He gives me a questioning look, “Amber? What the hell does she have to do with any of this?”

  I can’t help but laugh before answering, “Amber seems to think you are my soulmate. The one person that completes me in ways no one else can. I think she’s right. I wasn’t ready for you and your love back then. I had to love Ryan first to be able to love you the way you needed.”

  Logan lifts my chin and places a gentle kiss on my lips,

  “I have waited almost a decade for you, and I’ll work the rest of my life to ensure that I deserve you.”

  I smile, “That’s one hell of an apology there, Cowboy. What else you got?”

  He chuckles in response before leaning down to give me a searing kiss.

  Epilogue

  One Month Later

  Logan

  I’m waiting patiently for Katie to finish getting ready. I have a special night planned just for us. I asked her to dress up, she was happy to oblige, but she has been trying to get out of me where we are going for days. Hell, I’m even wearing a tie!

  Katie descends the stairs, she takes my breath away, I can’t wait to get back home and get her out of the red and black dress she is wearing. The shimmery fabric dances around her legs, I itch to run my hands underneath the fabric to feel the warmth of her skin.

  “You look amazing, Dollface.”

  “You don’t look so bad yourself,” she smirks before laying a soft kiss on my cheek.

  “Oh, I left a present.”

  She wipes dark lipstick from my skin.

  “I can’t wait for that lipstick to be on other parts of my anatomy,” I growl before reaching out for her.

  She easily escapes my grasp.

  “Will you tell me where we’re going now?”

  She is nothing but sass with her hands on her hips and raised eyebrow.

  “No, it wouldn’t be a surprise if I told you. Now, are you ready woman? We need to leave before I bend you over the couch and show you who’s in charge here.”

  “You think that’s you?”

  I growl, grabbing her around the waist and pull her in for a searing kiss. She melts into me, gripping at the hairs on the back of my neck. What I wouldn’t give to just carry her back upstairs, but tonight is important for both of us. Slowly, I pull away, both of us breathing heavily.

  “Now, I have to go and fix my makeup,” she says with a smirk.

  “Smartass put on some shoes and let’s go. We are going to be late.”

  “Oh, do we have reservations?”

  “Maybe.”

  With a huff, she slips on shiny red flats before we head out the door.

  The drive is short since traffic is light, Katie tries to make conversation, but I’m too nervous to talk. As we near our destination, she immediately recognizes it.

  “Logan? Why are we here?”

  I don’t say a word as I park close to Ryan’s headstone. I was here earlier, setting up everything perfectly. White led lights are laid in the grass shaped like a heart, a blanket set out for us to sit on and a bouquet of yellow daisies lay on top of a basket that has wine and our dinner inside of it.

  Without a word, I walk around the front of the truck and open the door for Katie. I know she knows what is about to happen, but that doesn’t make this any less special. Her hand covers her mouth as a single tear rolls down her cheek. Leaning forward, to brush her lips with mine.

  “Ready?”

  She looks up and nods. I reach for her hand, and we walk toward the lights.

  “I couldn’t think of a better person to be with us.”

  Once we reach our picnic spot, I turn to face Katie and kneel.

  Tears are streaming down her face at this point. I can feel her hands begin shaking in mine, but she has a huge smile on her face. I reach into my pocket and pull out the blue velvet box I have been hiding for months now.

  “Katie, I’ve loved you my entire adult life. I loved you before I knew what it meant, and I loved you when you weren’t mine to love. I will love you for the rest of my life. You are the only person I want to wake up next to, have babies with, fight with, and make love too. Katie, will you please marry me?”

  KATIE

  OH. MY. GOSH.

  My entire body is trembling, tears rolling down my face, I’m sure I look horrible. Logan just asked me to marry him, and I can’t speak.

  I nod ‘yes’ to him in response. He slides a beautiful three stone ring on my finger, Ryan and his birthstones, and in the center is a beautiful diamond. It takes my breath away as he stands to wrap me in his arms. I throw my arms around his neck and bury my face in his neck. I press my entire body to his, but it doesn’t feel close enough.

  Leaning my head back, gripping is neck I bring his mouth to mine and kiss him with all the emotion I have coursing through me. I don’t know what to do with it all, so I give it to him.<
br />
  He kisses me back, hands in my hair, taking control of the kiss. I can’t hold back the moan that comes from my mouth, he knows exactly how to get me going.

  “I love you so much, Logan. Yes, I will marry you, a thousand times, yes.”

  The smile that covers his face will forever be branded into my memory. This man is my entire world.

  “I love you too, Katie. More than words can express.”

  He kisses me again, slowly but just as passionate.

  I can’t help but chuckle. Logan pulls back and looks at me with a frown.

  “What’s so funny?”

  Tears once again fill my eyes as my smile widens.

  “It’s funny you should mention having babies.”

  His thumbs gently wipe the tears from my cheeks as he tries to understand what I mean. It takes him longer than expected, but suddenly a huge grin appears on his face.

  “Are you serious? You’re pregnant?” Logan places a hand on my stomach as if he can feel something.

  I put my hand over his.

  “Yes, I just found out a few days ago. The doctor confirmed it this morning.”

  Lifting his eyes to mine, tears shining, he says, “I’m gonna be a daddy.”

  He lifts me in the air twirling me around, causing me to squeal in delight like a little girl.

  I never would have thought a few short months ago, that by saying yes to a dance would bring me everything I ever wanted and so much more.

  Sneak Peak

  Scheduled to release August 2018

  Love

  Charlie

  God damn, I have the best friend!

  I can’t help but replay the events of last night in my head, over and over, as I sit waiting for transport for training. I should be listening to Logan right now, he’s dealing with a lot of shit. However, the only thing I can think about is the taste of Amber’s pussy and the feel of Avery’s lips wrapped around my cock as I pound it down her throat.