“I'm not like you.”
“Hmm. Be that as it may, you have broken the rules. What would you say if I told you, that because of your behavior, you have been removed from this assignment?” Her eyes narrow and she leans forward as though she morbidly anticipates my misery.
My heart sinks in disbelief. She can't pull me from my guardianship. She isn't in charge. It's up to Raphael.
“Nothing to say?” She sits back, relaxed. “No crying for another chance? No begging?”
“When will Raphael be back?” I'm done playing cat and mouse. I don't have to be here, and I don't want her help anymore.
“I already told you. I don't know. But I will tell you this—it's already too late.”
I stare at her, shaking my head. I look straight into her eyes. “You're a real piece of work, lady.” Full of disgust, I turn for the door. “I'll find a way to help Brecken myself.”
“You do that.”
Looking back over my shoulder, I give her my best glare.
She doesn't seem fazed.
I run as soon as the office door closes behind me.
CHAPTER FIFTY-ONE
~A Nice Surprise~
Alisa
I will myself to appear in the basement of the old house—not on the front porch, not in the filthy living room with pizza boxes, or anywhere else. I have to get inside. I have to see for myself that Brecken is all right.
Still, to my dismay, I cannot enter. Whatever barred my entry before, bars my way still. Frustrated beyond belief, I do the only thing I can think of.
I go home.
To my surprise, my parent's house bustles with activity. Long time neighbors are in the kitchen washing dishes, chopping vegetables, and visiting. Others sit at the kitchen table cutting out pictures and scrap-booking. In confusion, I hurry to the living room to find my Aunt Karen sitting on the couch drinking peppermint tea with my mother.
They laugh, their eyes sparkling with happiness as they reminisce about their childhoods. The sunset gleams brightly through the large, front window of our spotless house.
This is how it used to be.
An indescribable ache stabs at my chest as the realization of what I've thrown away is displayed before me. If only I'd understood, if only I'd known what I was giving up. If only some wounded soul like me had come to me beforehand and warned me of the danger of taking my own life, I wouldn't be here like this.
Trapped and miserable.
I float up through the ceiling to Ty's room, wondering if he is home. Sure enough, he's at his desk, working diligently on a model airplane. I've never understood how he can sit for so long, so focused, his fingers steady.
After giving Ty an invisible hug and kiss, I push back down through the floor, glancing at the ladies in the living room and continue on to Derek's room in the basement. As I suspect, he isn't there. Dust motes float in a single ray of sunlight that filters through the small window. His bed is made—Mom must have done that—and a newly folded pile of clothes lies next to his pillow.
How long has he stayed away? Does he even know Mom is home from the hospital? Does he ever come back to get clean clothes? I let the anger at his cruelty to our family filter through me. He should give our mom another chance. He shouldn't hold a grudge for so long. His refusal to forgive is hurting our whole family.
As soon as I think this, guilt nags at me.
I am doing the same thing in a way.
But I am holding onto hate for Mr. Roland, not someone in my family, and what he did was worse. He deserves my hate. He deserves to rot for eternity. How could I possibly forgive him? Wouldn't that be like saying what he did was okay?
I can't do that.
But Derek should forgive our mom. She wasn't in her right mind when she hurt Tyler. She shouldn't be held accountable. It wouldn't be fair.
Tired of analyzing, and missing Brecken like a crippled bird yearning to take flight, I go in search of him. My family is okay, on the road to healing, and I can concentrate on my new love—I mean my new job.
I close my eyes and shimmer out of sight, my spirit tingling in anticipation. I pray it will work this time, pray I'm not too late. I appear in Brecken's kitchen. He walks in at the very same time, a look of irritation plastered on his face. He slams the door shut behind him, not even realizing I'm there.
“Where have you been?” I demand out of frustration, sounding overly parental. “I've been looking everywhere for you.” I stand with my hands on my hips, like my mom used to. I rush to drop them.
He looks up in astonishment and searches the room for me. “I've been trying to console Jill. She's been crying all evening. I couldn't leave her alone like that. I feel terrible.” He drops down on the couch and rubs his face, deep lines creasing his forehead.
“You feel terrible? For her?” I fairly scream. “I've been all over the place looking for you. I was so worried. I even went back to Idir Shaol! For some reason I couldn't get to you, and I tried over and over, and I agonized over all the things that could have happened to you! Then I went to that old house, but something kept blocking me from going inside, and all I could think was that Jill had hurt you, or you'd killed yourself, and that I'd failed, and would never see you again, and—”
He looks up, his eyebrows creased. “You looked for me in Idir Shaol? Where's that?”
“It's... like Heaven. And I knew you weren't there. The point is that I thought Jill had done something to you.” I can see by the look on his face that he still doesn't completely believe the story I told him about Jill drinking his blood.
“I'm sorry you were worried, but you didn't need to be. I don't actually need a guardian. And... that's where I was,” he says listlessly.
I fall onto the couch, holding my head in my hands. After all I've been through, the heartache, the worry—and he was with Jill the whole time. He doesn't even act like he cares. That is the worst part.
“Okay. I just... I was just so worried and I don't like you being with her.”
He snorts and shakes his head. “I've also been trying to ditch him.” He gestures over his shoulder to the lazy boy recliner. “He has followed me all night.”
I don't see anything. “Who?”
“The gray guy.”
The gray guy? “What are you talking about?” Did he mean one of those dark evil spirits? A shadow fiend or dark minion, like the one Jill and the Lady in Red have? But I can't see it.
I have the sudden urge to back up.
“I used to call him the Shadow Man when I was little. He scared the crap out of me back then. Especially since I sleep alone in the basement. He's not always around, but when he is, he watches me and never speaks. I've started seeing a new one too. One with a darker color. Almost black. But that's only been recently.”
My mind whirls with the implications, and I pace the room, adding it all up. “A dark spirit has followed you since you were a child. Another has come on the scene just barely... when you started... dating Jill?”
He turns, and throws me a warning glare. “Lay off it, okay?”
“Hey, I'm just sayin'.” I continue to search the room and wonder why I can't see this mysterious being. “Can it see me?”
“I don't know, but he gives me the creeps.” Brecken shivers and walks into the kitchen. “And he never leaves when I tell him to.”
“Then I'll tell him.” I storm over to the corner and scream, “Get out of here! As Brecken's heavenly guardian, I order you to leave!” I point to the front door and wait in silence. “Well? Did he go?”
“He's looking at me funny. I don't think he can... hey, wait! He's gone! He just disappeared. Alisa! You did it. Do you know what this means?”
“Uh, no. What does it mean?” I ask, suddenly exhausted.
He hurries over to me, his face glowing with happiness. “It means he has to obey you! You told him to go and he did! You really are my guardian angel.” His eyes soften as his arms reach out. I can sense the gentle tingle of his hands trying to hold me.
I step forward to make it easier for him.
“Thank you, Alisa.” He gazes into my eyes, and it feels like sunshine. I can actually perceive my spirit heating up.
I reach out and place my hand on his cheek, slowly running my thumb over the corner of his bottom lip, imagining what it would feel like if I had a physical body. I lean forward, closing my eyes, yearning to experience more of him than just this glimmer of scintillating shadow.
Our lips meet, our souls meld... but it still isn't enough.
CHAPTER FIFTY-TWO
~Stupid Ex. Always in the Way~
Alisa
With closed eyes, we pull apart. The phone begins ringing and rings twice more before Brecken moves away.
“Uh, sorry.” He reaches over to the coffee table and picks up the phone, answering the call.
“Hello?” His brows crease and his hand moves over his face and back through his hair. “No. I don't.”
I scoot closer and lean in to hear the voice coming through.
“We can't find her. She left just after you did,” a male voice says.
“Really?” Brecken answers. “She was sitting on the back porch when I left.”
“She looked upset when I saw her,” the voice says, “and then she jumped up and ran out the door with her car keys. She's not with you?”
“No sir, she isn't. I'm sorry.”
“Could you help us search for her? Please? I'm really worried.”
Brecken glances at me, his face drawn and tired. “Of course. I'll be over as soon as I can.” He hangs up and sits down on the couch. “Jill's missing. Probably hiding on purpose so I'll go look for her. She's done this before.”
“Then why get sucked into it?” It's so obvious he should let her go. Cut those ties once and for all. She's using him, trying to get him to rescue her, worry about her, want her. I shake my head in frustration. Will he ever be free of Jill's manipulating antics?
“Well, let's go,” he says.
Rather than argue, I nod. But this will be the last time I let him get sucked into Jill's deep pit of subterfuge. “Fine, but if we can't find her, we're coming right back.”
He looks at me, a strange grin on his face. “I know how we can find her.”
“How?”
“You.”
“Me?”
“Can't you find her? Like you do with me or your family?” His eyebrows raise and he nods.
Ack. I have zero desire to look for her, let alone be her rescuer. qerever she is. With an exasperated sigh, I say, “Fine. I'll see where she is. Then you can call her dad and tell him. That was her dad on the phone, right?”
He nods.
“Okay.” Closing my eyes, I picture her face, her ugly, penetrating blue eyes, her maddeningly perfect platinum hair, her horrid, perfect body. Within seconds, I appear beside her in the basement of the old abandoned house.
I made it inside? Figures.
There are only two people in that chillingly familiar basement room.
Jill and the Lady in Red.
Let me correct that. Jill, the Lady in Red, and their two evil, gray spirit beings who swirl around their naked feet like a thick, black mist.
At first, their conversation continues in quiet, hurried tones, but then the Lady in Red stills, and lifts her head, inhaling deeply, her brows crease as she slowly searches the room.
“Gamigin, who is here with us?” she asks, the sharp edge of her voice grating against my soul like abrasive sandpaper.
Chills tingle through me. Her words have a power I don't understand. Like silken chains, I feel bound being near her. Who is this woman?
“A girl,” the demon says in a raspy whisper. “A lesser spirit guardian.”
“Lesser?” I repeat. “I'm not lesser. If anyone here is lesser—”
“Silence!” the Lady in Red exclaims, standing. “I hear your insolent voice!”
I stop cold, automatically shrinking into a corner.
“Come to me, lesser spirit guardian,” she commands. “Tell me who you are.”
Fear wraps its icy fingers around my chest and squeezes. I don't want to step forward, don't want to confront this powerful woman who can sense me and hear me. I'm no match for her, I know. I have a feeling she can crush me into a million little pieces.
Closing my eyes, I will my soul to reappear beside Brecken. No way am I going to stay here, but strangely, nothing happens. I'm still in the room with Jill and the Wicked Witch of the West. Trapped.
“You cannot leave until I say,” the woman says with a sinister smile. “This is my domain. What are you called?”
As though I have no control over my mouth, I hear myself answer. “Alisa.”
“Ah,” she says, standing. “I am Lamia. Gamigin, who does this powerless spirit protect? Someone important, I hope?” Lamia walks toward me with the practiced gait of a supermodel.
Gamigin floats through the air until he reaches me. He slithers around my feet, slowly making his way upward until his face is before mine.
I stand immobile, stunned that I am so easily overpowered and intimidated.
“Ah, yes,” he hisses with glee. “She guards Bretariel, The Undoer.”
“Come closer, girl,” Lamia commands.
All this time, Jill has remained silent. Until now. “You!” she screams, standing, looking in the wrong direction. “You're the one he's been talking to!”
I glance at Jill, and then back to Lamia, then back to Jill. I know she can't hear me so it is pointless to answer.
“He thinks he loves you,” Jill sneers. “He wants to be with you. His ghost-lover. Forever.” With a menacing laugh, she continues. “I can certainly make that happen now.”
“Hush, Jill,” Lamia says gently. “I will do the talking.” Lamia moves to stand before me. “Thank you, Gamigin.”
The demon unwinds itself, and floats back to Lamia and begins swirling about her feet like a slow-moving hurricane. He winks at me and his mouth twists into a heinous grin.
“Unfortunately, I cannot destroy you, Alisa, lesser guardian of the Undoer,” Lamia says. “But I can make sure you stay out of my way.”
“Oh? And how will you do that? You can't control me or order me to obey like that ignorant little... whatever it is.” I point at her minion.
“Enough!” she yells. Pacing over to the stairs, she turns, and then paces back. Suddenly she stops, a slow smile forming on her ruby-red lips. An evil glint sparkles in her eyes. “I've changed my mind. You may go, guardian.”
That's it? She isn't going to threaten me more? Scare me into submission? Torture me with lies and revelations? Fine. I'm out of here. Within seconds, I leave the abandoned house with nothing hindering my departure. I shimmer into view before Brecken two seconds later.
“What took you so long?!” He's frantic. Worried about little ole me? “Did you find her?”
The concern on his face, and the frustration in his voice, prick my soul. I want to reach over and smack his face. Unless, of course, it really is concern for me, and not Jill. Then I'll pull him to me, and tuck him in my pocket to keep him safe.
“I missed you too,” I tease. “And yes, I found her. But you're not going to like what I have to say.
He waits, his brows raised in anticipation. “Well?”
“She's at an abandoned house with a lady named Lamia. I don't know who she is, but she has her own shadow man that she commands. She's super creepy and kept me from leaving.” I shiver, remembering the experience.
“Then how did you get away?”
“She let me go.”
He watches me, his brows knit in confusion, his head cocked to the side. “The lady made it so you couldn't leave, and then the next minute let you go? Just like that?”
“Well, yeah.”
“Why?”
Something isn't right. It's my turn to be confused. “I don't know. I don't get it either.”
He turns away, shaking his head and pacing the room, his hands stuffed deep into hi
s jean pockets. “She's real. And all this time I thought she was a dream.”
“Huh? What are you talking about?”
He looks reluctantly into my eyes, and then sighs with exhaustion. “It started when I was five.”
CHAPTER FIFTY-THREE
~The Woman in Red~
Alisa
Brecken explains the strange night-visions that began as a child, where a beautiful woman in red came into his room, appearing from nowhere. She would stand by his bed, glaring down at him, never saying a word. He would hide under the covers, shivering, afraid.
Chills cover his arms as he relates his terror.
I can't come up with a single explanation to these awful visitations, but I know when he describes her, that it is Lamia. The woman in red.
“Well, at least we know,” I say, tapping my chin and thinking. “But what is Jill doing with her?”
“Maybe she's bewitched, or deceived somehow. Maybe I should go find her. She needs to be told, or helped, or something!” Brecken jumps up and grabs his keys.
“Brecken, no! She's there of her own accord. Not because she was forced.”
“Why do you judge Jill so harshly?” He says. “I know it's hard, knowing she was my girlfriend and everything, but—”
“Are you accusing me of being jealous? Seriously?” It could not be farther from the truth! I am certainly not jealous of Jill. She doesn't have one quality, not one redeeming attribute, I want. None. “Oh, that's rich.”
Brecken’s eyes narrow with hurt. “You just don't get it.”
I have no idea what he is talking about. “No. I guess I don't.”
“Just because you don't like her doesn't mean I don't.”
That is a stab through my heart.
“I've been with her for a year and I love her. I know she's not good for me, and that we need to break up, but I'm not going to bash her, ruin her reputation, or criticize her. Got that?” He stands there, breathing hard, his stare turning into a frown.
“Oh, I get it just fine,” I say, my hands on my hips. “You can't decide what you want. You can't have me in the flesh so you want to leave your options open. You want it both ways!”
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