Maddie shot Mike a look.
"I'm a strong guy. I'll hang up the coats." Mike volunteered.
Maddie dumped the coats on him, grateful.
Irini reluctantly assented and handed Mike her coat. "All right, but you have to be gentle. Don't smoosh it."
Over by the food trays, Rio choked back another snort of laughter.
Nick leaned over and whispered in her ear. "Is it just me, or is everyone acting whackadoo?"
"How would that make today different from any other day?" Rio whispered back at him.
Mike cracked open the bedroom door. Laden with coats, he tried to get into the bedroom, while blocking Irini's view of the bed. But Irini was hot on his heels.
Maddie had to physically block Irini from moving forward. "Mom! Really! Mike's perfectly capable of hanging up coats without supervision," Maddie snapped.
Irini gave Maddie her best hurt look, "I'm just trying to help. Besides, what about the baby?"
"What about her?" Maddie asked.
"She's tired. I'll come with and put her down for the night." Irini said, turning to the baby.
"This is like a bad dream," Mike muttered to Maddie as she pulled the door closed.
"Taki, bring me the baby," Irini called out.
Taki picked up the baby in her car seat and headed for them.
"No!" Maddie and Mike yelled in unison.
"Why not?" Taki looked at them, mystified.
"What is wrong with you two?" Irini asked. "You're hiding something. What are you hiding?"
Maddie's jaw dropped open for a second, and then closed as she scrambled for a response.
"The bedroom's a mess," Mike said. "Maddie was throwing clothes everywhere, trying to find something to wear. She doesn't want you to see it."
"That's right, Ma." Maddie said, glaring at Mike.
"Busy hands are happy hands." Irini said. "We'll all go in together and help you clean. It won't take a minute."
"No!" Maddie said, panicked.
"Oh, leave the kids alone, Irini," Taki said. "They're all grown up now. I'm sure they have private things in their bedroom that they don't want you to see."
"Don't be ridiculous," snapped Irini. "It's not like I'm going to search under their bed."
"Besides, we don't want Sophie to miss New Year's." Maddie said. "It's her first one."
Irini laughed, brushing off the idea. "She's a baby. You think she's going to remember New Year's? She doesn't remember where her toes are yet."
Nick spoke up around a mouthful of jicama. "Babies remember everything. Screw up now, and she'll spend the next thirty years in therapy."
Maddie shot him a grateful look.
"Babies need to sleep," Irini insisted.
"She can sleep out here," Mike said.
Irini glared at him. "Where? On the dog-hair infested couch? Is that how you treat my granddaughter?"
"No, of course not," Mike said "We have a Moses basket. It's like a portable bassinet. We'll bring it out here. That way, she can sleep and still be part of the party."
"See, Thea Irini?" Nick said, distracting Irini's focus. "Everybody wins."
Taking advantage of the momentary reprieve, Mike squeezed into the bedroom. Maddie quickly followed, slamming the door shut behind them and locking it, before Irini could force her way in.
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
As soon as the bedroom door closed, Maddie smacked Mike. "What are you thinking?! If we open the door wide enough to bring the Moses basket out, they'll see Robber Van Winkle here."
"Ow!" Mike said, rubbing his arm. "You need to be nicer to me. I was just trying to keep your mom from throwing a fit."
"I know, I know. I'm just a little stressed tonight. I'm sorry." Maddie looked over at their burglar. He was still asleep, but... "Is it just me, or do his bonds look looser than before?"
The burglar moaned and thrashed around in his sleep. One of the scarves unraveled and fell off his right arm. Maddie moved the pile of clothes off of him, and that's when she saw that his legs were already loose.
"Holy crap. He's getting free." Maddie hurriedly darted around the bed, retying everything. "We need something stronger."
"Hey, what about that little vibrating table-top chair?" Mike said. "The baby loves it and it's in the hall closet. And your mom's already seen the mess in the hall closet."
"What?" It took Maddie a second to realize what Mike was talking about. "When you jump tracks, can you give me some kind of warning? Like a train whistle? Just so I know we're on a different topic," she asked, re-tying another scarf.
"Sorry. Just trying to solve our problems."
"Loose burglar trumps sleeping baby." Maddie said. "Get over here and help me."
Mike opened the closet door and tossed the coats on the floor.
"No!!!" Maddie wailed. "My mom has a sixth sense about that stupid coat. You gotta hang it up!"
"Are you kidding me? There's no way she's going to know where the hell I dumped her stupid coat."
Just then, Irini knocked on the bedroom door. "What's going on in there? Are you being careful with my coat?" Followed by a muffled, "I just know Mike's going to throw them all on the bed and smoosh my beautiful fox."
"Fake rabbit," came Taki's voice.
"And whose fault is that?" snapped Irini.
"He won't smoosh your coat," Maddie hollered out. "I'm guarding it with my life. I'll make sure he hangs it up nice." Maddie snapped her fingers and made faces at Mike, until he hung up the coat. Then she glared at Mike until he relented and hung up everyone's coats.
"Do you need help with that Moses whatever?" asked Taki.
"No thanks, Dad! We've got it."
Maddie looked back at the burglar, who was thrashing in his sleep again. At least the APAP was working to keep him quiet, but her impromptu macrame job wasn't going to hold him for long. "What are we gonna do with him?"
"I don't know," Mike said. "Why don't we call the cops again, after everyone leaves. See if there's some new cops on duty."
"Hey, Mike-O, your dog is farting up a storm out here. You guys have any Beanos?" Nick asked, knocking on the door.
"Or a gas mask?!" Rio coughed. "Aw, man, that's disgusting."
Mike and Maddie carefully sidled out of the bedroom, slipping the door shut behind them.
Irini looked over, suspicious. "Where's the baby basket?
Mike did his best to give them a disarming grin. "It was covered in dog hair. But we have something better."
Irini turned to Taki and glared at him. "See? What did I tell you? Dogs and babies don't belong together. And a beast that size. He could eat her in two bites."
Apollo laid down, put his paws on his head, and whimpered.
Maddie looked over at Irini, annoyed, and then bent down and patted Apollo. "Apollo would never do that. You need to stop thinking of him as a dog. Think of him as a furry older brother. He'll protect her as she grows up."
Apollo barked and farted again. Everyone in the room covered their noses and mouths with whatever was handy.
"Oh, good grief. What are you feeding your gassy son?" Nick complained. "Live skunks?"
"He's just excited," Maddie said. "Whenever he gets nervous or excited, he farts. It's no big deal."
Irini burrowed her nose into the swaddling wrapped around the baby. "That dog is going to burn out the inside of my sinuses. That is, if my back doesn't go out first, because for some crazy reason, you won't let me put the baby in her bed. What a New Year we're having."
Mike carefully opened the hallway closet door, caught a box before it fell on his head and found the vibrating chair behind a stack of stuff. He slid it out of the closet like a pro and swiftly closed the door before anything else came crashing down.
"Here we go. She loves sitting in her chair," Mike said, putting the chair on the dining room table. He took the baby from Irini, strapped her into the chair and turned it on.
"On the table?" Irini complained. "It looks like you're serving baby as an appetiz
er. You can't put her on the table like that, in the middle of the food."
"It's fine, Irini." Taki said. "Just think of her as a lovely centerpiece decoration."
But, to keep Irini happy, Mike picked the chair up and moved it to the floor.
"Are you crazy? You can't put it on the floor. That beast of yours will think she's his chew toy. She'll be covered in drool and dog hair."
"He's a Doberman. He doesn't shed much," Mike said. But he picked the chair up and put it on the coffee table, in front of the couch. "Here. We can all sit on the couch and protect her from the gassy dog."
Apollo started barking, only to stop when Irini turned a withering look on him. He slowly slunk under the coffee table and lay down under the baby.
Nick walked over to check out the baby seat and gave a low whistle. "Would you look at this? Built-in music system, overhead mirror, reading light, cup holder and it vibrates. I want one in my size."
From under the coffee table, Apollo let loose with another gassy string of farts.
At the collective yelps from the guests, Maddie threw up her hands and finally admitted defeat. "Okay, fine, he stinks. I have Beano in the kitchen."
As she walked over to the kitchen, a sudden thought struck her. If anyone could tell her how to tie up Snooz-O, it was Rio. Although, Maddie didn't know how good Rio would be at keeping a secret.
"Rio, can you help me stuff Beanos into hot dog pieces?" Maddie asked.
At the mention of hot dogs, Apollo came streaking over so fast, Irini shrieked and grabbed for the baby.
"Oh, no! For the love of Pete, don't feed that mutt a hot dog." Nick stood up, gagging. "I've got to go get some air."
As Nick walked out on the patio, Mike followed him and Maddie pulled Rio into the kitchen with her. Apollo, always on the alert for treats, stuck close to their side.
Since the condo had been built in a completely different era, it had the opposite of an open floor plan. There was actually a door between the kitchen and the living room. As they walked through, Maddie made sure the door shut firmly behind them.
"Okay, what's going on?" Rio asked.
Maddie shoved Beanos into hot dog pieces and started feeding them to Apollo. His tail wagged so hard, it was shaking his entire back end. "I need to ask you something weird, but I need to ask you with no questions in return. Can I do that?"
"Hit me."
Maddie took a deep breath. "I need to tie someone up so they can't get untied. Are there any knots you can show me?"
"Seriously? How old-fashioned of you. Why don't you use handcuffs?" Rio asked. "They don't leave burns like rope does. And you can buy them fur-lined, so Mike doesn't hurt his fragile wrists. They are for Mike, right?"
"Uh, yeah. Of course. Who else? Do you know where I can get them? In a hurry?" Maddie asked, her cheeks pinking up.
"Jesus, girl. Are you horny or what?" Rio laughed.
"Well, it's, uhm..." Maddie struggled to get out what she was trying to say. "You know, with the baby, it's been awhile and he's in the mood."
"Listen to you. What are you gonna do? Go have sex while your parents are counting down the New Year? Mike's a man. He's always going to be in the mood."
"No! I thought... Maybe after everyone leaves tonight... I'm just anxious. I really, really need them. I mean... it. I need 'it'. It's been awhile. Do you know where I can get handcuffs? I've never been to one of those adult stores. Are they open at night? And holidays? I mean, I would think that's when they'd do most of their business, right? So maybe they are open?" By this point, Maddie was just rambling, but she seemed unable to stop.
"What would you do without me as a friend?" Rio laughed and shook her head.
"I don't know. Does that mean you're going to run out and get me a pair? Or two pairs? Or whatever they have? While I distract my parents?"
"Damn, girl. Calm down. You're practically jumping out of your skin. How long has it been since you two did the deed?"
Maddie stopped and did the math... "Uhm... A really, really long time. Like... three months, maybe?"
"No wonder you're out of your mind. Although, I have to say, I never expected this from you. I thought you and Mike were so straight-laced." Rio shook her head. "But look at the two of you, getting into the kink."
"Yeah, you know. Things change." Maddie said, not quite able to keep the desperation out of her voice, as Apollo nudged her for more hot dog pieces.
Rio shook her head again. "I can't believe you don't already have a pair. Hold on. Let me get my bag."
Within minutes, she came back with her oversized messenger bag. She pulled out a pair of handcuffs with hot pink fuzz lining the inside of the cuffs, along with a key.
"These have seen some good times." She said, winking at Maddie.
Maddie's jaw dropped and she made a conscious effort to close it. "You carry handcuffs in your purse?"
"For emergencies. You never know when you'll need to make a citizen's arrest," Rio said, her eyebrows raised and her face doing its best to imitate an innocent look. "Consider yourself lucky and just say thank you, sweet cheeks. Because there ain't no stores open tonight. Not even the booty stores. If you need something X-rated on New Year's Eve, all you can hope for is that you got some real good friends."
"Right," Maddie said. She took the handcuffs and sighed with relief. "Thank you."
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
While Taki and Irini were cooing over Sophie, Mike followed Nick out on the balcony and closed the door. It was freezing outside, but the last thing he needed were Maddie's parents overhearing this conversation. When Nick decided it was too cold outside and tried to get back into the apartment, Mike blocked his way.
"What the hell is your problem tonight?" Nick exploded, rubbing his arms to warm up.
"There's no problem. I'm fine. Everything's fine."
"Then can we go back in? I'm freezing my meatballs off out here."
Mike snuck a look at Maddie's parents. They were still occupied with the baby. "Do you know where I can get a pair of handcuffs?" Mike asked. "Or leg shackles? Maybe a ball gag?"
Nick laughed, smirking at him. "Kinky bastard. Can't you wait until we're gone? Shackling Madd to the kitchen table while her parents are here? That's just weird."
"I'm not going to..."
"Tell it to someone who hasn't been to one of your parties before. When the table's a scrapin', don't bother waitin'.
"Are you kidding me? That never happened. Where did you hear about the kitchen table, anyway?"
"Oh, please. Every time you have a party. Badda-bing, badda-boom, before the night's over, you're hot and heavy on the kitchen table. Why do you think no one ever eats off it?"
"You're kidding. You've seen us?" Maddie would not be happy about that. But she was so damn hot when she was all dolled up for a party, Mike could never keep his hands off her.
"Seen? Monks in Tibet can hear you. That's how we know the party's over."
"Yeah, well... that's not us."
Nick snorted. "Sure it isn't.
"Okay, it was. But it was only one time. And we were both drunk."
"Right..." Nick said, winking. "So, Madd is into bondage now? I got a whip if you want it. It's a beaut. Cat o' nine tails. Soft deerskin leather. It's like butter."
"No, she's not into bondage. They're not for her."
Nick looked shocked for second and then he hauled off and punched Mike in the arm.
"Ow! What the hell was that for?!" Mike said, rubbing his arm.
"What do you mean they're not for Maddie? Are you cheating on her?!"
"No! What I meant was..." Mike scrambled trying to find something he could tell Nick. "They're for me. I'm her love slave. Do you know where I can get shackles or not?"
"Sure. I'll take you there on Monday."
"No! I mean, now. You know how women are. When they're feeling experimental, you gotta strike while their libidos are hot. I wait until Monday, and she's not going to be feeling it anymore."
After eyeba
lling Mike one more time, Nick pulled a pair of handcuffs out of his back pocket, along with a key. "If you don't want to wait, this is the best I can do. The rest I got at home."
"Seriously? You carry handcuffs on you?" Mike said, taking them.
Nick shrugged. "It's the new Millennium. Women like a guy who's prepared."
Mike didn't want to insult Nick, but he had to laugh at that. "When was the last time you actually had to be this prepared?" Mike said.
"What are you trying to say here? You don't think I'm sexy? I'm not a player?" Nick glared at Mike.
"If I thought you were sexy and a player, we'd be ass deep in trouble, dude."
Nick thought about it and nodded. "True that."
Just then, Maddie poked her head out of the sliding door, flashing a smile at Mike, and some cleavage. Poking out of the top of her bra was a hint of metal.
"Are you coming?" She asked, grinning.
Nick shook his head. "You people are sick, you know that? Can't you wait until the party's over?"
Mike clapped him on the back. "My friend, in our home, the party's never over."
Giving Nick a thumb's up, Mike shoved the handcuffs into his jeans pocket and followed Maddie inside.
In the living room, Sophie had fallen asleep in her vibrating chair and the stereo was playing love music. Irini and Taki were slow dancing to the music. Irini's body was pressed into Taki's and she was humming, her eyes closed.
Mike nodded at Maddie and they quietly sidled past her parents, trying not to attract their attention. Not that it worked. Irini immediately sensed the change of energy in the room, opened her eyes and honed in on them.
"What are you two up to?" She asked. Irini may have looked human, but she had the ears of a Great Horned Owl and the sniffer of a bloodhound. She knew when people were up to something before they even knew they were up to something.
"Nothing," Maddie said, her cheeks pinking up.
"That's right," Mike agreed. "Not a thing."
"You look very suspicious for being up to nothing."
"I always look like that," Mike said.
The Thief Who Stole Midnight Page 6
