The Thief Who Stole Midnight

by Christiana Miller

  "That's why you don't like him, Ma, remember? Always looking like he's up to something, when really, he's not." Maddie said, sweetly.

  Mike frowned at Maddie, but she had her innocent angel face on, focused completely on her mom.

  "I was talking about you, too." Irini told her.

  "Oh, leave them alone, Irini. They're kids. They like to have fun," Taki said, rubbing Irini's shoulders. "Maybe they want to go sneak a kiss. We were like that once, remember?"

  As Taki nuzzled her neck and pulled her back into the dance, Maddie and Mike slipped into the bedroom and shut the door behind them. Before it closed though, Maddie caught the knowing look that passed between Nick and Rio. This was going to be one party that they were never going to live down.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Taki and Irini went off into the kitchen to see if they could find champagne. Within seconds, Nick and Rio were pressed up against the bedroom door, listening. The bangs, bumps and thuds coming from the other side were too much for them to resist.

  Through the door, Rio heard Maddie say, "Got him."

  And then Mike replied, "Careful. He's a slippery little fella. Double-jointed."

  Nick looked at Rio and shook his head. "Every single party."

  Then he squatted down and peeked through the keyhole, angling for a better view.

  "Pervert," Rio said, smacking him.

  "Right," he snorted. "Like you don't want to see?"

  All of a sudden, Maddie shouted, "Ow! He bit me. Great. Now I'm going to need a rabies shot."

  "It's not like he's a sewer rat," Mike replied.

  "You should have left the mask on!" Maddie complained. "I don't know why you took it off."

  Nick looked at Rio. "Why was Mike asking me for a ball gag, if he's already got one?"

  Through the door, came Maddie's voice again. "It doesn't work that way, Mike. If it did, millions of people all over the world would be dead."

  Nick looked at Rio and his grin was even wider. "Damn. I've heard of bent, but this is just freaky."

  "Move over and let me see," Rio said, shoving him over to peek through the keyhole.

  Just then, Maddie opened the door and Nick and Rio fell into the room, bowling her over.

  As they untangled themselves and stood up, Rio noticed there was some strange guy handcuffed to Maddie's bed. Before she could say anything though, Mike shoved them all out of the room and closed the door.

  Nick was the first one to gather his wits. "Why do you have a dead man handcuffed to your bed?"

  "He's not dead. Didn't you hear him snoring?" Maddie snapped.

  "No, I didn't." Rio said.

  "Yeah, neither did I," Nick agreed.

  From the kitchen, they suddenly heard the scrape of table legs against the floor.

  Nick looked over at Mike and smirked. "I never realized kinky was an inherited trait."

  Maddie quickly shushed him. "Hush up. I mean it. If either of you say one word about the bedroom--"

  "--Or the kitchen table--" Mike interrupted.

  "We'll handcuff you to the dead guy."

  "Hey!" Rio protested. "I thought you said he wasn't dead." Not that it mattered -- being handcuffed to a guy, living or dead, wasn't high on her list of to-do's.

  "I can't talk about this with my parents here," Maddie said.

  "Okay, fine." Nick said, shrugging. "Let's get rid of them."

  Taki and Irini came out of the kitchen, holding a tray with fruit and glasses of water for everyone.

  Irini looked over at Maddie. "Do you know you're out of champagne?"

  Taki nodded in agreement. "How can you celebrate New Year's without champagne?"

  "All you have is milk and water. You know your father's lactose intolerant." Irini said, as if the milk had been planted there as a personal insult. "Isn't that why we took the baby? So you could go shopping before the stores closed?"

  As Maddie searched for a response, Nick quickly glanced down at his watch. "Oh, look at the time. We almost missed it. Ten, nine, eight..."

  Nick elbowed Rio in the stomach and she chimed in, as loud as she could, "Happy New Year's everybody! See you next year."

  "Okay, that's a wrap. Good night, everyone!" Mike said, opening the front door. "Great to see you all. Get home safe."

  Taki dug in his heels. "But it's not midnight."

  "Your watch must be slow, daddy." Maddie said. "I'm sure it's midnight."

  "Let's turn on the TV. I want to see if Dick Clark's watch is slow," Irini sniffed.

  "We can't." Maddie said.

  "Why not?" Irini asked, looking from Maddie to Mike to me to Nick and back again.

  "The cable went out. No reception," Mike said.

  Taki snorted. "I can fix that."

  He reached for the TV remote and the four co-conspirators nearly jumped out of their skins, hollering "No!" simultaneously.

  The TV clicked on and Taki gave them a look. "What are you talking about? Picture's perfect."

  Maddie grimaced.

  "Look, the ball hasn't dropped yet," Taki continued. "I told you it wasn't midnight."

  "It's an apple," Irini corrected him. "It's not New Year's until the apple drops."

  "I'm sure it's midnight somewhere," Nick muttered. Then he said, louder: "Come on, Thea Irini, don't you want to get a head start on the traffic? You know those crazy New Year's drunk drivers. Once they hit the roads, all bets are off."

  In response, Irini sat down on the couch and turned up the TV volume.

  Mike groaned and closed the door.

  "What is wrong with you kids?" Taki said. "You trying to get rid of us?"

  "No, of course not, Daddy." Maddie said.

  "We're just trying to think about your safety," Mike said.

  "By running us out into the cold, without even our coats? I don't think so." Irini snapped.

  "Oh, I'll get the coats," Rio said. She wanted to get another look at that body anyway. "I'll be right back."

  "NO!" Mike and Maddie yelled, in unison.

  "You sit down right there," Maddie told her, pointing to the couch. "And don't move. You heard my parents. We're going to sit here and watch TV until the apple drops."

  After Lady Gaga's musical number was over, the doorbell rang. Apollo started barking and Mike and Maddie looked like they were hitting ten on the panic scale.

  Irini looked at them, as they sat on the couch, not moving. "Aren't you going to open the door?"

  "No," Mike said. "We're not expecting anybody."

  "It's probably just one of those Jehovah Witnesses, anyway. They're always ringing our doorbell." Maddie said. "Every time they get a new shipment of The Watchtower."

  The doorbell rang again.

  "Maybe if you'd stop giving them money, they'd stop coming to your door," Taki said.

  "Maybe if you weren't stupid enough to buy a condo in a building with no security," Irini said, "you wouldn't need to worry about strangers knocking on your door."

  The doorbell rang again.

  "Oh, for heaven's sake," Irini snapped, annoyed by their lack of action. "If you're not going to tell them to leave you alone, I will."

  Before anyone could stop her, she had opened the door.

  Standing on the other side was a tall guy and an old lady. They were both wearing Ren Faire-style clothing and cloaks and their faces were covered with blue surgical masks. Mike and Maddie couldn't see them though, because the door was blocking their view.

  "Who the hell are you people?" Irini asked, annoyed. "It's not Halloween. It's New Year's. Whatever you're selling, we don't need it, don't want it, can live without it just fine. Don't come back."

  As Irini was slamming the door shut, the old lady blocked it with her cane.

  "We're not selling anything, we're family. Now step aside and let us in," she said.

  Mike yelped and jumped off the couch. "Granny Ruby?"

  The old lady walked in and took off her mask. "Welcome back to the land of the healthy, boyo. So much for swine f
lu, eh? Looks like you don't need me to make my famous chicken soup after all."

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Granny Ruby shoved past Irini, lit up an enormous sage wand, and waved it around, drawing sigils in the air. "Out, evil spirits. Out, illness. I banish you from this home," she said, in full theatrical voice.

  Maddie turned and glared at Mike.

  Mike sighed and hung his head. He shouldn't have lied to Granny Ruby. It was her pet peeve. And now she was making sure he regretted it.

  Irini coughed, waving smoke away. "You can't burn that in front of the baby. She'll get lung cancer. I'll get lung cancer."

  Maddie shot Mike a dirty look.

  Mike gave her his patented, lop-sided, apologetic smile, but Maddie was not in a very forgiving mood.

  And then the guy with Granny Ruby spread his arms and shook a wood rattle covered in white beads. "I feel the darkness departing from this abode," he said, in a deep baritone.

  Mike saw his chance and strode over to them. "Okay, see? We're done, Gran. Everyone's fine now. Let me just take that..." He grabbed the burning sage wand from her and dunked it in a glass of water.

  Granny Ruby gave him an irritated look.

  "Sorry, Gran. Sage gives me a headache," Mike said.

  Ruby and her friend took off their surgical masks and handed their cloaks to Mike. Maddie's parents' jaws dropped even wider when they saw the matching tattoos on Ruby and the guy she was with.

  "What the heck is that about?!" Mike asked Granny Ruby, eyeballing the tattoos, but Ruby ignored him. Instead, she made a beeline for the sleeping baby.

  "Look at my little lovely. Aren't you precious? You look so healthy for having just gotten over swine flu." She said, taking the baby out of her bouncy seat.

  Sophie yawned and her eyes opened.

  Mike looked over at Maddie and weakly smiled.

  "Swine flu? What swine flu?" Maddie's mom yelled.

  "It was just a sniffle," Maddie chimed in. "You know Mike. He's a total hypochondriac. He got a piece of tar stuck on his butt once and he thought it was skin cancer."

  "Hey! That was one time. And it was only because I couldn't see it. All I could feel was a weird bump." Mike grumbled.

  Maddie raised her eyebrow.

  She was never going to let him live that down. Most people, when they feel a weird bump on their ass after a day of nude sunbathing, would at least check it out and see if it was removable, she had told him at the time. They wouldn't be on the phone to every dermatologist in Chicago, trying to schedule an emergency skin cancer check.

  The tall guy at the door saluted, "It's good to see you all healthy in the Goddess's hands. Blessed be."

  "And who are you? Mike's cousin?" Irini asked.

  "That's what I want to know," Mike said. "Because I don't remember you in my family tree."

  Granny Ruby cackled with laughter. "Mercy, no. Seth isn't my grandson," she said, bringing baby Sophie over to the guy. Then she held her arm next to his, to show off their matching dragon tattoos. "He's my husband. We were handfasted over Yule. I brought him out to meet little Sophie and the kids."

  Sophie gurgled in Ruby's arms.

  "You what?!" Mike yelled. "How come nobody told me anything? My own Gran gets handfasted, you'd think I'd at least get a wedding invitation!"

  "Pleasure to meet you all. Namaste." Seth said, bowing. "And such an honor to meet the little one. I've never had a grandchild before."

  Mike and Irini both glowered at him.

  "Handfasted? Were you in jail?" Taki asked, confused.

  "No, Dad, that's handcuffed." Maddie said, glancing at Mike. They definitely had enough of that going on tonight.

  Mike cleared his throat. "Handfasted is... a temporary marriage."

  "Temporary marriage? Isn't that like a little bit pregnant?" Irini asked.

  Ruby cackled again. "Well, we jumped the broom, but I may be a bit too old for it to take."

  Mike shuddered. The last thing he wanted to think about was his Gran and this guy doing anything remotely related to pregnancy.

  Nick snorted and whispered to Rio, "More like she jumped the rails."

  "Stop that," Rio said. "I want to grow up to be her someday. Except with a wife."

  Seth handed the baby back to Ruby, then steepled his fingers and smiled indulgently at Maddie's parents. "A handfasting is a marriage that lasts for a year and a day. At the end of that time, each party is free to go their separate ways. Or, they can choose to make it permanent."

  Taki narrowed his eyes. "No alimony? No lawyers? No divorce?"

  Irini gasped, "That's... That's..."

  "Brilliant," Taki said.

  "Un-American!" Irini snapped, walking over to Ruby and taking Sophie back.

  Sophie screamed in protest as Irini put her back in the vibrating chair.

  Ruby made a face and then whipped out a pack of Tarot cards. "Enough chatter. Let the party begin! Who wants their fortunes told?"

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  After the initial hullabaloo, everyone settled down. Seth and Nick went off together and talked about the joys of dating cougars. Ruby cornered Maddie and was reading her cards. Meanwhile, Maddie's parents tried their best to eavesdrop, while pretending to watch TV.

  Ruby put three cards on the coffee table, face down. "This is your past, present and future."

  Maddie nodded.

  She flipped over the first card. "Empress. That would be fertility, motherhood."

  Maddie nodded again. That made sense.

  Then Ruby flipped over the 2nd card. "The Moon. Secrets, lies, half-truths. Something going on behind the scenes." Ruby looked at Maddie, thoughtfully, as if she was trying to read her thoughts.

  Maddie shot Mike a panicked look.

  Mike walked over with the veggie platter, fake-tripped and caught himself on the table, "accidentally" spilling the cards onto the floor. "I'm so sorry, Gran. Have a carrot."

  Taki shook his head. "Moon card, schmoon card. Who believes in that crap?"

  Irini laughed. "A card reader told me I'd be married within the year, and then I met you. What do you call that?"

  "Your fate and my luck," Taki said, smiling at her and earning himself a kiss.

  Maddie looked surprised, but happy. It wasn't often that her parents were openly affectionate with each other. She bent down and helped Mike pick up the cards, making sure to shove the cards that had been laid out on the table, back into the middle of the deck. Before she could grab the last card and bury it in the deck, Ruby bent over and grabbed it.

  "Well, well. Look at that. Justice." Ruby cackled.

  Just then, the doorbell rang, followed by pounding on the door. Apollo started barking like crazy. This time, the baby woke up and joined him, wailing at the top of her lungs.

  "Great," Maddie groaned, picking up the baby. "Now what?"

  "Open up. Chicago police." A man's voice thundered through the door.

  "Nobody touch that door," Mike said, as he rushed into the bedroom.

  "Stupid Justice card," Maddie muttered.

  Then he poked his head back out of the bedroom door. "Honey, hold Apollo. Last thing we need tonight is a twitchy cop, shooting our dog."

  Maddie handed Rio the baby and a pacifier, then took hold of Apollo's collar.

  "Open the door, or we'll break it down," said a bored, female voice.

  "Hold on!" Maddie yelled. "We'll be right there."

  Finally, Mike came out of the bedroom and opened the front door.

  A policeman and a policewoman stood there, looking irate.

  "Ms. Maddie Keyes?" The policewoman asked.

  Maddie handed Apollo off to Nick and joined Mike. "That's me."

  "We're here about your call," the policeman said.

  "What call?" Irini asked.

  Maddie glanced at Mike. When up against a wall, go with plausible deniability, she thought. "I didn't place a call," Maddie said. "So, thank you for coming, but, really, we're fine."

  "So... goodby
e." Mike said, trying to shut the door.

  But the cop was too fast. He shoved his foot in the door, and then wedged his baton in, like a lever, so that the door just bounced open.

  "Don't start with us, son. It's been a long night and I have a gun," the policewoman said.

  Mike frowned and shot a look at Maddie. As if this proved his point about women and guns.

  Maddie narrowed her eyes at him.

  The policeman cleared his throat. "We received numerous calls from here about a burglar."

  Taki jumped up from the couch. "You were robbed?! What's missing?!" he yelled.

  "Nothing. Nothing's missing." Mike said. "It's a misunderstanding."

  "Is that who the dead guy in the bedroom is?" Nick laughed. "Your robber?"

  Rio reached over and smacked him. "Idiot," she whispered. "You don't kid about dead bodies in front of cops."

  "Murder is a felony, ma'am. Even if the victim is a criminal," the policewoman said, taking out her handcuffs.

  "I knew it!" Ruby crowed. "The Moon, followed by Justice. The cards are never wrong."

  Irini turned on Taki, furious. "What did I tell you? This kind of thing never happens in Wilmette."

  "We're not moving, Mom." Maddie said.

  "We'll see about that. Taki, help me pack their suitcases. Maddie, you and Sophie are coming home with us." Irini sniffed.

  "Sorry, Ma'am. This one's not going anywhere." The policewoman snapped one end of the handcuffs on Maddie's wrist.

  Apollo barked again.

  "Lock up that dog, sir." The policeman said to Nick. "I would rather not have to shoot him."

  "Wait!" Maddie yelped. "Okay, I admit it. We have a burglar. But I swear to God, he's not dead."

  "He's just sleeping. Like an oversized baby." Mike said, holding up his hand in a three-fingered sign. "Scout's honor."

  Irini gasped. "On your bed?! My coat had better not be on that bed. That's... that's... unsanitary!"

  "Not as much as doing it on the kitchen table," Nick muttered.

  Rio smacked him again.

  "Ow! Whatcha keep hittin' me for?" Nick howled.

  Apollo growled at the cops.

  "We're not asking again. Lock up the dog," the policewoman said, drawing her gun.