Surrendered Control (The Control Series Book 1)

by Anna Edwards

  "They made you pay compensation to your girlfriend of five years because you tried to have sex with her doggy style?"

  "Yes."

  Her tiny fists were tightly clenched. She was angry. No, she was seething. She thought he was sick as well.

  "That doesn't explain the scars."

  "You sure you want to hear that bit?"

  "James, I want to hear everything."

  "I didn't want another girlfriend after that. I thought I would just throw myself into the business. I watched porn and BDSM videos to satisfy my needs. One night I was passing a club, I went in and found a sub for the evening, and she did things. Things the way I wanted them. The way I had seen them on the videos. After that, I visited her on other occasions."

  Amy interrupted.

  "What sort of things?"

  "I tied her up. I whipped her, we used toys" he paused and looked away. "We masturbated in front of each other." She inhaled sharply. He really was a disgusting freak. She would hate him.

  "Is that how you got the scars? Did she go too far?"

  "No. One night I was leaving the club. I had sent Matthew to get the car. I had had a little too much to drink and wandered into a nearby park. My ex-girlfriend's brothers were walking home and saw me. They knew what the club did. They saw a way to make money; except the first time I had drawn up a watertight contract. I refused. A fight started. Two against one, and the one wasn't entirely sober. I was outnumbered. They got me on the floor. They took my belt from my jeans and hit me with it."

  Amy gasped. He couldn't look at her. He couldn't bear to see the justice in her eyes that he got what he deserved. "The entire time they called me so many names. I was sick, perverted, a freak and the devil. I didn't deserve to live or love; I would ruin everything. What I wanted wasn't sex, it was bestiality and degrading to woman, I deserved to rot in hell. I eventually blacked out. Matthew told me he found me and took me to the hospital. My skin was so badly marred that I was told I would be scarred for life. I vowed from that day I would take control. I would never put myself in that situation again. That is what I have done. I covered my back with the Angel to remind myself of that vow. Then I met you." He went silent. All he could hear in the room was Amy's small sobs. He still couldn't look at her.

  "You...you..met me?" She struggled to get her words out.

  "Yes. And I lost control again." He finally looked up at her, and she had tears streaming down her face. "I don't want to lose you, Amy, please. I will try to be good. I will get counselling. I will do anything that it takes so that I don't make you hate me. I am sorry. I made you do things I shouldn't have. Please, please don't hate me. I don't want to be that person. I want to be the boyfriend that you need."

  Amy turned away and let out an anguished cry. He had lost her. He knew it. She walked over to the table and picked up a scarf she had placed on it earlier. She came back to the bed.

  "Stand up, James." Her words were barely distinguishable.

  "What are you going to do?"

  "You say you love me? Do you trust me?"

  "Amy?"

  "Do you?"

  "Yes."

  She shut her eyes and he watched as she took a deep breath.

  "I am going to blindfold you."

  "What?" Blindfold? She was going to teach him a lesson as well. She was going to show him what a disgusting monster he was.

  "Trust me." She came close to his face and whispered. He moved the sheet from over him and stood. He was still naked and extremely vulnerable before her. She tied the scarf around his face so he could not see. Maybe she was going to leave him like this and walk out on him. He may have just seen her for the last time.

  She came close to his ear again and rested a hand on his chest, his heart was thumping so rapidly.

  "James, you are not a freak, you are not the devil, you are none of those things. What you wanted is natural. Between two consenting adults, it is perfect and I enjoy everything that you do to me. Your ex-girlfriend wanted something different. What her brothers did to you was assault and it was wrong." She put a finger over his mouth as he went to correct her. "No. You have spoken and now I will. James. You are blindfolded before me. I am going to touch you wherever I want. You won’t stop me. However, if at any point you really wish me to cease you will say Lanzarote. Do you understand?"

  He nodded.

  "James, I need you to say yes."

  "Yes, Amy. I understand." He couldn't quite take in what she was saying to him just yet. It was confusing. It was not what he expected to hear from her. She should be angry; she should hate it. Yet here she was telling him what he wanted was natural.

  "These scars," She was behind him now. "to you, show you to be nothing but vile and dirty. I am going to give them new meaning. I am going to show you that you are everything to me, that I love you and we will try new things together that are not sinful. They’re right. They’re right because we are in love and we consent." She kissed the centre of his back where he knew the heaviest of his scars were. The angel's sad face covered them. He groaned. She kissed him again. He felt his cock beginning to rise. His back was burning. Every time she pressed her lips against a part of it, it sent shivers throughout his body. She repeated the process again. Her delicate fingers traced what he knew were the outline of the scars hidden beneath the fanciful artwork. His thick cock was jutting rigidly out by the time she had finished. He was ready to explode.

  "Amy."

  "No talking, James. We are a partnership. No secrets, no lies. We are equals. If we don't agree or like something we use the word Lanzarote."

  She stopped talking and and he couldn’t hear her moving. He was trying to listen out for where she was when her lips wrapped around his cock.

  He moaned long and loud. She was sucking him hard, her tongue twisting around his shaft as she savoured every inch of him. He wouldn't last long. He was listening to her. They were both consenting in this. He wasn't hurting her or pushing her away. She wanted the crazy stuff as much as he did. She was enjoying it. That is why he lost his control with her. That is why she frustrated him, in equal parts to him loving her. He groaned again as he felt her swallow him deep. He was hitting the back of her mouth. He wanted to rip the blindfold off so he could watch her but he needed to come like this. The scars on his back were no longer stinging painfully. They were vibrating. They were pulsating waves of pleasure into his balls and as he felt the fires surging through his body; he called out her name as he came into her mouth. His legs threatened to give way and she helped him to sit back on the bed, she then removed the blindfold and was kneeling before him. Her hands rested on his toned thighs as his exhausted cock settled.

  "James, I love you. I am not your ex-girlfriend. I don't want just vanilla sex with you. You want to blindfold me, whip me, use toys, fuck me in any position you want, I consent. I consent because it isn't wrong. It is something we are agreeing upon together. I may not say yes to everything, and equally there may be things I want to do to you that you don't. But we make this decision together, we discuss it, and we have a relationship of equals." He drew her up into his arms.

  "You really don't hate me?"

  "No, James. I can't live without you. I will be at your side forever."

  He moved a strand of hair that had flipped over eyes and then wiped away the tears.

  "I thought I was wrong for so many years. I never let anyone have control. God I must have annoyed Matthew and my mother."

  Amy laughed.

  "I don't expect you to change overnight. I think I would miss it actually. Shows you care."

  "Equals."

  "Equals."

  Amy looked at the clock.

  "You do realise we have to be up in three hours for the buffet breakfast."

  He pulled her back into bed with him.

  "I would rather have you for breakfast. If I am not a freak, I have a lot of things I want to try with you. I think I may have to send Matthew out to buy a copy of the Kama Sutra tomorrow."
/>   CHAPTER TWENTY

  Amy

  Amy ran the brush through her hair and scooped it up into a ponytail. There wasn't any time to shower nor to wash the hairspray out of her hair from the previous night. She took her foundation and tried to disguise the bags that had appeared under her eyes. James was frantically running around trying to get his clothes on.

  "Are you ready?" His voice was tense.

  She gave herself a spray of her favourite Marc Jacobs perfume.

  "Yes."

  "Come on then."

  They opened their bedroom door and Matthew and Sonia stood there immaculately ready, as if they had had the regulation eight hours sleep. Amy just wanted to go back to bed. She looked and felt a mess.

  "I know. We are late." James held his hands up apologetically. "We had a lot to talk about."

  Matthew scowled at James.

  "Raji has been calling every five minutes. I told him to start without you."

  "Thank you. Let's go."

  James took Amy's hand, and they almost ran to the lift.

  "Everything alright boss?" She heard Matthew try to whisper to James.

  "It's perfect. I have a few things I want you to fetch for me later if you can find them."

  Amy tried not to gulp to loudly; she knew he was referring to the newfound sexual freedom that she had given James and his urgency to explore it.

  The breakfast buffet was already in full swing when they arrived. Amy took her seat but James was immediately dragged off to engage in conversation with those that he hasn't managed to speak to the previous evening. Most people were helping themselves to the breakfast. It was a mixture of cereals, cheeses, hams, fruits, yoghurts and of course all the traditional British fry up ingredients. Amy wasn't really hungry so just asked Sonia if she would fetch her some fruit and a poached egg on toast. Her bodyguard had a look of worry on her face. Amy knew Sonia could see that she wasn't just physically exhausted but mentally as well.

  "Are you alright, Amy? If you want to talk, you know I am a good listener."

  "Thank you, Sonia." Amy hadn't wanted Sonia as her bodyguard, she felt she would impact on her freedom. She had often been harsh and not even spoken to her. However, during the trip they had spent a lot of time together and she had eventually told her to call her Amy, as Matthew did. Amy actually counted her as a friend. "Do you know everything?"

  "Matthew asked permission from James to inform me of all the details." Amy noticed her clench her fist in anger. "What they did to him was wrong. He didn't deserve that."

  "No. Not at all."

  "I am glad he told you and that you stayed with him."

  "He never did anything to make me want to leave him, Sonia. What he wants is natural to me. I just have to help him realise it as well." Amy blushed, "I am sorry, you probably don't really need to hear of my sexual preferences. It won't assist you in guarding me."

  She took Amy's cup, "The more I know about you Amy, the better I can protect you. Please don't ever fear telling me anything." Sonia smiled and went off to find her breakfast.

  Amy looked around the room for James, who was animatedly chatting with an elderly American couple. Amy couldn't believe how relaxed he looked. Last night his shoulders had been hunched up and his face was full of tension but despite only about two hours sleep he looked free from all the cares in the world. Amy was still struggling to get her head around how someone could've made him feel so dirty for a natural urge to want to explore his girlfriend's body. She wanted to explore his, to find out what he liked and what he didn't. She wondered if the ex-girlfriend had been as controlling in their lives out of the bedroom as well. Would he have been allowed to kiss her apart from a peck on the lips? What about holding hands in public? She could see why James was so controlling with her. After what happened he had closed down, he had not allowed himself to think about anything that he didn't prescribe himself.

  The breakfast passed peacefully and when Amy saw that James wasn't actually going to be allowed to sit down and eat she had a coffee sent to him and a load of pastries taken to their bedroom. She returned to the bedroom without him, despite assurances he wouldn't be more than a few moments behind her and took a shower. The warm water cascaded off her aching muscles as she shut her eyes and allowed herself to really dream of a future with James. They hadn't known each other long but to Amy, it felt as though he was a part of her now. To not be in his arms would kill her. It must have been another hour before he appeared. He was chatting animatedly with Matthew as Sonia and Amy sat in the chairs watching a Bollywood film.

  "They wanted to leave around one. How long is the flight?"

  "A little under an hour I think."

  "Alright. I want you to book us into one of the cabins for the night. Raji can see to the guests tonight. I am not the manager, merely the owner. And if I don't get some sleep this evening I am liable to collapse."

  "You want me to have Miss Amy flown back here so you can sleep."

  James glared and then thumped Matthew on the back.

  "Miss Amy will do as she is told. Especially after I have exhausted her."

  "You want to bet on that James?" She butted into their conversation, and Sonia laughed. "Where are we going now?"

  "A few of the guests want to take advantage of a package we can put together for them. It flies them down to Kabini Nature Reserve for a visit. Sorry beautiful, but we have to join them."

  "I wondered why the hotel had the helipad. What do I need to wear?"

  "Shorts and a t-shirt will be good. It will be hot down there."

  She looked at the clock. It was already close to midday. "I will pack us an overnight back. You go shower and shave. Make sure you eat something as well."

  "I will do." Matthew nudged him, "Oh, yes. I need you to sign this as well. It is just some papers for the landing cards at the Maldives."

  Amy picked up a pen, signed and handed them back to James. She couldn't be bothered to read them. She trusted James. "I am sorry, Amy. I had hoped we could just spend some time together."

  "James, this means the world to you. I am fine. Relax and go with it. Stop worrying. Besides a nature safari sounds good."

  "You won't say that when you see the tour vehicles."

  James was right. As Amy entered the bus that had opened windows and looked like it might not make the tour she suddenly felt a little nervous.

  "What animals are we likely to see?"

  "It will be mainly elephants, antelope and monkeys but there have been tigers, crocodiles and leopards before."

  "You sure it is safe?" She looked at the window.

  "Hold me tight, just so you don't bounce out?"

  "What?" He laughed and she punched him in the chest. "Don't tease me like that."

  The tour was breath-taking, to see the animals in their natural habitats especially the elephants was just fantastic. They were happy and relaxed. Amy noticed lots of little tree stumps on the plains. She queried the guide and was told that during monsoon weather, the plains flooded due to the amount of rain and thus the trees didn't grow. She couldn't imagine how much rain could flood somewhere, and she lived in England where it never seemed to stop raining. As they were heading back to the helicopter there was suddenly a lot of commotion between the driver and the guide. The bus halted abruptly. Amy looked to her right and there, striding out of the bushes, not more than about ten metres from them, was a leopard. It was magnificent. It seemed to be posing for them. Its sleek spotty coat was beautiful in design, the way its paws padded along the ground showed off its powerful feline abilities. James got out his phone and began to snap pictures as he spoke. "This is unique. I never saw a leopard before."

  The whole bus hushed and just watched the big cat as it walked past the bus and then ran into the bushes on the other side. Amy reached up to him and kissed him.

  "Thank you for bringing me here."

  "Thank you for coming here with me."

  They returned to the helicopter and waved their guests off befo
re they got into a nearby Jeep. Matthew and Sonia stayed with them of course. Amy wondered if they ever got bored just following them around; mind you, the job did have some perks.

  The vehicle bounced its way along the unmade roads towards holiday cabins on the outskirts of the reserve. The farmers were in the fields tending to the crops, they still used cows to pull things like ploughs. She didn't see a single tractor. Out here, unlike the city, it was like time stood still and everyone still lived life like in the olden days. Except for the satellite television dishes on all the houses, of course. The cabins they were staying in were old-fashioned wooden ones, except with modern conveniences. She knew what James liked by now, and so she wasn't surprised. It was dusk by the time they arrived and as they walked into their cabin, a romantic dinner for two had been laid out on the veranda, next to a hot tub.

  A waiter appeared and began placing dishes on hot plates. James tipped him and he left them alone.

  "Dinner, Miss Jones?"

  "Why thank you, Mr North."

  He pulled her chair out for her and she took a seat. The meal was again a traditionally Indian affair but Amy didn't mind. She had gotten very used to it and was really enjoying the variety. What she did particularly like though were the sweets that were placed out for dessert. They were made of marzipan and covered in gold and silver leaf. She could've eaten far too many of them, but she also fancied sometime in the hot tub.

  "I am going for a soak in the hot tub. Ease the aching muscles from the dancing last night and the bouncing around in the tour bus."

  "Did you bring your bikini? Do you want me to fetch it?"

  "Damn it." Amy sighed and rolled her head. "You didn't tell me I needed it, so I didn't bring one." She pulled her t-shirt over her head and dropped it to the floor with her shorts. "I could just go in in my bra and knickers, what do you think?"