Between the Pain

by Gia Riley

  Smiling somewhat shyly at me, I decide Ryan doesn’t like to talk about himself which is entirely unexpected. Most guys I’ve dated or have been around seemed to only focus on themselves and how macho they could portray themselves to be. Since I don’t get the feeling he is trying to hide anything, I let him take his time and don’t push for details he isn’t willingly handing over.

  “Mmm I like being mysterious. Well, for starters, I’m twenty-seven. That can’t be much older than you right?”

  “Subtle attempt at asking a woman her age. I’m twenty-two,” I tell him with a smile.

  “You caught me. What else….I’ve played soccer since I was five. You already know I sing and play guitar. We share the same profession. I wasn’t always going to be a nurse but watching my aunt go through some scary medical shit when I was eighteen had me changing my whole idea of what I wanted to become. I saw how much more went into being in this field besides the medical aspect. Being able to cheer someone up, hold their hand through pain and lending them an ear when they need one, made me realize I have a lot more to offer than being just a musician. Besides, everyone needs a backup. The gigs can be few and far between and I had higher hopes than being a starving artist for the rest of my life.”

  I’m surprised by his answer. He has a lot more depth than I realized. “Ryan, that’s really awesome. Your aunt must be really proud to have you as her nephew. Thanks for sharing that with me. I feel kind of stupid I told you about candy. Promise me you don’t think I’m that one-dimensional.”

  “I know better than to believe that. I get you Hallie, don’t worry.”

  Before I can respond, the lights dim and the first comedian takes the stage.

  We stay for all three performers and my sides are killing me from laughing so hard. Only one put us on the spot and it was pretty painless. I was worried for nothing. As we walk to the car Ryan takes my hand.

  “Thanks for bringing me here. I didn’t even know the place existed. This was a definite first for me.”

  “You’re welcome but the night’s not over yet,” he says as he opens my door and closes it once I’m inside.

  Driving back in the direction we came from, I have absolutely no idea what’s to come. Bit by bit, my nerves are changing into excitement as I begin to feel more comfortable on our date. We pull up to the fifties style Frosty Palace and he tells me he’ll be right back. Frosty Palace has the best burgers and milkshakes I’ve ever had. The sign says world famous but something tells me they made that up themselves. I’d never argue with their claim though.

  Ten minutes later he is back in the car with a bag and two drinks. He starts up the car and begins driving without any attempt to eat the food he just picked up. Before long we are pulling into a parking lot beside the local airport. It’s not one of the gigantic international airports you would find closer to the city, this is a private airstrip where small jets and personal aircraft fly in and out on commuter flights.

  “Where are we going, Ryan?”

  “Hang on”. He gets back out of the car taking the food with him. He stops by the truck to take something out and comes around to lay it all on the front of the car. Opening my door, he ushers me out and tells me to hop up. Hesitating, he assures me it’s not hot and I’m safe.

  I hop up and get comfortable with the blanket under me offering some cushion against the hard exterior of the car and start to enjoy my cheeseburger and fries. We eat and talk effortlessly about the show we just watched back at The Laugh Factory. I honestly can’t remember the last time I felt so comfortable around a guy and soon realize the butterflies I keep experiencing aren’t because I’m nervous but rather excited by his presence. Ryan affects me and awakens every nerve inside my body. The sexual tension permeating around us is thick tonight and can only continue to build until one of us makes a move.

  Once we finish our food, he grabs my hand and tells me to lie back against the windshield of the car. Lying side by side, I can feel his breathing pick up as his chest rises and falls in short succession. I squeeze his hand and move closer to his side. I lay my head on his chest as he wraps his arm around my shoulder, holding me close to him. I rest my hand on his chest and play with one of the buttons on his shirt. We don’t speak - we just relax and get used to the feeling of each other.

  Our silence is broken by the roaring sound of a jet engine. Popping my head up off his chest, my eyes bug out of my head as I realize an insanely large piece of machinery is traveling at an alarming rate toward us. I feel Ryan laugh beside me as he sits up next to me. “Enjoy the ride.” Not fully understanding what he means, the most exhilarating feeling comes over me as the plane passes over top landing on an air strip directly behind us. “This is just like Wayne’s World!” I exclaim. “But you are so much hotter than those two guys,” I add.

  Laughing at my reaction, Ryan responds with, “if you were a President, you’d be Babe-ra-ham Lincoln.” Realizing he just quoted the movie, we break out into a fit of laughter and resume our cuddle session on top of the car as we wait for another plane to come in for a landing. “Thank you so much for bringing me here, Ryan. That was the biggest rush I’ve ever felt in my life. Do you do this a lot? Am I dating an adrenaline junky?”

  “I come here when I need to clear my head. It makes me feel alive. So depending on the day I either come here or I have one other spot that helps too. I’ll show you that one another day.” Lying on his chest, I can feel the deep reverberation of his voice underneath my cheek. Taking in what he said, I decide to let him show me anything he wants. If we can have more moments like this one, I’m all in.

  Ryan leans forward, raising me slightly with him. Lifting my head to peek up into his eyes, I see an expression I can’t quite differentiate. My mind tells me it’s nothing more than lust but my heart is hoping for something more permanent. Obviously I know he can’t possibly be feeling love in such a short amount of time, but I refuse to downplay the connection we have. I’m not the only one feeling something. I know that much.

  Ryan’s eyes are smoky with only the moonlight above casting shadows as he traces my bottom lip with his thumb and caresses my cheek in the palm of his hand. My heart rate picks up and I know I’ll never be the same once his lips touch mine.

  Starting off as an innocent joining of lips, the kiss suddenly increases with heat as Ryan kisses me harder and dips his tongue between my lips silently asking for permission to take this to another level. Not having to ask me twice, I open for him and our kiss becomes sensual and needy. My emotions are kicked into high gear as his hands begin to roam my body. He lays me back against the car and slides over top of me. His hands find the edge of my shirt as he traces the skin above the button on my jeans. Wanting desperately for him to take this farther, another plane roars over top of us causing us to break apart. Realizing we’re about to shed some clothing in public, the hooded expression of his eyes coupled with the reddening of his lips assures me this will be continued another time.

  “The things I want to do to you right here are driving me wild. I would never share you with anyone else though. Your body is for my eyes only but as much I want to take you back to my house and finish what we started, I think we should call it a night.”

  He appears sincere but I can’t help but feel a little rejected. It’s not like I want to do anything here in the middle of a parking lot either, but who wants to have an earth-shattering first kiss and then be told they’re being taken home. Relationships confuse the hell out of me and this is only dating. Girlfriend status must be a complete head trip. Looking down at my hands, suddenly finding my bracelets completely fascinating, I shake my head and say, “yeah, you’re right. Let’s go.”

  As I attempt to get off the car, Ryan grabs my arm and pulls me back into his chest. Suddenly caught up in the woodsy smell of his cologne, I rest my head on his chest and savor the moment just in case this is our last.

  “Hallie. Please look at me.”

  Deciding I would rather stay where I am and admit
defeat than look at him and face rejection, I shake my head and say, “I’m okay. We can go now.” I break apart from him and walk myself to the passenger side of his car and slide in. Hopefully I can hold it together long enough for him to get me back home. As I go to shut my door I’m met with unexpected resistance. Ryan’s hand is on the frame of the door holding it open. I watch as he crouches down in front of me, never once breaking eye contact. “You don’t get it do you, Hallie?”

  “Get what exactly?”

  “Hallie, I don’t know who gave you such shitty self-esteem, but I want to punch him in the face. You have got to stop doubting me,” he says with a defeated sigh and shake of his head.

  I continue to stare at him, surprised by his choice of words. Sure my self-esteem could use some work, but he’s the one who shut me down. Or so I think.

  “Hallie, let me break this down. That kiss was amazing and I definitely wanted more. I still do. I don’t want to be like the guys who hurt you in the past. You’re special to me, pretty girl and you need to know that. There is nothing wrong with easing into this. I’ll still want you just as much tomorrow as I do now, if not more.”

  I feel slightly foolish for my reaction, but blink a few times so the tears stay away. Deciding to make this right, I place my hands on either side of his handsome face and bring my lips to his. I show him how much I appreciate him. He proved to me that building something strong is way more important than anything physical. I like the fact he wants to get to know more than just my body, but I kiss him anyway. Our second kiss is even more mind-blowing than the first.

  MONDAY COMES ENTIRELY TOO FAST. Sitting at Starbucks, I smile to myself as I think about my weekend. I never imagined our date would make me feel like I do right now, cared for. I never saw Ryan coming, but I’m so glad he found me. There’s something special about him and for him to have noticed me just as much as I noticed him makes me so freaking happy. I feel energized and like nothing can get in my way. Work even seems appealing tonight. Grinning like a fool, I continue to sip my coffee and revel in my discovery that I am, in fact, falling for Ryan.

  My moment is short lived when I hear a loud burp and feel the table wobble as Alex sits own across from me. “Hey shorty, you beat me here for once. What gives? Usually I have to drag you out of bed on a Monday.”

  “Well hello to you, too. Alex, your level of refinement is comparable to a toddler,” I say as I steady my Chai tea latte on the table.

  “Excuse me, Princess Hallie. It’s such a pleasure to see you at this fine establishment before the noon hour. Would you care for a scone?” he asks in his finest British accent.

  “Ha. It’s a good thing you’re my best friend, Alex.”

  “You better believe it. Now come on woman, out with the deets already.”

  “Deets? Have you been watching a Laguna Beach marathon again?”

  “Well some of us aren’t out gallivanting around town with a sexy as sin man. But no, I was not. Quit stalling and give it to me already.”

  “So Tanner isn’t sexy as sin?”

  “Damn straight he is, but don’t you go changing the subject. We’ll talk about him later.”

  Just as I begin to fill him in on my amazing date, my phone rings inside my purse. As I pull it out, I realize my ringtone has changed. Stuck like Glue by Sugarland is playing as Ryan’s name comes up on my screen. Laughing to myself, I realize he must’ve done this when I went to the bathroom at the comedy club. Very clever and full of cheesy goodness.

  “Stuck like glue?” I say as I chuckle into the phone.

  “Yup, you and me baby,” he says with a laugh. If he was in front of me, he would probably be puffing his chest out right now to display his manly vibe. The silly side of Ryan is very charming.

  ‘Whatcha doin?” he asks.

  “Sitting at Starbucks with Alex drinking a latte.” No longer able to contain his excitement that I am finally dating again, Alex chimes in. “We were just discussing the sex.” I roll my eyes and smack his arm. I mouth behave about ten times before I give up and focus my attention back on Ryan.

  “Sorry about him. Apparently, I need to return him to the zoo as soon as we finish up here,” I say as I shoot Alex the sternest expression I can come up with. I must look ridiculous considering Alex is cracking up and not looking the least bit remorseful.

  “It’s okay. I’m glad he’s keeping you company. I wish it was me taking you out for coffee though. Maybe I should have held you captive in my bed last night.” God, that sounds like a perfect idea. I want nothing more than to spend a night in his bed. Who am I kidding, I’d spend more than one night.

  “So we could have sex or so I would have sex to discuss this morning?” Oh my God. Did I just say that?

  “Both.” He responds in a deeper voice than he called me with. He must be having the same naughty thoughts I am.

  Both!

  “Damn, babe. Now I’m all turned on. Just hearing you talk about sex makes me hard. I can’t even imagine what it’ll be like when you’re actually in my arms.”

  I. Have. No. Words. Thankfully, he begins talking again so I don’t have to find my way out of the heat of his last statement. I cross my legs in a desperate attempt to calm myself down and ignore the ache that has settled in.

  “You okay over there?” Ryan asks.

  “Yeah. Very okay. A lot okay.”

  He laughs and clearly catches on to my level of turned-on-ness. That most definitely isn’t a real word but it’s the best I can do right now.

  “Are you working tonight?”

  “Yeah. Three to eleven. How about you? I don’t know your schedule either. I guess we should have covered that on our date.”

  He laughs and says, “nah. The kissing was much more important. I’ll be there too. Maybe we can meet up for dinner if we can manage to get away at the same time. I know it’s tough down in the trenches.”

  “You can say that again. Some nights I’m lucky to get away long enough to even attempt to eat. I’ll have my phone on me though, so just text me.”

  “I thought I was going to have to fight a little harder to get my girl to be seen with me at work,” he says jokingly.

  I hate that I put that doubt in him. It may have been a concern of mine, and while I’m not completely past it, I know it would be crazy to let my insecurities come between us.

  Smiling to myself, I say “well your girl can be an idiot, pay her no mind. She would love to see you.”

  “My girl. I like that. See ya soon, pretty girl.”

  “Me too. Bye Ryan.”

  I’m definitely still smiling like a fool. Alex clears his throat and leans across the table. “Hallie, you’ve got it bad and from the sound of things, so does he. I like him.”

  “Me too, Alex. Me too.”

  WHEN I GET TO WORK that afternoon, I have extra pep in my step just knowing I’ll be in the same building with Ryan for the rest of the evening. This might be slightly ridiculous but I can’t help myself. It feels good to be wanted and gives me the boost of confidence my self-esteem was clearly begging for. I’m slightly bummed I didn’t run into him on my way in, but that flies right out the window when I get to my station and see a hand written note on my keyboard and a pack of Swedish fish.

  Of all the fish in the sea, you’re the one for me.

  Cheesy Ryan is definitely adorable. I’ve never had a guy do little thoughtful things like this before let alone remember one of my favorite candies. So while it may seem like a small gesture to some, it’s a grand gesture in my book. While I’m busy reading my note for the tenth time, my co-worker, Amie, comes over to take a peek.

  “Things going well with Ryan? I saw him down here looking to see where you were stationed. Very sweet by the way,” Amie says pointing to the note.

  Amie is one of the friendlier nurses on staff. She has been an amazing support system for me both during my nursing school rotations and now on the job. We have a lot in common and she’s definitely someone I’ve found I can trust.
Lord knows we have enough loud mouths walking around the department, but thankfully she isn’t one of them. I know she’s asking because she truly cares and not because she plans to share my business in the break room later tonight. That definitely won’t help me score any points with my supervisor.

  Deciding to keep the juicy details to myself, I fill her in on our first date and how much I’m enjoying getting to know Ryan. Our relationship is brand spanking new and shockingly my jitters and concerns have taken a back seat to my happiness.

  “I miss the feeling of a new relationship. Those were the special days,” she says as she types up some notes about one of her patients.

  “Things are going well with you and Todd though, right?” Todd is her husband of four years. I met him one night when he came to drop off her dinner. They look great together, a chiseled stud and a blond bombshell.

  “Yea we’re good. Kids just really shake things up. We were high school sweethearts too so we’re definitely a long way from new. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have met him later in life. Then again, I could be hauling my cookies to some dive bar every weekend hoping to meet Mister Right as I drown my sorrows in vodka. No offense of course.”

  “Ha, none taken. The dating scene definitely gets old. You’re right about that. You would think someone would come up with some fresh pick-up lines. Nobody is creative anymore. Well, wish me luck, heading back into Room 4 as soon as I locate security,” I tell her.

  Room 4 is one of the psychiatric evaluation holding rooms that also houses prisoners who come in for treatment. The walls are padded, the door is locked and police officers remain both inside the room as well as outside. Since the officers aren’t paid by the hospital, I have to use the ER security team to escort me into the room. This way I’m covered by the hospital if anything should happen. Never a dull moment in this place.