Saving Avery

by Angela Snyder

"I have to be," she answers. I can tell right away that she didn't mean to say it, and I watch her fingertips touch her lips as if she wants to stuff the words back into her mouth. I want to ask her what she meant by that, but she quickly changes the subject. "So how long have you known I was your neighbor?"

  I take a sip of my wine, stalling. She's anxiously awaiting my response, and I don't know whether to tell her the truth or make something up. But I decide that I don't ever want to lie to her. "I saw you the first night I stayed here actually."

  Avery fidgets in her chair, and her eyes nervously dart down to the table. I don't have to be a mind reader to know she's worried about me seeing her crying on the beach. I decide not to divulge that secret just yet. "So how long have you been married?" I ask, trying to redirect the conversation.

  "Two years, one month and nineteen ---." She stops abruptly and looks up at me.

  My God. She didn't finish, but she was going to say nineteen days. She has it down to the very day, and I wouldn't be surprised if she knows the exact hour as well. The manner in which she speaks about it sounds like she's counting down a prison sentence rather than an amorous marriage. And I have a feeling that's exactly what Avery's life is like --- a prison.

  "Have you ever been married?" she asks. Now she's attempting to redirect the focus of the conversation.

  I shake my head. "Came close to it once," I confess.

  She says, "Oh," and then becomes very quiet.

  "Sometimes things don't work out the way you plan or want them to."

  She nods. "I know the feeling," she whispers.

  We settle into a comfortable silence while enjoying our meal with the ocean waves breaking in the distance. The more I'm around Avery, the more I pick up on her idiosyncrasies. She always wears a watch, and her eyes continuously peek at the time. I think it's almost a subconscious thing, because I don't think she actually realizes she's doing it. She avoids eye contact with me whenever possible. I wonder if this is a habit her husband instilled in her. At the hospital she ignores all of the male doctors, but has no problem talking to the female nurses and doctors and kids. I'm assuming she's not allowed to talk to men in general. She also bites on her bottom lip when she's nervous, which is almost all of the time. She's a very nervous person in general and always seems to be on edge. I can't help but think of how Rosie described the old Avery --- spunky and full of life. That is not the girl sitting here before me, although I can tell she is breaking out of her shell little by little the more I'm around her.

  I'm so angry that Nathan could control this sweet girl like he does, breaking her spirit at any cost. More of Rosie's words come back to me about how maybe Nathan is finally breaking her down. I worry about Avery. I want her to know there is a better life out there for her. And even if it's not with me, she deserves to be with someone who cares for her, someone who loves her.

  As Avery reaches for a breadstick in the middle of the table, my eyes flicker to her arm. Her perfect skin is highlighted by the candlelight. Just yesterday she had dark bruises the whole way up her arm, and now they are gone. Something's not adding up here. I lean forward, and now I can see that the perfection in her skin is not natural. She's wearing some kind of makeup on her skin to conceal the bruises. Some of the darker bruises are peeking through a little, and I frown.

  I lift my gaze to her face, and she's staring back at me. The look in her eyes tells me she knows exactly what I was looking at. She places the bread on her plate and sighs softly. "Max…I…"

  I wave my hand dismissively. I don't want the night to turn awkward and force her to tell me things when she's not ready. "Tell me something about you, Avery. Anything."

  "There's really not much to tell," she says quietly.

  Shaking my head, I say, "I don't believe that for a second."

  She meets my gaze for a moment before looking away once more. "You already know all there is to know about me, Max. You know where I live, that I'm married and that I volunteer at the hospital."

  I nod. "Yes. But what do you like to do? What are your hobbies? What are you good at?"

  A frown graces her lips. "I don't…I'm not really good at anything at all."

  "Not even one thing?" I question in disbelief.

  Her lips quirk up a bit as she says, "Well…I like to sing."

  For some reason I feel like this is a little-known fact, and I'm happy that she shared it with me. "You sing?"

  "Only in the shower."

  "Are you any good?" I ask.

  "I haven't heard any complaints," she says deadpan.

  I chuckle, and she grins. I'm starting to get a sense of the real Avery, and I'm enjoying her immensely. "I would love to hear you sing sometime."

  She grows quiet suddenly, and I grimace inwardly. Perhaps I'm being too pushy when it comes to trying to get Avery to come out of her shell, but I just can't help myself. It's so easy to let everything blur into the background when I'm around her. When I'm with her, it's like the rest of the world fades away. It's just us together in the moment.

  We finish our dinner in companionable silence. After refreshing our glasses with wine, we move to the far corner of the patio overlooking the ocean. Avery wraps her hands around the railing and closes her eyes. A soft breeze blows, whipping Avery's hair behind her shoulders. Her soft, flowery scent washes over me, and I have the sudden urge to be closer to her.

  Hesitantly, I walk up from behind and wrap my hands around the railing in front of her. Her back is pressed against my front. Almost instantly, I feel her entire body tremble as she recoils from my touch. With panicked breaths, she breaks away from me. I step back quickly, not knowing what I did wrong. Her eyes search mine for a minute, and then her face contorts with a myriad of emotions --- confusion, torment, shame, embarrassment. "I'm sorry, Max," she whispers.

  I'm not sure what caused her to react the way she did, but I can easily figure it out. I know it has something to do with a history of abuse at the hands of her husband, no less. My hands clench into fists. I want to take my anger out on Nathan. But he's not here, and I don't want to scare Avery away. I take a calming, deep breath. "Why do you stay with him?" I blurt out the question before even mulling it over in my head, but I desperately want to know the answer.

  Her bottom lip trembles, and I know she's trying to hold herself together. I've only ever seen her crying alone on the beach, and I have the sense that's the only place where she releases her pent-up tears.

  After a few moments, she lets out a long sigh, and her features slowly relax. "I've tried to leave him." Her gaze moves to stare out over the ocean. "Things started getting really bad about two months after we got married. I packed my things and got on a bus. I don't even remember where I was going. I just knew I couldn't stay here with him." She closes her eyes briefly and swallows hard. "His dad is the chief of police, and so Nathan made up a story to his father that I was a danger to myself. I didn't even make it out of the state before the bus was pulled over by every responding police officer in the county. Nathan had me committed to a mental institution soon thereafter." She wraps her arms tightly around herself as a chill seems to pass through her. "Three months of my life I don't even remember because of the drugs. He told me if I ever tried to leave him again that he would send me to an institution permanently. He not only threatened me, but my entire family. It doesn't help the situation that my father is in politics and that the Mason family basically has him in their back pocket. Nathan and his family donate a lot of money to my father's campaigns," she explains.

  I shake my head slowly. It's starting to make sense now. I'm getting more pieces to the puzzle, and soon I'll be able to see the whole picture. Everything she tells me about Nathan makes me loathe him with a passion. "So you never tried leaving again?"

  Her shoulders slump in defeat. "I've tried. So many times. He found me." Her eyes move to the flickering flame of one of the tiki torches. "He always finds me," she adds. "Nathan is a very powerful man with a lot of resources." Avery's voice soun
ds lost, haunted, and it sends a shiver through me. She glances down at her wrist as her fingers absentmindedly run under the watchband, stroking her wrist. "The last time I tried was about six months ago. He found me in a run-down motel in South Carolina. I thought I had finally escaped, but I was wrong. When he brought me back here, I kind of snapped. I waited until he left for work, and then I…" She swallows hard and tears form in her eyes.

  I stare at the vertical scar on the inside of her wrist. She isn't talking about just trying to run away. She attempted the ultimate escape. She tried to kill herself. My heart breaks for her that she felt like she had no other way out. I just want to take her into my arms and hold her, but I don't want to scare her away. She obviously doesn't like to be touched in certain ways, and with time I'll learn which ways are acceptable to her. For right now I'll give her the only thing I can --- support.

  "I…I haven't tried again." She releases a shaky sigh. "But I've just…I've given up hope."

  I reach for her, and my thumb gently skims over the scar. I hear her sharp intake of breath, and I look up to meet her blue-gray eyes. "If you ever feel the urge again, will you promise to talk to me first?" I ask, my voice insisting.

  She hesitates, and then nods once.

  "You have so much to offer. I see it in those kids' faces every day at the hospital and especially with Jacob. What would he do without you, Avery? You're the only one who can put a smile on his face." I stroke her soft skin. "I would hate to see a world without you in it."

  Tears quickly fill her eyes, and she pulls away from me. "I-I should go," she says with an unsteady voice.

  "I'm sorry if I upset you, Avery," I say quickly. "That wasn't my intent."

  She turns her back to me, but doesn’t walk away. "You didn't upset me." She wrings her hands nervously. "I'm just not used to someone being so nice to me."

  Even though I don't want to scare her, I just need to feel her in my arms. I want her to feel safe with me. I stand and walk around to face her. Her gaze is to the floor. "Avery…" My voice trails off. I want to hold her, but I don't know if she'll let me. So I decide to simply ask. "I want to hold you. Will you let me do that?"

  She bites her bottom lip nervously. Then she looks up at me and gives me a small nod.

  I pull her into my arms and gently embrace her. Our hearts beat rapidly in competition with each other. I have to wonder if she's feeling the same connection that I feel. God, I hope so.

  My nose sinks into her soft hair, breathing in the scent of coconut with a hint of a flowery perfume. Everything about this moment feels right. She feels so damn good in my arms, and I don't ever want to let her go. My mouth moves to her ear as I whisper, "Every night this week I've watched you go down to the beach and cry." I feel her stiffen against me at my confession, but she doesn't attempt to pull away. I continue and say, "I understand the release you need after the mask you have to wear all day long. But you don't have to pretend with me, Avery. You don't have to hide your tears from me…or the bruises."

  Ever so slowly I feel the walls tumbling down around her. Tentatively, she curls her hands into my shirt, and I hear the first break in her breathing as she starts to sob.

  "It's okay," I whisper as my hand soothingly strokes her long silky hair down her back. "It's okay to cry, Avery."

  Her fingers grip my shirt tighter and pull me impossibly closer. I wonder how long it's been since someone held her. It breaks my heart to think that it's been far too long. She is so strong and yet so fragile, and I just have an overwhelming need to protect her from everything bad in this world.

  I hold her for a long time until her breathing returns to normal and the tears stop. Then I pull back and stare down at her tear-stained face. "Avery, I feel this indescribable connection to you. Tell me I'm crazy. Tell me you don't feel it too."

  She closes her eyes for a few seconds. When she opens them, they are glittering from the candlelight. "I feel it," she whispers. "Max…you're the first person to make me feel anything in such a long time."

  Her words hit me hard, and I stare down at her gorgeous lips. I want to kiss her, but I hold back. And then she surprises me by leaning up and brushing her mouth lightly over mine. I take that as an invitation and gently cup her face in my hands before deepening the kiss. Her lips are just as soft as I had imagined. The kiss is brief, but it's meaningful.

  We slowly part, and my heart feels like it's going to leap out of my chest. I have never experienced what I'm experiencing right now with her. I know it's too soon and maybe even wrong to feel this way, but I can't stop myself even if it's against my better judgment. She's married, unattainable, but I don't want to stay away. I can't stay away. I think she does need a knight in shining armor after all, and I want to be that for her. I want to protect her.

  My thumb tenderly glides over her bottom lip as she gazes up at me. She looks so beautiful it hurts. "Your husband will be gone until next weekend?" I ask.

  She nods. "Next Saturday."

  "Let me spend time with you this week, Avery. I want to get to know you better."

  She doesn't answer right away. "Max," she starts.

  "I know it's wrong to want this, but it feels so damn right. I feel so connected with you, and I know you feel it too. I'm not expecting anything to happen between us, Avery. Just spend time with me…as a friend. We'll let fate decide where it goes after that."

  I can see numerous emotions flicker across her face. I would give anything to know what she's thinking right now. But before I can make another plea to her, she whispers, "Okay." Then she slowly steps back out of my reach and says, "I should go. Thank you." She hesitates before adding, "For everything."

  "I'll see you tomorrow, Avery." I watch her walk off the porch and into her house. Even though we just met a few days ago, I feel like I've known her forever. Avery is so easy to love. I just wish she could understand that. Nathan clearly doesn't deserve her, and I intend to spend our time together this week proving that to her.

  *

  AVERY

  I run into the house and close the door. Letting out a long breath, I lean against the cool glass and press a hand to my chest. My erratic heartbeat thumps loudly under my palm. I close my eyes, and the only thing I can think about is Max. When he had invited me over spaghetti, I never could have imagined the evening we would share together. It was more than just dinner. It was a glimpse into another life, a life where I could have more than just heartache and pain. Everything had been absolutely perfect.

  My fingertips graze over my lips as I relive our kiss in my mind. There was an instant spark there that I never experienced before. I didn't want the evening to ever end, but that is exactly why it had to. Being around him is dangerous in every sense of the word, but I can't help but feel this strong, inexplicable connection to him.

  The house phone rings, snapping me out of my daydream. A sense of alarm floods over me as Nathan's name pops up on the caller ID. He always calls a lot whenever he's gone. He likes to keep a constant tab on me, especially from afar.

  My hand moves to pick up the receiver, but then I stop myself. Nathan is in Seattle. He can't hurt me right now.

  Deep down inside I know the consequences that will come from me not answering, but at the moment I just don't care. My arm falls back down to my side, and I let the phone continue to ring while I walk to the bedroom. The handset on the nightstand rings and rings and rings. Without hesitation, I grab the phone and take out the battery. With a nod of satisfaction, I change into pajamas, wash my face, brush my teeth and then nestle into my side of the bed.

  I close my eyes, but sleep escapes me. I can't seem to stop thinking about Max. And as our dinner replays for the fifth time in my head, I throw back the comforter with a sigh. Climbing out of bed, I move to the windows and glance over at Max's house. He's cleaning up from our dinner on his porch, and I watch him from a shroud of darkness. I know I shouldn't spy on him, but I can't help it.

  Dinner with Max felt like a first step for me in the ri
ght direction for once. I let him touch me, and he held me as I cried. I haven’t cried in front of anyone for years, and I can't even remember the last time I let someone hold me. Just the thought of it makes me nervous. I've been shown nothing but pain and cruelty for so many years that an act of kindness is abnormal to me now. But there's just something about Max that makes me feel safe, and I want to hold onto that feeling for as long as I can. Even though I instinctively want to keep my guard up when I'm around him, he's been easily knocking down all my walls without even trying. He sees me. He really sees me. I'm not just a possession or a trophy to him. I'm someone. And I think I might be someone he cares about, even if it's just as a friend.

  Max told me he wants to spend time with me this week. He wants to get to know me better, and I feel exactly the same way. I want to know everything about him --- where he grew up, about his family, why he chose to be a doctor, his hopes and dreams. I don't know what the future holds, but it's suddenly looking brighter than it ever has before.

  I watch Max until he douses the tiki torches and candles and retreats inside his house. I return to bed and close my eyes. With thoughts of Max running through my head, I slowly fall asleep with a smile on my face.

  CHAPTER 7

  AVERY

  The next day I meet my dad at our usual place, a seafood restaurant in Rodanthe. The owner of the restaurant and my father grew up together; and so even though the place is packed, we're able to secure our favorite table right near a large window overlooking the Pamlico Sound.

  For the primary portion of the meal, I listen to my father talk about his upcoming campaign for governor. "It's almost a lock. With the Masons behind me, I don't see how I couldn't win," he says smugly.

  Nathan's family has money and power. If they want strings to be pulled, they will be pulled no matter the cost. I think back to the first time I met Nathan. I often wonder if that night had been planned by our parents to get Nathan and I together. I can't say I really blame my father. He probably thought he was helping out by introducing me to one of the wealthiest bachelors in North Carolina. He couldn't have known about Nathan's dark side. I don't know if Nathan's own parents even know. The only person who knows the absolute truth is me…and now Max. And I haven't even told Max that much. He somehow figured some of it out on his own. For years I felt like I was standing in a crowded room screaming, but no one could hear my cries. And then Max gives me one look and instantly knows me inside and out. It scares me more than anything, but it also gives me hope for something I haven't felt in my life since my mother died --- love.