by Shona Husk
“I already have the rhythm in my head. Insomnia is at least a useful bitch. Anyone got anything to add?” Mike got up, but left the recording on the keyboard going.
It wasn’t unusual for them to leave the same thing playing for hours until something happened.
While it wasn’t the right sound for what he’d been playing around with—that he knew that much was progress—if they got some music happening, perhaps Gemma and Dan could work some magic. Right now, putting anything together and finishing it would feel good. And they needed that sense of achievement.
Ed picked up his guitar. Like this, he didn’t feel the need to be perfect. It was when he presented stuff that he wanted it to be right. Mike had happily sat down with a dash of a melody and hoped that someone else could bring it together. He made it look easy. It had once been that easy for him. When had he lost it and let the doubt-demon take over?
He needed to find a way to shake free.
Mike sat behind the drum kit, joined in with his piano, then stood and bowed. “I have now done more work than the rest of you so Dan, pass me a beer while I sit back.”
Dan handed the beer to Mike, but Ed knew Mike wouldn’t just watch.
“Okay, how about…” He let the piano piece get close to the end before joining in.
“Oh.” Gem turned the recording off. She played Mike’s piece, checked with him that she’d got it, then added an extra bit. “And cue verse.” She turned. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.” Ed smiled. Mike had brought the mojo.
Thank God someone had because apparently he none at all, of any kind.
One day without the ring and she’d already been asked out for coffee. It had made her smile and freak out the whole way home. She may have done a small squeal of excitement after she’d left the car park. But she’d said maybe instead of yes. The fear that they’d have coffee, then more, and that he’d realise not everything was as it seemed had stopped her from enjoying the moment and wiped the smile away.
She took the necklace off and placed in on the bedside table. The ring gleamed in the soft light. If she was ready to move on, it shouldn’t be this hard. She loved Miles, but she wasn’t in love with him.
Olivia wasn’t sure when that change had happened, but she’d crossed that line in her heart a long time ago. However, this wasn’t really about her heart.
Coffee wasn’t dangerous to her heart. A cute guy asking her out should’ve been an automatic yes. There was nothing wrong with dipping her toes in the water even if she didn’t want to swim.
She lay on the bed and opened up her book. One chapter and then she’d go to sleep, but she couldn’t focus on the words. She’d blown a perfectly good opportunity. The first she’d had in a while.
The failure of last time was fresh in her mind. Guys her age didn’t expect the baggage she came with. She gave up trying to read and closed her eyes. Then opened them. When she went to sleep she’d be that much closer to tomorrow. Would Ed be there when she finished work?
She raked her teeth over her lower lip.
Would she get a second chance? More to the point, would she take it?
It was easy to think that she would as she lay in her bed nice and safe. She ran her fingers over the scar on her shoulder. It wasn’t that ugly, or was she used to seeing it? Was it shocking…like discovering she had a kid?
None of that mattered for coffee. Ed could be a dick.
She smiled. He’d come to her aid. She doubted that he was as much of a dick as the groomsman that Julie had paired her with. Julie had decided months ago that she wasn’t going to bring anyone and the groomsman was also single. They’d met at a breakfast for the wedding party a few weeks ago so they could all get to know each other. She’d learned more about the groomsman than she needed too. He’d been far too free with his hands.
After the third time, she’d threatened to break his fingers if he touched her again—she might’ve said it loud enough for the whole table to hear. Julie had lectured her about being prickly.
Was she prickly? Was that her defence system to keep people away? The idea that her sister was right was enough to make her vow a change.
If Ed was there tomorrow she’d give him a chance. He had a nice smile and a nicer voice. If she was honest, she was interested in getting to know him a little better—if he learned more about her and ran for the hills, well, that was his problem not hers.
It would still hurt.
She turned off the light and lay in the dark. For a moment the room spun like the car had before it hit the tree. It had seemed to happen so slowly but it would’ve been over seconds. The tightening of her seatbelt. The stop. After that it was a blur.
One bad choice and a few seconds and she was living with the result for the rest of her life. Sometimes she hated Miles for that.
She hated herself for getting in the damn car when she should’ve known better, but she hadn’t wanted to make a scene. No, Miles had done that and it had been well attended. Not that he would’ve noticed. She’d found out later that he’d been killed instantly.
There was no way to undo it, to go back and change it. She didn’t want to spend the rest of her life forever getting buffeted by the ripples those few seconds made.
In the dark she reached out and grabbed the ring on the chain, then she opened the drawer and dropped it in. For a moment she stared at the ceiling. Nothing had changed, it wasn’t out of sight out of mind. Nothing was that easy.
No, but the first step was.
And then she just had to take the one after that. And repeat.
She turned over and ran through her do to list for tomorrow.
At least she didn’t have to rush off and look at day care centres. She’d picked one and she’d get the paperwork done and come January, Ethan would be able to go and spend a day with kids his age.
All she had to do tomorrow after work was scour the job sites to find a new job.
Write a résumé and make sure Frankie gave her a good reference.
Have coffee with Ed if he was there.
It was on her list, therefore it would happen. She wouldn’t let herself run away again. One coffee meant nothing in the grand scheme of things, but to her it was a huge step into dangerous territory.
As she fell asleep she remembered Ed standing in the sun, the way the light caught his short hair and made it golden and the way the shadow of his hand fell across his face, leaving his lips in the light.
She’d eaten her cake and drunk her coffee alone, and her book was finished. Yet she lingered. Ed’s car was out there. She could see it from where she was sitting, but he must be out on the water. The waves were big, rolling in pretty steadily; as a result there were a lot of black-clad surfers out there making the most of it.
For a while she stared of the window, content to watch even though she didn’t know which one he was. For how much longer did she wait…would he bother to come in? She should get going. There was Christmas shopping to do before the crowds got really bad, spending the money she should be using on getting her car serviced.
One guy got out of the water and headed toward the outdoor shower. It was him, she was sure of it. It was the short hair that gave him away. Most of the young guys had longer hair. For a moment she was paralysed. What would he do?
What should she do?
She’d been the one to say maybe and leave it open. She should make the next move. Her heart tripled in size and she struggled to breathe. Was she really thinking of it as a date?
No. Just coffee. A thank you coffee.
Yes, that sounded better. Less pressure.
Ed walked across the sand, his wetsuit around his waist. He wasn’t overly tanned. Whatever job he had was indoors, and he was heading toward his car. If he got in and drove away that would be it, opportunity gone.
Perhaps it was fate and it wasn’t meant to be.
She watched for another two heartbeats before getting up. Screw fate. Fate was a bitch if the accident was meant to be. Olivia had
always leapt at opportunities before. Before the accident and after the accident, her life was neatly divided by the scar lines. While she couldn’t go back, she was tired of drifting without direction, waiting for something to happen. She had to make it happen before another three years slipped by.
“Two coffees to go, thanks.”
The barista made them for her without a question and she paid the staff price for both. She’d miss that. She’d gotten used to cheap coffee and cake. She glanced across the beachside car park to see if she’d be drinking them by herself, but Ed was towelling off and his board was sticking awkwardly out the back of his car. Relief mixed with the nerves. If her stomach didn’t untangle she wouldn’t be able to drink at all.
She couldn’t remember the last time she’d felt like this…yes she could, but she pushed it aside. It was too warm and sunny to think about old ghosts.
Ed had his back to her as she crossed the road to the car park. The coffees were hot in her hands, too hot, making her palms sweaty. She slowed to take a longer look at him before he put on a shirt. Her gaze skimmed down his back, over his butt to his feet—one of which had a fresh looking scrape. She dragged her eyes back up, it wouldn’t be right to be caught checking him out, but she couldn’t take the hint of a smile off her face.
He was a good-looking guy. A few inches taller than her, which was always nice, and he was fit. Aside from a brown birthmark the size of a fifty cent piece on his shoulder, he seemed to have no other marks. Not even any ink. That made a nice change. Nearly everyone she knew had something—usually acquired in Bali.
She walked around, making sure that he was on her good side. It was almost instinct now, but sometimes she got caught out. Usually she didn’t bother to explain the problem. It was nobody’s business. “Hi.”
Ed turned and looked around. Surprise lifted his eyebrows, but was quickly replaced by a smile.
“A thank you for getting me…” That was a little too close to the truth. “I mean my car going yesterday.” She handed him a cup, glad to get it out of her hand and to have something to do so she didn’t think about the heat on her cheeks caused by a bad case of foot in mouth. “I have sugar in my handbag if you need some.”
Along with wipes, hand sanitiser and a couple of muesli bars for when Ethan got hungry. Her handbag was a random assortment of essentials. She remembered the days of having only her phone, bank card and house key.
And while she’d been talking and rummaging in her bag for the sugar—which of course had slipped to the bottom in the time it took to cross the road—he’d said nothing.
“No sugar is fine.” He took a sip as if to be sure. “I didn’t expect anything.”
She glanced away; she had to salvage this somehow. Admitting that she hadn’t been at her best yesterday was probably the way to go. “I raced off and left it rather ambiguous.”
Had he changed his mind? How awkward. But it was only coffee; she could say thanks once more and walk away.
He dragged a striped towel over the back of his car so it hung over the bumper. “Have a seat. It’s dry and clean. Promise.”
He put his hand over his heart, drawing her attention to his bare chest. A couple of drops of water slid down his chest and then lower, to the waistband of his shorts. Her fingers pressed against the paper cup and she had to tear her gaze away.
It had really been too long since she’d been this close to a guy she was attracted to. She took a breath, slow down. The attraction was skin deep at the moment and may not be mutual.
The surfboard dripped onto the towel. It wouldn’t be dry for long. She perched on the edge of the bumper, glad the towel was there to stop the metal from burning her butt or the backs of her thighs. It did mean that she had to turn or he was in her blind spot. She solved the problem by sitting at an angle and leaning against the edge of the car. Lucky she was wearing black today.
He took the lid off the coffee and put it on the towel before taking a drink. “I was going to go in.”
“I was done, and I saw you out here.” Great, now she’d confessed to watching him.
He smiled as though it didn’t bother him. “There’s a great view, and much better surf than yesterday.”
She nodded and sipped her drink. She really didn’t need the extra caffeine, her heart was already beating too fast—which wasn’t the coffee’s fault. Nerves were getting the best of her. She had to say something instead of letting the silence grow and get weird.
“You’re here every day?” Was that too stalkerish or just interested enough?
“No. As much as I can while I can.”
“Ah. Your mysterious job.” What did he do that took him over east? She was more than a little curious. Who was Ed when he wasn’t surfing?
He looked at her for a moment as if trying to decide what to say. “I work in the music industry. I have to travel. The hours are great, but the pay is shit.” He wrapped his knuckles on the roof of his car. “As you can tell.”
Was that code for being a roadie or something? She had no idea and he wasn’t expanding. She watched him for a moment, glad that her sunnies hid some of where her gaze went. He seemed in no rush to cover up.
It would be nice to be that comfortable in her skin. Had she ever been? She didn’t think so. There had always the worry about her weight, and breast size and hair. Not being with anyone and not looking had meant that she’d stopped thinking about some of that stuff, plus she’d had bigger concerns.
“So you do it for love?” That would be the perfect job. As much as she liked numbers, it wasn’t the kind of thing that got people excited.
“For the moment.” But there was a serious look in his eyes, a hunger. He had big plans. She was tempted to ask more, but how far could she press before it became rude? “What about you? Waitress or owner?”
She laughed. It bubbled up out of nowhere. That he’d considered her the owner was amusing. “Neither. Bookkeeper.”
“Accountant?”
She nodded. Cue mood kill and snoring.
“My dad tried to convince me to do accountancy at uni, I did arts with a major in psych.”
“Well, I’m only cert four. I’d like to go to uni and finish off the degree.” That had been her original plan. She’d thought she could juggle part-time uni and a baby. She could’ve if the accident had never happened. Now she had to worry about the cost of finishing her degree, thanks to proposed changes. Another ripple. Was there any part of her life that was untouched?
“Money in the bank first?” He said with one eyebrow raised.
“Something like that. So tired of counting every dollar.” She hadn’t meant to be so honest, but he’d seen her car, and she was sitting on his. They were in the same boat, like it or not.
“Yeah.” He nodded as if he knew that feeling to the cent. “I can pay for the coffee.”
“No, that wasn’t a hint.” How mortifying. “I got the staff discount.”
He grinned. “How about I buy the next one?”
If she said maybe this time, he wouldn’t ask again. Saying yes was hard. No was safe and easy, but saying yes wouldn’t get easier unless she practised. She glanced up at Ed. It wouldn’t be hard to say yes.
A smile curved her lips. “Sure. That would be nice, but I won’t be here tomorrow as I don’t work weekends.”
“We could meet somewhere else.” That grin widened. Ed might look like an angel but there was a devil’s heart beating in his chest. “Do something.”
“Like what?” She forced herself to swallow down the panic that immediately sprung up. Coffee was easy but it sounded like he was talking about a date.
What would happen if Ed wanted to go out at night?
Would her parents be happy to look after Ethan if she was going out? Watching him while she worked was one thing…but dating? And that’s where this was heading. An actual date. Her stomach tightened and all her bravado disintegrated.
He shrugged. “What do you want to do?”
It had been s
o long since she’d done this. “What about lunch?” Something easy and with no pressure, yet where they could talk. She knew so little about him. Somewhere public.
“Pizza in Freo?”
She smiled and nodded. “Yeah. Why not.” She hadn’t been to Fremantle in ages. “We could maybe check out the markets afterwards.” She hadn’t done that since…since Miles. As she looked at Ed she realised it would be nice to go there with someone else and not follow it with a long session at a pub. She sipped her cooling coffee. “Got a place in mind?”
“No. Let’s meet at South and Collie. Say, twelve tomorrow?”
“Sounds good.” And she could leave Ethan with his other grandparents instead of staying. That was appealing. Sometimes being there was claustrophobic.
Ed didn’t seem to be in a hurry to take off. And while she should, she didn’t want to. The sun was warm and she’d been asked out on a date—not that either of them had used that word. That was good. Not dating, just assessing for future date potential. Had it ever been this complicated when she’d been at school? It had been too long. She’d gotten with Miles when she’d been sixteen. Six years of her life…she pushed away the shadows that crept forward and tried to steal the sun out of the day.
“So aside from surfing, what else do you do when you aren’t working?” Not that she had any cool hobbies she could talk about and she wasn’t ready to bare all.
“Bit of writing.” He paused and studied his coffee as though a fly had landed in it. “When I said I worked in the music industry, I wasn’t being entirely honest.”
Uh-oh. Goose flesh pricked up her arm. She held her breath waiting for him to continue.
“I’m in a band.”
Oh, she sighed. That wasn’t as bad as it could’ve been. He hadn’t lied. He was in the music industry. The pointy, public end.
