Love My Crazy

by Rachel Medhurst

  “That was quick.” I showed her into the living room.

  “I only live a few streets away, darling, so I could dash right over. Now then, this must be Sally. Hello darling, how are you feeling?”

  Her hair was dyed red and her long nails were painted pink. She wore a bright orange jacket and trainers. I wondered if they’d sent someone who’d been in the bin with Mum before. Maybe they were low on staff and gave us someone who knew what mum was going through…literally.

  “I’m fine,” Mum replied, not looking away from her favourite staring spot.

  The lady glanced at me and smiled. It was the usual look of pity. It took all my strength not to extend my fist into her face. Why did social services or mental health workers always stare at the children with that look in their eyes? As if to say, “Poor, child, got a potty mum and no dad. She ain’t got no hope.”

  “I’m Linda, darling. How long has she been like this?”

  Linda sat on the floor in front of the sofa with her legs crossed. Luckily she had trousers on. Most mental health workers wore skirts. I would’ve heaved if Linda had flashed us.

  “Well, Linda Darling, I came home from a night out. She seemed alright. She told me that they’d just got engaged. I went upstairs and then BAM!” I shouted the last word, making my mother jump.

  She glanced at me before diverting her gaze straight back to her spot. I ducked my head. What an idiot. It wasn’t appropriate behaviour. Although, I had to bite my lip to stop a laugh, cos Linda had also jumped when I’d done it.

  “Sally, dear, how about we take you to the crisis house? You’ve been there before, so you know you’ll be safe. What do you think?”

  She crouched in front of mum and took her hands. She looked straight into her eyes and gave her the best “You can trust me” look I’ve ever seen. Maybe she wasn’t a crazy old bat then, just an eccentric weirdo. I was starting to like Linda Darling.

  As my mother nodded, I let my breath huff out. Thank Matthew, Mark, Luke and Jonathon, She’d agreed. She’d always preferred to go to the safe house that would put her up for a few nights. The hospital was too extreme. I was so pleased she wasn’t going there. I hated visiting. Lots of nutty people in one place…It was bloody scary.

  “Fantastic. You’ll be safe, sweetie. I’ll just let them know that we’re coming and we’ll go, shall we?”

  Linda went into the kitchen as I walked over to mum. I copied weirdo lady by crouching in front of her and holding her hand.

  “You sure you want to go?”

  She nodded and tried to smile. The fake expression brought a lump to my throat. I swallowed it quick and smiled back at her. My eyes started to burn, so I escaped upstairs to pack her an overnight bag.

  The team would assess her in the morning to see if she had to stay. I had to hand it to them, they’d responded quickly. Even if the worker was as nuts as the patients she dealt with.

  I went back downstairs when I had sucked down my tears enough to show face. Linda had managed to get mum to stand up. Her shoes were on and her coat was being pulled around her. Luckily, it was the summer, so it wasn’t that cold out. I handed Linda the bag and they started towards the door. Mum didn’t say goodbye. She didn’t make eye contact. She didn’t even look at us when she was in the car waiting for Linda to drive her away. The bloody tears would get a beating if they threatened any more.

  “She’ll be okay, then?” Richard asked.

  “Yeah, she’ll be fine. Just give her a few weeks back on her meds and she’ll be herself again.”

  I stood in the doorway. Being eighteen, Linda didn’t need to worry about me. That was one bonus about being older. I had hated those times when I’d had to stay with someone else.

  However, I wasn’t going to let Richard sleep in the house when my mother wasn’t even here.

  “Right, well…is it okay if I head home?”

  The worry lines on his face almost made me crack up. If I wasn’t feeling like a great big girl that would burst out with wimpy tears any moment, I would’ve laughed hard.

  “Yes, that’s fine, Dick…I mean Richard.”

  He nodded and turned to go.

  “Richard, I just wanted to say…yeah…it was good that you stayed. You know. Most men would’ve walked five hundred miles. I give you credit that you stayed. Just wanted to say that…”

  He nodded again, but didn’t say anything. I was so bloody glad. It was bad enough being nice to the man as it was.

  I closed the door as he climbed into his car. Thank you world for getting that sorted quickly, but I effing hate you, world, for letting it happen in the first place.

  It was always a cruel reminder of what my shitty life was like, and had been like, since I was a young girl. Bloody chemicals in the brain…why couldn’t the arse wipe scientists find a cure for it, then? They were all so clever with their degrees and science malarkey. Why couldn’t they make my mum stable for the rest of her life? Didn’t they realise how painful it was to cart your own mum away? Against her wishes? Bet none of them had a clue.

  Feeling majorly pissed at the world and everyone in it, I went up to bed and tried to sleep. Eventually Linkin Park rocked me into a light slumber.

  Chapter Three

  Serving up coffee was what I was made for. That’s what the sperm from my absent father had decided as it climbed its way into my mother’s womb. This child is going to serve coffee for a living and get gawped at by spotty teenagers and laughed at by Barbie doll girls.

  Yep, my calling in life was amazing. Even my old head teacher smirked every time he came shopping and stopped for a latte. Latte, sir…? Would you like some spit with that? Me? No, of course I wouldn’t do that. Didn’t I just say that I was the best coffee server…ever…in the whole wide world? Coffee servers don’t spit in teacher’s coffee. They just use gone off milk instead.

  “Can I have a mint hot chocolate, please?” A soft male voice asked.

  I didn’t look up from the till as I typed in his order.

  “You want cream?”

  “No thanks, don’t like the stuff.”

  “Me neither, bloody gross.”

  I glanced up to smile at my fellow cream hater and paused. His eyes. They were the ones that had stared at me when we robbed the shop yesterday. Oh crap, he was so going to grass me up. I bet he had seen me working and decided to tell my manager that I was a low life thief that didn’t even deserve to serve shitty coffee. Well…hot chocolate in his case.

  “Yeah, It’s bloody gross,” he laughed, handing me a fiver.

  I tried to smile, but my eyes were wide. I just looked goofy. I gave him his change and turned to Collette, my colleague, to ask her to do the drink.

  “So, how was your evening last night?”

  I gulped. He winked. What game was he playing? He was such a weirdo. Did he think he could bribe me or something?

  “It didn’t quite go to plan.” I grabbed a cloth and wiped the counter.

  No one waited in line, so I couldn’t even distract myself by taking orders.

  “No? That’s a shame.”

  The corners of his lips lifted and I wondered if he was taking the piss. Collette handed him his drink. He nodded at us and walked over to one of the tables.

  “You know him? He’s not bad looking,” Collette said, taking the cloth out my hand and going over to wipe his table.

  She started to chat to him and they laughed together. Was he good looking? I wasn’t so sure. He had very dark cropped hair. All the boys seemed to go for that type of hairstyle. I found it boring to be honest. His features were all perfect. Nothing was unusual or out of place. I usually found it intriguing when a person looked a bit different. It added to their character when they weren’t perfect looking. I noticed a boy more when they weren’t drop dead gorgeous. Plus, he had rubbish clothes on. He wore camouflage trousers and a black T-shirt that was too baggy. Did he think he was in the army or something?

  Anyway, I wasn’t going to stand there and watch them
flirt. I walked out to the staff room and grabbed my phone. Coming back through, I shouted at Collette that I was taking my lunch break. I didn’t look up as I started down the escalator and walked out of the shopping centre.

  Breathing deep, I dodged the shoppers and went into the tiny park. It was right in front of the centre and was the only refuge I found from the rush of people. Sitting on a bench, I dialled my mum’s mobile.

  “Hi, Mum, It’s me,” I said.

  “Hi, how are you doing?” Her tone was formal.

  That meant they’d given her a huge dose of meds.

  “I’m good, what about you?” I closed my eyes and listened to the sound of the bustle of London.

  “Yeah, I’m okay, love. How are you?” she replied.

  “Good. Are you staying there again tonight?”

  “Yes, but I want to come home.” Her tone was emotionless.

  “Well, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. If you stay there for a few days, you’ll feel so much better.”

  I hated having power over someone. How long had it been since someone had looked after me? The thought popped into my head and I tried to push it away. Life wasn’t like that…well, my life wasn’t, anyway.

  “Yes, okay. I’ll stay here if you want me to.”

  “It’s not that I want you to, Mum. I just want you to get better, yeah?”

  The bloody lump started to swell my throat again. I couldn’t handle it. I just couldn’t…

  I froze as a hand settled over mine. I’d been clenching my free hand on the edge of the bench next to me. Glancing to my left, I frowned at weirdo boy who had just sat there. I’d been so wrapped up in my conversation on the phone that I hadn’t seen him sneak up on me. Snidey git.

  He smiled. I got the feeling he somehow knew what I was going through. I almost snatched my hand away, but he applied pressure as I realised that my mum had replied. Swallowing, I looked away from his blue eyes.

  “Sorry, Mum, say that again,” I said, leaving my hand where it was, even though it tingled slightly.

  “Yes, you want me to get better,” she whispered.

  I was stuck. Did I carry on the personal conversation with the boy listening? It wasn’t like I could cut my mother off. She was in such a vulnerable place.

  “Do you want to get better?” I tried to say it quietly, but I noticed him look at me out the corner of my eye.

  “Yes.”

  “I’ll tell you what. I’ll get Richard to come see you today, yeah? And then we’ll see how you feel tomorrow. You can probably come home then. What do you reckon?”

  I got distracted as the boy’s fingers found their way between mine. He pulled my hand from the bench and held it in his.

  “Yes, love, that sounds nice,” she replied.

  “Okay, I’ll ring Richard now.”

  My mouth was so dry by this point, I slapped my tongue against the roof of it. Bloody boy, what did he think he was bloody well doing? So bloody nosy, and how dare he take my hand…?

  “Okay, bye.” The phone went dead. She always did that when she was ill. Ended conversations abruptly and without notice. It always made me feel as empty as a fully drunken bottle of wine.

  “You okay?” His voice broke the daydream as I took my hand away from his.

  “What do you think you’re doing?” I went to stand, but he got up first.

  “Calm down, I’ll leave you to it but, first…” He held his hands up in surrender.

  I stayed where I was, my legs ready for action if he came near me again. What was it with the boy? He didn’t act like he fancied me. He flirted with Collette more than he did me, so why was he there, listening to my conversation and trying to do…what? Give me comfort or something? He was such a weirdo.

  He watched me, his hands still in the air.

  “What?” I put on my harshest tone.

  “You really do have a choice.”

  With that, he spun and walked away at such a pace, there was no way I was going to try to catch up to him. I wasn’t going to embarrass myself by tottering along behind him. Not that I would totter cos I was wearing trainers, but still, I wasn’t going to run after him. What did he mean, I had a choice? He’d said that to me in the shop last night too. What the hell did he mean?

  I got up. Something made my legs start to pump hard. I was eating the distance between us, wondering what the bloody hell I was doing, when I came right up behind him.

  “What do you mean, I have a choice? Are you some sort of psycho or something?” I huffed. I was so unfit. I had danced when I was a kid, but that dream had long been washed away with the literal craziness of the world and beyond. Not that I knew if there was actually anything beyond.

  He stopped and looked at me. He had a huge grin on his smug mouth. I was tempted to lay a little of my own smugness on his pink lips. Not the type you’re thinking of, either. I held my clenched fist to my side to stop myself. My self-control was getting better and better.

  “No, I’m not a psycho and I mean exactly what I say - You have a choice.” He started to walk again.

  I was torn. Should I follow him and look like a desperate cow? Or, should I give him the finger and go back to work?

  “Think about it for me,” he shouted over his shoulder.

  Well, he gave me the answer. I stuck my middle finger high in the air. Much to my little brain’s amazement, he threw his middle finger back at me, without even turning around. How did the idiot even know what I was doing?

  I couldn’t help it, I burst out laughing as he disappeared out the park and I headed back to work. If I ever saw him again, I was going to…well… I wasn’t sure yet, but I’d find some sort of punishment for the cocky shitebag.

  Chapter Four

  Did I really want to be there? The room was stuffy and the other kids glanced at me as I flicked through the book. I couldn’t say the word…it began with a P. It was some sort of catalogue for the courses they did there.

  College. Did I really want to go? At eighteen it was free for me, so I supposed it might be a good idea. Then again, I was no brainy person, and what the bloody hell did I want to do?

  I looked down at the book. Hairdressing…? Nah, far too girly for me. Woodwork…? Er, nope. Massage…? Eww, I wouldn’t want to touch wobbly flesh on grannies” bodies. No way, José. Photography…? Like bloody hell I could afford a camera. What did they think I was? A princess with enough money to swan around snapping at random crap…? Strange profession I always thought. Art. Hmm. Now I’d always liked doodling on my workbooks at school. The teachers almost clipped me around the ear cos they thought I’d ruined them, but everyone else, was like, ‘that’s wicked, Nat mate, you should do some painting or somefink’. Again, I was too poor to buy all the materials, but I wondered.

  I dared to draw a circle around the word Art in the book. What the hell I would do after the course, however, I had no idea. What jobs could you get as an artist? Scam artist? I giggled and noticed that a few of the girls glared at me, while the boys ogled. For effing sake. I only had my work uniform on. My hair was tied up and the only make up on my face was a bit of mascara. Did I have an extra head? Or an extra tit…? What was it with people staring at me?

  “Hey, Nat, I wasn’t sure if you were going to come,” Tiff greeted me as she walked in the door.

  She wanted to sign up to train as a beautician. She was dying to get her hands on my eyebrows. She said that although they were a bit like slugs at the moment, three minutes with her, and they would be the best eyebrows anyone in the city had ever seen. Like bloody effing balls I was going let her near my face with evil silver pinchers.

  The one and only time that I’d tried to pluck my eyebrows, I’d almost punched myself. I couldn’t think of anything more painful. Bastard things were evil. They were never allowed them near my face again. The slugs were free to rein supreme. They might even put off some of the predators. Luckily, all eyes had turned to Tiff. She was in her tight jeans, low-cut top and not much else.
She was very feminine and always plastered the make up on. I sometimes joked that when she scraped it off at night, she should put the residue into the recycling bin. She’d hit me the first time I said it. Now she just runs her fingers over her own eyebrows and mouths “Slugs”. I don’t care, though; it always makes me laugh.

  “I wasn’t sure if I was going to come, either,” I said, standing up.

  “Where you going…?” Tiff plonked herself on one of the plastic chairs.

  “For a smoke.”

  “Oh, no you don’t. You need to stay here.” Tiff grabbed my sleeve and pulled me back down.

  “Oi, oi!” A male voice shouted from outside the room.

  The door bashed open, making us all jump. Standing on the other side was Jack and Tommy. I rolled my eyes at the dickheads. They stood with traffic cones on their heads. The other students shrunk in their seats, looking down at their phones to avoid eye contact.

  “Hey, sexy lady,” Tommy sang as he wandered in and stood in front of an attractive girl.

  Her wide eyes made me laugh. Although he was alright looking, Tommy was way too intimidating for most girls, so they never went out with him.

  “Hey, not so sexy ladies,” he sang, winking at us.

  I stuck my middle finger up at his smirking face.

  “Eff off, Tommy, you arsehole.”

  I really wanted to leave. I always cringed when the boys were around other people. Especially somewhere like college. If I was going to go there, I didn’t need to be associated with the lads. They were my best friends. We’d been close for so long, I felt bad even thinking it, but the truth whispering inside my head, was that I was starting to struggle with them. My mum had always taught me to be respectful. That was difficult when I was with the boys. I followed them cos they were my safe haven, but deep down I knew what we did was wrong.

  “Arse…?” Tommy pulled down his jeans at the back and danced his bare arse around the room. People tutted. One girl got up and left. I stood to do the same.