Love My Crazy

by Rachel Medhurst

I got excited as I thought about the type of place I’d live in.

  “Don’t be stupid, man, there ain’t no way I’d become famous. I ain’t that lucky and you know it,” she said, laughing at me.

  “You don’t know that. Just think about it…seriously. I bet most of the singers out there came from nothing…”

  I put my hands in my lap after some urgent gesturing. I’d looked like a rapper as I tried to get my point across. I could see in her eyes that she didn’t believe what I was saying.

  “Yeah, maybe, but I ain’t one of them, am I?”

  She jumped off the bed as a fast song came on and I joined in her crazy dancing. Sometimes, letting loose with wild hip thrusting, and hand pumping, was the only way to make the world feel like it was an alright place to be.

  Chapter Ten

  “What do you think you’re doing?”

  Some blonde tart caught me off guard. I hung round the shopping centre, my head buried in my phone as I waited for Tiff.

  The bitch was major eyeing up my gadget. I wasn’t best pleased. Tiff was supposed to meet me half an hour ago but she wasn’t there. Now, there I was, with a girl who hated my very hungry guts. It looked like she was just about to pull a Power Ranger move, her hands all up in the air. I took a step back, hesitating, which was weird. I never backed down from a tussle, so why was something making me think twice about taking blondie down, and bashing her mug in?

  “There you are, Nat, are you ready?” His voice made me freeze.

  The last time I’d seen his smooth face - smooth? Where had that come from? - I was sure that he’d been about to put his smackers on mine. My heart played like a bongo in my chest.

  “Hi,” said blonde.

  She had noticed how good-looking Scott was. Well, he wasn’t good-looking in a normal way, you know? He…I’ll shut up now.

  “Hey, are you friends with Natalie?” he asked her.

  “No, she bloody well ain’t, she…”

  A hand punched me softly in the arm. It was Scott’s, the cheeky git. How dare he stop me in the middle of my sentence? Who did he think he was? I spun around, but he grabbed my waist and held me to his side. The girl stared at us with her perfectly-shaped, skinny, annoying eyebrows raised.

  “Sorry about her, she’s having a bad day. You seem cool. Maybe we could all go out sometime?”

  What! What the bloody hell did he just say? What was the idiot playing at? I was not going out with them. If he wanted to flirt with her, he could go and throw his skinny arms around her stupidly skinny waist.

  Pushing him, I managed to get him off me. The girl replied, all smiles and lovey-bloody-dovey. I turned and walked away from the smoochy-ness. They could kiss each-others butt’s for all I cared, but I didn’t want to be around to smell it.

  “See, you just got to be nice,” he said, catching up to me.

  “What do you want, Scott? Just go and jump into bed with her and leave me alone.” I huffed.

  My face heated up like a frying pan as I heard the words leave my mouth. Where had it come from? The boy made me get my boy short knickers in a twist.

  “Why would I want to jump into bed with her? Didn’t you see how she changed when I was nice? I know you don’t believe it’s because I’m hot.”

  I stopped and looked at him. Confusion was a state that I wasn’t a fan of. The boy kept turning up in my life and what for? To bloody annoy me, that’s what for.

  “Let that pretty mind of yours stop spinning for just one moment. Focus on what just happened and remember her reaction when I was nice to her.” He reached out to me.

  What did he think I was? A little child who…he took my hand by force, and I stopped thinking. Just like that, my whirlpool brainwaves stilled, and all I could see was his pretty blue orb eyes.

  “See?” he breathed.

  My mind was able to see what had happened. How strange that the Hulk inside of me didn’t erupt as I remembered the way her face changed. Her eyes had softened from cold hard balls to soft pools of glass. Her lips had turned from a feline snarl, into cherub lips that actually smiled. What was wrong with me? I was thinking in airy-fairy poetry words. I broke contact with him and shook my head.

  “I know you saw it, I could see it in your eyes.” He laughed, joining me as I started to walk again. My calmer thoughts overtook my legs, slowing me down.

  “So…?” I seriously didn’t know what else to say.

  “Let’s go out tonight,” he said as he followed me out of the building.

  “Where…?”

  Had I really just said that? Was I contemplating going out with him? What was wrong with me? Was I developing some of my mother’s symptoms?

  “It’s a surprise. Just trust me.” He looked down at his feet as we walked.

  I stopped and turned to him. Did the twerp feel insecure? Okay, twerp was a bit harsh, especially when he looked so…scared. Was I that scary?

  He looked at me and smiled. He knew that he’d won. I growled at him, yes, seriously, actually, growled at him. His fake woe is me ploy had worked. I was a girly fool for falling for it. The boy oozed confidence. He didn’t have any issues with himself. Why would asking me out be such a hard thing? I bet he had loads of girlfriends.

  “Pick me up at seven from the park,” I rushed out as I turned.

  I walked away before his sneaky eyes looked into my soul and freaked me out even more.

  Chapter Eleven

  “That shell will break one day. I hope to be the one to crack it,” he whispered in my ear.

  I had gone still when I heard his footsteps on the bouncy floor. My feet stopped the swing just before he sneaked up behind me. I stayed frozen and closed my eyes. His breath flowed over the side of my head and tickled my ear. My body shuddered.

  Seriously, what was it about the boy? He got me all goosey bumped, which was a hard thing for a person to do to a tough nut like me. I didn’t want to move or speak. I didn’t want to be angry at him. My mind was quiet as the rhythm of his breath played on my skin. The back of my eyes started to burn. What in the Jeysus was going on? What was the feeling that had arisen? Seriously, I didn’t like it - was it? Yep…

  I ripped away from the swing, leaving behind his charming breath. It didn’t smell either, which was un-bloody-fair.

  It had been close. I’d almost had tears, - yes, tears - come to my eyes. I hated to let them babies show. They had no place in this chick’s life.

  “How you doing…?” he asked, climbing onto the swing.

  He had a smug looking grin on his chops.

  Okay, he’d won that one, the clever sod. A touch of vulnerability was alright for a moment or so- Who was I kidding? I wasn’t vulnerable, nor was I a crying baby girl with ‘issues’.

  I was about to open my mouth to say all this when I heard a whistle. Oh crap, not again. The group used that whistle to notify us that they were coming. I really didn’t want them to see me with smiling chops.

  “Crap, we’ve got to go,” I started.

  “No,” Scott said.

  I paused in my just about to flee mode.

  “What do you mean, no?”

  “I’m not scared of your group. I want to meet them,” he said, kicking his legs to make the swing go higher. Was he crazy?

  “Let’s put our lesson into practice. Remember to see how you want this scene to play out and imagine that it’s already happened that way.”

  There he went again. Maybe he would play some sort of trick on the group and make me look like a lame-arse nice-boy hugger.

  The group got nearer. Oh man, it could go so badly. I closed my eyes and saw my friends approach us in my mind. They all wore smiles and took a liking to Scott.

  “Are you done?” he said, his whiney voice breaking through my little scene.

  “Do you think I’d still have my eyes closed if I was?”

  “Oi, oi, Natalie’s got her new boyfriend in our park,” Tommy called as he jumped over the metal fence.

  I sat on a swing and
got a cigarette out of the packet in my pocket.

  “He ain’t my boyfriend, Tommy,” I said as he came up to us.

  “Alright, mate.” Scott offered his hand.

  Tommy’s step slowed as he came forward. He was swaggering. I didn’t like the look of the glint in his eyes as he looked down at Scott’s hand.

  “Shake the man’s hand,” Jack called, bringing his bike in through the gate.

  Tiff held it open for him. I could always count on them to be a little kinder than Tommy. He seemed to think he was our ruler or something. I wasn’t about to let him rule who I was friends with.

  “So you’re the one Natalie’s been blowing us out for?”

  Tommy took Scott’s hand. He tightened his grip, but Scott gave as good as he got. Tommy smiled and nodded as he let go and spun round to the others.

  “Give me my drink,” he said, snatching a carrier bag from Jack and taking out a bottle of voddy.

  “Scott, are you going to make an honest woman of Nat then?” Tiff asked, sitting on the spongy black turf that surrounded the swings.

  “Shut it, will you?” I was tempted to get up and boot her in the butt.

  She wasn’t helping things. Tommy turned back to look at us when she asked the question. Opening his bottle, he took a massive gulp. I didn’t know how he could down that acid burning shit, it made me feel sick. He offered the bottle to Scott. The posher boy glanced at me and smiled. I wondered how he would get out of it, considering he’d look like a right pussy if he didn’t take it. I was just about to say something, when he grabbed it, and took a huge mouthful. Blinkin’ idiot.

  “Nice one.” Jack left his bike and sat next to Tiff.

  “So, I’ve got an experiment for you,” Scott said.

  I put my feet flat on the ground to stop my swing from moving. He had better not do what I thought he was going to do, or I’d kill his handsome butthead.

  “Nah, he ain’t,” I said, getting up.

  “Go for it,” Tommy said to him as he took my swing.

  I was left standing like an idiot as Scott grinned at me.

  “Okay, maybe not experiment, but questions.” Scott winked at me.

  I almost stepped forward and poked my nail in his sweet, annoying, eyeball.

  “Questions…? That’s boring, I want to hear more about this experiment.” Tommy looked at him sideways. The alcohol in the bottle was slowly going down as he took swigs.

  “Oh, guess what, boys. I forgot to tell you that I’m going to audition for a singing contest.” Tiff jumped up and took the bottle from Tommy.

  “Why the hell would you do that?” Tommy sneered at the same time everyone else cheered her.

  “Oh shut it, will you? I’m good at singing. Something Natalie said made me want to do it, so I am, alright?” Tiff sat back down.

  “What you talking about, woman, you ain’t going to get nowhere, though, are you?”

  “Actually, I reckon she could go far,” Scott butted in.

  I just knew he was going do it. I was waiting for it.

  “Do you, now? So, you’ve heard her sing then? Well, if Tiff can make it, then so can I.”

  Tommy jumped up and started to sing. It was well funny. Everyone creased up.

  I looked over at Scott. He raised his eyebrows at me. The image I’d pictured in my mind before they’d got there was very similar. Woah, it was scary shissle.

  “I got an idea for a game,” Jack called over the noise, “…how about we play hide and booze seek?”

  “What’s that when it’s at home, then?” Tiff asked.

  “It ain’t at home, it’s out here,” Jack answered, making us giggle again.

  “Shut up, you lot! What you do…is hide with a bottle of drink. Someone has to find you. For every ten minutes you ain’t found, you take a shot of your chosen booze. The person that’s the most successful at hiding is also the one who’s most drunk.”

  I didn’t like the sound of the game. We’d played another drinking game a couple of years ago, and got so rat-arsed, we’d woken up with kids screaming in our ears where we’d fallen asleep in the park.

  “I love it, come on then!” Tommy shouted as he jumped up and handed out bottles from the carrier bag.

  “Erm, we have to hide on our own?” Tiff took the bottle but looked at me. She wasn’t comfortable either.

  “Yeah, it will be great. Come on!” Tommy pulled Jack up to a stand. They started to laugh, already pretty pissed.

  It was weird. Only a few weeks before I would’ve loved the game. I would’ve been well up for it and forced Tiff to do it with us. Something inside me, as I looked at the blue-eyed goody-two –shoes, made me not want to do it.

  “I can’t, man, I’ve got to get going, but next time I’ll beat you all.” Scott stood, nodding at Tommy as our leader shook his head.

  “Yeah, yeah, pussy boy. Don’t think I don’t know that you can’t handle a game like this.” Tommy turned and started to talk to Jack about how they would play. Tiff joined them. She got more into the spirit of the game as they spoke. Scott raised his perfectly plucked eyebrows at me. Okay, so they weren’t plucked, but they still annoyed me.

  “Yeah, I’ve got to miss this one, guys. Got to get back to my mum, ain’t I?”

  I stepped away from the group.

  “You serious…? You blowing us again?” Tommy spun and came up to me. “What’s going on with you? Is it him?” He gestured at Scott, who waited by the metal gate.

  “Nah, Tommy. You know my mum has only just come out. Don’t be a prick.”

  I went to turn, but he grabbed my arm. Scott stepped forward, but thank Jeysus, he decided not to come over.

  “I’m sorry, It’s just I don’t like you hanging out with him,” he muttered, nodding to Scott. How dare he? My temper tried to fight its way up my arms.

  “Nat, I’ve got to go, you coming?” Scott called.

  Tommy let go of my arm and smirked. “Go. I’m getting bored already and want to get this game started. Come on, Tiff.” He walked away and put an arm around my bestie.

  I swallowed the urge to hit him in his big head. Tiff glanced at me and smiled. Did she want to stay with the boys? I tried to get her to look at me without the others seeing, but she turned her back and started to talk to them. Sighing, I walked out of the park with Scott.

  “Are you alright?” he asked, looking back over his shoulder as the others started to laugh.

  “Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  My footsteps sped up I had to get out of there.

  “Where are we going?”

  Was he joking? He wanted to come with me? I thought he was going somewhere.

  I walked a few streets before I spun towards him. I was about to raise my hand and, well – I wasn’t sure what I was going to do, but he put his hand to the back of my head and pulled my face to him. His lips crushed against mine and his tongue pushed into my mouth. He had one hand in my hair and the other around my waist. My eyes closed. I was lost.

  When he pulled away, about ten hours later, or so it seemed, I almost stumbled. He looked at me, but I couldn’t meet his gaze. What the hell had happened? It had been the best kiss ever and it was with the…nicest boy. Did they exist?

  My heart tried to jump out of me, I swear. He still held on. I wanted to pull away, but for some reason, I couldn’t.

  “I can’t believe you let me do that,” he said, bending his head to try and get me to look at him.

  I laughed when he stuck his tongue out. Looking up, I almost punched his face when I saw a couple of young-uns standing nearby. They were making smooching noises.

  “Come on. Let’s go get some food. My treat.”

  He let me go and tried to take my hand, but I pulled away. He’d already taken enough liberties without parading me around the streets. I followed him as we made our way to the chippy.

  “I can’t believe you just did that,” I said as we claimed a table in the chip shop.

  He sat back in his seat
with a smile on his smug chops. Those chops needed to be tenderised sometime soon – by me.

  “I’m sorry, I couldn’t help it,” he replied, shrugging as they brought our fish and chips over.

  We ate in silence. There was no need to say anything. I spose it was bound to happen at some point. For some reason, he’d formed an addiction to me. I had no idea why. I didn’t like the feeling, though. It was all fuzzy and unfamiliar. Did I really actually like someone? Someone who was nothing like me?

  “What did you say to Tiff, then?”

  He tried to play footsie under the table. I kicked him in the shin. He laughed as he shoved a chip in his gob.

  “I just said that she should have a go at singing, that’s all.”

  What was his obsession with trying to teach me?

  “Look, I’m not trying to get you to change, I promise,” he said, obviously reading my bloody mind, “…but I want you to see that you can change your life if you want to. See what you did tonight? You made your own choice about not joining in with their drinking game, didn’t you?”

  I scowled at him and his perfect world. I had to admit, it felt good, though. Eating fish and chips might not be the most exciting - okay, scrap that - it was bloody exciting. But only cos the dude had just kissed me. Outside. In front of people.

  “See, we’re having fun.” He laughed as he took my hand.

  For some bizarre reason, I let him. I didn’t know why, it just felt okay. Okay, it felt more than okay. What was happening to me?

  “Can I show you something?” he asked.

  I nodded. His cheeks blushed a slight red as he got up and lead me out of the chippy. I let him hold my hand as we walked along the street. It was dark and the street lights weren’t bright enough to allow everyone to see us.

  “Nat!” Someone shouted from behind.

  I let go of Scott’s hand and spun around. Tiff ran up to me. Her step was uneven. When she got to us, I clocked her red face. She’d been crying.

  “What happened?” I asked, taking her hands and getting her to stand still. She moved from one foot to the other.

  “It’s Jack, we can’t find him. He went into the woods, but we’ve looked everywhere. He had two bottles on him, Nat, and one of them was absinthe.”