We Are the Ghosts

by Vicky Skinner

  “Are you saying he was never going to come back home?”

  Chloe’s mouth hangs open. Maybe because she thinks she’s said too much, maybe because she thought I knew. Maybe because she doesn’t even really know. And it isn’t fair for me to expect Chloe to know. I know that talking to her, no matter how close she was to him, isn’t going to give me answers. Chloe isn’t Luke. And only Luke could understand why he did what he did.

  “I don’t know why I’m here,” I finally say, and I guess it’s the truth. Maybe I don’t want it to be, but it is. I thought finding out who sent the map would solve everything, but it doesn’t.

  I hear a gasp, and when I look up, I see that Chloe is crying. She wraps her arms around her middle and catches her breath. When she speaks, the words are thick and broken apart by the tears in her throat. “We were so busy living in a world by ourselves that I guess I never really stopped to think that you might be hurting without him. He always made it sound like you were better off without him, like you all were. He was convinced you would be so happy, even if he was gone. I think he really believed that, so I guess I believed it, too.”

  I feel a lump rise in my throat, but I force it down. I will not cry in front of Chloe. And I won’t cry again in front of Cade. He’s been silent the whole time, and when I look up at him, his eyes aren’t on me or on Chloe. They’re on that framed photo on the wall of Luke. Employee of the month. That’s not even surprising. Luke was always the hardest worker at every job he had: the four months he spent stocking shelves at J-Mart, the summer he spent mowing lawns, the year he spent waiting tables. Managers loved him; customers loved him. Luke was always everyone’s favorite.

  “Was he going home from work?”

  Chloe’s wet eyes find mine, and I see the confusion in them before it clears, and she understands what I’m asking. She nods, her red bangs bobbing as she does. “He worked the shift before mine. He stayed after to spend some time with me. We were both so busy all the time, trying to get everything ready for…” She rubs her stomach again. I can tell that it’s become a habit for her, maybe even a nervous tick, a thing she does when she can’t say what she needs to.

  I don’t know what else to say. I don’t know what else I can say to Chloe. I don’t have answers, either. The sounds of her sniffles eventually die away, until there are no sounds coming from our table. We sit in silence for a long time, and I realize that Cade hasn’t eaten his toast. He looks just as lost as I feel, as I suspect Chloe feels, too. We’re all just drifting along with no direction.

  “We should probably find Gwen and Wes,” Cade says, finally, after what feels like forever.

  I feel a little guilty that I haven’t been worried about them. For all I know, they might be halfway to Chicago by now. I look at Chloe’s tear-stained face, and I can’t help but remember the tears running down Gwen’s. I look away from her.

  I reach into my pocket for my phone, planning to call Wes and beg them to come back for us, but I can’t. My phone is still in the side pocket of my bag in Wes’s back seat. I sigh. “Can you call Wes?”

  Cade nods. He’s pulling his phone out of his pocket when someone approaches the table. When I look up, I’m fully expecting Charlotte to have joined us at the table again, but instead, it’s a man in a police uniform, the same cop as before, and I can tell from the way he’s standing, his hands on his hips, his mouth turned down in a frown, that this isn’t going to be good.

  “I thought you two looked familiar,” he says, crossing his arms, and I just stare at him. It takes me a second to process the situation, to put everything together, to understand what he means.

  “What’s going on?” Chloe asks. She doesn’t seem too alarmed, doesn’t seem to notice the police car outside the window with its lights on, flashing red and blue. I stare at the name on his uniform while he answers. OFFICER PHELPS.

  He gestures at us but speaks to Chloe. “These two were reported missing in Texas a few days ago. Your cousin Bret sent the picture to me on a whim when it went out, but damn, I never thought I’d see them in Dexter.” Her cousin? The way he says it confuses me, and I’m quickly losing the thread of this conversation.

  Chloe’s eyebrows slant down into a V. “Missing? But they’re not missing.”

  Officer Phelps grumbles. “Their parents seem to think they are. I already made the call. An officer is on his way over from one of the Ann Arbor stations as we speak. He’ll be here in a few minutes.”

  Cade’s mouth falls open, and he stutters, but I’m strangely calm. Wasn’t it always going to end this way, with my mother getting exactly what she wants? That’s life.

  “Can’t we just go home?” Maybe if I come back on my own, my mother will leave me alone.

  Officer Phelps grimaces. “Sorry. No.”

  The little bell over the door jingles, and then we’re joined by another cop. And now everyone in Sal’s is staring at us, including Charlotte, who’s standing behind both cops with the decaf carafe in her hand.

  “Nice to see you two,” the other cop says, coming up to us. He looks a little like a cartoon character, with a baseball hat on and sunglasses perched on his nose. I think he’s looking down at us by the tilt of his head, but I can’t say for certain. “I’m going to need you to come with me.”

  I look at Cade, and I can see his pulse in the side of his neck, beating quick. But before I have a chance to say anything, Chloe pushes up from the table, until she’s standing next to the first cop, her belly almost touching him.

  “What are you going to do with them?” Chloe asks the new cop.

  He shrugs. He doesn’t seem to be particularly concerned about anything. “They’ll be held in a detention center until a relative can come and get them.”

  Chloe’s eyes go wide. “A detention center? They’re not guilty of anything.”

  The cop puts up his hands in a helpless gesture. “That’s the law. There’s nothing I can do. They can’t be left alone, and I don’t have any officers who are going to be interested in babysitting them until a parent gets here.”

  I’m surprised he’s telling Chloe all of this so casually, like they know each other. He’s barely even glanced at us.

  Chloe puts a hand on Officer Phelps’s arm. “Can’t you take them to the station back in Dexter?” I look at the hand on his arm. She seems to have a little influence in this situation, and it makes me wonder if there’s any way we’ll be able to wiggle out of this, to keep moving to Chicago and the rest of the trip, to get back to Gwen and Wes, wherever they care.

  The Ann Arbor cop makes a noise of protest. “They’re in my jurisdiction. This is Ann Arbor, not Dexter.”

  But Chloe doesn’t seem interested in what he has to say. She turns pleading eyes on Officer Phelps and says, “Please, Dad.”

  I feel a jolt at hearing her call Officer Phelps this, and I look over at Cade, who glances over at me before looking back where Chloe is still clutching her father’s wrist.

  Officer Phelps, Chloe’s father, looks down at the floor and shakes his head. “I can request they be transferred, but it could take some time.” He shuffles his feet and then looks up at the Ann Arbor cop, who’s pushing up his baseball cap to wipe sweat off his forehead.

  When the cop realizes we’re all looking at him, he puts his hands on his hips, lifts his chin, and says, “Hope the joy ride was worth it.”

  FOURTEEN

  “This isn’t exactly how I saw this trip going,” Cade says, and I nudge him with my elbow. We’re in the back seat of a police cruiser, parked outside a police station in Ann Arbor, watching out the window as Officer Phelps and the cop from Ann Arbor have a heated discussion.

  “They’re going to send us back, aren’t they?” I pull my feet up onto the seat and wrap my arms around my legs, tucking my face against them so I don’t have to look anymore. I was calm before, in the diner, probably because it didn’t feel like any of this could possibly be really happening to me. But now that we’re here, waiting for them to decide ou
r fate, my whole body shudders. I don’t know what happens next. I don’t know what they’re going to do with us.

  “I think they have to,” Cade finally says. “We’re minors. They can’t just let us go.”

  I snort. “Right. Minors. I’ll be eighteen in six months. Maybe I’ll just run away again then. Luke did it, and there was nothing anybody could do.”

  Cade just looks at me, probably because he knows it’s an empty threat. I don’t want to run away like Luke did. I don’t have the energy to, even if I wanted to. I didn’t want the trip to end this way, but I’m also kind of ready to go home, back to my own bed and my own stuff and my own town in Texas. This was Luke’s dream, not mine.

  “I haven’t studied for my SATs.”

  Cade’s eyebrows turn in. “What?”

  I press my forehead to my knee and turn to look at him. “I know I’m supposed to be taking my SATs soon, but I haven’t even started studying for them. My grades dropped last year, my GPA took a big hit, I haven’t even started looking at colleges, and I don’t even know if that matters because I’m probably going to go to Tate anyway, and not because anyone expects me to, and not because I’m scared to leave Eaton, and not even because I’ll get a tuition break because my mom works there. I like Tate. I like Eaton.” All the words come spilling out of me, and I have to take a big breath once they’re out.

  Cade doesn’t say anything, but the corners of his mouth are turned up slightly. He reaches over and takes my hand. I feel like I’ve been fighting for too long and now my body is sore and worn out.

  “I’m scared,” I say. I convinced myself when Luke died that nothing would change now that he’s gone forever. He was gone for so long before he died, so what could possibly be different? But I can already feel it. Before, there was still that chance, lingering under everything every single day, that Luke might come back. But now, that’s not even there anymore. Now, there’s just a red-headed girl in Michigan with a cop for a father and a baby on the way. Whose life is this?

  Cade runs his hand through my hair, brushing it away from the side of my face. “You’re going to be okay.”

  “I guess you’d know.” If anyone can assure me that I’ll eventually be okay, it’s Cade.

  He smiles a little, and then the driver’s side door flies open, and Chloe’s father drops down behind the steering wheel. “Buckle up,” he says.

  “Gwen and Wes,” I say to Cade, remembering when I look at Officer Phelps what we were doing right before he showed up. Cade’s eyes go wide. Time and time again we’ve forgotten about them. It’s been over two hours since they drove away from Luke’s house, and we haven’t told them where we are.

  “Shit,” he says, glancing up through the window at Officer Phelps. He takes out his phone and tries to turn it on, but the screen stays black. His eyes shoot to me. “Must be dead,” he says, holding down the power button, but nothing happens.

  “What can we do?”

  In the front seat, Chloe’s father turns the car on, puts it in gear, and we roll away from the police station. Cade looks at me, his eyes wary, and then shrugs. “Maybe we can call them when we get back to Dexter.”

  “Maybe.”

  * * *

  It feels like hours before anything happens. The police department in Dexter is also the fire department in Dexter, and it’s still the quietest place I’ve been in days. People walk through every few minutes, speaking quietly among themselves, but it’s like a library in here.

  “What happens next?” I ask Officer Phelps. Chloe’s been sitting with us this whole time, the four of us crammed around Officer Phelps’s desk at the precinct, and she seems to perk up when I ask her father this.

  Officer Phelps, bent over a stack of paperwork, slides his glasses down his nose. “Both your families have been notified that you’re here. Miss Johnston, one of your parents is currently on a plane from Texas. Mr. Matthews, your grandmother asked your aunt and uncle from Indiana to come and get you.”

  At this, Cade’s head comes up, and he looks back and forth between all of us. “Really? My aunt and uncle are coming?”

  Officer Phelps shrugs. “Far as I know.” He goes back to scribbling on a form.

  Chloe bites her lip and rubs her stomach. “I’m so sorry for getting you into this, guys.”

  Cade sends her a confused look, and I imagine the same look is mirrored on my face. “This is definitely not your fault.” I tell her. “You didn’t even do anything. This is my fault.”

  Cade sends me the same look. “It’s nobody’s fault. Everybody made their own choices.”

  At that, Chloe and I both shut up. Cade is probably right.

  * * *

  The sun is already starting to set, blaring orange outside the large windows, when Officer Phelps gets a phone call. When he replaces the receiver, he gestures at Cade. “Time to go.”

  Cade sighs, and I can see the relief in his eyes. Maybe he’s feeling the same way I do, that this sucks and we’re ready for it to be over. But Cade probably isn’t even going back to Eaton. He’s probably going to Indiana. The knowledge stirs inside me. Indiana is so far from Texas.

  We both stand, and through an open door at the front of the room, I can see Sam and James and Laney, all waiting for Cade at the reception desk. They look tired, and I can’t help but think that if James had just sent us back to Texas when we got to Indianapolis, none of this would be happening. We’ve made everyone’s lives that much harder.

  Cade takes my hand, but when I move to follow him out of the room, Officer Phelps puts a hand on my arm. “I’m sorry, Ellie, but you have to stay here.”

  Cade whips around, and I see realization dawn on his face, the same realization I had moments ago. We’re not leaving Ann Arbor together. He shakes his head anyway, his eyes set on mine. “I can’t leave her here.”

  Officer Phelps sighs, but it’s a gentle sigh. I get the feeling that Officer Phelps does everything gently. “I understand this is difficult, but that’s the way it has to be. Once everyone is accounted for, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.”

  I nod, trying to pull my hand away from Cade’s, but he clutches at me. “We can wait. I’ll ask them to stay until your parents come.” There’s a strange kind of desperation in his eyes, and I glance at Chloe and her father before pulling Cade away from them, off to an empty corner of the room. We’re still in eyesight, but I’m pretty certain they won’t be able to hear us. I take his face in my hands, and I can see the defeat written all over it before I’ve said anything.

  “I’ll be fine,” I say. “Don’t worry about me.”

  Cade leans in close to me, his voice quiet. “Ellie, a few hours ago, I had to carry you out of Luke’s room. I don’t want to leave you.”

  He has a point. But whatever rose to the surface back at Luke’s house is simmering deep down now. I’m too exhausted to feel anything, too unsure of where I’m supposed to go from here.

  I let my hands slide to the collar of his shirt, and I tug at it. “I promise I’ll be okay. My parents won’t be long. I have Chloe.” I don’t really know if having Chloe with me is reassuring or not. She’s been mostly quiet the whole time we’ve been here, and I can only imagine that she’ll just get quieter when Cade leaves, seeing as he’s the one who always manages to find something to say when no one else will.

  Cade purses his lips, sighs, drops his hands away from me. “Okay. I’ll go.” He says it like I’m about to go to my execution, and he’s being set free. I grip his shirt tighter, pulling him down to me until his mouth is on mine.

  For a second, I forget about the police station and Chloe and her father and Cade’s family. I push up onto my toes and kiss him the way I wanted to that night at the drive-in, wrapping a hand around the back of his neck. When I drop back down onto my heels, he presses his forehead to mine and then pulls back.

  He reaches out and brushes some of my hair out of my eyes. “I’ll see you soon, Eloise.” And with that, he walks away.

  I feel a
different kind of emptiness when he’s gone. Before, the emptiness was almost comforting, a vacant sunkenness, but now, it’s a clawing kind of emptiness, like shadows and sharp corners. I watch Cade hug Sam and Laney, say something to James, before the three of them walk through the glass front door without looking back.

  “I’m sure your parents will be here soon enough,” Officer Phelps says. When I turn, I find that he’s watching me with sympathy in his eyes, and I go back to my little wooden chair beside his desk.

  “That’s what I’m worried about,” I say, and Chloe snorts.

  I look over at her, at the sun shining through her red hair, and I get why Luke liked her so much. It’s hard not to.

  “Should I tell my parents about the baby?” I ask her. “When we get back to Texas, I mean.”

  Chloe looks at me for a long moment, her eyebrow puckered, and then her skin seems to smooth as the confusion is wiped away. “Your parents already know.”

  I should understand the words that just came out of her mouth, but they seem like gibberish, like she spoke them in extreme slow-motion, the words distorted and indecipherable. “They know?”

  She nods, and I can tell by the sadness in her eyes what she’s just done, revealing one more lie, one more secret on a list already so long that I’ve lost track. Of course, she doesn’t know about all the other lies. But she knows that this one hurts. That much is clear.

  “Chloe,” Officer Phelps breaks in. “I think you should go home and get some rest. You’ve been going since last night. You can’t push it.” He glances down at her stomach, and she reaches up to press her hand there.

  “Yeah,” she says, looking at me. The sadness is still there, and how she can bear to have sympathy for me after all she’s been through, I’m not sure. She reaches over and plucks something from her father’s desk, a business card, and flips it over on the desktop. “Can I borrow that?” she asks Officer Phelps, motioning at his pen, and he hands it over. She scribbles something on the card and then hands it to me.