“Of course,” she whispered, her heart aching as she stared into his beautiful eyes. “We were so innocent. I didn’t think anything bad could ever happen, and then, less than two weeks later—”
“Don’t.” He squeezed her hand. “Let’s not go there. That wasn’t my point. My point is that I believe I’m still the man you’re supposed to grow old with.”
Lina wanted to turn back the clock, to erase the last two years so she could do them differently. “How did we get here?”
“I betrayed you.” He lowered his eyes to their clasped hands, drawing in a deep breath before raising his tear-filled eyes to hers. “And I will regret it every day for the rest of my life. But it doesn’t have to be the end for us.”
“Phil…” She wanted to comfort him, to say something to take away his pain. “I should have noticed you were unhappy—”
“No,” he interrupted, shaking his head, the side of his jaw clenching and unclenching. “This was all me, Lina. I put us here.” His fingers tightened around hers. “I am one hundred percent responsible. I broke my vows to you.”
Lina lowered her gaze, afraid she would cry if she continued to look into his pain-filled eyes. She began to play with his hand, sliding her fingertips back and forth over his palm. “I didn’t lose myself,” she said after almost a minute of silence. “I told you that you made me too dependent. That wasn’t true.”
“No?”
“You were my world,” Lina said. “I wanted you to be my world—you and the kids. I didn’t want more. I was content.”
“And now?” He laced his fingers through hers.
“Now, I don’t know,” she began, continuing to watch their hands. “I can sleep by myself without having a panic attack. That seems to be the most positive thing that’s come out of this.”
“You have a job—a career.”
“I do,” she agreed, knowing that didn’t begin to make up for what she’d lost.
“Lina?”
“Do you ever go out with other women or to places to meet other women? Bars or—”
“No.” He shook his head. “Never. You’re the only one I want.”
“Then why did you go forward with the separation agreement?” She had been pondering the questions for months. “You filed that, not me.”
“I did it for you. To give you the independence you needed.”
“Even if it meant losing me?” she asked.
“There hasn’t been a day since we separated that I haven’t prayed for you to come back to me. But I promised to take care of you. I will always take care of you. I love you, Lina. Nothing will ever change that.”
“Phil,” she began, tears swimming in her eyes. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to say.”
“Nothing. You don’t have to say anything. I just want you to consider what I said earlier. Whether you can forgive me enough to take me back.”
The waiter chose that moment to deliver their main course. Lina averted her gaze, brushing away a few tears that had fallen to her cheeks. “Thank you,” she managed to say as an entrée she knew she couldn’t eat was set before her.
They remained mostly silent after the waiter left, each seemingly lost in their own thoughts. “Is something wrong with your food?” Phil asked when after several minutes she set down her fork.
“No. It’s delicious. I’m just not very hungry.”
“I don’t want you to be sad,” he said.
“I’m not sad.” Her hand drifted over the back of his. “I just—I didn’t expect to have this conversation today. My mind is in a million different places.”
“Lina—”
“I don’t know how we can go back,” she whispered. “So much has changed.” Her thoughts went to his new son.
“Not back, baby, forward.” He leaned towards her, his hand gripping hers. “Forward together.”
“But how?”
“You still love me, Lina.”
“Of course I love you. You’re the father of my—”
“You’re in love with me,” he clarified. “It’s in your eyes when you look at me. Even now.”
She felt a wave of attraction pass between them. “Don’t.”
“Don’t what? I want you back.”
“Just—I need to think.” She pulled her hand from beneath his. “I need to think.”
“That’s all I’m asking,” he said.
Phil didn’t say more. But when they left the restaurant, stepping out into the cool April evening, his arm was tight around her waist, pressing her into his side. She felt the heat of his body and knew as she leaned into him the walls she’d erected around her heart were crumbling.
As they rounded a corner near the street where they’d parked, they almost ran into couple coming from the opposite direction. Lina felt the tenseness in Phil’s body a moment before she saw Nick. “Oh,” she said breathlessly. “Hi.”
“Good evening,” Nick said.
“Lina?” his companion said in surprise.
Lina dragged her gaze from Nick’s to look at the person beside him. It was the woman she met on his sailboat. “Dana!”
Dana smiled. “Small world.” Her gaze shifted to Phil.
“This is Phil,” Lina said. She continued to look at Dana but could feel Nick’s eyes looking at her. “He’s my…my—”
“Husband,” Phil finished.
“Oh.” Dana’s eyes widened in surprise.
“We’re separated,” Lina rushed out, knowing even as she uttered the words how ridiculous she sounded. Phil had situated his body behind hers with one arm clasped firmly around her ribcage while his other hand was splayed over her tummy, pressing her body back into his.
“Oh,” Dana said again.
Lina’s face heated. “Well, it was nice to see you.” She couldn’t fathom a moment feeling more awkward.
“You too,” Dana said.
Phil draped his arm around Lina’s shoulders, offering a tight smile to Dana before leading Lina away.
“No,” Lina said when Phil turned off the engine after parking in front of the house. “You’re not coming in.”
Phil laid his hands on the top of the steering wheel. “Lina—”
“I’m confused and I need to think.”
“May I kiss you goodnight?” He made no move to touch her as he met her eyes in the dimly lit interior of the car.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Her heart had begun to beat faster.
“Just one kiss. I promise.”
Even with her mind telling her to get out of the car, Lina found herself leaning across the center console, her hand sliding over the stubble on Phil’s jaw. “I’ll kiss you,” she said before pressing her lips against his. “Good night,” she whispered, successfully fighting the urge to invite him in.
“I love you, baby,” he said as he stared into her eyes. “Dream about me.”
After a night of very little sleep, Lina called to tell Adele she couldn’t meet her for lunch and a manicure. “I need to figure this out.”
“I think you already have.”
“Maybe after what he did he doesn’t deserve me, but I still want him. Am I supposed to punish myself because he betrayed me?”
“No,” Adele said. “Take him back.”
“I’m so afraid if I continue to push him away he’s going to settle for someone else and then for the rest of my life I’m going be the one punished because I’ll have to live with the knowledge that I gave him away. I’m so tired of pretending I don’t want him. It’s exhausting.”
“Hello? Are we having a conversation or are you just talking to yourself?”
“Thanks. I know what I need to do,” Lina said before ending the call.
48
Nick stood as she approached the table he occupied at the Mexican restaurant Lina thought of as their own. “So, you and Dana,” she said after she was seated across from him.
“We’re friends.”
“I like her.”
He looked up as t
he waiter approached. “I took the liberty of ordering you a drink.”
Lina smiled as a margarita was set before her. “Perfect.” Lina took a long swallow, trying to gather her thoughts. “This is hard.”
“It doesn’t have to be. We can just enjoy each other’s company and have a nice meal.”
“I feel like I owe you an explanation.”
“You don’t owe me anything. You never have, and this,” he began as he reached out and ran his thumb over her engagement ring, “tells me everything I need to know.”
Lina’s eyes dropped to their hands, watching as Nick continued to run his thumb over the ring Phil had run his thumb over twenty-four hours earlier. “I—” She stopped midsentence as her cell phone began to vibrate. “Let me make sure this isn’t one of the kids.” She pulled her hand from beneath his and turned over her phone, reading her mother’s name on the display.
“Do you need to get that?”
“No, I’ll call her back.” As soon as the phone stopped vibrating, it began again.
“Are you sure?”
“I’ll just be a second.” She put her head down as she brought the phone to her ear. “Mom, I’m at a restaurant. Can this wait?”
“No. It’s Shiloh. There’s been an accident.”
Katie stole a glance at her cell phone. It was almost 8:30 p.m. Her father told her they were only going to Mike and Jeanie’s for dinner, but dinner had ended thirty minutes earlier, and he continued to talk as if he had nothing better to do than spend the evening sitting around their kitchen table.
Katie was debating how to get his attention without being totally rude to her uncle, who was celebrating his birthday, when her father suddenly pushed back his chair. “We have to go.”
“We haven’t had the cake,” Jeanie said. “Let me—”
“Sorry, no.” He looked at Logan and then Katie. “Let’s go.”
“Why couldn’t we have cake?” Logan asked as soon as they were outside and headed towards Phil’s car. “I—”
“Have either of you heard from your mother?” he interrupted, staring down at his phone.
“No, why?” Katie frowned.
“My phone is dead. Call her.”
Before she could make a call, Katie’s cell phone was ringing. “It’s Grandma. Should—”
Her father snatched the phone from her hand. “Alice, what’s going on?”
Lina’s mind was in a fog as Nick ushered her out of the elevator and into a waiting area at Baltimore Medical Center’s Shock and Trauma Center.
“Are you sure this is right?” Lina asked as she looked around the empty room.
“Yes, she’s right through those doors.” He nodded towards metal swinging doors.
“Where is everyone?”
“We’re probably the first to arrive.” He led her to a chair and she sat down beside him.
“What did they say?” She knew she had already asked him, but she couldn’t remember his answer.
“She’s in surgery. There’s internal bleeding. Several broken bones. Possible head trauma.”
“I feel sick.” She leaned forward, hugging herself.
He ran his hand up over the top of her back. “This is one of the top trauma centers in the country. She couldn’t be in better hands.”
The elevator doors opened and Alice and Adele, followed by Phil, were coming into the room. “Any word?” Alice asked, her face drawn in concern.
Lina’s eyes locked with Phil’s, the other occupants in the room fading away as she found her way into his arms. “I’m so scared.”
“I know,” he whispered, his breath warm against the side of her head as he wrapped his arms around her. “I’m here, baby. I’m here.”
“I don’t think she’s going to die,” Katie said as she stared into the flames kicking up in the fire pit. “I just don’t have that feeling, you know?” She was sharing a lounge chair with Matt on her backyard patio, wedged between his legs as she leaned back against his chest. “I think I’d have a feeling.”
“Yeah.” His arms tightened around her. “You probably would.”
“You know that weird connection my parents have? The one my grandma told me about?”
“That they’re soulmates or whatever?”
“It happened tonight. I saw it. We were at my aunt and uncle’s, and suddenly my dad just pushed back his chair and said we had to leave. It wasn’t from a text or phone call or anything. He just knew that my mom needed him, and then my grandma called and told us about my aunt.”
“It seems kind of fucked up that they aren’t together then.”
“My dad told us that he knew the moment he saw her that he loved her.”
“I knew the moment I saw you,” he said, his breath tickling the back of her neck. “I felt like I was hit by lightning or something.”
“No you didn’t,” she said, leaning forward enough to look back at him. “You barely looked at me.”
“I thought you were too young for me.” He trailed his finger down her cheek. “But I couldn’t stop thinking about you.”
“Why are you lying?”
“I’m not lying. Why do you think I drove you home from Ryan’s all those nights? Do I look like a Boy Scout to you?”
“Why didn’t you ask me out?”
“I told you, I thought you were too young. I was going to wait until you were older, but then your dad split, and…” He shrugged. “I was tired of waiting.”
It wasn’t the spell. He’d fallen in love with her without the spell. She crawled up his legs until she was straddling his lap. “I love you,” she whispered as she cupped his face.
“Why are you crying?” he asked.
“Because I’m happy.”
Lina was vaguely aware of Adele, Nick and Alice occasionally talking and Nick disappearing a couple of times to get the rest of them coffee, water and some type of cookies no one ate. She stayed silent, curled into Phil’s side on the lone couch in the waiting room, taking comfort in his familiar strength as she stared at the door leading back into the surgical area, waiting as if in a nightmare to hear whether her sister would live or die.
At some point a distraught Julian showed up, one arm casted and a bandage on his forehead. They’d been on their way home from dinner when they were broadsided by an SUV. He sat beside Alice, crying off and on and promising God and anyone else who was listening that he would treat Shiloh like the princess she was if she survived.
It was almost 2:00 a.m. when an exhausted-looking surgeon appeared. As soon as he said, “She’s a very lucky woman,” Lina turned into Phil, sagging with relief, hearing “no brain trauma” but not much else, too emotionally drained from the hours of worry to concentrate on the surgeon’s words.
After the surgeon left, Lina broke away from Phil to hug her mother and Adele, and then she was turning to Nick. “Thank you,” she said, taking his hand.
“You’re welcome. I’m going to head home. Let me know how she does.”
Lina nodded. “I’ll walk you out.”
“No. Stay with your husband.” The meaning behind his words was clear.
“Thank you,” she whispered, embracing him briefly.
“I’ll walk you out,” Adele said. “I could use some fresh air.”
It was an hour later when Lina preceded Phil into Shiloh’s hospital room, halting when she saw her sister’s bruised and battered face. Lina heard Phil’s intake of breath before he gripped her upper arms, pulling her back into his chest.
“Oh my God,” she whispered.
“Don’t think about it,” Phil said, but it was too late. Her mind was already going back.
Shiloh was screaming. Lina scrambled off her bed and ducked down on the floor, her heart racing as she felt the wall shake. Something terrible was happening. She needed to get to a phone and call 911. There was no one else home. Adele and her mother were away at a college visit. Another scream. What was happening?
“Get her fucking legs,” a male voice yelled. “Shut
the fuck up, girl!” The sound of a slap pierced the air. “Did you check that room?”
Lina slipped under her bed as footsteps approached. They were coming for her. She was never going to see Phil again. She covered her eyes and prayed to a God she didn’t even know if she believed in.
“What have we got here?” a voice with a distinct southern accent asked before someone gripped her ankles.
“No!” she cried, kicking at the intruder as she was pulled from beneath the bed. “Phil! Phil, help me! Phil!”
“Shouldn’t you be calling for Lucifer, pretty girl?” a boy no older than eighteen said as he pulled her to her feet, his fingers bruising as they dug into her arm. “Ain’t that who you worship?”
“Don’t hurt me,” she whispered. “Please.”
“‘Please,’” he mimicked. “You scared?”
Lina nodded, hating how weak she felt. “Don’t hurt me.”
“You gonna make it worth my while not to hurt you?” He roughly squeezed her breast through her nightshirt.
She recoiled from him, pushing his hand away. “No!”
“No?” He grabbed a handful of her hair and yanked her head back. “Don’t you fuckin’ tell me no.” He pushed his hand beneath her shirt and palmed her breast. “You like that, don’t you, whore?”
“Let’s go,” another guy said as he stepped into the room. “There’ll be time for that later.”
“Hear that, baby?” He pushed his groin against her leg. “You’re gonna take care of me later.”
Lina let him lead her out of the room and down the hall, her mind so consumed with thoughts of escape, it wasn’t until they were halfway down the stairs that she registered the sound of skin slapping against skin, punctuated by deep moaning. “Fuck yeah, man. Give it to her.”
Lina slowed her steps, but as soon as the living room came into view and she saw Shiloh, spread out on the floor with a man on top of her, his pants pushed down around his knees, all thoughts fled. “No!” Lina screamed. “No!” She was across the room and on the back of her sister’s assailant, pulling his hair and scratching his face.
A White Picket Fence Page 30
