“I’m interrupting something.”
“No, it’s fine. I’m—it’s fine.”
“You have company,” she said. He was with a woman, probably in bed. “I shouldn’t have called so early.”
“I always want to hear from you. Never doubt that.”
“What do you expect?” Adele asked when she recounted the phone call. “You won’t even kiss him, and you barely see him.”
“I don’t expect anything,” Lina insisted. “I’m just telling you it felt weird. He knew what I thought and he didn’t correct me.”
Adele laughed. “That’s because you were right. He was in bed with someone. Maybe he was getting a blowjob.”
“No he wasn’t! Why do you have to be so crude?”
“Does it bother you? The thought of another woman’s mouth—”
“Goodbye, Adele.” Lina ended the call, but Adele’s question lingered in her mind. Did it bother her knowing he was with another woman? Yes, she decided after a moment, but not nearly as much as it would if it were Phil.
At first it was odd being paid to do something she enjoyed so much, but as winter gave way to spring and the real estate market picked up, running from house to house, sometimes three to four in a day, quickly began to feel like work. Between her job, dog and children, Lina was almost too busy to think, so when Phil asked about spring break, she had no choice but to tell him she couldn’t afford the time away, and so for the first time in her life she was completely alone while Logan and Katie enjoyed a Caribbean vacation with their father.
“You’ve never been alone overnight?” Diane asked over dinner, the day after Phil and the kids left.
“Not until last night. I went from my house to Phil’s, and we were married while he was in law school and then had babies before he ever traveled, so no, I was never on my own.”
“And how did it feel?”
Lina shrugged. “Fine. To tell you the truth, I was too tired to notice. I was asleep by nine thirty.”
Diane laughed. “You’ve turned into a career woman overnight. You realize this is the first time I’ve seen you in over a month.”
“I know. I’m sorry. It’s just been so busy. I haven’t seen anyone besides the kids and Adele. Can you believe I hired an assistant? I actually have an employee. To think a year ago I wasn’t even working and had never really worked, and now I’m someone’s boss. It’s surreal.”
“It must be agreeing with you. You look good.”
“Do I? I feel like I look tired.”
“No, there’s a healthy glow to you. You’re happy.”
“Happy,” Lina repeated, forcing a smile. “I’m not sure I would say happy, probably ‘not sad’ would be a more apt description. I’m not sad anymore.”
The next night, Lina met Adele and a few coworkers for happy hour. What at first was fun—chatting with work friends and nibbling appetizers—quickly became depressing when Adele invited a couple of men from a nearby table to join them and Lina found herself making small talk with an accountant who was staring at her like she was his next meal.
Her eyes traveled the bar as she absently listened to him complain about his ex-wife. Lina wondered if Phil frequented similar places on the nights he wasn’t visiting the kids or exercising. If he did, she had no doubt women approached him, just as Adele had approached the men currently sitting with them.
“I’m going to leave,” Lina whispered to Adele.
“What? Excuse us for minute,” Adele said to the men before grabbing Lina’s arm and leading her to a quiet hallway near the bathroom. “Why would you leave? They’re cute.”
“I’m tired. I just want to go home.”
“No, have another drink. This is good for you. It’s a tame introduction back into the singles’ world. That guy seems genuinely nice. You don’t have to go home with him. Just flirt with him a little. It’s good practice.”
“Practice for what?”
“Life. Your new reality.”
“If I just wanted a boyfriend, I’d pick Nick.”
“Then why don’t you?” Adele asked. “Why don’t you pick Nick?”
“I’m leaving.”
“Lina—”
“Sorry, I’m just too tired for this.”
An hour later, curled on the couch with a glass of wine and a book, Lina’s thoughts were still back at the bar as she pondered Adele’s words. Was that really supposed to be her new reality—meeting men from failed relationships with other women? There was no way she was cut out for the singles’ scene, and yet she couldn’t imagine spending the rest of her life alone. Why wasn’t she with Nick? He was handsome, successful, and he clearly wanted her. Sure, he was a bit too cerebral at times, but no one was perfect. The truth was she wasn’t over Phil. She couldn’t forgive him, but she couldn’t move past him.
She pulled a photo album from its place beneath the coffee table and, because she must have been a glutton for punishment, leaned back into the couch and began looking through old photographs of them. She hesitated when she reached a photo of them at the beach, his arm thrown over her shoulders, both of hers wrapped around his middle as they smiled at the camera.
It was senior week. Phil had just graduated, and they were staying at one of his friends’ beach houses for the week. “Put your clothes back on, baby,” Phil said as he watched Lina skip along the surf, the moonlight reflecting off her skin. “Anyone could come.” He was stretched out on a blanket where they’d just made love. “They can probably see you from the house.”
“I don’t care.” She twirled around as she spread her arms out wide. “I feel so free. Come swim with me.”
“It’s two o’clock in the morning.”
“Are you going to make me swim alone?” Lina splashed into the surf and dove under a small wave, swimming several yards before she felt his strong hands gripping her hips and pulling her back against his naked body.
“You’re crazy. You know that?” He wrapped his arms around her.
“For you.” She turned in his arms and snaked her own up around his neck. “Promise me you’ll always swim naked with me, even when we’re old and wrinkled.”
“I promise.”
“I can’t believe you’re going to leave me in three months.”
He shook his head. “I’ll never leave you. I’m just going to college so I’ll be able to have a career and take care of you forever.”
“Maybe I’ll have a career. Maybe I’ll be the one supporting you.”
“Do you want a career?”
“No.” Lina wrapped her legs around his waist. “I want to have your babies and live in a big house with a pool in the backyard and a white picket fence. That’s all I want.”
“Then that’s what you’ll have.”
“I should come with you. You could hide me in your dorm.”
“Okay.” He smiled.
“Seriously, what if you fall in love with some southern girl?”
“Never.” He brushed his lips over hers. “I found my girl.”
“Why do you love me so much?”
He breathed in, his eyes meeting hers. “Because when I saw you, I knew.”
“Knew what?”
“That you were mine.”
Lina wiped a lone tear from her cheek. She had read once that it took twenty-five percent of the length of a relationship to get over it. She had about six years to go.
47
“You said your job wasn’t going to get in the way of anything,” Logan said a few weeks after spring break as Lina drove him to his bus stop. “But you haven’t come to any of my lacrosse games.”
“Doesn’t your dad go to most of your games?” Lina asked.
“Yeah, but a lot of moms come too.”
“When’s the next game?”
A few days later, Lina exited her car and walked towards the Gilman lacrosse field. Logan thought work was the reason she hadn’t attended any of his lacrosse games, but the truth was she didn’t want to chance being in the vicinit
y of both Phil and Nick at the same time.
As the field came into view, Lina scanned the crowd, easily locating Phil because of his height. He was standing in the midst of several other fathers. As she watched, an attractive woman approached him, and he smiled in greeting. Giving no more thought to Nick, Lina made a beeline for Phil.
The game still hadn’t started, and the woman at his side, who Lina didn’t recognize, was monopolizing his attention to the point that he didn’t notice Lina until she was practically on top of them. “Hi,” Lina said.
They both turned to Lina. “I didn’t know you were coming,” Phil said.
“He asked me to.” Lina looked pointedly at the other woman, who she had noted wasn’t wearing a wedding ring. “Hi, I’m Lina Hunter.”
“Oh, hi.” The other woman returned her handshake.
“Did you remember to call your mom?” Lina asked, turning her back to the other woman as she faced Phil.
He frowned. “Why would I—”
“It’s her birthday.”
“Did you—”
“Yes, I sent her flowers,” Lina answered. “But you should call her.” She saw the other woman walk away in her peripheral. “Are you really picking up women at your son’s lacrosse game?” she whispered.
“Is that a serious question?”
“Yes.” She folded her arms over her chest as she awaited his response.
“No.” His attention turned to the field as the game started.
Lina mindlessly watched the game, barely registering when Logan was on the field, too lost in her thoughts. When she and Phil were divorced, she’d have to see him with other women. He’d probably get married again, maybe even have more kids.
“What’s wrong? Are you sick?”
“What?” She realized he was speaking to her. “No, I’m just—I was thinking about something.”
“It couldn’t have been very pleasant.”
“No, it wasn’t,” she admitted as she returned her attention to the game.
“I’ve got to get back to work,” Phil said as soon as the game ended. “Tell Logan good game and I’ll call him later.” His hand clasped Lina’s shoulder as he leaned in to kiss her.
As soon as she felt the brush of his lips on her cheek, Lina turned her head and pressed her lips against his, consumed by an overwhelming need to let any women watching know that Phil wasn’t available. It was all the incentive Phil needed. He took her face in both his hands, his tongue dipping into her mouth and stroking over hers.
The kiss ended almost as soon as it began, Phil clearly appreciating that it wasn’t the proper venue for a make-out session. “I like this possessive side of you,” he whispered in her ear before his long strides took him away.
Lina was pressing her fingertips to her lips, her mind racing with thoughts of what she had done, when she felt a presence beside her. “Nick,” she breathed. “I didn’t see you. Were you here for the whole game?”
“Half. I would have come by earlier, but I didn’t want to interrupt.”
Her face reddened, realizing he’d probably witnessed their kiss. “We’re not back together.”
“No?”
“I just—we…” She paused as she dropped her eyes. “I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything. You were together a long time. The bond is undoubtedly very strong.”
“How was your weekend?” she asked, wanting to change the subject. “Did you end up taking your boat out?” He’d told her when she met him for dinner the week before that he’d probably go sailing for the first time that season.
“I did. It was cold, but it was great to be out on the water.”
Brian and Logan bounded up, demanding food. “It’s only four thirty,” Nick said, glancing at his watch.
“I’m starved,” Brian insisted. “Can we all go to that new hamburger place on the corner?”
“Please?” Logan asked, looking at Lina.
Nick met Lina’s eyes. “What do you say?”
The boys carried most of the conversation over dinner, excitedly discussing the game and an upcoming school dance, but Nick was relaxed, and if he was bothered by the kiss, it wasn’t evident in his friendly demeanor.
“Mom?” Logan turned to Lina halfway through the drive home. “Were you and Dad kissing on the sideline? Brian said he saw you.”
Lina squeezed the steering wheel, continuing to concentrate on the road as she formulated a response “I kissed him goodbye before he left. Maybe he saw that.”
“Maybe,” he said, sounding unconvinced. “Are you—do you like him again?”
“I never stopped liking him. I just couldn’t get past what he did.”
“Do you think you might? Get past what he did?”
“I don’t know,” she said honestly. “What would you think if I did?”
He shrugged. “It would be okay. It was kind of better when he lived with us, and it was weird going away without you. A lot of women come up to him, and Katie said eventually he’ll like one and then he’ll get married again.”
“Was he with any of them? I mean did he spend time with them?” She tried to keep her voice detached.
“No, he just hung out with us.”
“Hello? Earth to Lina,” Adele said the following day as they stood in the foyer of a house about to go on the market. “Where are you today?”
“I don’t know. I’m just…” Lina sighed. “I’m not happy.” Ever since she’d voiced the words to Diane, it was as if she’d given herself permission to feel the truth behind them.
“Since when? I thought you enjoyed working.”
“No, I do. I’m not talking about the job. I’m talking about my life. I’m busy and I love what I’m doing, and I love the kids, but I can’t shake this underlying discontent I have.”
“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that,” Adele said. “You should probably get back with him.” She picked up a vase. “Should this stay or go?”
“Wait—what?” Lina took the vase from Adele and set it back down. “Just like that? After months of wanting me to hate him, you want me to get back with him?”
“I never wanted you to hate him. You wanted to hate him, and I was supporting that decision, but it’s obvious you aren’t going to move on, so you may as well go back with him.”
“How long have you been feeling this way?”
“I don’t know, a couple of months I guess. Don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re actually too boring to be single. At first I thought you just needed some time to get used to it, but then I realized you were going to continue to act like you were married even though you were technically separated, so what’s the point? If you’re going to act like you’re married, you may as well have a husband. The few times I got you out to happy hour, you just stared at your drink and acted like a dud. You have hands down the hottest doctor I’ve ever seen panting after you, and you won’t even sleep with him. You just want to be his BFF. And I swear you’re getting more prudish and conservative without Phil than you ever were with him.”
“That’s not true!”
“It is, and Phil seems less conservative without you, although I think he may just be acting that way in an attempt to get you back, because there is no way he would have let Katie date Matt if he had been living in the house. The fact that he knew about it and allowed it to continue is a testament to how far he was willing to go to get you back.”
“Stop talking,” Lina said, squeezing her head. “You’re confusing me. I need to think.”
“It’s been six months. The time for thinking is over. You need to just feel.” Adele picked up the vase. “Go or stay?”
Lina looked at her cell phone for the third time in as many minutes. After the kiss they’d shared on the side of the field, she expected to hear from Phil, but it had been three days without a word from him. She squeezed the bridge of her nose. She’d been waffling back and forth all evening about sending him a text. She shook her head, let
out a deep sigh and typed.
Logan’s dance is tomorrow night. Did you want to go to the pre-dance party to take pictures? It starts at 6. She pressed send before she could change her mind.
With you?
She sunk her teeth into her bottom lip. It’s in Baltimore, so if it’s more convenient you could just meet us there.
I’ll pick you up at 5:30.
Lina stared at the engagement ring on her finger. Her eyes had focused on it as soon as she opened her jewelry box, and after slipping it on, she couldn’t bring herself to take it off. She wasn’t going to dwell on what it meant or what message she was sending Phil. He probably wouldn’t even notice.
It wasn’t until they arrived at the home of the family hosting the pre-dance dinner that Lina considered the possibility Nick could be there, but to her great relief he wasn’t. As she mingled with parents she knew and met others, Lina was keenly aware of the attention Phil garnered from the opposite sex. He was handsome and fit, and women’s eyes were drawn to him. It had probably always been the case, only she hadn’t noticed. He had been hers and she’d never considered the possibility of him being with someone else. Now the situation was different. She experienced the same feelings of possessiveness towards him that gripped her at Logan’s lacrosse game, so when she felt the warmth of his hand stroking her lower back or sliding down her arm as they conversed with other couples, instead of distancing herself from him, she found herself leaning into his touch.
“Dinner?” Phil asked as soon as they were in the car.
“Yes.”
He took her to a small Italian restaurant in Baltimore. “I have something to say,” Phil said after they shared a companionable silence through the first course. “This doesn’t require a response. I just want you to ponder my words.” He waited for her to meet his eyes before continuing. “Have you ever considered the possibility that a flawed version of me is better for you than a perfect version of anyone else?”
“Phil—”
“No.” He covered her hand with his. If there was any doubt as to whether he noticed she was wearing his ring, it ended as his thumb slid over it. “Just think about it. And think about who you want to swim naked with when you’re old and wrinkled. Do you remember?”
A White Picket Fence Page 29
