“Jesus,” Phil said, his voice low.
“So you can rest your mind about drug use.”
“My God, Lina, I feel for this kid, but he’s the last boy she needs to be involved with.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“You don’t survive something like that unscathed, and she isn’t exactly emotionally stable. It’s like a train wreck. How in the hell did they find each other?”
“I can’t believe you. This is not his fault.”
“We just spent ten thousand dollars on psychiatrists for her. A year ago she was cutting herself. They have no business together. He’s probably in worse shape than she is.”
“Don’t be so insensitive.”
“I’m sorry this happened to him, but my priority is Katie and she is too young and emotionally fragile to deal with whatever’s going on inside his head. What do you think his childhood was like?”
“I suppose it’s a good thing your parents didn’t have your attitude, or we never would have been together.”
“There’s no comparison.”
“You don’t think I was emotionally damaged? I guess you should have just turned your back on me.”
“We were already together. I loved you and I was stable. I didn’t have Katie’s history.”
“What about Shiloh? Should she have been judged because of something that wasn’t her fault?”
“Is that what this is about? Shiloh? You can’t save her so you want to save him?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Lina said, trying to keep the frustration from her voice. “And he doesn’t need saving. And if you would give him a chance, you would realize it. He isn’t broken. He is mature and sensitive, and he adores Katie.”
“Why can we never agree about her?” He sighed. “Just once I wish we could be in agreement.”
“Well, maybe if you weren’t so pig headed.”
“Oh, is that what it is?”
Her voice softened. “I think so.”
“I don’t know why I bother to argue with you. You always win.”
“That’s not true. I didn’t want to put her on restriction for six months.”
“And look how that turned out.”
“That’s not what I was saying. That wasn’t your fault.”
“No? I think we both know if I hadn’t confined her to the house for six month she wouldn’t have cut herself, but we can’t go back, and I don’t know what a better solution would have been.”
“It wasn’t your fault,” Lina insisted. “I never thought that. But I like Matt, Phil. I mean, I really like him. I think he’s good for her, and she seems happy with him. Can’t you just try and give him a chance?”
“At this point I don’t think I have a choice, do I? She seems completely infatuated with him. I don’t think she looked at her phone once during dinner. She was too busy looking at him.”
“They’re young and in love. Don’t you remember what that felt like?”
Seconds passed before he answered. “I remember exactly what that felt like.” His voice was like a caress.
Lina closed her eyes. “It’s late. I should go.”
“I know you still love me.”
“Has she had the baby?” It had been in the back of Lina’s mind for weeks. “Answer me,” she said when the other end of the phone stayed silent.
“Yes.”
Her heart dropped. “When?”
“Last month.”
“Last month?” she repeated. “Before Christmas?”
“December 23rd.”
“So when you were with me, you knew?”
“He has nothing to do with my love for you.”
“Have you met him?”
“Yes.”
He had another son. It was surreal. “How many times?” Lina asked.
“Baby, why—”
“Don’t call me that. Does he look like you?”
“I think he looks a little like Logan.”
“I hate you,” she whispered.
“I don’t believe you.”
“You have a baby with another woman, Phil. There is no undoing that.”
“You’re right, there isn’t. And I regret the circumstances surrounding his conception and how much I’ve hurt you, and I wish to God he was yours, but I am not ashamed of him and I can’t regret him. He’s my son.”
45
Phil’s words replayed in her mind for days. He’s my son. He had another son. Her children had a brother. This was real.
“Did you expect him to deny his own child?” Alice asked when Lina told her of the conversation.
“No, of course not.” Lina was pacing back and forth in her mother’s kitchen. “But I didn’t expect him to say he didn’t regret him. That hurt.”
“How could he regret his own flesh and blood?” Alice asked. “Regardless of how he came to be, it’s his baby. He looks just like him.”
Lina stopped pacing. “How would you know that?”
“I saw his pictures.”
“You saw his pictures?” Lina frowned at her mother. “When, on Christmas?”
“No, last weekend. He was over here replacing my sliding glass door.”
“What? Why?”
“It’s been giving me problems for months, so I—”
“I mean why did Phil fix it?”
“He always fixes things for me.”
“We’re separated. You shouldn’t be asking him to do things around your house.”
“Why ever not? He’s like a son to me. Do you expect that to change because you’ve decided to throw your life into chaos?”
“Yes.” Lina nodded. “That’s exactly what I expect. You’re my mother. You’re supposed to be on my side.”
“I am on your side. That’s why I keep waiting for you to come to your senses.”
“Sometimes I think you live in a completely alternate universe.”
“Maybe I do, but it’s probably saner than the one everyone else inhabits. I mentioned the beginner astrology course for Katie to Phil. He seemed more receptive.”
“He did not.” Lina knew her mother was lying.
“He didn’t say yes, but he wasn’t as short as normal, so I saw that as progress.”
“She’s not going,” Lina said. “It’s not just Phil, it’s me. I don’t want her to go.”
“You don’t think I know that? But what I’d like to know is why. What are you so afraid of?”
“I’m not afraid of anything, and I don’t have to justify my decisions to you. It’s bad enough she did a spell in my freezer. I’m not letting her take an astrology class.”
“You’re still blaming astrology for what happened that night. Evil is what happened that night. It had nothing to do with astrology.”
“I know it wasn’t astrology’s fault, but it reminds me of it, okay? When I see your books and charts and all of the stuff, it brings back that night. And I don’t want to bring it back, so the answer is no, regardless of what Phil says. Katie isn’t going to a beginner astrology class.”
“You’re letting them win, even after all these years. You’re still giving them power.”
“Maybe I am, but I’m not changing my mind.”
“Do you remember this?” Alice asked, holding out a book on palmistry. “You used to have fun with this. You were even pretty good.”
Lina took the book, her eyes traveling over her name inside the front cover. “I remember.”
“You believe in this stuff?” Phil, shirtless and in a pair of exercise shorts, paused at the bookshelf in Lina’s bedroom as he pulled out a book on palmistry. It was Saturday morning, and he’d told his parents he was spending the night before at a friend’s, which was what he told them most weekends so he could stay with Lina.
Lina stepped up behind him and wrapped her arms around him. “I think so. Why? You don’t?”
He shrugged. “Not really.”
“Do you want me to read your palm?”
Five minutes later they w
ere sitting cross-legged on the center of her bed, his palm covered in baby powder as Lina stared at the lines, trying to remember everything she could from the crash course she’d been given by one of her mother’s friends a couple of months earlier. “Long life,” she said as she traced her index finger over his heart line in the center of his palm. “You’re going to make lots of money,” she said, touching the soft padding below his thumb.
“How about wives and kids?” he asked. “Does it show that?”
She turned his hand to the side and looked at the lines below his pinky. “There I am,” Lina said, touching a deep horizontal line. “And you see these, the ones that cross through vertically?”
“Yeah.”
“Those are our children.”
“Three?”
“Yeah,” she said as she looked at his hand. “Wait—four,” she said, touching a line that wasn’t as deep as the others. “I think that’s one too.”
“I want us to have at least three.” Phil lay back on the bed, staring up at his hand.
“Let’s give them unique names that no one else has.” She snuggled into his side.
“I want to name our first son Logan after my grandfather. Show me where I am on your hand,” he said, and a moment later was looking at the lines on Lina’s hand. “Maybe everyone has the same lines,” he said as he traced them with his finger.
“No, I’ve looked at other hands.”
The sound of the door opening had them both sitting up. “You’re supposed to knock,” Lina said, frowning at her mother. “You know the lock doesn’t work.”
“I knew it was safe. The bed stopped creaking twenty minutes ago.”
“Mom!”
“There is nothing to be embarrassed about. Everything you do in here is beautiful.”
“Please leave.” Lina fell back on the mattress and threw her forearm over her eyes.
“I’m taking breakfast orders,” her mother said. “Would you like French toast or an omelet, Phillip?”
“Um. Could I have both?”
“Of course.”
“Your mom is so cool,” he said after the door closed.
“What’s wrong?” Alice asked.
Lina pulled her mind back to the present. “Nothing.” She handed the book back to her mother. “I have to go.” She headed towards the door.
“Oh, your father and I are getting married in July,” her mother said as she followed her into the foyer. “Make sure you talk to me before you plan any trips.”
Lina turned with her hand on the doorknob. “You’re having a wedding? Like with guests?”
“Of course, and I would like Katie and Megan to be bridesmaids.”
“Oh my God.” Lina left without another word.
Over the next month, with dozens of new homes scheduled to go on the market, Lina lost herself in work, running from one house to another and fitting what easily could have been a full-time job into about thirty hours a week. Her life became something of a routine. After getting Logan and Katie off to school, she would walk Knight, attend a yoga class at a nearby studio or go for a run and then go into work for several hours, usually picking Logan up at his bus stop on her way home.
On Tuesday and Thursday evenings, while the kids were with Phil, Lina would either study home décor books or go to dinner with Adele, Alice or a friend from yoga. She’d seen Nick several times, and while he remained friendly, he was more reserved since her Christmas confession, no longer initiating phone calls or meetings. But his eyes couldn’t mask his feelings, and unless Lina was having a particularly hard day, she tried to limit her calls to a couple of times a week, knowing until she was free from Phil, she wasn’t being fair to Nick.
Lina’s favorite times were the weekend nights when both Logan and Katie would stay in. Matt would come over and sometimes Brian or another of Logan’s friends, and the house would be filled with the bustle of activity. Her estrangement from Phil felt more real with each passing week. Although he was a frequent visitor, either to pick up Logan or do one of the myriad of chores that inevitably popped up in the house—a clogged sink one day, an unhinged closet door the next—he’d made no attempt to engage Lina in any discussions of substance since the phone call about his son.
Gradually, Lina had transformed from a married, stay-at-home mom to a single, working mom, and although she didn’t make enough money as a stager to support her current lifestyle without Phil’s financial assistance, his help was now legally guaranteed, and therefore for all intents and purposes, she’d attained the independence she craved. She was free to do and be whatever she wanted.
“Wow!” Adele said, fanning herself as soon as Katie and Matt left the house. “If I was twenty-five years younger, I would fight her for him. He’s swoon worthy. Those eyes and—”
“Calm down,” Lina said. “You’re starting to creep me out.”
“I’m serious,” Adele said as she followed Lina towards the kitchen. “He’s what I imagine James Dean was like. Sensitive bad boy, but with a voice. Can’t you just imagine girls in the audience stripping as soon as he opens his mouth?”
“Seriously.” Lina gripped Adele’s shoulders. “You spend too much time with Mom. Normal people don’t talk like that about their niece’s eighteen-year-old boyfriend.”
“‘Normal people’? You sound like Phil.”
“No, I sound like me.”
The vibration of the music filled Katie’s body as she and Emma stood to the left of the dance floor, just two among the throng of people packed into an eighteen-and-over club in Baltimore listening to Fugitive.
“I have to take a video for Ryan,” Emma yelled to be heard over the crowd. “Matt’s, like, famous. Look at all these people.”
It was overwhelming. When Matt said he could get her and Emma in to listen to him play, Katie pictured a gathering similar to the ones that used to come to hear Ryan’s band—fifty or so people—but this was a sold-out venue of at least two hundred, and if the chatter around her was any indication, the majority were there to hear the group’s new singer, Matt Hudson.
“He’s so hot,” a girl beside her was saying. “He’s met my eyes like three times. I’m going meet him during the next break. I’ll blow him if there’s time,” she said, eliciting giggles from her friends.
Katie stepped away from their group, only to stumble into another speaking in similar terms. “I need a drink,” she said to Emma. “Let’s find someone old enough to help us.”
Katie was on her second cranberry and vodka when the band took a break, and she was half-surprised when Matt found her. “Hey.” He cupped her face in his palms and began to kiss her, only to pull back as soon as his tongue found hers. “You’re drinking?”
“You don’t own me.” She took a long draw on her straw.
“What’s wrong?” Matt asked.
She dropped her eyes. “Nothing.”
Matt took her hand, dragging her behind him as he walked away from the bar. “What happened?” he asked as soon as he had her in a quiet corner behind the stage.
“I don’t like all these girls looking at you,” she admitted as she stared down into her drink.
He took the glass from her hand and set it on the stage. “Look at me.” He touched the side of her jaw and tilted her head back. “Do you think I give a fuck about any of them?”
Katie shook her head, reading the answer in his eyes. “I still want to scratch their eyes out. I hate it.”
“You’re the only girl I want,” he said as he pressed her back against the wall, his body inches from hers. “I love you.”
“You do?” Katie whispered.
“More than anything else in this fucking world.” He held the sides of her face, his mouth meeting hers for a deep kiss. “I need you to promise me something, Hunter,” Matt said after lifting his head. “I need you to promise me you aren’t going to get drunk because you’re upset about something. If you’re upset about something, you come and talk to me. Drinking doesn’t make anything bet
ter—if there’s something on your mind, deal with it. Don’t cover it up.”
“Okay.” She kissed his chin. “Tell me you love me again.”
“I’m serious. I know how dangerous this is and you do too. Didn’t that doctor you like so much teach you how to deal with shit you don’t like?”
Katie felt stupid. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry—just don’t do it again. Your mom trusts me to protect you when we’re out. What do you think she’s going to do if I bring you home drunk? You think she’s still going to trust me?”
“Don’t be mad.” She gripped the front of his shirt. “I won’t do it again. Don’t be mad at me.”
“I’m not mad at you.” He brushed his lips over hers. “But I don’t want you to do dangerous shit.”
“I won’t. Tell me you love me again.”
“I love you.”
Matt’s words were Katie’s first thoughts when she awoke the following morning. Do you still love me? she texted.
I’ll always love you, Hunter. You’ve bewitched me or something.
As soon as she read his words, Katie called Emma. “It’s the spell, isn’t it? That’s why he feels this way. I tricked him into loving me. I need to tell him the truth.”
“Katie, no! He loves you. It’s real. His feelings are real. Why would you tell him about the spell?”
“It just seems wrong, you know, making him love me. I wish he had just fallen in love with me on his own without a spell.”
“Love is love,” Emma said. “And anyway, it’s too late. Just forget about it. Matt loves you and you love him—that’s all that matters.”
46
With an entire Saturday stretched before her and no set plans, Lina decided to ask Nick to lunch. “I’m sorry, I woke you, didn’t I?” she asked when she heard the huskiness of his voice.
“I needed to get up, anyway. Everything okay?”
“Yes, I just had a free afternoon and thought of you.”
“Would you hold for a second?” he asked, and then she heard the distinct sound of a female voice and his muffled response. “Sorry about that,” he said a moment later.
A White Picket Fence Page 28
