I Found You

by Erica Marselas

  Violet chuckles at my mom's blatant innuendo. I’m actually surprised it took her this long to make any comment about it to me.

  “I’m guessing you’ve seen the tabloids then?”

  “I have, but also from before when I assumed…” The words drift off, but she doesn’t need to finish them—I know.

  I close my eyes tightly, pinching the bridge of my nose, remembering the things I said to Vi, believing those stupid papers. Violet’s fingers dance along the back of my neck and I try to push myself out of the dark thoughts.

  “It’s fine. I really would like to forget that day for as long as I live.”

  “It’s not fine. It will never be fine, Cooper. Just know I think you both will be great parents, well if it’s true…” She probes again and I groan, covering my hand with the phone.

  “I can still lie. She doesn’t need to know, yet.”

  “Just tell her, because when you tell your dad, he’s not going to keep it from her. Think of it as a test of her trust.”

  “It is, but we're not telling anyone else ‘till the time is right,” I grunt, though I almost feel lighter to finally tell someone else the news.

  I really would love to tell the world, shout it from rooftops, but that's never going to happen.

  “I understand. Congratulations. Just know if you and Violet need anyone to talk to, I’m here.”

  “Thanks.” My eyes dart to the clock on the wall and know it’s time to get a move on. “Listen, I have to go.”

  “Yes, of course…”

  “But before I go, Mother,” I snap, cutting her off, needing to have my final peace before I can think about starting over, “just know if you do anything ever again to try to come between us, that’s it. There won’t be any more chances, and you can go run off and rot with Amber. I refuse to live through that hell again, and I refuse to have Violet or any kids we have go through it either. So, I really do hope you’re being honest.”

  “Never again, I promise. I love you, Son. Now go. Your adoring fans need you,” she says sweetly, not even seeming a little put off by my words.

  “Bye,” I mutter and close the phone when I hear her final farewell.

  “See, it wasn’t so bad,” Violet jokes, nudging my shoulder.

  It wasn’t, but I'm not going to admit she’s right. I'll never hear the end of it.

  “It was brutal and awkward. I think yelling at her would’ve been easier.” I hand her my phone, so she can hold on to it for the show. She rolls her baby blues as she stuffs it in her pocket.

  “Shut up, you're fine. Now come on, we have a show to do.” She grabs me by my belt buckle, yanking it hard to get me to move. She only jolts me forward a little and lets go, knowing she’s not going to be able to move me further. “Stop being a pain, Coop.”

  “Oh, that’s not going to happen,” I swoop down and grab her by her legs, tossing her over my shoulder. Her high-pitched squeal echoes around the room and in my ear.

  “Put me down…” She shrieks and kicks her legs. My hand rubs over her denim ass before I give it a loud resounding smack. “Cooper!”

  “What’s wrong Ace? If I remember, I owe you some spankings…”

  October 25th2006

  Violet

  W e're back in L.A. for a couple of shows at the final leg of the American tour. In two weeks we'll be heading off to Australia, to start the three-month world tour. Before the show tonight at the Hollywood Bowl, Cooper and I are at the OB/GYN to get the first glimpse of our baby. I'm excited and nervous at the same time. I think when I see our baby’s heartbeat I will stop being so anxious with the ‘what-ifs’ that have been popping into my head since I made this appointment.

  I'm about seven weeks and if the heartbeat is good and strong, the chance of miscarriage drops significantly. Also, this morning sickness—or all-day sickness is what they should really call it—is a good sign of a healthy pregnancy. Or so I was told. I only wish it could be healthy without having me bent over a toilet. After we found out, I had blood work drawn in New York, to confirm the pregnancy. Even with the five positive tests, it was nice to know for sure. The doctor there told me my levels were perfect for how far along I was at the time.

  I’m sitting on the exam table in only a gown waiting for Dr. Lawrence to come in. She’s supposedly one of the best OB’s in L.A. and deals with high profile clients.

  Not that I'm high profile, just married to someone whose name is always in lights.

  My hand goes to my stomach and for a fleeting moment, I think of my own mother. Twenty-two years ago, she was giving birth to me. I envision her holding me, wrapped in a pink blanket looking down at me adoringly. At one time she’d loved me, gave me gifts, and cake on my birthday. Now I can’t seem to process how a mother, who carried me for nine months, and took care of me, would do everything she has done to me. To ruin their child’s spirit out of spite or jealousy, or whatever fucked up reason my mother had.

  Reasons I’ll never know for sure.

  “Ace, you're clenching your jaw,” Cooper says, moving to sit next to me on the exam table, with his arm around my shoulder. I lean into him and take a deep breath, inhaling his new Calvin Klein Cologne I got him the other day.

  Forget her Vi, you’re already a better mother and your baby isn’t even the size of a banana yet.

  I have all I need right here next to me and inside of me. She’s gone, hasn’t even tried to contact me, or even my father. So, I hope she got the point.

  “Sorry, thinking too much. You know I hate waiting because my mind drifts to places it doesn’t need to go.”

  He hums his agreement, pressing a kiss to my cheek. “Well, cut it out. I can hear your thoughts all the way over here.”

  “Then maybe you should give me something else to think about,” I purr and run my hand down his chest.

  His large hand wraps behind my neck, seconds away from bringing me into a kiss, when there’s a knock on the door that separates us.

  Heels click on the floor and a woman in a white lab coat walks into the room. She smiles sweetly at us. Her kind hazel eyes put me at ease.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Reid, I’m Dr. Lauren Lawrence. According to my chart congratulations are in order. How are you feeling, Mrs. Reid?” She moves to the ultrasound machine sitting next to the bed.

  “I’m fine besides the morning sickness and exhaustion.”

  “Good. Have you been taking your prenatal vitamins and drinking lots of water?” I nod. “It’s important even if you can’t eat right now to drink to keep yourself from getting dehydrated. Are you able to keep anything down?”

  “Yeah. I eat little bits at a time. It seems to help.”

  “Great. Do you have any questions for me before we get started?”

  “Um, yeah we’re about to go overseas for a couple of months. I guess I need to worry if there’s any shots or precautions I’ll need before I go.”

  “Well, first, do you have anyone who will be able to check you over while you’re there. Urine, blood pressure, heartbeat, measurements? Just to make sure you're progressing as expected. The first two things are the most important.”

  “I have hired an RN to come with us who worked in an Obstetrician office for years,” Cooper tells her and the doctor with the tight raven hair bun nods her approval.

  “Good, but feel free to call the office if you have any questions or concerns. I know it was mentioned you had a miscarriage about six years ago.” Coop grips my hand and gives it a small squeeze. Dr. Lawrence looks at our entwined fingers and continues. “Remember, just because you had one, doesn’t mean you’ll have another. Just look for any signs of bleeding or extremely painful cramps. Also, don’t be afraid to tell your nurse who is with you to check you out, okay. It’s better to know if everything is okay, than to worry.”

  I look over at my husband who gives me a tight smile as we let her words sink in. It’s all scary to think about, but I have to remember it’ll be alright.

  One step at a time, Vi. Day by Day.<
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  “Now, why don’t you lay back and we can take a look at your baby. Put your mind to rest.”

  Cooper stands and moves to stand next to my head when I lay down on the table. Our hands still joined tightly together.

  Dr. Lawrence sets up the machine and grabs the internal probe. I remember the thing from when I lost the baby. It’s uncomfortable as hell, from what I recall. She rolls a condom on it and squeezes on the lube. My eyes dart to Cooper, waiting for the joke, anything, but he’s looking intently at the still blank screen.

  I can see the nervous excitement in his eyes, and I feel it in his clammy hand holding mine. The doctor asks me to spread my legs and inserts the probe. My head darts to the screen and it comes to life in blacks and grays. I see the large back area with a tiny white blob in the middle.

  “There’s your baby, you guys.” Dr. Lawrence points to the screen at the tiny white alien in the middle of the black hole. Although, it looks funny, compared to what I’ve seen online. She moves the probe around and I swear I see two heads.

  “Well, lookie there…” Dr. Lawrence grins and points to the screen.

  “Is that?” I gulp and turn to glance at Cooper who remains staring at the ultrasound, his eyes wide in confusion. When the doctor moves the probe again, it comes clear as day as to exactly what I’m seeing.

  My heart is hammering out of my chest and I wonder if this is really a dream.

  But it's not, because Cooper is holding my hand so tight it hurts.

  “Congratulations you two, you're having twins.”

  “Oh my god,” the tears are building in my eyes as I gaze at the two babies Coop and I made.

  Two.

  Holy hell.

  I can’t help but wonder if this is our angel coming to join us. Twins don't run in either of our families. This is almost like an extra special bonus birthday gift.

  Cooper is silent, still looking at the screen when she points to where their tiny hearts are flickering on the screen. She clicks a couple buttons and what looks like sound waves appear on the screen.

  “The heart beats are strong. 155 and 153 beats per minute and they’re both measuring seven weeks, which is perfect. I'll print you out some pictures.”

  “Thank you,” I tell her and turn back to my bewildered husband. “Coop?”

  “Twins?” Cooper finally says, still not looking down at me. Dr. Lawrence prints out a couple pictures and hands them to me. “Twins?” Cooper whispers again.

  “No, it's really quintuplets. Didn't you see the other three?” I tease, thankfully snapping him out of his haze. With his eyes still wide in shock, he falls into his seat.

  Dr. Lawrence says she'll give us a minute and walks out of the room. Once the door closes, my hand pushes through his overgrown waves. “You okay there, big guy?”

  A slow smile spreads across his face. “Twins.” I don’t get to say anything more when he grabs me around the waist and his mouth attacks mine, pinning me down to the exam table.

  In this moment, I know everything is going to be okay because love really does always win in the end. This time nobody can stand in our way.

  We're complete, a family, and becoming whole once again.

  THIRTEEN

  June 4th, 2007

  Violet

  T hirty-five weeks pregnant and I look like an over-inflated beach ball, ready to pop. I’m exhausted, the feet I haven’t seen in weeks are swollen, and I’m being kicked around because my twins are having a cage fight inside of me. But even with all that, I wouldn’t change a second of it.

  I think I was pretty lucky and the morning sickness only lasted about twelve weeks. As soon as that was over my sex drive went through the roof. If Cooper wasn't on stage, I was riding his damn dick. I couldn’t get enough, and I didn't hear any complaints from my husband.

  Just Brody, who kept yelling that Cooper’s dick was going to fall off if I didn't lay off.

  After we finished the overseas tour, Cooper took me on what he called a long-awaited honeymoon to Maui. Brody had brought Alexa with him and I watched as the couple bloomed. I’d never seen Brody or Alexa so happy. Two of the best people I know might get their happily ever after together. Alexa is now moving to L.A. to be with him, in his house, and found a job working as a PA for some hotshot lawyer.

  Julie also joined us for some fun in the sun and met an islander. She has only returned stateside to visit, and I’m not sure what’s she’s doing, but I think along with the guy, Maui has stolen her heart.

  For Coop and I, the couple of weeks on Maui, turned into a month. Cooper had no obligations for appearances until March and all interviews could be done via Skype or by phone. I also had no urge to get home, enjoying the peace, and my husband, for much needed alone time.

  Of course, I only wish we could’ve stayed forever because as soon as we got home we couldn’t go anywhere without the paparazzi following us. The public isn’t aware I’m having twins, so guess who’s getting made fun of for how ‘big’ I am?

  One article had a picture of me and Cooper outside a donut shop, stuffing our faces with the pastry goodness. I’m mid-bite of a Boston crème when the picture was clicked.

  Reid Baby Watch: Violet, when are you really due? Because you look ready to pop. Or maybe you should lay off the sweets and carbs, because Cooper is going to have to start rolling you around.

  Freakin’ rude.

  I had only been 29 weeks at the time. Can’t a woman be pregnant and enjoy it without having to worry about her size, for one minute? I tried not to let it bother me, but it did hurt. Thankfully, it was only one heartless magazine, and I had Cooper, who always makes me feel as if I’m the most beautiful girl in the world.

  His one and only.

  His hands always find my belly, telling the babies how much he loves them and their mother. He’s always singing to them, which only makes them kick me harder. I don’t think there could be a better father for my children; he’s going to spoil and love them like crazy. It’s something I can’t wait to see.

  Our kids are going to be loved and not just by Cooper and me, but a sea of family, including our closest friends and our ‘family’ on the road.

  It's too bad one of their grandmothers won't be a part of it though.

  I guess one way to look at is, she’s dead to me.

  As for Evelyn Reid, she’s proven over and over again how much she’s accepted mine and Cooper’s relationship. There hasn’t been one big thing to show her change, but her words, and efforts of support have shined through. Cooper and Evelyn have started to rebuild their relationship, and I’m finally getting the mother-in-law I should’ve always had.

  We decided this morning to take a drive up the coast to Malibu to enjoy the fresh beach air. There’s no tour this summer since we’re having the babies, but there are some dates planned for the late fall and winter. I have no idea how it’s going to work, but we have a lot of offered help. Because there’s no way Cooper wants to be away from us for any long period of time.

  “Just a couple more weeks, Ace, and think how full our house will be,” Cooper says, helping me out of the car to go into the house.

  I look at the house we’ve now shared for over a year and it’s hard to believe sometimes we were ever apart for four years. Those missing years seem to have vanished, and we’ve picked up where we left off. This is the life we were always supposed to have.

  I’m still blown away some days how fate brought us back together in a Vegas bar. I owe Alexa’s father everything for giving her the room vouchers.

  “Very full.” I rub my hand over my swollen belly.

  “I can’t wait ‘till we teach them how to play the guitar…or the drums,” he smiles at me wickedly, “maybe start a family garage band.”

  Oh, my poor ears.

  We walk into the house and Cooper leads me to the living room. I stop him and look up at him lustfully, needing my fill of him again. I haven't been as horny in the last couple weeks, but today I suddenly feel recharged.
My hand slides down his chest, slowly making its way to his groin. “What are we doing in here? I thought you were going to do unspeakable things to me—”

  “Surprise!” A bunch of our friends and family yell, jumping out of nowhere.

  I yelp, my heart beating out of my chest from the sudden shock of all the people in my house. Guests who might have gotten a full show if they didn’t burst out of the floorboards, stopping me mid-sentence and my hand from its descent down to Cooper's crotch.

  With my hand over my heart, I look around the room at the pink and blue streamers and balloons. I spot a cake with blue and pink icing on a table surround by all my favorite foods: tacos, buffalo wings, mini cheeseburgers, and salad. There’s also trays of finger foods laying around. It’s all very simple and not overdone. Just the way I like it.

  “Did you know about this?” I whisper to Cooper.

  I mentioned to everyone who offered to throw me a baby shower I didn’t need one. Coop and I can afford everything we need, so I didn’t want anyone to feel obligated to buy us anything. I’d much rather the stuff go to someone who needs it. He shrugs his shoulders with a sly grin on his face, telling me everything I need to know. Should've known something was up when he wanted to take me out to Malibu so urgently.

  Evelyn approaches me and lovingly touches my belly. “I know you didn’t want a baby shower, but every mother to be should have a celebration of their upcoming birth, gifts or no gifts. So, I put this together, with a lot of Cooper’s, Alexa’s, and your dad’s help. I hope you don’t mind?”

  “No, not at all. Thank you.” I don’t even have to think when I pull Evelyn into a hug. Maybe it’s the hormones; despite trying to make things right, I never thought I would hug this woman, but I’m hugging her, trying not to break down in tears from the sweet gesture.

  “You’re welcome, honey,” she whispers. As she pulls away from me, I catch the few tears swimming in her eyes before she brushes them away.