Dangerous Tension
Page 11
11 Retreat
The next evening Matthews was just wondering whether he should make an overdue appearance in the common room when he heard Kent at his door. He swallowed, was this going to be the “let’s be friends” speech? Bracing himself, he opened the door. Kent stepped toward him, smiling tentatively, “Would it be okay if we tried that again?” The Captain had him in his arms almost before he finished speaking.
Neither of them was aware of disaster looming on the horizon.
Lieutenant Kent started it off the next day by making a rather serious mistake which Matthews had to reprimand severely as Captain. To give him credit, Kent took the reprimand silently, knowing he was in the wrong, but after he had dismissed him, Matthews suddenly wondered if he would take his revenge by not coming that evening. The very thought sent him into a cold sweat.
It burst upon him with shocking clarity that he was desperately, hopelessly in love with his Second Lieutenant. If he went any further with Kent—and he hadn’t even got his clothes off him yet—he would do almost anything to keep him, he would be utterly at his mercy. He would be open to endless emotional blackmail by Kent if their wishes didn’t coincide, and even if he did work up enough strength to resist him he would be torn apart by the conflict.
For the first time, he conceded that Rule 158 might actually have some merit. Perhaps Colonel Young had known what he was talking about after all when he had warned him to be so careful in choosing a lover. Maybe he ought to drop Kent while he still could, if he could. The other man would probably be relieved; at least there was no need to worry about Kent being hurt by his rejection.
The Lieutenant did turn up that evening and made no reference to the incident but Matthews was already building a wall between them, bracing himself to end the relationship, and sent him away with the excuse that he had an upset stomach, which was true but not because of anything he had eaten.
The next time Kent called, Matthews told him quietly he didn’t want him any more. The Lieutenant frankly gaped. “That’s it? Just like that?”
“Yes, just like that,” the Captain answered coolly, far too intent with controlling his own distress to notice the flash of bewildered hurt on the other man’s face.
Kent wanted to scream, “Why? What have I done?” but pride forced him to remain silent. He turned on his heel and strode off. Just before he reached the door he spun back with a mock salute, “Oh excuse me. Yes sir!” then headed toward his cabin. Matthews flinched at the derision in his voice, was he going to have discipline issues with Kent now?
Kent slammed his cabin door behind him and paced aimlessly around the tiny room. The blow was too big, he just couldn’t take it in. Luke had finished with him, didn’t want him any more. What had he done wrong? He had tried so hard to do everything Luke wanted. Had that been it? Was Luke bored with him? Or maybe he had just run out of patience and wanted a fuckpartner now? And what was he supposed to do? Just forget everything that had happened between them and go back to being his Second Lieutenant? He felt he could scream with frustration.
The next watch he drifted unthinkingly through his duties, on the verge of being disrespectful to Matthews but not crossing the line until just before the end of the shift. The Captain had ignored this unprecedented behaviour to the great curiosity of every other man present, but when Kent was openly rude he felt obliged to reassert his authority. “Enough! Lieutenant Kent, apologise immediately.”
Everyone watched uncertainly as the Lieutenant hesitated. For a moment he wanted to defy him but then thought tiredly “what the hell” and gave up. His shoulders slumped as he faced the Captain. “I am sorry, sir, you have my apology.” Matthews nodded, dismayed and confused by his look of defeat.
Speculation was rife in the common room that evening and it didn’t take them long to hit on the truth. “I reckon Kent’s been getting on with the Captain and now he’s thrown him over.”
“You’ve got something there. He’s been going to his quarters every evening for a couple of weeks now. Until tonight.”
“Wonder what happened?”
“So does the Lieutenant by the look of things today!” observed someone astutely.
“You know, it must be pretty rough on him, feeling as he does about oms. I don’t think the Captain really ought to have done it. It doesn’t seem fair.” That was the first time that sentiment was expressed but it was far from the last, particularly when Matthews picked up immediately with one of the more effeminate oms on the ship.