First Heat

by Jenna Kernan

  “Why would he attack his own son?”

  “No pack can have two male alphas. My strength threatened him. So he drove me away.”

  “But how could they do that to their own child?”

  “Is it so hard to believe?” His voice was hoarse when he spoke again. “It doesn’t matter. I don’t want what they had. I don’t want to raise a family only to have to chase them away when they grow strong enough to defend themselves.”

  She turned to him. “Why would you have to?”

  “It’s our way.”

  “Is it, or was it only your father’s way?”

  One of his elbows slipped from his knee and he straightened. Was that shock or confusion she read on his face? He stood abruptly and stalked across the room, then returned, settling beside her again, his expression looked pained now, as if she had hurt him.

  “Could that be possible?”

  She inched closer.

  “Did my mentor ever say that this was a requirement?” he whispered to himself.

  “It was wrong.”

  Hunter lifted his head. For the first time she saw vulnerability in his expression, doubt and indecision. He shook his head in denial, his expression dark. “No. I do not think this is possible. I do not think…”

  Hunter stared at her with a look of speculation. His brow furrowed and his mouth pressed tight.

  She dropped her gaze and spoke as much to herself as to him. “I’d never abandon my child and I wouldn’t let his father hurt him. I’d kill him first.”

  He gripped her about the waist and tugged her onto his lap. Hunter looped his hands casually about her waist, but she felt a new tension rippling in his muscles and saw it flashing in his cold blue eyes.

  “You’d place your child above your mate?”

  The gruff tone and the astonishment in his voice made her realize this was a question of grave importance. But what was the right answer? Suddenly she didn’t care if she was a wolf and she didn’t care if he liked what she had to say because she’d guard her babies from anyone, even him.

  “Yes. Children need protection. Sometimes that includes protection from bad parents.” If she’d learned anything in foster care, it was this.

  She didn’t understand the smile that curled his lips. Did he agree or just find her naive?

  “My mother bore other children and abandoned them as well.”

  “You have siblings?” she asked.

  “Yes, but they’re much older.”

  “How much?”

  “One hundred years, maybe.”

  She gasped. “How is that possible?”

  “We live long lives. Four hundred years, I’m told. You and I are still young.”

  She inched away and he laughed, grasping her and dragging her closer.

  “We’ll need to find your mentor. I’ve never met a Skinwalker who was not mentored. It is our way. Perhaps your father did not know of your existence, for it was his duty to return for you or send a representative, as mine did.”

  “Well, he didn’t.”

  “I understand, and that is why you did not know what to expect when your time came. But you must have shifted form before now.”

  “Until tonight, only in my dreams. I thought I was sleepwalking. I’d wake up naked and…” She let her chin drop to her chest at the lie. There was the cloak and her instinctual need to keep it with her. And there had been other signs. “Once, at a group home, one of the counselors attacked me and the next thing I know he was bleeding and I was running. I don’t know how I got out. I don’t remember, but maybe I didn’t want to.”

  “I’ll teach you to shift your cloak and your form.”

  Would he be staying to mentor her? She tried not to let the hope creep back into her heart. “Then when we find your mentor you can go with her.”

  “Her?”

  “Mentors are usually of the same sex.”

  “Not you?”

  “Not me.”

  Lena left his lap, walking to the large industrial windows. Hunter would leave her, just like all the others. She’d be abandoned all over again. She’d never be a part of his family, never be his alpha female.

  Behind her the lights clicked off. Her vision shifted as she glanced back, seeing him clearly as he left the wall, and the light switch there, and strode over to her, clasping her shoulders and drawing her into his strong arms. She allowed herself a moment’s comfort, even knowing it was an illusion.

  “What else troubles you?” he asked.

  She turned to face him. “Hunter, how many times have you done this?”

  “What?”

  “How many women have you won in this way?”

  His arms fell away and he stared down at her, his heavy brows setting low over his pale eyes like two dark storm clouds. She’d stolen some of his pleasure. She didn’t care. She had to know.

  “Lena, listen…”

  “How many?”

  “Five. Six, maybe.”

  She reached back for the wall, needing to steady herself as a wave of nausea rolled in her belly. Her fingertips scraped across the rough surface of the brick.

  “What does it matter?”

  “It matters because I don’t want to be just another itch, just some need that you have to satisfy, like filling your belly.”

  “An itch…Lena, I need you. I thought I explained.”

  “Yes. You’ve explained.”

  They glared at each other.

  “And how do you think I feel?” he asked. “Called by this craving I can’t control, drawn to any stranger who needs a quick fuck? I hate it, hate being used as a tool and then discarded like a used tube of toothpaste.”

  Her shock overcame her anger. He had no control either. They were both pawns. Her throat prickled and her eyes began to burn. She sniffed, holding back the tears that threatened.

  Her voice dropped to a whisper. “So what happens afterwards? Will you give me to the others?”

  His answer was a feral growl. “No!”

  “Then tell me what will happen?”

  “I’ll fight again and win. Then, when you no longer have need of me, I’ll go.”

  “What if I don’t want you to go, what if I want to stay here?”

  He blinked at her, as if her question made no sense.

  “Lena, I don’t live here. I created this place for us, for you in your time.”

  “It’s all just a fantasy, then, like make-believe.”

  “No. This is real.”

  She threw up her hands as she backed away. “I don’t even know what I’m doing here.”

  He stalked towards her, chin lowered, looking dangerous again. “You know.”

  She pushed off the wall and managed to bound in the opposite direction, fleeing from her confusion and from him. He beat her across the room, blocking her escape.

  “You’re not going,” he said. “Not yet.”

  She was his prisoner here. She understood it. He wouldn’t let her go until both their needs were satisfied, burned to ash like charcoal soaked in lighter fluid. He wouldn’t let another male near her until she was past wanting any other, and then he’d cast her off.

  Even knowing all that, she could still feel the desire for him stirring, gathering and pooling like warm honey in her middle. And she could see the hunger glowing, like green fire, deep in his pale eyes.

  “Have you ever wanted to stay with one of them?” she asked.

  He shook his head. She felt reality slap her in the face again.

  Why couldn’t she find one single place or one single person who made her feel as if she belonged? But someone had made her belong. Hunter had, once.

  “At least I can’t get pregnant,” she muttered.

  He glowered, obviously displeased. Did he want her pregnant and alone?

  “Why’s that?”

  “Birth control,” she admitted, feeling her cheeks heat at keeping this from him.

  His slow smile chilled her to the spine.

  “Human birth
control?”

  She couldn’t speak, but managed a nod.

  He shook his head and her stomach dropped. “Won’t work,” he said.

  Her shock solidified into fury. She had sworn she’d not go there, yet here she was making the same stupid mistake she’d watched the girls all around her make over and over again. Damn him and damn her raging hormones.

  Single mother, welfare, foster care, the circle spinning back over her again.

  “If you want a child, then why walk away?” she asked.

  He stepped forward, she inched back. Hunter lifted a hand and stroked her cheek. She allowed it.

  His voice was a whispered caress. “I’m not walking away, Lena. But you will. They all do.” He captured her hand, laced her numb fingers with his, then lifted the entwined knot to his lips and kissed her icy knuckles.

  He had rescued her, saved her and damned her all in one night.

  “Come to bed,” he murmured.

  Evalena shook her head.

  Her heart ached for him even as she stepped away.

  It would be hard to forget him—so hard, and even harder to forgive him for what he had done.

  His voice held a hard edge. “I can’t protect you if you don’t come to bed.”

  Lena bumped against the wall beside the window, gazing down into the dark alley, seeing them there waiting. She glanced back to Hunter. “You aren’t protecting me. You’re just like them.” She motioned with her head to the window as she faced him, her skin tingling and her pulse pounding. Acidity burned her stomach and she felt ill. “You left me five years ago and you only came back for this.” She opened her robe, revealing herself to him.

  His eyes flashed hot. She drew the edges closed as he reached, evading his grasp.

  She leveled him with a cold stare. “But you won’t touch me again.”

  She knew he could take her by force, had earned the right through combat. Still she laid down the challenge and waited, every hair now standing on end as she waited to see if he would destroy all they had once been.

  He glowered. But he did not move toward her.

  Hunter held her gaze a moment longer, his jaw muscle ticking his displeasure. Then his shoulders sagged in defeat. His voice was a mere whispered breath.

  “I wish it could be different.”

  She squeezed her eyes closed at the lie.

  “But if you will not accept me, I must fight to keep you.”

  Fear for his safety flooded through her, drowning her pain and anguish.

  “No!”

  She grabbed him, pulling them away from the window, from the alley where the others waited. If she could see in the dark, so could they.

  Her focus now turned from her own safety to Hunter’s.

  “Can’t you just tell them I’m with you?”

  He snorted. “You don’t understand. It doesn’t work that way. I don’t choose. You do. The female chooses her mate. Not the other way around. The only way for a male to stay is for the female to claim him.”

  She would, if she were not certain that by doing so she would only make a bigger fool of herself. He’d just told her he was a loner. That he didn’t want a woman or a family. And he’d left her once already, not to mention the betrayal of neglecting to tell her she might get pregnant. She stared up at him, wanting to plead with him, but her pride prevented her.

  For an instant she thought he was waiting for her to speak. The moment passed. Hunter gave a nod of his head.

  “Right. I thought not.”

  Hunter swept a hand over his naked chest and he stood fully dressed.

  “Stay with me,” she urged.

  “I can’t, unless you claim me.”

  “I do.”

  He shook his head. “No Lena. You do not. To choose is a matter of the heart, not the mind. It changes you and I could scent the difference.” He motioned toward the window. “They could as well.”

  “I don’t understand.”

  “You want only my protection. That is not a pair bond. Mated pairs will have no other and will fight to the death to defend their mate. I would protect you, but you would also protect me. Are you prepared for that?”

  She backed away.

  His smile was sad. He took her hand and held it over her necklace. “Just concentrate on energy. Call it and the change will come. Once in wolf form you need only to picture your human shape to turn back.” He drew away. “And guard your cloak. Never leave it unprotected for you cannot transform without it.”

  He lifted the window sash and then hesitated, glancing at her.

  “If I win, I will return. If not, then I will miss you, Evalena. You have grown into a most unusual wolf.”

  It was on her lips to call him back, to beg him not to go. But she did not want him to remember her whining and crawling on her belly like a dog. After all, she was a wolf now.

  He threw a leg over the ledge, straddling the sill. “I can hold them. Give you time to run, if it is your wish. But you will have to go far and fast, for they will follow until your time is done.”

  “Wait!” She clasped her hands together to keep herself from reaching out for him. He turned back, giving her a long steady stare. “Why didn’t you come back for me, as you promised?”

  “Why didn’t you wait for me to come?”

  She blinked at him, as a tiny possibility grew inside her like a seedling.

  “What do you mean?” She held her breath, waiting for the answer.

  He stepped out onto the fire escape, then glanced at her. “Oh, Lena. I did come back. But too late. You’d gone and they had no record of your location. I had nothing to track you with, so I waited, knowing that when your time came I could find you.”

  Chapter Six

  Hunter landed lightly on the concrete. The day had broken but here in the alley behind the theater it was gray. He smelled stale bread and rotting lettuce from the dumpster behind the bakery. And he smelled wolf. They’d begun to gather here, none aggressive enough to face him alone.

  He crouched, changing into his animal form in a burst of brilliant white light. Energy zipped and crackled through his system and he stood on all fours, back to the wall as they came, a pack of young males, all after Evalena—and the only thing between her and gang rape was him.

  One, two, three…the final male stepped from cover and Hunter faced eight. He was good, but eight to one was terrible odds. He determined to hold them long enough for her to escape. That much he could do.

  He scanned the group searching for their leader and found him easily. He was no larger, yet stood just ahead of the others, eyes pinned on Hunter, while the pack looked to him for the signal to attack. An instant later Hunter bared his canines and crouched.

  The others launched themselves at him. Hunter bit and snapped. He tore open a shoulder and heard the cry of his opponent. One down.

  But another took his place, and another. They surrounded him. It was just a matter of time before one got behind him and tore open his hamstring. Then he’d be finished. Once down they’d rip open his stomach and leave him to bleed to death.

  Evalena. Had she gotten away?

  Suddenly the snarling and snapping grew louder. He heard another wolf cry and saw another attacker limp from the fight. But he had not caused the injury.

  His sense of smell told him first what had happened. Evalena had not run as he had instructed. Instead, she had come to fight at his side. Hunter fought harder. Trying to protect her and disable the others. But he quickly saw that she was fearless and fearsome.

  Evalena, the black wolf, was a devil to face.

  The remaining six suffered injuries. Their leader withdrew and the others followed. They had won.

  The pack leader turned, transforming into his human form, and Hunter saw he was one of the men that he had faced on Sullivan Street. The others shifted as well, bleeding, clutching their wounds.

  “So, she has claimed you,” said his rival.

  Evalena turned first, appearing in her black fur cap
e and then a moment later in the outfit he had created for her.

  “This one is mine and I’ll kill anyone who threatens him.”

  Hunter was standing at her side an instant later. By choosing to stand with him against the others, she’d claimed him. He knew instantly. She was still in heat but the scent was laced with a metallic fragrance of blood and the sweetness of fresh grass.

  He offered his hand and she took it. Only then did he recognize her fear, from the dampness of her palm.

  The pack dispersed, leaving only their leader.

  “You are a lucky man, for she is an alpha unlike any I have ever seen. Walk in beauty,” he said, giving the customary farewell and blessing.

  “Walk in beauty,” said Hunter.

  Only after they were alone did Evalena’s shoulders sag. She bent to place her hands on her knees as if she were suddenly taken ill.

  He wrapped an arm about her narrow shoulders, the fear blasting him like a cold wind. “Are you hurt?”

  “I think I’m going to puke. Oh, I’m dizzy.”

  He guided her to the plastic chair someone had set beside the back door of the bakery.

  “It’s the adrenalin. It just abandons you after a fight.”

  She sank to the chair and cradled her forehead in her hands.

  He crouched beside her, rubbing her back. At last she lifted her head and tucked her inky hair behind her ears. She grinned at him.

  “That was something,” she said.

  “You defended me.” He could not keep the awe from his voice.

  The grin grew wider. “Sure did.”

  “No one’s ever done that before.”

  Her smile receded. “I know you told me to run, and I tried, but I couldn’t leave you.”

  “Do you know what you did, Evalena? You’ve claimed me.”

  She swallowed, a bitter taste now in her mouth. She’d let him see her commitment, smell it on her skin. But it wouldn’t matter.

  “Listen,” she said. “I understand if you don’t want to accept me. I just, I couldn’t stand by and watch them hurt you.”

  He took her hands in his. “Why?”

  She felt herself shrinking. He was going to make her say it aloud, make her admit that he had shown her a new way to be normal and given her a chance to belong.